Title: Never Easy
Rating: M overall
Pairing: Royxed, but mainly Elricest
Genre: Romance, Angst, Horror, Hurt/Comfort... that sounds like a terrible combination 0_0
Summary: Things have never been easy for the Elric Brothers. Why would love be any different?
Warnings: Mature content, language, and violence in later chapters.
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Fullmetal Alchemist. *sobs in corner*
Author's Note: I used two songs in this chapter, "I'll Follow You Into The Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie, and "Anywhere" by Evanescence. Oh, and I know in Amestris there isn't Bangkok, Calgary, or FDR, but the song called for them and I need his quote.
_,.-"~^~"-.,_
Where in the world was Brother now?
It was about five minutes to midnight, so I had decided to go back to his table so we could leave, but of course, he wasn't there. Did he go to the bathroom? Did he get up to go talk to someone? Knowing Brother, I wouldn't be surprised if he had gotten himself into some country-threatening mission in the span of twenty minutes since I saw him last and was now out saving the world: it seemed to be a common occurrence with him.
Now that I thought about it, where was Mei too? As I stood there at the empty table, probably looking very lost, I didn't notice as Ed and Mei strolled back into the room. So of course, I missed that fact that Ed was no longer walking with a limp.
"Hey Al, you alright?" Brother asked, putting a hand on my shoulder warmly. Regardless he still made me jump a bit; I guess I was just going to be jumpy for a while. His eyes drifted over me for a second, checking to make sure I was fine before I even got a chance to answer. That was Brother, impatient as ever.
"Yeah, I was just looking for you guys."
"Oh, we were just—um, getting some air," Brother said. I glanced at Mei and saw that she seemed a little upset, but also like she was trying to bury it down as she looked at Ed. Obviously they weren't telling me everything, but I wasn't too worried; if it was something important, Ed will tell me at a more appropriate time.
"Oh, okay… Well, the party's almost over, so do you want to—"
"Can I have everyone's attention?"
We spun around and the Fuhrer was standing up from his seat in the middle of the table. The room went silent, people shushing their conversations and the band was still since their song had already ended.
"I would just like to thank all of you for coming tonight to celebrate the glorious day that this beautiful land became the nation that we are proud to represent today."
There was a brief pause for people to clap, but then the Fuhrer raised his hand, silencing the crowd again.
"Times may be hard before us, but no matter how much turmoil our country may face, we need to be strong, devoted, and courageous. For a wise man once said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself'." The Fuhrer picked up his glass of champagne and raised it. "Now, there are only two songs left for the night, so everyone dance, drink, and be merry."
People with drinks raised their glasses and the rest broke into a round of applause. The band started up a song with a slow tempo and acoustic, slowing it down for the end of the night. It sounded rather peaceful, a harsh comparison to the almost threatening speech. People seemed to have been comforted by the promise of strength and brotherly cooperation, but I wasn't blind to the warning of troubled times. The Fuhrer had practically said to our faces that we were going to war and the people had applauded, but Brother and I had seen enough war to know that the things the Fuhrer had promised were simply not plausible. War doesn't unite, it divides.
"Al," Ed said, "would you dance with me? That is, if your date doesn't mind." He flashed a grin to Mei, but she looked at him seriously for a moment. It looked like they were silently exchanging some conversation in the span of two seconds before she turned to me, smiling.
"Of course not."
I was pretty shocked: Edward wanted to dance.
With me.
In front of everyone…
Before I could question what exactly he was doing he grabbed my hand and led us onto the dance-floor. I looked around and saw that just about everyone was on the dance-floor; making me very nervous. What were all these people going to think when they looked over and saw two boys dancing together? Never mind the people who knew we were brothers!
Ed spun around, still holding my right hand with his left, and wrapped his automail around me, resting his hand on the small of my back, leaving me to awkwardly put my empty hand on his shoulder. I could feel where the metal fused with his skin through the thin layer of fabric, mentally kicking myself as I resisted the urge to explore further with my fingertips. He slowly started rocking us back and forth with the music.
"Ed, what—"
"We're dancing," he said as if that was the most normal thing in the world. True, Brother had a weird sense of what was normal and it was one of the reasons I loved him, but I was thoroughly embarrassed. The burn in my cheeks could probably be felt by the throng of couples dancing around us. And the fact that I caught several of them shooting glances over our way didn't help in the least.
"But—but everyone's looking at us."
"Let them look." It was full of resolve and that pride that Ed always carried around with him.
~"Love of mine someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark."~
I felt myself shiver at the words ringing though my head and I was sure that Ed felt them too, but when I looked up at Ed's face, he didn't show anything acknowledging it. His head was bowed, thick eyelashes resting on his cheeks as he blinked lazily, looking at our hands clasped together. Usually it was easy for me to read Ed's body language since he so rarely said what he actually felt, but I didn't understand what I was looking at.
He seemed sad; like when Mom died. That was the only thing I could compare it to. I mean, he had cried when Nina died, but this wasn't the same sadness. It seemed to be a reminiscing sadness, not guilt, which hung around him, even though there was a hint of a smile on his face.
~"If Heaven and Hell decided
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark."~
"Brother?"
"Hmm." He finally looked back at me and it was painful to see how beautiful those golden eyes were.
"Weren't you ever afraid?"
"When?" he asked. His gaze was strong, and I could tell he was already figuring out his answer.
"When you returned me back to my body. When you fought Kimblee… Weren't you ever afraid for your life?" I noticed vaguely that my eyes were starting to water, but I dismissed it.
He looked back down at our hands and gently rubbed his thumb along the side of my hand. He was wearing his usual white gloves, hiding his automail from the public, but I wished that I could feel his skin. It was always so warm, and it was that warmth, that life, that I had missed the most while in that hollow prison.
"I was always more worried about yours," he said quietly, but I was so close to him to begin with, he didn't have to speak up.
"You're so hard-headed Brother," I said tenderly.
The corner of his mouth turned up and he chuckled. "I know, but what's the reason this time?"
"Because you could have…" I paused, swallowing the treacherous lump that formed in my throat, "you could have died. I know you're always trying to protect me, but the one thing that would hurt most, Brother, is losing you."
He looked surprised by my words and that only made me want to shake him. This shouldn't have been a surprise; he would have known this long ago if he stopped blaming himself and thinking he had to do everything on his own. But that was Ed in a nutshell, and once he got an idea in his head, it was almost impossible to change. No matter how much I begged.
"Al…" he whispered.
~"You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms."~
Was he really going to be like this? Was he going to act like he didn't know what I was talking about? Was he going to ignore the fact I placed my heart right in front of him for his taking? This was so typical of Brother: giving, giving and giving, but never taking. Sometimes you just had to force him to accept.
"Aww, screw these nosy people."
I rested my head on Brother's shoulder, my face in his neck and our bodies pressed together. He was tense for a second, but then nuzzled my head with his face before resting his head on the top of mine and continued rocking us back and forth. God, he was so warm, it soaked into my skin, melting my muscles into puddles. But he was holding me up and together, so it was perfectly fine.
~"If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark."~
The music started to die and with it, I could feel a piece of my heart groan in pain.
I didn't want him to let me go.
I thought about yesterday and how I had wanted the same thing. It didn't seem fair as he gently slid his hands from me, drifting apart; fading away.
I could almost hear my heart screeching to a halt.
"Brother…" I tried to beg, but Mei was there at my side in an instant.
"Do you mind if I cut in?" she asked Ed.
He shook his head softly as she took my hand and mimicked the same position I had just been in a second before. Before I could wrap my hands around her, Ed placed his hand on Mei's shoulder.
"Mei," he said, his face quickly changing from serious to light-hearted, but it seemed fake to me. "Make sure you take care of him, alright?"
She smiled cheerfully at him, "Of course I will Ed."
He gave a quick nod before turning away and drifting through the mass to the wall. As the last song started up, I saw him rest his back against the blank wall; him being its lone decoration. Mei started moving us, but I didn't really notice; I was lost in his eyes, even from across the room. Brother had that kind of power, even if he wasn't entirely aware of it.
~"Dear my love haven't you wanted to be with me
And dear my love haven't you longed to be free
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you
And at sweet night you are my own
Take my hand."~
"Are you having a good night?" Mei asked.
"Yeah," I answered automatically; my attention was still on Ed. He dropped his gaze, staring at his feet.
"Why did he let go?"
~"I have dreamt of a place for you and I
No one knows who we are there
All I want is to give my life only to you
I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore
Let's run away I'll take you there."~
The sound of Mei's voice drifted somewhere in the back of my head as she spoke, "I was thinking Al, maybe after the party, you could come back with me to my hotel room." Nothing took root in my brain though.
He had asked me to dance, he had held me in his arms, and… and everything had been alright.
"The one thing that would hurt most, Brother, is losing you."
"Al..."
I nodded my head weakly, hoping that it would cover whatever Mei had been saying. I didn't mean to ignore her, but I couldn't focus: It felt like the world was caving in around me, suffocating me.
"Why didn't he say anything?"
~"We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning's light
We'll be halfway to anywhere
Where no one needs a reason."~
Mei pulled herself closer to me and I didn't protest as she held me tightly. I noticed she was warm too. Over the top of her head I could still see Brother, a solitary statue; motionless except for his slow breathing. His bangs covered his eyes as he hung his head. It almost looked like he was waiting… or crying.
"Why won't he look at me?"
~"Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you now."~
He glanced up at me, and I caught it just in time before Mei kissed me.
_,.-"~^~"-.,_
I know I was supposed to be paying attention to Lieutenant Hawkeye, especially considering how she was my date, but I was distracted.
I watched from across the room as the music crescendoedand Mei leaned in, wrapping her hand around the back of Alphonse's head and pulled him down into a kiss. He seemed unsure of what to do for a moment, but he let his eyes close and relaxed into the kiss, although his eyebrows furrowed and he seemed a little uncomfortable, but it was subtle. Even though the kiss was beautiful, despite being awkward, it was the last thing I cared about.
I snapped my attention to the other side of the room where Edward stood against the wall, and just like I thought, he was watching them too. It was his reaction that I wasn't expecting.
He smiled.
It was a the ghost of a smile, his eyes and head dropping before he inhaled deeply, and I realized just how pained that one simple smile, that no one was meant to see, really was.
He pulled himself off the wall, and without looking up again, turned away and slipped out the doors. I started to take a step forward to follow him, but a hand fell on my arm and held me back. It was Hawkeye; her face stern, giving me that look that made most men freeze in their spots. So I stepped back into my place next to her, dropping my head to stare lamely at the drink I was holding. She surprised me by keeping hold of my arm and pulling me closer to her. Riza had that way of knowing exactly how you were feeling; reading your deepest emotions, and finding the best way to comfort you, all without ever saying a word or asking a question. It was that quiet, warm, intense power that I loved most about her.
"It's Al's place to chase after him, Sir," she said coolly and professionally despite the intimate body language she gave off as she leaned her head against my shoulder.
I looked up from her and turned back to Al. He and Mei broke their kiss, ever so delicately, and she stayed leaned in, keeping as much body contact with him as possible.
"But will he?" I asked to no one in particular. Riza was silent.
Al gazed at Mei for a few moments, basking in those dark deep pools that men could easily get lost in, but suddenly his head snapped up and he searched the wall where Ed had been standing just a couple of seconds prior. I witnessed the ecstasy from the kiss run off his face as he stopped trying to find his brother.
The music started to die and Mei pulled herself out of Al's arms. From all the way over here, I could see the look of disappointment that she was trying to keep off her face. She plastered on a smile and uttered something quickly to Al, although there was no way I would have been able to hear it; never mind with the applause of everyone for the band creating a thundering echo through the room. He looked shocked for a moment, registering her comment. He began to protest something but she promptly shushed him, talking a little more. When she finished, she stretched up on her tiptoes and gave him a peck on the lips, and almost reluctantly took a step back from him. He looked unsure for a moment, but he said what I could swear looked liked "thank you", smiling at her tenderly before he pushed his way through the crowd and jogged out the doors too.
I didn't want to look back at Mei; I couldn't stand to see the expression that dawned on her face. I felt like such a voyeur already, I just couldn't bear to witness another personal moment like that; not after I had seen Ed.
Hawkeye reached up and surely pulled my face down to hers. "Come home with me tonight Sir," she said.
I didn't know if she was just taking pity on me, or whether she knew that her company was really what I wanted most right now; because with her, I didn't have to pretend to be anything I wasn't. She knew everything about me, about my past, about Edward… and yet, here she was inviting me home with her. If I had to take a guess as to her motives, I'd say it was the second reason, because those hawk's eyes saw more than they let on.
So I let her take me home, but the whole time as we left, I couldn't get that image of Edward's face out my head; those sad eyes holding back so much more than anyone could imagine.
Things are never easy.