Hello!

So here's the last act of my parody. This is the climax. This is the judgement.

This is where Jules dies. This is where it all ends...

Okay, I'll shut up...

And doesn't anyone like (or hate) Shakespeare over here? No one reviewed this story :(

WTH!

Anyway, read.

Act 3

Scene 1

Senate: Capitol

[Enter Caesar, Mark Antony, Brutus, and Cassius]

Caesar: Office again! (He sits on his chair and spins it.) Feels so great! OMG! Antony, what the hell is this!

Antony: What's wrong boss?

Caesar: Didn't I ask you to keep pink lillies in this Versace vase?

Antony: Well, boss, you see, the friends, Romans, countrymen didn't lend me their ears when I...

Caesar: Antony, just cut the crap out and GO!

Antony: But boss...

Caesar: NOW!

Antony: Yes boss.

[ExitAntony]

(Brutus and Cassius are snickering madly with their hands on their respective mouths)

Caesar: WHEW! It's so difficult to find good assistants these days...

Cassius: You won't be needing assistants... not after today... (he laughs evilly)

Caesar: (Raises an eyebrow) What's with that Mo Jo Jo Jo laugh?

Brutus: You don't wanna know. (Takes out a dagger.)

Caesar: How sweet of you to bring the knife to cut the cake with!

Brutus: Cake?

Caesar: Yeah! Where's the cake?

Cassius: What cake?

Caesar: Yeah, you were going to give me a belated b'day party, right? I see you brought the knife to cut the cake. So where is the freaking cake?

Brutus: (To Cassius) Dude, what the heck is he talking about?

Caesar: Cassius, you freak! You ate my cake, didn't you? I hate you! You filthy cake eater!

Brutus: Cassie, what the heck is going on? I'm starting to freak out!

Cassius: (Equally cluelessly and totally randomly) Bru ate your cake!

Brutus: Uh, WTF!

Caesar: Et tu Brute?

[Enter Cleopatra by slamming the door open. She goes straight to Caesar's table and takes him by the collar.]

Cleopatra: YOU MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!

Caesar: (flabbergasted) Cleo, baby...

Cleopatra: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, YOU HALF-ASSED RETARD? YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA WHO I AM! QUEEN CLEOPATRA OF EGYPT! YOU THINK YOU CAN PLAY AROUND WITH ME, HUH?

Brutus: (tries to take him off Caesar) Excuse me, Miss Cleopatra of Egypt -

Cleopatra: Get Lost, you freak! (She pushes Brutus off.)

(Brutus falls over Cassius in a VERY objectionable position.)

[Enter Portia]

Portia: Jules darlin g... OMFG! BRUTUS, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!

Brutus: No, no Portia, it's not what -

Portia: YOU FAG! I'm Cato's daughter. I cannot stand this insult. I'm mcalling Daddy right now! You always freaking disappear at night and never tell me anything!

(She goes upto Caesar)

Jules, you were right! He is a fag! I'm going to divorceing him. I wanna be with you.

Cleopatra: (Turns to Portia, surprised) You're going to marry him?

Portia: (embarrassed) Yeah, well, he told me he likes me. Since Brutus is out of the way now, I can be with him.

Cleopatra: (to Caesar) You better have a very good explanation for this.

Caesar: Cleo, I -

Brutus: NOOOOOOOOOOO! This can't be happening to me! I'm not gay, Portia! I swear in the name of purple nail polish!Please don't do this.

Portia: (bored) Go to hell.

Brutus: No Jules, you don't deserve to die. I do. I have nothing else to live for.

Cassius: (Takes Brutus' hand) No B-Man! I won't let you die.

Brutus: There's no reason for me to live. I deserve to die. Not Jules.

Caesar: Uh, I guess I am wrong, but were you planning on Killing me?

Cleopatra: STFU! Don't disturb. This is better than Jersey Shore.

Cassius: Then I will die with you!

Brutus: (watery eyes) Really Cass?

Cassius: Nay, just kidding... hehe...

(Portia and Cleopatra groan in displeasure.)

Brutus: So much for friendship...

Cassius: Hey, do you mind if I take your new Armani shoes and that YSL suit?

Brutus: Hello? I'm serious, okay? Can you co-operate for once?

[Enter Calphurnia and Mark Antony]

Calphurnia: You asstard! Did you ask Antony to get you fucking pink lilies? Those are Cassius' favourite flowers. Are you really going to try and screw Cassius too?

Caesar: ...

Cassius: WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Calphurnia: Answer me, you fag!

Caesar: Well, you see, I was in the washroom the other day and he was there too. He was kinda hot...

Cassius: (falls to the ground) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I don't believe this! Jules Fag was going to try and screw me! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Cleopatra, Portia, Calphurnia: (Whispers in unison) What a drama queen...!

Brutus: Oh Cassie! (Hugs him.)

Cassius: Oh B-man! (Hugs back.)

Mark Antony: (snickers) Ohhhh... Gay porn! (Eyes the three women.) Hot girls! Today is my lucky day. (Licks his lips.)

Brutus: Let's kill ourselves.

Cassius: We will find peace in heaven.

(They stab each other and die.)

Portia: Oh well, that takes care of one of my problems.

Cleopatra: Damn! I though they would make out.

Calphurnia: Me too! This sucks!

Cleopatra: Oh, hey! Aren't you Calphurnia?

Calphurnia: Yeah. Aren't you Cleopatra of Egypt?

Cleopatra: That I am. I'm sorry to ask, but aren't you and Jules on the verge of separating?

Calpurnai: What? (Turns to Caesar.) You were going to divorce me? Even after I bought you that Louis Vuitton bag last week?

Caesar: Girls, you see...

Portia: Jules, weren't you supposed to marry me? You said that Calphurnia had eloped with Cicero.

Calphurnia: WTF! That billion year old bald dick? NO fucking way! What the fuck is this Julius Apollo Montesquieu Remises Stalin von Adolf William Catherine Gross Caesar?

Cleopatra: Girls, I think I know what's going on here.

Portia: Me too.

Calphurnia: He has been playing with all three of us! GET HIM!

Caesar: No. Please. I can explain...

Antony: Oh boy! This is so damn good!

(The three women start to hit Caesar with their stiletto heels. He dies.)

Cleopatra: That's what you get for trying to play smart ass with the Quuen of Egypt!

Portia: Go to hell! Cato's daughter has had her revenge!

Calphurnia: Son of a fucking bitch! You don't deserve me, the former Miss Universe!

Antony: Now's the right time...

(The three women hi10 and cheer.)

Calphurnia, Cleopatra, Portia: Girl Power FOREVER!

Antony: NOOOOOO! My poor boss! (Sinks to the ground, weeping.)

Cleopatra: Poor dude...

Calphurnia: Awwww... He was really loyal to his boss...

Portia: I'm sorry you had to go through this...

(They all hug Antony)

Antony: (Flashes his victory grin and shows a thumbs up.) Mission accomplished! Today is MY lucky day!

[Exeunt]

Scene 2

The Grand Heaven Train Station: Platform No. 8

[Brutus and Cassius get down from the train.]

Brutus: Finally! Heaven at last!

Cassius: You're so right B-man! We made it!

Brutus: It's time for a new Caesar-free begining Cassie...

Cassius: Yes. We'll rent a little pink house by the clouds...

[A train arrives at the adjoining Platform No. 9. Caesar gets down]

Caesar: OMG! BRU! CASS! I'm here for you!

Brutus and Cassius: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[The Curtain Falls]

The story ends here. Nice twists huh? LOL!

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