Warning, everybody- I may or may not have a Trojan Horse virus, and if I do, I won't be able to update until I've gotten rid of it. Sorry

dove in love: This is the bonus chapter I mentioned!

Chapter 6

Los Angeles

Olivia Bell's apartment

June 9th

8:00pm

"Well," Casey muttered to herself as she turned off the TV and lay her head back on the pillows. "Here I am. Yay for me." Casey raised her glass of water in a toast to herself before swallowing the whole thing in one gulp. Not really dramatic, considering it was water, but she was pregnant, so she couldn't drink.

She'd been aware of her pregnancy for a whole week. And she had gone from being depressed to being downright terrified.

Casey knew, without a doubt, that getting an abortion would destroy her. Not just because it meant killing her own baby, but because Olivia's mother hadn't gotten an abortion. If she killed her baby, it would be like she was killing Olivia. And Olivia's mother had been an abusive alcoholic… without anyone from her old life there to stop it… Casey was scared to death that she would turn into that- and she would never allow herself to abuse any child of her own.

And aside from the fact that she was terrified of becoming an abusive mother, Casey also knew that she didn't want to give birth to a child in witness protection. Before the kid could even walk and talk, her baby would be living a lie. And moving all the time, always a new name, a new story… with her father's job, Casey had often been forced to move when she was a kid, and she had hated it. And she hadn't adopted a completely new façade every time she moved… she didn't want to put her baby through that.

But if abortion wasn't an option… adoption, then? Casey shuddered at that thought of just giving up her baby, but it was better then killing the baby or raising it in a lie, with an abusive mother and an absent rapist father.

Aside from that messy issue which she had made no progress whatsoever, Casey had already made a promise to herself: if she was going to keep this baby, she had to deal with her rape.

Of course, if Olivia was here, she would say that dealing with it wasn't optional, that she had to do it no matter what. "No, I don't," Casey muttered out loud. "Casey Novak was raped. But I'm not Casey Novak."

Casey groaned, shaking her head. No matter what she said out loud, no matter what she tried to make herself believe, it was impossible to deny that she was in a place between depression and insanity. Depression because she found herself crying herself to sleep every night after nightmares, because she took multiple showers almost every day and never felt clean and sobbed when she cut herself. Insanity because, while she cut herself and sobbed, she also laughed hysterically, for little to no reason at all.

Casey attention was drawn to the newspaper sitting next to her on the couch and sighed at the main headline- 'LA celebrity beaten and raped'- then immediately started rubbing her wrists, trying to get all traces of her rapist off. It didn't work and she immediately got up and headed back to her shower, for her third shower of the night. "I'm sorry," she mumbled under her breath as she got the water running, wanting it as hot as possible without burning herself. It never made any difference or not, but the hot water had to make her cleaner than cold water, right?

Ignoring all that, Casey was now battling urges to just go out to some random club and take anyone home, man or woman- even though she was strictly gay- and have sex with them. She wanted it desperately, wanted something to make herself clean, to make herself feel loved again, and sometimes she felt like if she had sex with someone, anyone at all, things would get better.

God, yes, she wanted help with this. She wanted it to stop hurting. But who the hell could she ask? Casey had made absolutely no friends down in LA. Her students were all almost twenty years younger than her, her fellow teachers were all older than her and spent their time discussing the most recent school board meeting- and besides, Casey didn't want anybody to start caring about Olivia Bell. She hated Olivia Bell, and besides, when she went home, it would be better not to leave any loose ends.

But then, who could she ask for any help? If she told the truth to anybody at all, it could end up being a trap and before she knew it, Taylor Smith would be back, and this time, Casey doubted he would leave her alive.

Well, now she was stuck. Casey scrubbed her skin harder, smiling when it opened up one of the fresher cuts on her arms and her blood started running down her pale skin, turning the water pink. She chuckled softly while she stroked her baby bump, then sighed. Yeah, who was she kidding? She couldn't give birth to a child, not like this. What the hell kind of a mother would she make, anyway? Yes, she loved her baby, but she couldn't be a mother, not like this.

Los Angeles

Glendale High School

June 10th

9:00pm

Casey looked around her classroom at the kids sentenced to summer school, then sighed unhappily. These ones were so much worse then her regular students- it was obvious that they'd rather be dying of starvation in the Sahara than here. That was, if these idiots even knew where the Sahara was. So far, she had explained the meaning of the word 'solid' and why it had absolutely nothing to do with 'unhappy', that 5 times 6 was 30 and not 60, and that no, lines a single line could not be an oblique shape*. Sometimes she wondered how these kids had even made it into high school; surely they should have failed out by now if they were as stupid as they appeared to be.

She groaned again once she felt the now familiar nausea and announced abruptly, "I'll be right back," before rushing out of her classroom to the nearest bathroom to throw up. Her students were, by now, used to her morning sickness- even though Casey was only now aware that it was morning sickness, they wouldn't be concerned, even if they cared about her at all.

Once she was done, Casey popped a breath mint into her mouth and wiped her face clean and was about to head back to class when she heard a very familiar voice out in the hallway ask, "Excuse me, can you tell me where Ms. Bell's classroom is?"

Oh, god, it was Fin.

Casey immediately poked her head out into the hallway, in case she was imagining things, but sure enough, Fin and Munch were standing out in the hall, talking with another teacher, who gave them directions to her classroom.

Fin and Munch would recognize her. There was no way blonde hair would fool them; they'd known her for three years. And, besides the fact that they would know she had lied to them and probably hate her for it, they would tell Olivia.

Thinking quickly, Casey immediately dashed out to her car, resting a protective hand on her abdomen, already calling the main office. "Hello, this is Olivia Bell, I have to leave school, I, uh… there's complications with my pregnancy," she improvised quickly, praying they would buy it.

When the very bored and unhappy secretary told her it was okay, she added on, "And there are a couple detectives here to see me, can you just give them my cell phone number please?"

Once she could, Casey hung up, then leaned her head back against the seat in exhaustion, trying not to panic. God, what the hell were Munch and Fin doing down here? Did they know who she was? That had to be it, there was no way they were on a case. Absolutely no way.

Casey had only been waiting fifteen minutes when her cell phone rang and Fin's number flashed across the screen. With a smile, she answered it, forcing an accent into her voice. "Hello?" she said in her best sick voice while still trying to sound European.

"Hello, this is Detective Tutuola, is this Olivia Bell?"

Once again, Fin's voice tormented her, sending her back along memory lane to when her life had not been so hellishly complicated. She and Fin had always been the first to dance together when they got drunk enough, at least before she started dating Olivia. After she'd been there for a bit over a year, he'd started becoming protective of her, in an older brother sort of way that actually was rather touching… yeah, she missed him too. "Yes, this is Olivia Bell," she said, trying not to break down and explain everything right then and there. "What do you need?"

"Well, I'm just calling to ask about a student of yours several months ago, Samantha Hartford- did you notice any strange behavior, anything indicating sexual abuse?"

Casey gasped and almost gave her true identity right then and there. God, she remembered her! Casey had, in fact, thought she was being abused… but it was just a hunch, and Casey had thought it was just her experience in sex crimes. She had told herself, 'Not every child is being raped or abused, Casey. Stop thinking like an ADA; that life is over now.'

Well, she must have been wrong. Why else would SVU be calling her?

"Um, yeah, yeah, I did- why, did something happen?" she asked, rather unconvincingly, remembering now that Sam had moved to New York after the school year had ended.

"Well," Fin said, and Casey smiled again once she heard his voice, "she was being abused by her step-father, and she said it started right after she got her new English teacher. What kind of signs did you notice?"

Casey swallowed, knowing this was dangerous territory. If she gave good enough evidence, the detectives would want to talk to her face to face. If she didn't give good enough evidence, then it could hurt the case against Sam's rapist…

Casey sighed, then shook her head. She may be a temporary English teacher, but her heart was still in prosecuting sex crimes. And she wasn't going to let a rapist go free just because she was scared SVU would find out she was alive.

"Well, she was distracted and had trouble concentrating. She would fall asleep in class a lot and lost her friends; the other students talked like she was a depressed, crazy person or something. If anyone tried to touch her she would freak out, and after about month she started coming to school late and skipping class… she may have been cutting herself, I'm not sure, and-"

"Okay, that's a lot of evidence," Fin said with a slight chuckle. "Convincing… look, I'll get back to you soon; you may have to testify in the trial."

However much Casey might want to return to New York and see her friends, she knew this was too dangerous. "Oh, no, testify? I'm sorry, I really can't-"

"Ms. Bell, nothing is certain yet. I'll get back to you on… wait… did you just speak in an American accent?"

Casey blinked, shocked. In her hurry, she'd forgotten her English accent. "Um, what? No, I'm sorry, I-"

"Yes, you did! …look, I'm sorry, ma'am, but about testifying-" Casey just hung up, knowing that staying on the phone to listen to Fin's voice any longer was a ridiculously stupid idea in case she said something wrong.

Casey groaned loudly, then pulled out her cell phone to once again call Agent Harris.

Oh, god, what had she done?

New York

SVU squad room

June 12th

4:00pm

Cragen came out of his office and looked around at his detectives, then said sourly, "Olivia Bell is off limits. You can't try to contact her again and we certainly can't use her testimony."

The detectives looked at each other in confusion, then Elliot asked, "Well… why? It gives good evidence for when the abuse started! We talked to her other teachers, they all said similar things to Bell, but no one noticed as much as she did. We need her testimony to prove the abuse has been going on for three months, we can't just use Sam's and-"

"Elliot, I know," Cragen said tiredly. "I just got a call from the DA, who also took care of telling our ADA- he said Olivia Bell in any way, shape, or form is not allowed, and that the reasons why are above our pay grade."

"Wait a minute," Olivia said, getting to her feet and starting to pace around the squad room. "What exactly is more important then the rape and molestation of a fourteen year old? If this is some kind of weird undercover CIA or FBI op, this would actually help sell her cover. Did the DA say anything else, Captain?"

Cragen just shook his head. "No, and I'm forbidding you from investigating any further. A call from that high up the food chain means we stumbled onto something being orchestrated by the powers that be, and I'd rather not having CIA or some other agency getting mad at us. And when I say us, I mean me. So leave it alone, detectives." With that, he retreated back into his office, leaving the detectives staring after him in confusion.

You people know the things I mentioned Casey had to teach her students in the beginning of scene two? Well… those were all things freshmen didn't know at my school- an ACADEMIC MAGNET. Actually, I lied. Sopohmores were the ones that didn't know what 5 times 6 equaled and that 'oblique' doe not describe a single line, especially when the choices are 'vertical' and 'horizontal'. Says a lot about the American educational system, doesn't it?

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