A/N: I know... This is late. And by saying that, I mean EPICALLY late. This time, the reason is not only that I was extremely busy. In fact, the reason was much worse. I don't want to burden you with details, so let's just say that I had a pretty rough time, a phase of complete doubt. I doubted every single decision I made in my life so far, I doubted my talent to write and most of all, I doubted myself. I'm still not quite over it, but I try my best to get back to normal with this chapter. Because writing means doing what I love, even though it currently isn't as effortless as it used to be.

However, you don't have to worry about me not finishing this story. I am very determined when it comes to finishing what I started, and this will be no exception. That is a promise.

Back to the chapter: it's somehow a continuation of the last one, a last bit of set-up before I can move on to the next part of the story. Believe it or not, this is the third version of it (and of course, it's still far from perfect). The original contained even more scenes and descriptions; quite neat, but at some point I looked at it and thought: 'That's so lengthy that it borders on being boring.' So I cut out a lot of stuff (however, one could argue there's still too much left). The result was slightly better, but still missing actual events. Therefore, other bits were put in. And this is the third and final result. It resembles the previous chapter in terms of pace, so don't expect too much 'action'.

Furthermore, it is the final chapter of Part III. And if anyone doubted so far that those 'part titles' I use indeed serve a deeper purpose, there is not one, but two 'hints' at the end of this chapter to point out why that part was called 'Denial'... Does that mean there will be no more denying in Part IV? We'll see... :)

Warning: Hm... I'd say none. A bit of innuendo, and some lines that border on being vulgar, but I'm not even using the 'f-word'...

And again - the dedication: Like the previous chapter, this one goes to my very dear friend and fellow author chibipinkbunny, who for some inexplicable reason likes this story, although it's not even half as good as her own...

My dearest bunny!

What can I say without repeating myself? Thank you for always being there, and for just being you. I could not have done without your constant support and friendship.

This chapter is not only late, but also entirely different from what I originally intended, and I can't apologize enough for that...

Hope it's at least halfway acceptable.

Love you!

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

"Can you believe it? What have I done wrong to deserve this? Too much bad karma from a previous life? Or why do I always end up with a team that is at least 50% incapable and useless? Screw those damned theory group works..."

Faced with so much openly displayed arrogance, the temptation to react was huge, but Angeal tried to concentrate on the large computer screen in front of him instead. Even though he wasn't someone who deliberately tried to overhear any private conversation going on between fellow SOLDIERs, in this case, he had no other choice. When Harvey was upset, he turned into the human equivalent of a loudspeaker, and talking at normal volume was completely beyond him when he was in a bad mood. Not for the first time, Angeal asked himself why the hell he had volunteered to help out these guys in the first place. After all, the subtleties of the VR Battle Strategy Simulator were not his speciality either...

The group of four SOLDIERs waiting more or less patiently in the background consisted of Harvey himself, his current best buddy Adrian Bishop – the very same guy Genesis had a minor confrontation with on the Company Ball – and two other SOLDIERs Second Class Harvey had meant by saying '50% incapable and useless'. One of them obviously felt insulted, but tried his best not to admit that too openly: "In my humble opinion, it's not really a sign of capability to repeat oneself over and over... You used exactly the same sentence last week, and you got the right answer back then: 'Maybe that's because you are always part of that team'. Wasn't it Genesis Rhapsodos who said that?"

"Don't even mention that name. I'm glad that he is not around today, his presence would make this team even more useless than it already is."

None of the others really commented on that statement, but Angeal was sure that he could basically feel Bishop nodding in blatant agreement.

Something about this is more than unusual... Harvey might be a bit of a pain sometimes, but he's not stupid. He surely knows better than to pick on someone in front of that person's best friend. Unless this is not coincidental at all, but part of a grander scheme...

Again, Angeal was tempted to sigh, or to shake his head, or to do anything to show his disapprovement. When he had joined the army, he had not expected to find out that when it came to gossip, slander and intrigues, there was no difference between soldiers and bored middle-class housewives... Some people claimed it was just part of the usual competition between members of a military unit where everyone wanted to outclass the other, but still, it was an unfair battle in his eyes, so he never participated in it. And by now, this was something like common knowledge in the unit.

In the background Harvey continued, seemingly unaware of the situation: "I mean, really. They should have degraded him long ago. His performance is nowhere near sufficient for a First Class. Sometimes I wonder how he made it that far in the first place. If those looks are anything to go by, I bet it was..."

"I bet no one is interested in you ripping off Marlowe's 'you don't deserve to be in my beloved unit' speeches for the umpteenth time." Although his voice was steady and calm, not giving away a trace of the anger he felt, Angeal was as surprised as the four SOLDIERs now turning like one single individual to look at him. "Don't you think your constant repetitions are getting boring?" And despite what you said before, every single time you two have a serious clash, it is obvious that when push comes to shove, you wouldn't stand a chance against Genesis. I swear, one day I'll be so fed up with you using every chance to pick on him that I'll just stand back and watch…

Speaking up on someone's behalf was normally the last straw Angeal used, and he only did so when he was sure everything else would fail. Not that he was scared; quite the opposite, he had a certain reputation for always speaking his mind, even if he knew his opinion would not be appreciated. The only problem was that most victims of such attacks were not likely to thank him for intervening, because it marked them as helpless and unable to handle the situation themselves. And by 'victims', you mean 'especially Genesis'...

Clearly though, Harvey was far from finished. "Talking about things getting boring: why do you have to stand up for him all the time? I know it's a 'best buddies' thing, but sometimes I seriously doubt that's all there is to it."

For the split of a second, Angeal was confused. Could it be that Harvey knew? Had it been that obvious? But right in the next moment, the rational part of his mind took over again: Of course not. Harvey couldn't possibly know his words had a deeper meaning, he was just being his usual, uninventive self, trying to provoke him by using an innuendo most soldiers who befriended a comrade got to hear at some point. This was rarely to be taken seriously, most of the time it was just a part of ordinary banter or supposed to be a joke; and even Genesis, who reacted fierce and vengeful to anything that came even close to a possible insult, usually just shrugged such statements off. However, this meant that the other was trying to set up an open confrontation, and despite his previous outburst – for his standards, it had been exactly that – Angeal decided that he wouldn't do Harvey this favour. So he just cast the other SOLDIER a glance that clearly stated This is so ridiculous, it's not even worth reacting to, and turned back to the computer screen, trying to come up with the exact series of commands to access the main menu again.

However, in Harvey's eyes, this was a sign of arrogance he could not tolerate. No one turned their back on him like this, no one. "So tell us, is he really such a good lay as he appears to be?"

Within a second, deadly silence spread over the room. Not that it had been noisy before, save from Harvey's voice, but now one could have heard a pin drop, and Angeal could basically feel that all eyes were fixed on him. Against his better knowledge, he was surprised, almost shocked. It was not the choice of words as such – though borderline vulgar, it was the sort of 'vocabulary' most members of the military used naturally - and not the question as such, for Harvey was just speaking out what he had mainly hinted on before. What somehow got Angeal in this very moment was the sheer coincident of him pondering about exactly that topic all morning, and now hearing someone else spelling it out, in order to upset him by using a false accusation, and ending up succeeding because there was more truth to it than Angeal would have admitted even to himself. The sheer irony of the situation was incredible.

Still, Angeal decided that he would not grant any kind of satisfaction here. Without showing an obvious emotion, he slowly turned back to Harvey and replied in an unimpressed tone: "Just to humour you, let's assume for a second that I was in the position to judge that. So what? Why does it interest you at all? Unless..." he made an almost theatrical break "... there is more to your constant picking on fellow SOLDIERs than you would like to admit."

Whatever Harvey had expected to hear in return, that was not it. Before he could make up his mind how to react, one of the instructors interrupted the discussion: "If that is what you consider work, it's no wonder nothing gets done around here... So what's your excuse today, Gentlemen?"

The next minutes happened in a fast-forward mode. Automatically, Angeal delivered a short explanation about the fact that he had just tried to help out as the system obviously wasn't working, but had been unable to discover the reason for the malfunctioning so far, and left the room when the instructor announced to take over. He was almost relieved that he got out of this situation, and thanked every deity he knew that Genesis hadn't been present. But given the speed rumours spread around here, it was only a matter of time until someone would make sure he got to know about it. And when it came to this, Angeal was almost certain that Genesis would not take the whole charade lightly. If there was an award for bad timing, Harvey had definitely won it.

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

"Tell me something about you."

That request took Angeal by complete surprise. He looked up at Genesis, who was sitting on his bed, while Angeal sat on the floor below, holding the papers they were supposed to go through together. "What can I possibly tell you? You already know everything about me."

Genesis cast him one of those intense, captivating glances, and shook his head, slowly and meaningful. "That's what I thought, too. But then I realized that for the past few months, I've been feeling like I'm hardly seeing the surface of who you really are." He showed a shy smile. "Promise you don't laugh at me, ok? For example, I have a basic idea about things you like. Your favourite number is five – which is why you used it three times in the ten-digit-override code for your door lock - your favourite food is basically everything except sweet stuff, and your favourite colour – if I force you to pick one – is green."

"That's already very solid information. I don't see how it could possibly be deeper."

"Let's take the last example. Green, right? Well, there are so many different shades of that colour... Which one?"

"Does that matter?"

"To me, it does. I have a thing for colours."

Angeal turned to look away for a moment, but it was not in an effort to avoid answering such a mundane question. He was just trying to come up with an honest reply, because he had never really thought about it before. "Actually, I like them all. Except Mako-green. Too bright, too artificial. However, my favourite shade would be…" he turned back, with glance that almost matched Genesis' in intensity, "… a certain someone's pre-Mako eye colour."

There was this tension again, so strong that it seemed like a tight rubber band drawing them closer together.

"That was years ago. How come you remember it at all?"

It was one of those rare moments where Angeal chose to answer by raising a counter question: "How could I possibly forget anything about you?"

For yet another time, Angeal had to free himself from a vivid memory. Maybe it was the lack of sleep finally taking its toll, causing his thoughts to derail from their predetermined tracks. Plausible, still not likely...

You were right, Gen, he added before he could help it, There are so many things I took for granted. For example, I always thought I knew your body almost as well as my own, due to all those tussles we had when we were younger, all those times I tried to comfort you, all those hours we spent with close combat training. I was so used to touching you; we even shared the same bed if the situation demanded it, without any second thoughts or implications. Yet, as paradoxical as it seems, I had no idea how it would be like to hold you, or how your lips would feel when I kiss you. And to make things worse, I still haven't got the slightest clue what you are thinking when I do either, even though it would matter an awful lot to me if I knew...

It was a sound that finally brought him back to reality. A very low sound, mainly a rustling of fabric when the person standing right behind him shifted his weight. However, it was enough to remind him that he was not alone.

"I'm as good as done," he announced, trying to get that 'lost in thoughts' expression off his face before turning around.

Obviously, this effort was in vain. Sephiroth cast him an analyzing glance, and then inquired: "Anything wrong?"

Angeal forced a smile on his face. "Not at all."

Even though Sephiroth could not necessarily relate to every emotion people around him showed, he still had a pretty good sense for knowing when someone tried to hide something. It was the kind of instinct that, when used in battle, could mean the difference between death and survival. A sign of a great commander and brilliant strategist, and everyone knew Sephiroth was both. "I guess I've seen your contemplative face enough times to know how it looks like. What is it? Last night's mission? Today's paperwork?"

Angeal wasn't quite sure of it, but the last question seemed to show a tad of irony. Had Sephiroth really lowered himself to make a joking remark, an extremely common one even? "The only problem of last night's mission was to avoid falling asleep while being on it," he returned, in an effort to sound cheerful, "and we both know no one in this company enjoys paperwork." Even though they were in his own quarters, and not in some public space, he wasn't in the mood for talking about private stuff. Not that private stuff, at least. He doubted his friend would have understood the kind of interpersonal problem he was currently struggling with.

Thankfully, Sephiroth did not intend to broach the issue. "So, what's the plan for tonight?"

Since going to downtown Midgar was not really on Sephiroth's list of enjoyable activities these days, due to his growing popularity and that fact that most people were immediately either terrified or starstruck by his presence, they usually stayed within Shinra premises. Most of the time, the three would meet in one of the training- or recreation rooms, for a set activity. In the beginning, Sephiroth had not been too thrilled by the idea of spending an evening with no fixed plans and the risk of having to do 'small talk', but by now, he had accepted that this was what friends did every now and then, and meanwhile, he even found it... amusing, for the lack of a better word.

"Not sure yet. Genesis and I agreed upon meeting at his place first of all. Unless of course standard First-Class-quarters still make you feel claustrophobic."

Sephiroth could tell that this statement was supposed to be teasing, a try to remind him of his initial reaction when he had first been invited around here. Up till then, he had not even been aware of the fact that his own quarters offered a lot more comfort and luxury than those of other Shinra employees. Truth be told, he had never bothered with things like furniture or interior design, others had always arranged those things for him. However, space was quite an important criterion, as he hated being confined to small rooms with a passion. So his first comment upon entering Angeal's quarters back then had been a genuinely surprised: 'That is all?'

To explain his statement, he had showed the two his own place on the very same day, and he could still remember how Genesis had just refused to be impressed. After looking around for a while, he had pointed out: 'You live here? Seriously? This looks more like an expensive hotel suite.' Of course Angeal had intervened at once: 'Gen, don't be impolite.', and his friend had returned: 'I'm not impolite, I'm just saying that there was more personal stuff in my Infantry foot locker than in this entire four-room-apartment.'

Even now, Sephiroth was not quite sure what this 'personality' that could be found in rooms was supposed to look like, although he had gotten a very basic impression of that concept by looking around at Angeal's place. The stress was on 'very basic', of course. Angeal's room was just like to be expected by his owner: very clean, very tidy and reduced to the bare necessities. While rooms for lower ranking members of the Shinra Army came with standard furniture and didn't offer enough space for anything chosen or additional, the current accommodation would have allowed such variations, but it seemed Angeal was not really interested in that, something he and Sephiroth obviously had in common.

Take this table for example, Sephiroth mused, looking at the core piece of furniture in the main room. A careful arrangement of official paperwork in one corner and a pile of folded laundry in the other made it clear that it was used for several purposes. Still, that's all it is, a table. A piece of furniture not for decoration, but for use. Made out of solid wood, it appeared stable enough to survive an earthquake, but at the same time, the plain material seemed to eradicate warmth and even cosiness.

Following the example of the table, there was not one piece of furniture or anything else in this room that was not purely functional and not one piece of decoration except the few plants on the window shelf, obviously the only 'luxury' Angeal allowed himself. Sephiroth had once asked him what the sense behind having plants was. In his eyes, they fulfilled no purpose whatsoever, and 'oh, but they look nice' was doubtlessly a female attitude, not suitable for men in general, even more so if they were working in a military unit. Angeal had returned that every person on this planet had at least one habit that made no sense, and that there was more to those plants than being pleasant to look at. 'It's a personal thing. Let's just say having plants reminds me of my own roots, and the fact that not all the planet looks like Midgar."

When they finally left the room, Angeal could not help but think of the incident with Harvey again. It was pretty unlikely that Genesis already knew about it, but even the slightest chance made him feel uncomfortable.

They entered the elevator, and Sephiroth leaned to the side panel. "Lost in thoughts again?"

This time, Angeal felt that there was no use in denying the obvious yet another time. "Oh, I was just thinking about something that happened this afternoon. You remember SOLDIER First Class Phil Harvey? Well, he was acting quite odd today."

His opposite frowned. "Odd? In what way?"

The elevator doors opened again with a low sound.

"Nothing to worry about. He just said something that was clearly beyond the usual banter, and I'm wondering what exactly I did to earn a place on his personal black list." Just to underline his first statement, Angeal showed a brief smile. "But you know what they say: SOLDIERs make excellent comrades, but rather poor friends."

"I'll keep that in mind." Sephiroth returned dryly. "However, I can understand if Harvey is a bit on edge recently. The executive committee is not pleased with his results on the last mission. Maybe they are expecting too much, but he used to be an excellent SOLDIER back in the days when he was in a mission team with Griffin and Marquez. Speaking of which: you knew Dean Marquez, didn't you?"

Oh yes, I did... "We used to be something like friends. But that's quite a while ago." 'Something like friends'. A nice way putting it...

"However, maybe Harvey hasn't forgotten about it. He and Marquez never got along too well..."

In this very moment, Angeal's phone started to ring. With the trained routine of a Shinra employee, he checked the display instantly, before he took the call. "Hey Gen."

"Hey. Where are you?" For some reason, Genesis sounded breathless, as if he had been running, but with no audible traces of panting or struggling for air.

"Right at your doorstep."

"Oh damned... Listen, I'm running late a bit late. I'm only just about to leave."

"No problem at all. That means you'll be here in fifteen minutes tops, and meanwhile, I can let us in." The answer didn't come straight away, and Angeal knew precisely why. "If you don't mind, that is."

"No, it's ok."

This time, he was genuinely surprised. Genesis giving in that fast was rare to say the least, and Angeal knew his friend long enough to be aware of the fact that Genesis hated not being in control of a situation, and having someone in his room without being there himself definitely qualified as loss of control in his eyes.

"All right, see you in a bit then. Oh, and I'll make sure everything stays in place. No one's going to mess up your room, I promise." Angeal ended the call and the two SOLDIERs continued to walk down the hallway until they arrived in front of the very last door on the left. There were no names anywhere, just numbers, so you had to know where exactly someone lived in order to find the right room. According to the executive committee, this was not an inconvenience, but a security measure. Angeal didn't bother with the actual lock, and entered a ten-digit-code on the keypad right next to the door instead.

"Genesis obviously trusts you quite a lot if you have his override code..." Sephiroth pointed out when Angeal stepped back to let him enter first. He took a brief look around, just as he did with everything he saw for the first time. "It's rather small, isn't it? Even smaller than your place, if I'm not mistaken."

"You are right. Rooms at the end of the hallway have the shape of a square, not a rectangle like the standard quarters. Therefore, they are slightly smaller. But they have one decided advantage."

"And that would be?"

Angeal pointed to the left side of the room. "Only one shared wall, which means only one next-door-neighbour. Might be the reason why some people deliberately choose them, despite the size." He tried his best to hide his amusement, while his friend seemed to scan every inch of the unknown surroundings like a future battle ground.

Sephiroth had no idea what it was, but something else within this room was very different. The light, maybe? The window seemed wider indeed, but maybe this was only due to the fact that the room was smaller. Still, the atmosphere was definitely lighter, more airy. He also had to admit to himself that he had been mistaken about what to expect. For some reason, he had assumed that if Angeal was an overly tidy person, Genesis would turn out to be the opposite. But he was in for a surprise. There was more stuff lying around, true, but everything seemed to be arranged following a certain order, and even the uniform top that had been thrown ignorantly over a chair looked as if it belonged there, like some kind of thought-out design. At least the high amount of books was something he could have figured. A long row of book shelves covered the entire shared wall of the main room, and focusing just on that part felt like being transferred to a library.

He stepped closer. "Some of those books look as if the paper was going to crumble under your fingers."

"Well, Gen and books is like me and plants. It's that sort of fondness outsiders don't understand... He has a thing for those old, epic stories, and according to him, they are just not the same when you read them in the paperback version."

"Oh, I get it. The book has to be as old as the story in it..." He carefully reached for an old, battered volume on the top shelf. The title was unreadable due to age and use, but red fabric of the cover looked rather expensive. It turned out to be a copy of "Legends of the Ancients", a rather unique one with illustrations that looked like drawn by hand.

"I remember that one..." Angeal pointed out, more to himself than to Sephiroth. "He used to drag that around constantly when we were younger."

"Quite a heavy book for a little boy. And I do not only refer to the weight." It was a well-known fact that those legends featured an extreme amount of blood, death and destruction. "Not exactly the kind of thing you read to your child at night."

"When it comes to reading, Gen was very advanced from an early age on. He pretty much despised the simplicity and the happiness of most children's stories. When he was only ten, he had already read most of the great tragedies. The complicated language was not really appealing to me, but I loved stories just as much, so Gen would often re-tell them for me in his own words..." Even after all those years, Angeal still recalled Genesis' excited expression and the special glimmer in his eyes when he was narrating, or even reciting from one of those works. He had literally been a different person in such moments, not the shy little boy, but already the passionate young man he would be one day.

Meanwhile, Sephiroth had stepped closer to the desk that was standing on the opposite wall, but it was neither the desk itself - of course more delicate than the simple table in Angeal's room - nor its content that interested him. His eyes were drawn to the wall above it, to its decoration, more precisely. Every inch of the wall was covered in paper, all sorts of it: white as well as any kind of colour, squared, lined, crumbled, any size, any shape, covered with words as well as drawings and simple doodles. Somewhere in the mix he discovered occasional photographs, postcards, paper forms that looked like origami and even a geometrical figure made out of twigs. He could identify some sheets as official Shinra paper work, but most of them seemed to serve as reminders or simply as some weird form of decoration. Certainly one could spend hours looking at every detail of this artistic collage.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Angeal stepped closer. "Every time I come here something has been changed or added. It's Gen's creative work in progress, so to say."

"Impressive is an understatement…"

"It's a tradition as well. Back at his parent's house, he had a whole wall in his room looking like that."

Sephiroth took a closer look at the drawings. Some were basically scraps, still featuring reference lines, while others were done in great detail with shading and colouring. Most of them featured nature motifs, like flowers, feathers, animals and landscapes. "Those are really good. Who did them?"

Angeal looked at him in surprise. "Gen, of course. I told you he has talent for any kind of art. Most of those were drawn without any reference." He pointed at one of the larger pieces of paper which featured the portrait of a cat, done in such a precise way that one was able to see every single hair of its fur. "Like this. Completely taken from his memory, but it looks just like the real thing."

"Are you telling me he had a cat?"

"Technically, he still has one. Not here, but back home in Banora. Every year, from spring till summer, all kinds of animals were born on the farms there. Gen used to be extremely fond of little cats, but his parents would not allow him to have one. However, once our neighbour had this special litter of kittens almost at the end of summer, and I decided to give Gen one of those for his ninth birthday. Of course it was obvious that he couldn't take it home, so it stayed with me and my mom; although it has always been Gen's cat. And that little guy knew it precisely, every time Gen came over, the cat had only eyes for him. I bet that's still the case, although neither of us has been in Banora for over a year now." He gave his friend an apologetic look. "Sorry if I bore you with those old stories."

"Not at all," Sephiroth returned. "Take every change you get to find out more about your enemies. And about your friends, of course." His eyes drifted back to the desk, over a couple of Shinra-issued booklets that seemed less used than the other books in this room, showing that Genesis had some distinct preferences when it came to reading. Next to them, there was another thin, rather expensive and old looking book, and he picked it up carefully to study the title. Loveless.

"Didn't they bring out the play only a few years ago?"

"As far as I know, they based the play upon a very old tale written in verses. Don't ask me, I can't even tell you what the story is about, and I doubt anyone knows really. Its actual meaning is a complete mystery. You can ask Gen, if you are interested..."

"I think I'll pass up that chance. I'm not really fond of literature, especially not of the kind that raises more questions than it provides answers." Sephiroth tried to remember the exact position of the book on the table, to put it back in its place without disrupting the carefully arranged order. But in the process, something fell out of it. Reacting instantly, he caught the small rectangular object before it hit the ground.

A photograph. It looked rather old and its colours were either completely faded or it had been a black-and-white shot in the first place. The crooked apple tree in the background made it easy for Sephiroth to guess where that picture had been taken. He narrowed his eyes to get a better look at the main focus of the picture. Two kids, obviously. The one on the right was a dark haired boy, about nine or ten years old, and although his features were a lot softer than today, the calm and – despite the smile - serious expression had not changed a bit. Having established that, his eyes shifted over to the second person, the other child Angeal had put his arm around. The features seemed vaguely familiar, but at the same time completely unknown. At least half a head smaller and remarkably more slender than the younger version of Angeal, the child showed a shy smile and the eyes… A hasty observer might have missed that deep, knowing expression, but Sephiroth was instantly reminded of all the times he had looked into the mirror as a child. They say eyes are the windows to the soul... but what if there is no soul behind them, only a void? Or a knowledge that is far too dark to be understood by anyone else? He forced himself to stop that thought and to look for other hints to identify that person. Due to the missing colour, the hair could have been anything between light brown and dark blond. Finally, he decided to ask Angeal: "Who is that? Your first girlfriend?"

His friend reacted with amusement. "You are so lucky that 'she' is not here yet…"

"That's Genesis?" Sephiroth shook his head in mild confusion and looked closer. Now that he knew it, he asked himself how he could have missed the signs. He should have realized. It was so obvious. What had blinded his sight? Those fragile, somehow girly looks? Those eyes? They call it 'old eyes', something a child at this age should not have…

While Sephiroth turned to put the photograph back into the book with a surprisingly gentle gesture, Angeal's eyes were suddenly drawn to something else. There was a new little piece of paper added to the side of the collage, held by a single pin and twisted in a way that one could not read it properly. Without really knowing why, Angeal reached out to bring it into a better position.

On it, there were just a few lines in the sort of writing Genesis used when he almost meditated on something while he carefully drew each single letter like a small picture. 'It doesn't matter what I want, it doesn't matter what I need; it doesn't matter if I cry, no matter if I bleed…'

It wasn't the content as such. Genesis had always had a strange liking for depressing, melodramatic and even macabre or downright morbid things, especially when it came to poems. Angeal just couldn't escape the odd feeling that he had either seen or heard those words before, and that this was supposed to tell him something, something that wasn't exactly good news. It didn't just feel like a part of Genesis' quote collection. If felt... personal.

For a brief moment, he just stared at the small piece of paper he now held in his hand, trying to make sense of it. But then, he heard the sound of the door behind him, and with a feeling of guilt, he hastily hid the paper in one of his uniform pockets, before he turned around to greet Genesis with a smile.

~°oOo°oOo°oOo°~

Angeal had insisted. Although Sephiroth had pointed out that he would find the way back on his own, he had escorted his friend to the elevator, before he returned to Genesis' room once again. Now, it was just the two of them. Finally.

Genesis stood at the window, with the back turned to him, pretending to concentrate on the view, although he had pointed out many times before that he couldn't stand the limited perspective it offered. Angeal approached him carefully, and when he stood right behind Genesis, he was forced to stop. Their bodies were not touching yet, but there was some invisible barrier, like a force field that kept him from moving any closer.

Out of the many possible reasons, there was one more plausible than the others. Maybe it was better to set things straight right away. "Listen, this afternoon..."

"Don't bother telling me. I already know." Genesis clenched his left hand into a fist momentarily. "Stupid moron. He has a problem with me, fine, but he has absolutely no right to drag you into this. I told him so before, and I won't tell him again. This time, he has gone too far..."

"Calm down. It's not worth the trouble you would get in for assaulting a fellow SOLDIER."

"That's a risk I'm willing to take. Or do you honestly recommend I should get used to the fact that people openly speculate about my skills in 'getting laid'?" Genesis returned fiercely. He paused, before he added in a calmer tone: "By the way, I also heard about your reaction."

"Exactly what you were trying to teach me for years now. Rule of Gossip, number three: 'Faced with gossip about yourself, do never deny. The more you do, the more people will think there's a point. The best way to counter rumours is to ignore them, or to turn them around to point back at the person who started'. Which is basically what I did..."

"True. However, there is a subitem to that rule: 'Be aware that this could also be seen as a declaration of war'."

"Trust me, Harvey is not that stupid. He would not risk an open confrontation."

"Open confrontations don't scare me. They are like any other battle. An ambush, on the other hand, is much more unpleasant..." To Angeal's surprise, he sighed softly. "You shouldn't have said anything. This could mean trouble."

Is he... worried? About me? "Truth be told, when he raised that question, I was tempted to say something different first, but I discarded that option pretty fast… because it would have been even more trouble."

In the blink of an eye, Genesis' mood changed from gloomy to curious. "Why? What was it?"

"I was considering to say 'No idea so far, but I'd love to find out'." Oh sweet Gaia. I didn't just say that, did I? What happened to 'think before you speak'?

Of course this led to yet another instant mood swing. Genesis stared at him for a few moments, obviously unable to believe what he had just heard. Then he immediately lowered his gaze and turned his head to hide the slight hint of colour that appeared on his cheeks. When he looked up again, it was basically written in his eyes: The worst is that I don't even know if you just made a joke or not. "You are kidding me, aren't you?" There was a minor unsteadiness in his voice, the playfulness sounded clearly forced. Tell me you are. Please.

"Of course I am." Yet again those words were out before he could fully grasp their content. Why don't you just tell him the truth? If this was his voice of rationality, it was countered immediately by that still confusing emotional part: Because that is not how it's supposed to be. I want to address this properly, not by accident... Still, the trace of relief that was so clearly visible in those wide, bright blue eyes hit him worse than a slap in the face.

With an absent-minded gesture, Genesis twisted a strand of hair around his finger, a sign that he was at a total loss with the situation. Seeing him like this caused Angeal to step closer and reach out for him. It was an automatic response, a reflex out of his control. To his surprise, Genesis instantly raised his hands in an almost defensive gesture.

"What's wrong? Are you mad at me?"

Genesis shook his head. "Not at all. I'm just tired." It was one of the oldest excuses in the book, the most obvious indirect way to get across an unmistakeable 'I think it's better if you go now'.

Still, a look in Genesis' eyes showed that it was not necessarily a mere excuse. Those bright blue orbs seemed dull and blank, like raw, uncut sapphires. Normally, Genesis' feelings were of the burning kind, there was always a spark left that could be turned into a warming flicker or a raging fire. Sometimes though, this fire seemed completely extinguished, replaced by an emptiness that made him seem a complete different person.

"Is that all? Just tired?" Angeal inquired carefully.

"Of course. Why do you ask?"

"Well… I couldn't help but notice that piece of paper." As uncomfortable as that emotional cold was, at least it would keep Genesis from getting totally upset about this breach of privacy. Angeal handed him the note, and watched him study it for a second. Was there a trace of carefully hidden confusion? "Is that supposed to mean anything? If you are in trouble, no matter what kind, you know…"

"I know," Genesis interrupted him with a surprising softness in his voice. It reminded of purring, but aren't cats supposed to purr not only when they are happy and relaxed, but also when they are in pain? "Don't worry, it's an old note. See? Those slopes on the 'f's and the 'y' – I don't do them like that anymore… Can't even remember when I wrote it, but it must have been ages ago."

If that is true, why is your hand trembling like that? But for some reason, those words would not come out. Angeal's throat was blocked.

Genesis looked at him with one of those special, intense glances, this time a confusing mixture of begging and determination. "Please, don't worry. I am fine, just incredibly tired. Why would I lie to you?"

That's right. Why would you? "Ok. If you need anything, no matter what... Call me, ok?"

"I will. But all I need right now is to get some rest."

He showed Angeal an intoxicatingly sweet smile, and if it had been possible to turn this visual impression into an audible one, it would have been the sound of metal hitting the floor. If Science was able to turn this smile into a weapon, the effect would be devastating. How do you do that? How can you tear down all my defences with just a single display of emotion? Those questions remained of course unanswered, andAngeal could do nothing but nod in agreement. For a moment, he was unable to make up his mind in what direction he should move. Towards the door, which would have been the rational option, or towards Genesis, which was the direction every fibre of his being seemed to be pulling to. In the end, he gave in to the latter, but only to place a fast, innocent kiss on Genesis' forehead. "Sleep well."

"You too." And when Angeal had almost reached the door, Genesis added: "Thank you."

For what exactly? Yet again, Angeal was unable to say those words.

When he was finally alone, Genesis stared blankly at the note again. True, he could not recall when he had written it, but that was far from comforting… for he recognized the ink and the paper, telling him that it must have been recently. But when? I can't even remember seeing those words before, let alone writing them down. And I haven't used that style of handwriting since… 'My childhood' was on his mind, but he didn't even dare to think those words.

A/N: One final comment... well, two actually.

First: I do not claim to the lines on the note as my own. They are taken from a song called "It Doesn't Matter" by Alison Krauss. As usual, no copyright infringement intended.

Second: You know me and my addiction to music. So if I was supposed to name a song that represents this very chapter, it would be an easy choice: "Disarm", originally by Smashing Pumpkins (I say originally, because I tend to listen to a cover version. I can't stand the singer's voice in the original – my apologies to any fans out there). If you listen to that song, however, prepare to get mildly confused. Of course there are parallels to this chapter (like the opening line Disarm you with a smile – which might be the most obvious one - or the entire pre-chorus-passage. Even the word 'denial' is used in the second verse), but the biggest part of the lyrics is definitely not making sense at this point. Or maybe it never will, and I just enjoy toying with your expectations... However, you shouldn't try and squint too hard ;)