Hey, sorry for the wait, but we're back now! This is the longest chapter yet, mostly due to the fact that we actually need to get started with the actual plot. Anyway, thanks to our reviewer and Nyx, if you will?

Nyx: We do not own Legend of Zelda or Pokémon and likely never will. Isn't that obvious?

You'd think. Roll the clip!

Chapter 3: Failure at the Forsaken Fortress

"What do you mean you want to come with us?" Tetra yelled at Link. They had gotten out of the water and were now on the beach near Tetra's pirate ship.

"Exactly that. I want to come with you and rescue my sister."

"Look, even if I were to let you on, which I won't, we have no idea where that Ho-Oh took your sister. And no one on this goddess-forsaken island is going to know, ever."

Right on cue, the Staraptor postman from earlier showed up. "I eavesdropped on your conversation and heard everything. I can tell you where the Ho-Oh took her!"

Tetra face-palmed. "Son of a-"

Link interrupted her. "Really, that's great! Where?"

"That giant bird took her to the Forsaken Fortress. It is a dark and mysterious place, filled with unimaginable horrors and-"

"Oh hey, I remember that place! I went to the karaoke contest they held there." Tetra piped up.

"Way to kill the mood." The Staraptor said. "But getting back on track, you should take him because it's your fault his sister was captured in the first place."

"My fault?" Tetra growled. "How the heck is his sister getting pokenapped my fault?"

"Because the Ho-Oh had captured you first, and your pirates led it to this island. So, knowing that, will you take Link to the Forsaken Fortress?"

"Hmm, let me think about that… NO!" Tetra screamed. "There is no way in Hell that I am taking him on my ship!"

"Aw, c'mon!" Link whined. "I don't even care about my sister, I just want my hundred rupees she owes me!"

"Wait a sec. You want me to take you to a highly dangerous place where you are extremely likely to get captured or killed, all for one hundred rupees?"

"Um, yeah, pretty much. WAH!" Link was forcefully grabbed and pulled towards a suddenly grinning Tetra.

"Well why didn't you say so earlier?" Tetra beamed, her demeanor changed entirely. "We'll do anything if it involves money, but only if you agree to give me twenty rupees if you make it out of there. Deal?"

"Um, okay. Deal."

"Great! Welcome about the S.S. um… what's our ship called again?" She whispered to the Squirtle next to her. He shrugged. "Well, that doesn't matter the point is that you're on!"

"Sweet!"

"Oh, wait. You're going to get killed in there armed with just a sword. Sorry, but you'll need a shield if you want on first."

"Not sweet! Where am I going to get a shield?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure the plot will give you the answer soon enough. In the meantime, why don't you say good-bye to everyone you care about, so you don't get all homesick when we set sail."

So Link left to say good-bye to everyone he cared about. And by "everyone he cared about," we mean his Grandma. "Hi Grandma."

"Hi Link. I eavesdropped on your conversation and heard about your dilemma."

"Why do you people keep listening in on my private talks?"

"Because you're clinically insane and I don't trust you to not blow up the island. Anyway, I have that shield you need." Grandma held up the old shield.

"Awesome! Can I have it?"

"Sure, why not. It's a piece of junk anyway." Grandma handed Link the shield. Link repaid her kindness by beating her over the head into unconsciousness with it.

"That's what you get for the sucky birthday present!" Link cackled maniacally and ran out of the house back to Tetra.

"Wow, you actually got it. I guess the plot favors you. Anyway, we won't be back for a while. Don't you want to talk to everyone else first?" Tetra asked.

"No." Link said automatically.

"…Well okay then. Climb aboard, we set sail now!"

**Time lapse!**

The pirate ship was setting sail, and Gonzo was beating the gong to signify it. Or at least he was, until Tetra broke his arm and threw him overboard using only her tail.

"You idiot! You'll alert the whole island to our location, banging like that!" She yelled.

"But Miss Tetra," Gonzo somehow said from underwater. "They already know we're here. They're all on the beach waving Link off."

"Oh, so they are." Tetra noticed. "…Set sail now! I want us out of here in 73 seconds or I cut off all your tails!"

"I don't have a tail." Gonzo pointed out.

"Oh, I'll think of something." Tetra said, smiling demonically.

Meanwhile, Link was waving to the islanders, obviously heartbroken. "Hasta la vista, losers! I'm going on an epic adventure and you're not! You all freaking suck!" Yup, heartbroken.

They made it out of there in 74 seconds, so Tetra cut off her crew's tails and electrocuted Gonzo in his sensitive area. She then approached Link.

"Alright Link, you may be a guest on my ship, but I can't have you getting in the way. So go below deck and play with Niko."

"Um, okay." Link walked off, trying not to slip on the blood covering the floor. He went below deck and walked up to a Rattata. "Are you Niko?"

"Yep, that's me." Niko smiled. "So, Tetra sent you down here, eh? Okay, let's play Get to the Other Side of the Room before the Time Runs Out!"

"That's a very generic sounding name."

"I'm not that creative, okay? Here's how you play. You step on this switch, like so, and then you jump on the platforms that rise up. If the platforms are too far apart, then you swing on the lamps to get to them. You have to make it across the room before time runs out, or you have to start all over." Niko did all that and turned to look at Link.

"Easy, right? Wrong. It'll probably take you a year to get across. One rough year, full of-"

"Hey, you done yet?" Link asked Niko, suddenly standing right next to him.

"WAH! How did you get across so easily?" Niko freaked.

"Please, I'm the hero of this story. Naturally, I own you at everything. So, do I get a prize?"

"Yeah sure, you can have this piece of junk." Niko handed him the Spoils Bag.

"A purse? What do you think I am, gay?" Link put the bag on and admired how well it went with his color scheme.

"Well,-"

"LINK! GET UP HERE NOW!" Tetra screamed loudly.

"Tetra needs you. See ya." Niko waved.

Link went back up. "Why is it nighttime? I was only down there a few minutes."

"UP HERE!" Tetra yelled from the crow's nest.

Link shrugged and used Extremespeed to launch himself up to the crow's nest, since he still wouldn't climb the ladder like a normal Pokémon.

"You could've used the ladder." Tetra said.

"Did you use the ladder?"

"…No. I used Quick Attack. I get most of my techniques from Super Smash Bros."

"Me too. So, did we reach the Forsaken Fortress?" Link asked.

"Why do you automatically think that we're there just because I called you up here? Maybe I just wanted to talk and get away from all the idiots in my life."

"So, we didn't reach the Forsaken Fortress yet?"

"I never said that. We're definitely here." Tetra showed him. "We're actually on good terms with the guys here, so all we have to do is go up to the entrance and-"

The ship suddenly crashed into a huge rock.

"…WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?" Tetra screamed down at her crew. "NOW WE CAN'T GET ANYWHERE NEAR THERE UNTIL REPAIRS ARE MADE!"

"Um, so how do I get in?" Link asked, the only one not afraid of Tetra's wrath.

"Oh right, you." Tetra calmed down. "Well for you we'll have to go with Plan B."

**Time Lapse #2!**

Link found himself in a barrel on top a catapult and started freaking out. "THIS IS YOUR PLAN B?"

Tetra shrugged. "Hey, I never said it was a good Plan B. Fire away!"

"3… 2… 1!" Gonzo counted down, and then launched the screaming Riolu to the Forsaken Fortress. Unfortunately for Link though, he crashed face-first into the side of the tower, losing his sword in the process. He fell down into the water, surfaced, and swam to shore.

"Oh, wow!" Tetra's voice called out. "Talk about bad luck!"

Link pulled out a glowing stone. "What the, where did this come from?"

"I stuck it in your invisible storage space."

"You're not supposed to know about that!" Link whined.

"Whatever. Anyway, with this stone, we can talk even if we're ridiculously far away from each other. Think of it like a primitive, but magical cell phone."

"Okay, but my sword's gone. How am I going to kill anything?"

"You'll think of something. Tetra out."

Link proceeded to sneak through the Fortress humming the Mission Impossible theme song. He was doing pretty good, hiding in a barrel and sneaking past the Granbulls, when Tetra started yelling at him.

"Will you stop that? I can't turn this thing off, so I've been forced to listen to you hum for the past hour! Just shut up!" She screamed.

"Tetra, be quiet!" Link yelled back hypocritically, as he himself was not being quiet. "I'm going to get caught!"

"Well maybe if you weren't humming so loudly, I wouldn't be yelling at you! I'm surprised you haven't caught the attention of the entire Fortress!"

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"No You!"

You!"

"You-" Link was interrupted when the barrel he was hiding under was lifted up by a rather angry Granbull. "Um… hi?"

Link was forcefully thrown into a prison cell. "Told you." Tetra said.

"SHUT UP!"

After escaping through the convenient hole in the wall, Link made his way to one of the towers with the searchlights. "Oh no, look how high it is. How am I supposed to get up?" Link asked, completely ignoring the ladder.

"You could use the ladder."

"Ladders are for chumps!"

"Okay then. Just ask yourself: what would Lucario from Brawl do?"

"Hmm… I've got it!" Link somehow double-jumped then used Extremespeed to get to the top, where he saw a Grumpig working the searchlight.

"Alright Link, since you don't have a weapon, a normal Pokémon would suggest grabbing a big stick from the pot over there to use instead. However, since I'm not a normal Pokémon, I suggest just snapping his neck and being done with it. Which do you prefer?" Tetra asked.

Link snuck up behind the Grumpig and snapped its neck with Force Palm. "The second option."

He then proceeded to do this to all the other searchlights, but ended up getting himself caught about forty-seven times after getting into more screaming matches with Tetra for singing random theme songs along the way. Eventually he made it to the top of the Fortress, where he spotted his sword.

"Finally!" Link cheered as he grabbed it. "Now I can violently kill things in gory ways again!"

"Doesn't everything you kill turn into purple smoke?" Tetra reminded him.

"…Dammit!" Link cursed, turning the nearby Grumpig into mincemeat and running inside the tower. "Aryll!" Link called as he ran over to her.

"Link!" Aryll would have said more, but Link stopped her.

"I left my earmuffs back home, and I'm not in the mood to temporarily go deaf. Just give me the money, and I'll get you out."

"But I-" A loud, familiar screech silenced her as the Ho-Oh flew inside the tower.

"Today's just not my day, is it?" Link said before the Ho-oh grabbed him in its beak and flew off towards a large cabin where a black shadowy Pokémon with red eyes waited.

"Oh my goddesses, it's a Darkrai!" Link cried.

The Darkrai was surprised to say the least. "How do you know about me? Are you a fan?"

Link shook his head. "Actually, I like Cresselia better."

"What?" The Darkrai said, enraged. "Throw him to the Sharpedoes!"

The Ho-Oh complied, throwing Link far away into the ocean, screaming the whole way. A few minutes after he landed, a red boat drifted beside him.

"I know I'm going to regret this later, but I'll rescue him anyway."