Chapter 15

August 13th, 1985

Hutch paced the hallway throwing anxious glances at the doors that led to the exam room where Lizzie had been rushed upon their arrival at the hospital. They had gone to bed early and she had awakened shortly after midnight in severe pain with the bed beneath her wet and stained. She was only five months pregnant. They both knew it was far too early for her to go into labor. The baby would not survive.

A nurse behind the admissions desk glanced at the tall blond sympathetically. She was accustomed to dealing with distraught family members who came into the emergency room night after night. It never got any easier; especially with parents who were faced with the trauma of losing a child.

Hutch paused in front of the coffee machine and dug some coins out of his jeans. He absently dropped them into the change slot and watched disinterestedly as the paper cup fell in place and filled with the hot black liquid. Taking the cup out of the dispenser he took a sip grimacing at the bitter taste. It tasted almost as bad as the squad room swill. He walked over to the battered sofa sitting against one wall and sank down on the plastic cushions.

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, sighing heavily. He hated hospitals and everything they stood for. And he had never felt more alone. He didn't feel right calling Captain Dobey or Huggy Bear to come and sit with him. This was a private matter and outsiders weren't welcome. He took several deep breaths to try and calm his ragged nerves. He was frightened, not only for Lizzie but for the baby too.

Lizzie's pregnancy might not have been planned but Hutch had found himself looking forward to becoming a father even if he was in his forties. Vanessa had made it quite clear that she had no intention of having children and, until he met Lizzie, Hutch had believed that fatherhood was something he would never experience. Now, something that he hadn't even realized that he wanted could very well be snatched away from him in a cruel twist of fate.

"Mr. Hutchinson," A voice said startling him out of his thoughts. Hutch opened his eyes and looked into the face of an older man dressed in a set of bloodstained blue scrubs. "I'm Doctor Hennesy," the man said quietly. "Your wife is in the recovery room and should be moved to a room shortly."

"Is she all right?" Hutch asked in a tightly controlled voice with a hard edge as he rose to his feet.

"It was touch and go for awhile but with time…she should be fine."

Hutch let out the breath he hadn't realized his was holding and scrubbed his face with relief. After a moment, "…and the baby?" Hutch whispered even though in his heart he already knew the answer.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Hutchinson," The doctor told him with a solemn shake of his head. "It was just too soon." He paused and then added, "Your wife was unfortunately bleeding profusely after the miscarriage…We had to do a hysterectomy in order to save her life. I am truly sorry for you and for your wife."

"The baby…I'd like to know…" Hutch stammered in a stunned voice still trying to absorb the tragic news. "Was it a boy or a girl?"

The doctor paused…this never got easier. "It was little boy," he replied.

Hutch felt as if a knife had been plunged into his heart. Knowing that he had lost his unborn son hurt almost as much as losing Starsky had. David Michael Hutchinson he thought sadly. Gone before you even had a chance to live. My son. My child.

"Thank you," Hutch said in a tightly controlled voice as he straightened his shoulders. "Can I see my wife now?"

"It will probably be about an hour before she's settled into a room. I'll have one of the nurses let you know when you can see her."

"Thank you," Hutch said in a dismissive voice. He turned his back on the doctor and strode towards the payphone down the hall. Now that he knew Lizzie's condition it was time to call Dobey. He was going to need some time off.

"Hello?" Dobey's gruff voice growled in Hutch's ear after four rings.

"Cap? It's Hutch. I'm at the hospital with Lizzie. She lost the baby." He said calmly.

"I'm sorry, son. Do you want me to come down there?" Dobey asked compassionately. He may act gruff and stern at work but he genuinely cared for his men especially this man.

"No, but I am going to need some time off. They had to do a hysterectomy to stop the bleeding. I'm waiting for them to move Lizzie to a room right now so I can see her."

"I understand. Take all the time you need. I'll put you on compassionate leave. Tell Lizzie that Edith and I are terribly sorry for your loss and that we'll be remembering you both in our prayers."

"Thanks. I will." Hutch said. He hung up before he lost the rigid control he had over his emotions and turned back to the beat up sofa to wait.

Forty-five minutes later a harried nurse with dishwater blonde hair paused long enough to tell Hutch that Lizzie had been moved to a room on the fifth floor before hurrying off to attend to her other duties. Without hesitation, Hutch bounded to his feet and hurried down the hallway to the elevators. On the fifth floor he found room 522 and stepped inside.

The room was dark lit only by the light filtering in from the hallway. Lizzie lay on the bed with her eyes closed and her breathing deep and slow. Quietly, Hutch crossed the room to the side of her bed and sank down into the chair sitting there. Reaching out he took her hand in his and gently brushed his thumb against her knuckles. She stirred slightly at his touch but did not awaken.

"I'm sorry, baby…I'm so sorry," Hutch whispered in a broken voice giving voice to his emotions for the first time since their ordeal began. "Sleep, darling…I'll be right here when you wake up." True to his word, he shifted positions until he found one that was reasonably comfortable and settled in to mourn the loss of his son alone until Lizzie opened her eyes.

The morning sun was creeping through the windows when Lizzie began moving her head restlessly. Leaning close to her ear, Hutch said softly, "It's okay, baby…I'm right here. Open your eyes…"

Lizzie's eyes fluttered open and she locked eyes with her husband. Hutch didn't say a word but she saw the truth reflected in his ice blue eyes. Her eyes flooded with tears as she whimpered, "I lost the baby…didn't I?"

Hutch mutely nodded his head. In a trembling voice, he said, "I'm sorry, sweetheart…I'm so sorry."

"It's my fault," Lizzie cried "I should have been more careful." She cried long bitter tears then she softly whispered, "I need to know Ken…was it a boy or a girl?"

"Why put yourself through that Lizzie?" whispered Hutch. "It didn't survive…isn't that enough to take right now?"

"No, Ken…I carried that little person around with me for 5 months…could feel it growing and moving…," Lizzie cried with more intensity. "I NEED TO KNOW…please understand Ken. Can you call the doctor and see if he will come and tell us?"

"There's no need for that," stated Hutch as he gazed at their joined hands. "A little boy," Hutch told her in a broken voice. "It was a little boy." He drew on some inner strength that he didn't realize he possessed as he grasp her hand tightly and squeezed her fingers. "It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. It's just one of those things that happen. Nobody but God knows why."

Hutch pulled his sobbing wife into his arms and just held her as they both wept for a long while.

…for dashed dreams…

…for promises unfulfilled…

"Maybe we can try again after I get well," Lizzie suggested with a feeble attempt at a smile, her voice muffled against her husband's shoulder.

"I'm sorry sweetheart…we can't." Hutch told her sadly "The doctor had to do a hysterectomy to stop the bleeding…there won't be any more babies…not for us."

Lizzie choked back a sob and closed her eyes tightly turning her head away so she wouldn't have to see the sadness and pain reflected in Hutch's eyes. Their plans for the future no longer included a family of their own. They still had each other but for now they both lost themselves in their own pain.