Chapter 6 (Remy)
It feels nice to be here with Nori and Logan, but I'm not sure what they want from me. I sit quietly and hope they'll tell me what to do. There's a knock on the door. Logan gets up to answer it and he lets Scott in. Nori and I are sitting quietly in the middle of the bed, arms around each other.
Scott sits on the couch and says, "So, uh, how are you guys doing?"
Nori takes a breath and says, "Been better. But, been worse, too."
Scott says, "Yeah." He looks at us for what feels like a long time. Finally, he says, "Nori… I have to ask, I have to… was it Jean?"
"Was what Jean?" Nori whispers.
"The… the woman, Xavier said, you saw a woman, at Alkali..."
"A woman. Oh, God, oh God oh God," Nori says. She breaks down and starts sobbing. Hesitantly, I rub my hand up and down her back. It seems like it might be the right thing to do.
"I'm sorry, Nori," Scott says, miserably. "I'm sorry. I just… I'm sorry. Hey. You're all right."
Nori shakes her head vigorously. "Something happened," she says.
Logan, standing with his arms crossed, says, "She said that before. I don't think she can talk about it. Don't know if maybe… maybe that Mesmero guy told her not to say anything, or what."
Something clicks in me. "They left us to die," I say. "They left us to die!"
Scott and Logan both turn to me. "Yeah," Scott says. "They did. But you're okay now."
Logan's breathing a little heavily, trying to keep his temper in check. Nori curls up and puts her head in my lap. She's still crying a little and I stroke her hair. I like the way her hair feels against my hand. "They shouldn't have done that," I say.
"No," Logan says. "They shouldn't have."
Nori says, "How is Aiko?"
"She's okay," Scott says. "Do you want to see her?"
"Not… not right now."
"Okay. Well… call if you need anything, okay?"
"Okay," Nori says. Scott leaves, and Logan follows him out into the hallway. Nori falls asleep on my lap, and I sit quietly for a while. An hour, maybe? I have no way of knowing, and I guess it doesn't really matter. Eventually, Logan comes back into the room and looks at us for a long moment.
"Hank said those pills'd make her tired," he says.
I nod. Logan comes to sit next to me on the bed and puts a strong arm around me. "Everything's going to be all right," he says.
"I would have… " I start. "I would have done anything that man told me to."
"Hey. Hey. It sounds like anyone would have, Remy. Don't blame yourself."
I shake my head. Logan rubs my shoulders. "You're fine, Remy. Just fine. Nori's fine, and Aiko's fine."
We're quiet for a few moments, and Logan says in a low, raw voice, "Y—you're scaring me, Cajun."
"Desole."
"Dammit, don't apologize, just—just—tell me what you need."
I think about that for a moment. What do I need? "Don't know, Logan. Think all I need is a little time. And you two."
"Well. You got that. As much as you need."
I take a deep breath and confess, "Logan—when we were—Mesmero, he would come and take Nori, and I never—never stopped him."
Rubbing my shoulders harder, Logan says, "Dammit, Remy, that ain't your fault. It's—anyone would have done the same thing. Don't mean you don't love her. Don't mean you wouldn't fight for her, if you were in your right mind."
"She—I don't know what he had her do—but—"
"I think she'll be okay, Cajun. She's been through that kinda thing before, yeah? We were—we were more worried for you."
"Me?"
"You've been—been like a robot. Nori's scared, yeah, but she's been pretty much herself. But you—you haven't been you." Logan's voice is still raw and honest, and that makes me a little nervous. Logan's never been the most emotional guy. I tilt my head and give him a gentle kiss. I'd missed him, missed his mouth, but I don't really feel up to any serious kissing or beyond. No wonder Logan's been worried about me.
On my lap, Nori stirs. She looks up at us and says, "Hmm, is this what you guys always do when I'm asleep?"
Logan smiles. "Pretty much, yeah. But don't get jealous, darlin'."
She pouts, and Logan bends down to give her a quick kiss. She sits up and I give her a kiss, too, soft and gentle. "That's better," she says, satisfied.
"Je t'aime," I say.
"I love you too," she says.
I wish her empathy were working. I hadn't realized how used I was to always knowing what she was feeling. I'm forced to return to normal human methods: I ask, "Hey, cher, how you feel?"
"Oh, you know," she says. "Oh, right, no empathy. Weird. Yeah, I'm okay. Kind of, you know, kind of spacey. I literally don't remember the last time I washed my hair, and I don't know if that's because I'm missing memories or I just haven't washed my hair in that long." She touches her hair and looks pensive. "I think I'm going to take a shower now."
"You up to that?" Logan asks.
"Yeah. I think I can manage," Nori says. She's not being sarcastic, she's actually contemplated whether or not she's physically up to taking a shower. That thought briefly enrages me, but I take a breath and try to let it go. I can tell Logan's having the same thought process, but we both nod and let her go.
I rest my head on Logan's shoulder and he tightens his arm around me. It feels good to be held like this. Usually I'm the one who does the holding—which I like, too. But for right now, I'm content to just sit here with Logan. It's been nineteen years since I saw him for the first time. He'd made me nervous when I first saw him—there had been something written on his face that spelled trouble, even before I saw his tags. But ultimately, he'd won my respect. (And maybe he still makes me a little bit nervous, honestly, but I know he's on my side.) All things considered, I'm glad this is how things turned out.
Nori emerges from the shower wrapped in a towel. Shivering, she quickly changes into yoga pants and a sweatshirt and wraps the towel around her damp hair. She turns on some music and comes to sit on the other side of me, putting an arm around my waist. She smells like lavender and mint, and the scent soothes me.
We sit and listen to Paul Simon. Nori always puts on Paul Simon when anyone is upset, and it honestly helps. But now I realize that it's much more effective when Nori has her empathy, when I can listen to the music and feel what she feels. But sometimes she sings along softly and that's almost as good.
After several songs I'm feeling pretty relaxed. Finally I sigh and say, "I never thought about… what it feels like, when I charm people. I never… if it's anything like this… it's an evil gift I have, non?"
Nori shakes her head. "You've charmed me, right? I never even noticed. It wasn't… wasn't anything like this. And I don't think you ever used your gift for evil. Look at me—I could erase your memory if I wanted, I could… I could do a lot of things."
"But you wouldn't, cher."
"And neither would you, love. You'd never do anything like what Mesmero did to us."
"I—I've done some t'ings…"
"Remy. Did you forget that I'm a telepath? I've been in your head, I've been in your nightmares. I know what you've done. You never hurt anybody who didn't—didn't have it coming. At least, as best you knew."
Logan adds, "Cajun, I been with you since you two got back. As soon as you got any kind of control over yourself back, you asked about Aiko and Nori. You got a good heart, and y'can't help it if someone else took control of your head for a spell."
I nod and say nothing. Nori looks at me for a long moment. "Remy, you remember—when I was with Stryker, Xavier and I almost killed everyone. Including both of you. Do you think—do you blame me for that?"
"Non, ma mie, of course not. Of course not."
"Then how is this any different? Because I'm not as strong as you?"
"Non, non. Just—just—" I let out a breath.
Nori traces circles on my back and says, "I know it sucks. But… but we're okay. We're okay. I love you." Her voice is gentle and sweet. Her love is a little miracle. She gives my shoulders a quick squeeze and gets up from the bed. I watch her with the faintest bit of alarm, but she just pulls her violin down from the closet. She turns off Paul Simon and plays a classical piece. I don't know it, but it's lovely. I love watching Nori play. Her face becomes completely transformed, serious and intense and playful all at once. It's a long piece, but Logan and I sit and watch without losing interest. Finally, she puts her violin down and blinks up at us.
"That was beautiful, cher," I say. Logan nods in agreement.
"I haven't played that in years," she says thoughtfully. "I don't know what made me think of it."
"What is it?" I ask.
"It's from Stravinski's Firebird."
Logan and I glance at each other sharply. Firebird? Hadn't she said something about a Phoenix before? It was possible she didn't remember.
"What?" she asks.
"Nothin'," I say, temporarily thankful that her psychic powers were out of order. "Just real pretty song, ma mie."
She smiles gently. "It's not a song, it's a piece. But yes, it's one of my favorites."
"What's the difference?" Logan asks.
"Songs have words."
"Well, then, sing us a song," I ask.
She gives a sweet smile and starts to bow out a vaguely melancholy melody. She sings:
They say you were something
In those formative years
Well, hold on to nothing
As fast as you can
Well, still
Pretty good year
Oh, pretty good…It's sad and lovely, and when she's done, I sigh and plead, "Cher, don't you know any happy songs?"
She laughs. "Not very many, no." But she obligingly plays us a cheery Simon & Garfunkel song.
I got no deeds to do,
No promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy
And ready for sleep
Let the morning time
Drop all its petals on me
Life, I love you
All is groovy
"Was that better?" she asks.
"Too short," I say with a pout.
"Ah, everyone's a critic! Let's go get lunch. What time is it?"
Logan and I both shrug. "Does it matter?" he asks.
We head down to the staff kitchen and learn that it's late afternoon, closer to dinnertime really. Nori stares into the fridge for a moment and pulls out a yogurt. I make myself a ham sandwich and briefly relish the chance to eat it without picking up a hint of Nori's disgust through her telepathy. Still, she scrunches her nose at me and microwaves some frozen edamame. Logan helps her eat it, and between them a huge pile of empty green shells grows until the whole bag is gone. They both love Japanese food, but I just can't get into it.
After we eat, Nori says, softly, "I'm going to go see Aiko."
"Y'want us to come with you?" Logan asks.
"Yes, please."
So we follow our girl down to the medbay. Aiko lights up to see her aunt, and her maman and brother-in-law look relieved to see that Nori's more or less regained her senses. Aiko tells us that Xavier'd been helping her with her power so she could shield. Poor Aiko was susceptible to the emotions of everyone around her. That couldn't be easy in a place like Xavier's—a lot of high school drama, without even getting into the actual trauma a lot of students (not to mention teachers) here have been through. Ken seems much more agreeable too, and a nagging part of my mind wonders if Xavier did something to his memories. But maybe he'd just gotten used to life at the school, seen that people here genuinely wanted to help. I know it's hard for some people to believe, myself included. Logan, too, for that matter. Nori had had no problem taking Xavier at face value, but then, she'd been in a coma for her first two weeks here.
We stay in the medbay for a few hours. Logan stays with us the whole time, even though he hates the medbay. Aiko starts to get sleepy, and Ken politely kicks us out. We go upstairs and end up going to bed ourselves. Nori snuggles up against my chest and Logan puts an arm around both of us. It's warm and comfortable, and it's hard to believe it's been almost two weeks since we all slept together like this.
NOTE: Songs quoted are "Pretty Good Year" by Tori Amos and "59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)" by Simon & Garfunkel (duh).