Title: Never Easy
Rating: M overall
Pairing: Royxed, but mainly Elricest
Genre: Romance, Angst, Horror, Hurt/Comfort... that sounds like a terrible combination 0_0
Summary: Things have never been easy for the Elric Brothers. Why would love be any different?
Warnings: Mature content, language, and violence in later chapters.
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Fullmetal Alchemist. *sobs in corner*
Author's Note: Okay, I really didn't want to do it, but I had to break this chapter up. Even so, it's still the longest chapter yet. School ending, being away from the computer for about a week, and totalling my parents car have all been reasons why this chapter took so long, but I'm thankful to the people who have stuck it out. Much love.
_,.-"~^~"-.,_
One of the skills that I take pride in is being able to block out anything if there's a book in my hand, but even though I was in one of the biggest libraries in all of Amestris, there was no way I was going to get any studying done. No matter how many times I stared at the text in front of me, begged myself to focus on the formulas and circles, or desperately hoped that the experiments and theories would hold my attention, I just couldn't stop my mind from wandering back to Al.
I don't know why I left. I guess it was because I didn't really want to have to explain anything. If I had stayed, things would have eventually led to topics that I would have to had lie about, and I never wanted to lie to Al.
"Yes Al, I was dating Colonel Mustang."
"Was? You're not anymore?"
"No. We broke up."
"Why?"
"Because he knew that I was only ever in love with you."
Yeah, that wasn't going to work. I mean, I always knew that Al wouldn't have minded if I told him I was gay. Knowing Al, he probably would have tried to find me a boyfriend (and I couldn't help but shudder at that chaotic scene as it danced across my consciousness before I abruptly pushed it away). I never told him because I was afraid it would eventually lead to more… tender subjects, but the cat was out of the bag now.
Even so, I didn't want to go back to our room. So I sat there, not even bothering with trying to read until the librarian kicked me out at midnight. As I walked the block back to the dorms, I let the warm night air calm my nerves; the quietness of the barren streets soothing me. The sky, unfathomably dark, black as ink without any stars due to the constant glow emanating from the city, however, made me uneasy.
It made me feel alone.
I kicked myself internally; why was I acting like a foolish brat?
So what if very soon, assuming everything goes according to plan, Al starts dating someone? So what if in a short time, Al leaves me, so he can start his own life? So what if because of me, Al falls in love with someone else tomorrow?
Damn, today actually: it was already Saturday.
I could feel my stomach lurch at the thought, but tried to relax as I walked up the stairs to the building. None of those "if's" really mattered, because if—when they did happen, then all the better for Al. It's what he needed; what he deserved. He had every right to live a normal life, and as his brother, I was going to see it out to the end to make sure he got it. That was all I really could do; protect him, and make him happy. I settled the idea in my head as I walked down the hall to our room, I repeated the idea as my mantra as I stood in front of the door and finally entered, and I declared the idea as my oath as I walked over to his sleeping form and crawled into bed with him, falling asleep faster than I would have believed.
_,.-"~^~"-.,_
In the morning I woke up to an empty bed.
"Great, Al's probably pissed."
I groaned as I rolled myself out of bed and shuffled over to the bathroom, and started the shower. The hot water felt so soothing against my skin; relaxing the muscles that seemed to have knotted up without me noticing. My side ached a bit as the water ran over my stitches, but I was careful not to let the water hit it directly: I was in no mood for that pain. Not right now.
I got out and dried myself off, re-bandaged my side, and got dressed. Just when I decided that I would go try to find Alphonse, did he walk into the room. Well… maybe "walk" isn't the best word. He tried to creep in quietly, carrying a tray of something, but the door that I had been just about to open hit my foot, causing it to bounce back at him. The doorknob hit the tray, and he started to fumble it, bending to try to catch it, but purely out of reflexes, I reached out and grabbed the edge, steadying the contents that threatened to fall. He looked up at me, wide-eyed and breathing fast; I had probably scared him. To be honest, he scared the shit out of me too. I couldn't help but chuckle.
"What in the world were you doing?" I asked jokingly.
He blushed and finally straightened out in the doorway. I moved back out of the way a little bit so he could walk in. As he passed by, I saw that he has a plate of toast, scrambled eggs, a carton of milk, and a carton of apple juice. He put the tray down on the desk and turned back at me.
"I brought us breakfast…" he mumbled sort of awkwardly as he shuffled his feet.
"Does he think I'm mad at him?" I couldn't help but remember that I had thought the same thing when I woke up.
I walked over to where he was standing and hugged him, surprising him a bit. I pulled back and looked him in the face and genuinely smiled.
"Thanks Al. That sounds just about perfect right now."
He smiled back at me and I motioned to the chairs at the desk. We sat down and ate happily, enjoying the simple breakfast that most people living in the dorms complained endlessly about. As Al recounted a story about a conversation he had with Falman and Fuery down in the cafeteria, I began to think that maybe things were going to be alright.
_,.-"~^~"-.,_
Things were definitely not going to be alright. Why did I get myself in this situation?
Al and I had spent the day like any other; in the library. Things seemed to be alright between us, and neither of us brought up last night. At around seven we went back to our room, Al took a shower, and we both got changed. I wore that red shirt that Al liked so much, a pair of black dress pants, and much to my despair, a black tie. Al wore a light blue-gray shirt, the color of a stormy sky, and like me, black pants and tie. He fused over my hair and tie for a while, trying to straighten both my ponytail and the twisted mess that was my excuse for a tie, and all the while I pretended to complain, even though I didn't really mind. You know, the usual.
Finally at five minutes to eight, we walked downstairs and through the dorms to the lobby of the main building where the ballrooms were. A bunch of people were gathered in the lobby—a high ceiling room full of potted plants, a few couches, and a bunch of art on the walls. I thought that it was going to take forever to find Mei, but thankfully she was standing against the wall closest to us, and it only took a second to spot her. Al and I rushed over, and she didn't notice us until we were almost right there. She turned around and smiled at me, but then her gaze landed on Al. She quickly closed the distance between us and almost tackled him with a hug. He smiled and laughed after he caught his breath.
She pulled back and just stared at him, her eyes sparkling and a huge grin on her face. "It's really you," she said, and Al smiled down at her again. "It's so great to finally see you Al," she said as she pulled him back into another hug.
"It's good to see you again, Mei." They finally broke apart, which was good because I was starting to feel a little awkward. "Wow," he gasped, still looking at Mei, "you look wonderful."
She did too. Her hair was in its usual braids but she wound them into buns on her head, showing off her long, graceful neck. She was wearing a long purple-pink Xingese dress with a collar and short sleeves, which had clasps on one shoulder. She was slightly taller than when I saw her last, but when I looked down her long legs, I discovered she was wearing heels. She really did look beautiful.
She giggled and blushed at Al's compliment. They started talking for a bit, but I didn't want to listen, so instead, I looked around the room. There were a lot of people who I had never seen before with a sprinkling of familiar faces, but most people had already gone into the ballroom. I saw Second Lieutenant Havoc walking towards the huge double doors to the ballroom with a pretty brunette I had never seen before on his arm. He saw me and I witnessed a look of shock pass over his face before it melted into a smile and he waved. I waved back; taking note that I was probably going to get a lot of that from the people who knew about what happened Thursday.
"Well," Mei said, touching my arm to get my attention. "Should we go inside?"
"Sure," I said, forcing a smile on my face. Al nodded happily and the three of us made our way to the ballroom through the throng of people. There must have been two to three hundred people mingling in the huge room, but my mind was elsewhere: I couldn't help but think about the last time I was in this room. That day, I had been afraid that I would never see my brother again, and the same thoughts floated through my head this time too.
This was a bad idea.
My head swam, and I had to close my eyes against the barrage of visual intake. In my dreams I had seen this same room dozens of times, a memory that refused to fade; the haunting recollection of that dying afternoon cooling my veins and freezing my body to the spot. The constant buzz of conversations all around me and the music dancing over our heads, adding to the volume, seemed to escape my ears. There was nothing but the oxymoronic hum of silence.
But something broke through the silence.
Thunk… thunk… thunk…
"Brother?"
"Brother?"
I snapped my eyes open and saw Al's face right in front of mine. I had almost half-expected to see an armored helmet with glowing eyes staring back at me, but those bronze eyes greeted mine. Even though I could see worry playing across his face, I couldn't help but feel instantly relaxed. I glanced around and saw that no one was watching me, thankfully, and Mei seem to be distracted by the bustling atmosphere.
"Are you alright, Brother?" Al whispered to me, still leaning in close, trying to be discreet. I realized that he knew what I had been thinking about, so I didn't even bother to hide it.
"Just some old memories, Al, but I'm fine now," I said, patting his shoulder and leading him further into the room, following Mei. He gave me one more concerned look, but I must have convinced him because he eventually smiled again, the tension easing out of his body. I didn't want him to be worrying about me all night. No, because tonight was all about Al, even though he didn't know it.
_,.-"~^~"-.,_
There were about three dozen small table positioned around the outskirts of the ballroom, with a long, raised table at one end for the Fuhrer and his family, a stage at the other where a band was starting up with a song, and the middle of the room was devoted to a dance floor. I offered to take Mei's jacket and small clutch, where I brought them to an empty table and sat down. The evening progressed about as I expected; Al and Mei wandering around, making chitchat with people they recognized, dancing together occasionally, and coming back to the table every so often to check up on me. I wasn't just sitting in a corner by myself though; lots of people came to sit and talk with me. I spent almost an hour talking with Havoc at one point, him tipping back a few glasses of champagne while I sipped water, listening to some of his more ridiculous tales from the military. All in all, I was having myself a pretty good time.
Havoc got up eventually to go find his date and I thought that maybe I was going to get some quiet time to myself, but no such luck.
"Hello Fullmetal. Are you having a good time?"
I spun around in my seat, forgetting momentarily about my stitches but hastily remembering them as they screamed at me. I caught the look of concern that passed over Mustang's and Hawkeye's faces and the two of them shared a look at each other before they turned back to me.
"Of course I am," I said smirking up at the Colonel. "You didn't think a little flesh wound was going to stop me, did you?"
Mustang chuckled and smiled down at me. He look like was genuinely having a good time, and he looked great too in a black tux. Hawkeye still gave me that worried glare though, but she was absolutely stunning in a light blue dress with her hair down.
"Well, don't have too much fun, Fullmetal. I expect you back at work come Monday," Mustang said with that infamous smirk on his face. I was relieved to know that my desire to sock him when he did that was still there.
"You better believe I'll be there," I said, giving him a warm smile back. He and Hawkeye moved on, disappearing into the crowd. I thought that it would have been difficult to see him again, but… it was reassuring. He was still going to be there for me when I needed him; that I could always count on.
"How come you are not dancing, Mr. Elric?" Mei jested as she sat down at the table next to me, knocking me abruptly out of my thoughts. She seemed a little tired and out of breath from dancing. I tried to look around for Al but he was nowhere to be seen.
"Where's Al?"
"Oh, he's over there talking with Sciezka," she said, motioning vaguely with her hand behind her. "But you haven't answered my question yet. Seriously, why aren't you dancing? And don't tell me that you're too cool to dance Mr. State Alchemist because I saw The Flame Alchemist dancing just a few songs ago."
I cracked up at the thought of Mustang dancing, causing Mei to give me a playfully frustrated look.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Just a funny image," I explained and she joined in with the laughter a bit. Finally I calmed down long enough to talk. "Well, it's pretty complicated," I started, ignoring the impatient huff she gave me, "but long story short, I got hurt, like always, and I just can't physically dance tonight. I might rip a few stitches," I said, touching my side for emphasize.
"Oh my goodness! Are you alright? Did you get in a fight?" she asked and she honestly looked distressed.
"I'm fine, I promise," I reassured her. "And… something along those lines." It wasn't that I didn't trust Mei with knowing what happened, it just wasn't entirely my story to tell. In my opinion, if Al wants her to know, then he can tell her when he is ready.
"Do you just have stitches?" she asked me, her faces suddenly going serious.
"Yeah, ten I think."
"Come with me," she said standing up, picking up her purse and grabbing my arm. I was sort of reluctant to follow her, but I didn't really have a choice as she dragged me across the room to the doors leading to the lobby. She was surprisingly strong for someone so little… thinking back, I think Al once said the same thing about me when we were kids. I punched him in the stomach for that one. He punched me in the face. Needless to say he won.
Before I realized it, we were standing in front of one of the offices a few rooms down the hall from the ballroom. It was dark inside, but the door wasn't locked I discovered as Mei turned the handle and pulled me into the room with her. She closed the door behind us, walking me over to a windowed wall in-between two desks where she finally dropped my arm and rummaged in her purse. I was sort of uncomfortable; the room completely dark except for where the moonlight shone through to illuminate the patch of floor directly in front of us and absolutely no one around. But before I could ask what in the world we were doing in an abandoned office, she pulled out a piece of chalk and five small knives.
Quickly, she kneeled down and drew what looked like a transmutation circle on the floor, although it wasn't one I had ever seen. It was relatively large, but it only took her a second to produce. She stood up and without any warning, harshly threw the knives at the floor with one hand. Amazingly, each knife stood up perfectly at one of the points of the star circumscribed within the circle.
Note to self: Never get Mei angry.
She turned to me and wordlessly undid my tie and began to unbutton my shirt.
"What are you doing?" I asked panicked.
"It's called Alkahestry," she said calmly, pausing from undoing my shirt.
"Alkahestry? I once read a mention of it in a book, but I have no idea what it is. Is it like alchemy?" I asked, looking back at the almost-transmutation circle.
"Yes," she said taking a step back from me. "It's what my people practice in Xing. It's similar to the alchemy your people practice, but instead of using the energy from the earth, we use the dragon's pulse."
"Dragon's Pulse?"
"Mhmm. It's the energy that flows through all living and non-living things. A persons' own energy, or chi, can be manipulated as well." She took my hands and pulled me over to the circle. I almost didn't want to step into it, but I did. She pushed down on my shoulders, forcing me to sit while she knelt down next to me.
"Are you talking about human transmutation?" I asked bewildered. This Alkahestry was a completely foreign idea to me, and the things that Mei were saying seemed rather fantastical.
"Not quiet, but almost. I can manipulate the human body to some degree, curing mild ailments and even fixing minor injuries," she said, smiling up at me.
"Are you saying you can heal up my wound?"
"I think so," she said, "but I'll need to take a better look at it to be sure."
I took the hint and finished unbuttoning my shirt, but I still felt a little awkward. She helped me undo my bandages, being gentle as she peeled the last layer off, breaking some of the scabs that had formed from my shower. She whispered a quiet apology, but studied it quickly, finally sitting back on her feet.
"Well, it is a pretty deep wound, but I should be able to fix it relatively easily. Never the less, they'll still be quite a scar."
"That doesn't matter." I watched her as she inspected the wound a little bit more, probably trying to work out what she needed to do. Before I could stop myself, my thoughts came out like word-vomit, "You're in love with my brother, aren't you?"
She paused briefly but then kept working without looking up at me. "I think I might be falling in love," she whispered. "What I want now is the chance for that to happen, that is, if you'll allow it," she said, finally looking up at my face.
"You don't have to ask me," I said shaking my head slowly. She stared at me for a minute, reading my features, before she smiled lazily and looked down again.
"Thank you. That was better than if you had said yes."
I didn't really have anything to say back to her at that, but I understood what she meant.
"Are you ready?" she asked me, inching back a little so she wasn't in the circle anymore.
"Uh, I think so. Do I just sit here?"
"Yes sir. This might be a little painful," she warned before she placed both hands on the edge of the circle.
"I'm no stranger to pain."
The circle lit up instantly and I could simultaneously feel the energy course through my body. It was a vague tingly sensation, but the wound itself started to burn. I looked down in time to watch as the skin inched to close up on itself, making me a little nauseous from the illusion of my skin literally crawling. I closed my eyes, feeling a little dizzy, but when I opened them again, the blue light had disappeared just as quickly and effortlessly as it had come. I chanced a look down at my side again and saw that the tiny black threads had elongated and were now standing like tiny gates over a pathway that was now a new scar to add to my collection. I was afraid that the thread was still in my skin, but Mei reached over and quickly brushed the strands away, causing them to fall off and land silently on the floor.
I stood up quickly and reveled in the fact that my stomach cooperated with me. Stretching a little from side to side, I noticed that there was just the smallest ache from the muscles around where the cut had been, but the intense, heated burn of the wound was gone completely.
"That was amazing!"
Mei stood up after she brushed off the chalk circle and removed her knives. She seemed to be enjoying the fact that she had proved just how powerful Alkahestry really could be.
"I never knew that Alkahestry could do that! Al and I will have to do some studyin—"
"How much longer do you really think Al is going to stay with you?"
"Ed?"
I looked at Mei and saw she had a sad look on her face, although why, I wasn't really sure.
"Mei," I said, gently taking hold of her arms and looking down directly into her eyes, "I love my brother Al immensely. All those years we spent looking for the Stone, the only thing I ever wanted was to get his body back. Now… what I want most is for him to be happy. If he can find that with you, then I'll be happy. Do you understand?"
Her eyes were shining in the moonlight and I saw that they were tearing up a bit, but at the same time, there was resolve in those orbs to not cry; to be strong. I appreciated and respected that.
"Of course."
And I trusted her. I trusted her to do what was best for Al like how I always tried. I trusted her to be the partner that Al needed and that I could never be. In a way, I was intrusting her with my heart.
Things are never easy.