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dove in love: oh, you know I would never kill Casey! …plus I told you what happened beforehand…

Sean: YOU CAN'T RUN.

Chapter 3

Los Angeles

Glendale High School

April 25th

8:10 am

"My name is Ms. Bell, and I am your new English teacher. Since its near the end of the year, I'll be following your old teacher's lesson plan. Today, she had down that she was going to give a test on some book named 'Speak', so that's what I'll be doing. Um..." Casey glanced down her list of students and pulled one out at random. "John, would you mind passing these out?" She blinked when a short, pudgy kid got out of his chair and slouched over to her, taking the stack of papers from her hand and started grumpily passing them out. Casey blinked back a tear.

She missed John Munch. She liked him better then this whole class of bored 9th graders combined.

Casey sighed, then walked slowly and painfully over to her new desk and sat down. Last week, she had been a successful ADA in Manhattan, girlfriend to the most perfect woman in the world, and happy as could be. Now, she was a ninth grade English teacher, a rape victim, and miserable.

After being released from the hospital in Kansas three days ago, it had been a long plane ride down to LA, where the FBI agent had taken her to her new place- an apartment with flowery wall paper and not much else.

Casey hastily wiped another tear from her cheek at that- she missed Olivia. Harris had told her that the FBI would send her regular checks for the next six months to get her settled, since all accounts in Casey Novak's name had been transferred to a federal account until she could return to claim them. Since Casey had quite literally owned nothing except the clothes on her back once she got to LA, she had gone shopping and found herself looking for anything leather, to help remind her of Olivia. But it didn't work. The clothes she got all smelled new- nothing like Olivia.

And so, for three days, she had been alone in her apartment until she started her new job- the other teacher had been mysteriously promoted. Well, those were Harris's words, but Casey knew he had something to do with it.

She yawned, rubbing her eyes sleepily. As much as it embarrassed her to admit it, she couldn't sleep with the lights off, and she often used the pain pills the hospital had given her to knock herself out each night.. And even if every single damn light in her new apartment was on, she still woke up screaming several times every night. Without someone to comfort her, she would eventually manage to cry herself back to sleep, wishing with all her heart Olivia was there with her.

Though there was still physical pain from the injuries caused by her rape, the emotional pain was... well, either nonexistent or unbearable, she couldn't decide which. Sometimes, everything was fine, other times, she would just start crying and would have to struggle not to break down in public. She couldn't stand for anyone to touch her- it felt like her skin was on fire when someone, especially a man, would lay a hand on her. She took in a shaky breath, trying to figure out why she wasn't reacting more then this, in ways someone would expect. With a sigh, Casey closed her eyes and imagined what Olivia would say.

'You're in shock, Casey. That's why you're reacting like this. It's perfectly okay and I promise, I'll get you through this. I love you so much and I promise, you'll be okay.'

"Ms. Bell... Ms. Bell!" Casey blinked, then looked around the room to find one of her students waving his hand at her.

Casey swallowed back the rest of her tears and got to her feet, walking unsteadily over to him and wincing with each step. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, almost to herself, before looking down at him and asking, "Yes?"

The kid was pointing out a typo on his test. It was so nonsensical and worthless it made her want to go running all the way back to New York and jump into Olivia's arms- but of course, life doesn't work like that. "Oh," she said, forcing a smile, "you're right... um..."

"Elliot," he prompted sourly.

'Of course'. Casey looked him over, then sighed- he was nothing like her Elliot. He had brown eyes and dressed like a bad boy. Nothing like the Elliot she knew back in New York, who would have assured her that her rape wasn't her fault and that it was all going to be okay several dozen times by now. "Oh. Elliot," she chuckled, which made the boy look at her like she was crazy. Clearing her throat, Casey said, "Class, there's a typo on number ten. When it says 'best answer', answer is spelled A-N-S-W-E-R, not A-N-W-S-E-R." There was a snicker of laughter throughout the room, then silence. Casey just rolled her eyes before making her way slowly back to her desk, her ribs aching with every step.

New York

New Haven Cemetery

April 25th

12: 00pm

Olivia watched through the tears as her late girlfriend's casket was lowered into the ground. It was over. This last, perfect, beautiful year of sweet, romantic dates, of light kisses and kind words and warm arms to hold her at night when she was upset and couldn't sleep... it was all over.

She still couldn't believe that Casey was dead, as in not coming back, as in she could never see or talk to her again. Olivia felt Elliot's hand on her shoulder and one of his own tears fall onto her bronze skin, but she wasn't surprised. They had all loved Casey like a sister... but now she was dead and they would never see her again.

Olivia doubled over with a sob and looked around at the people standing her with her. Elliot, Fin, Munch, Cragen- of course. Arthur Branch and some of Casey's friends from the DA's office were here, but Casey was an only child and her parents had been killed in a car accident before she joined SVU. But still, everyone who was here had cared for Casey and wanted Taylor Smith to die for what he did. Olivia knew he would never get the death penalty for just one murder, but it killed her that she would never be able to get justice for Casey... that she would never be able to give her girlfriend peace.

"Come on," Elliot murmured in her ear. "I'll take you home."

Olivia shook her head immediately. "No. No, I don't want to go home." Her voice cracked, and she closed her eyes and struggled not to cry some more at the thought of going to an empty apartment... all alone... no Casey...

"Okay. Its okay. I understand." He wrapped his arms around her gently, then told her softly, "I'll take you to a bar, and we can drown our sorrows in alcohol. How's that sound, huh?" Olivia nodded slightly, relieved at not having to go home quite so soon. "And afterwards, if you're comfortable going home, I'll take you, but if you're not you can stay with me for a couple days. You can take as long as you need to get through this."

Olivia nodded thankfully and clung to him as he led her to his car, struggling to keep her composure and not break down right then and there.

Casey Novak's Apartment

April 26th

1:00am

Olivia woke up with a scream, sitting bolt upright as she looked around the empty room in shock, her heart pounding. God, it was still true... Casey was still gone..." Olivia collapsed back onto the bed with a choked sob, then rolled over and buried her face in the blanket she had wrapped around her sick girlfriend, that fateful day, just a few weeks ago... it smelled just like her... Olivia closed her eyes tightly and, if she worked hard, she could imagine that it was Casey, right there with her, consoling her after a nightmare and telling her it was all right, that she was here and she would never leave her.

When she felt a hand on her shoulder Olivia jumped for joy, thinking it was true, but when she opened her eyes and found Elliot standing there, she just started crying harder. "I miss her," she sobbed, gripping the blanket tighter.

Elliot sighed sympathetically, then lay down next to her and wrapped his strong arms around her, letting her cry into his chest. "I know, Olivia, I know," he said softly. "I do too."

Los Angeles

Olivia Bell's Apartment

April 26th

1:00am

"Don't," Casey cried as she curled herself up into an even tighter ball. "Please don't."

No one was even there, but it didn't stop her from being terrified. It didn't stop her from being afraid that Taylor Smith was in her new apartment, that he had found her again and was here to rape her and, this time, kill her. "No, no, no," she sobbed, shaking her head over and over again. She looked down at her body, covered in bruises and cuts and stitches, then crawled on her hands and knees to the bathroom, immediately turning on the hot water for a shower. She wanted to get him off her body, to rid herself of all traces of her rapist. Casey continued to cry as she got into the shower and scrubbed her damaged skin as hard as she could, trying with all her might to get every trace of Taylor Smith left. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, its my fault," she gasped, not even bothering to wipe her tears as the searing hot water and frantic scrubbing opened up several cuts, and streaks of blood started falling down her skin.

God, this was all her fault. She had fought him, that's why it had gotten so bad that night, that's why- it was all her fault... all her fault...

Casey's sobs eventually dwindled down to nothing, and when she finally turned off the water- though she was still not clean, not even close- Casey sat on the edge of the bathtub, looking her damaged skin over and wishing Olivia was here. Whenever she was sick or hurting, Olivia had opened her arms and cradled her gently, letting her fall asleep in her embrace. Olivia's soothing words and her gentle hands had always calmed her and made her feel better.

But now, there was no one.

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