Oh my, I just realized we have total inconsistency when it comes to how the titles are set up!
…And this is important, why?
I like consistency.
*facepalm*
…I'm going to go change them!
You do that.
Nyx: Maybe I should take this. Thanks to our two reviewers and everyone else enjoying our story! Disclaimer: We own nothing!
Chapter 6: Deku Tree Dislikes Fire
"FINALLY!" Valoo yelled. "The b**** is dead and I don't have to put up with her sexual urges anymore! And because I'm in such a good mood, I think I'll change the wind back to normal and stop causing my worshippers so much grief." True to his word, the wind changed from erratic to calm in a matter of seconds.
Back on the ground, Medli was talking to the chieftain and a couple other Ritos. "Andthat'swhyUncleBobisacrossdresser!"
"Um, that's great, I think, but did you find out anything about Valoo's problem?" The chieftain asked.
"…No. WhywouldIdothat?" Medli asked, having already forgotten what she learned on the trip. Everyone around her facepalmed.
Meanwhile, not too far away, Link was warped back to the bottom of Dragon Roost Island. "I have returned! Praise me, for I am your lord and savior!" He shouted.
"Lord and savior? Please, Valoo did most of the work." Tetra pointed out.
"So what? I finished Gohma off, so I'm the hero!"
"HiLink!" Medli greeted, standing with Komali behind Link all of a sudden.
"Wah!" Link jumped. "Where did you come from?"
"Fromthebeyond!" Medli said in a freaky voice.
"Um, okay. Hey Komali!" Link waved, but Komali looked away from him. "Um… what's wrong?"
"You survived. I was sort of hoping you would die in there."
"I did die. Like, eleven times. But I came back."
"Darn, and since you saved everyone, I have to give you my orb." Komali groaned.
"That's right. Hold up your end of the deal and hand it over!"
"Fine." Komali pouted, giving Din's Pearl to Link.
"You! Idiotic hero boy!" Valoo called, obviously referring to Link.
"I find that insulting!"
"And I don't give a damn! You may have killed my stalker but you and your metaphorical fairy are more of a danger to my sanity than Medli! Therefore, I want you off my island! So go learn the freaking Wind's Requiem and get out of my sight!"
"Geez, you'd think he'd be more grateful to us." Link muttered.
"Eh, to be truthful, the way he acted when you first came here isn't far off from how he is now. He's just naturally temperamental, but he can usually control it to the point where he doesn't mess up the island's wind patterns." Komali explained.
"That'sright! Goodluckonyourpointlessquest! You'llneedit!" Medli waved, running off.
"Hey Medli, get back here! It's my job to keep you from getting too much excessive brain damage and I can't do that if you keep running off!" Komali shouted, running after her.
"Um… okay. Off to the Wind Shrine!" Link went to the Wind Shrine and stopped in front of the stone with arrows on it. "What now?"
"It's got arrows. That means you use the Wind Waker, stupid." Tetra said.
"And how do I do that? Thomas never taught me how to use this stupid thing." Link pulled out the Wind Waker and began examining it.
"Well I'm not telling you. Go back to the boat and find out yourself."
After a few minutes of Wind Waker lessons from King of Red Lions, Link went back to the Wind Shrine and played the song. He was immediately blown over by the strong gust of wind that followed.
"What the hell was that?" Link asked. A Politoed riding a cloud conveniently appeared after that.
"That was the Wind's Requiem! It lets you control the direction of the wind!" The Politoed cried.
"WHAT THE-?" Link yelled. "Where did you come from? And don't say the beyond, that's been used already."
"Darn. Anyway, the name's Zephos. I'm the god of winds."
"I thought Valoo was the god of winds?"
"No, he's the Sky Spirit, and-"
"Isn't that the same thing?"
"No, it isn't, now stop interrupting me!" Zephos looked him up and down. "So you're the new Wind Waker, eh?"
"I'm… not a baton." Link said uncertainly.
"Wind Waker is also a title for the one who holds it. I would have thought you'd be brighter, though."
"Hey, I take offense to that!"
"Who cares? Just get out of here, you're annoying me."
"Why does everyone want me to leave?" Link asked.
"Because you're annoying, and I hope to never see you again in my life. Good bye." Zephos said, flying away.
"What a jerk. We don't see him again, do we Tetra?" Link asked.
"Hmm, nope! That's the last of him!"
"Great! Let's go tell Thomas!" Link ran back to the King of Red Lions. "Hey Thomas, can we go now?"
"My name is not Thomas!" King growled.
"Of course it is! I never lie!" Link said. "So, can we go? Despite the fact that you never told me what to do, I managed to get this shiny orb and a song that lets me change the wind's direction which will ultimately lead to the alteration of the Earth's wind patterns and a severe change in global weather, thus resulting in the destruction of life as we know it!"
… You watch way too much Discovery Channel!" King finally said. "But you actually do have everything we need, so I guess we can go. We sail to the south!"
"You got it!" Link hopped in, set up the sail and turned the boat.
"Link, we're facing east. I said south!" Link turned the boat again.
"Now we're facing west! This way will take us back to Windfall!" King yelled.
"AHH! Not Windfall!" Link turned the boat sharply to the south.
"At least you got the right direction this time." King said as they started sailing. "This way will take us to the Forest Haven, where Farore's Pearl lies."
"You mean I get another shiny orb?" Link asked, cradling the orange orb.
"Yes. The one you have now is called Din's Pearl. Farore's Pearl will be in the possession of the Spirit of the Earth, the Great Deku Tree."
"The Great Deku Tree? Aww, the Deku Sprout grew up!" Link gushed.
"What are you talking about?"
"Well…"
*Countless Generations Flashback!*
"Thank the Goddesses, Navi, we finally got through the Forest Temple!" A green-furred Lucario said as he and his Celebi companion were warped to the Deku Tree's meadow. "I never want to see another Lileep as long as I live!"
"Well Link, then you'll just love the Shadow Temple!" Navi said, taking perverse glee in frightening Link. "It's got at least three of them!"
Link was silent for a long time. "Why does the universe torture me so?"
"Because you're just too easy." A large bud with a smiling face sprouted out of the ground.
"What the hell? Who are you?" Link asked.
"I'm the Deku Sprout. Made from the seed of the Deku Tree after dying!"
"Damn, I forgot you're asexual." Navi said. "Now we'll never be rid of you."
"Well, you can just go to Hell then." The Deku Sprout smiled.
*Countless Generations Flashback Over!*
"Ah, nothing like remembering the lives of your past incarnations." Link sighed.
"Link, get out of your past life and get back to this one. We're here." King said. "Now remember, the Deku Tree is an ancient and wise being, so show him respect. Link, are you listening to me?"
Link was ignoring King and playing with a small flame in his paws. "What?"
"Oh, forget it. Just be respectful to the Deku Tree."
"Got it." Link jumped out of the boat and ran until he came upon a large flower bud. As he got near, a large Carnivine popped out.
"… Deku Tree?" Link asked. Remembering King's words, he bowed respectfully to what he thought was the Deku Tree.
"Um, Link? That's not the Deku-" Link ended up in the Carnivine's mouth before Tetra could finish. "-Tree."
"So that's what it looks like!" Link grimaced.
After using Will-O-Wisp to burn his way out, Link made his way up towards the entrance to the Forest Haven, killing Carnivines and Octilleries along the way. Once he made it in, he waded through the river until he came across a giant tree with a face.
"The Deku Tree!" Link exclaimed, bowing to the tree. Much to his surprise, a bunch of Dittos sprouted from the tree's face.
"AHH! GET EM OFF! GET EM OFF!"
"Dear Din, what am I supposed to do?" Link panicked.
"Link, you have to roll into the Deku Tree to knock the Dittos off and kill them!" King somehow shouted through Tetra's stone again.
"Talking through my stone again, eh?" Tetra growled. "Do you WANT me to decapitate your head?"
"Tetra, don't decapitate him, I need him to get off the island." Link said. "However Thomas, I don't like the idea of rolling into something that solid. I've got it!"
Link used Will-O-Wisp on the Dittos. It spread, and while it did kill the Dittos, it also set the Deku Tree on fire as well.
"AHHH! I'M ON FIRE! THIS IS A THOUSAND TIMES WORSE THAN THE DITTOS! AHHHH!" The Deku Tree screamed.
"So much for respect, huh Link?" Tetra taunted.
"Shut up. Although, I'm not sure how I'm going to fix this one."
"Hmm… time lapse?" Tetra suggested.
"Time lapse." Link nodded.
**Time Lapse #3!**
During the time lapse, it conveniently rained and put out the fire. The lily pad that Link was standing on was lifted up to the Deku Tree's glaring face.
"So, uh, can I have Farore's Pearl?" Link asked nervously.
"If you had managed to get rid of the Dittos without setting me on fire, then all you would have had to do to get the Pearl would be to attend a ceremony. But since you didn't, you'll have to go through another dungeon to get it." The Deku Tree said.
"Hey, that's not fair, you can't send me into a dangerous dungeon without a plausible reason!" Link yelled.
"Hmm, good point. Koroks! Get down here and help me think of a reason to send this Riolu into a dungeon!" A bunch of Grass-type Pokémon appeared and flew down on little leaf-helicopter things to the lily pad.
"Now we just need a reason! Anyone have one?"
"Great Deku Tree! Something terrible has happened!" A Bulbasaur cried, flying down on another leaf-helicopter thing.
"What is it now, Linder?" The Deku Tree groaned.
"It is Makar! He has fallen into the Forbidden Woods!" Linder explained.
"WHAT? THE FORBIDDEN WOODS? Wait, this is great! Now we can send Link here off to go retrieve Makar!" The Deku tree exclaimed.
"Are you sure that's a good idea? You know how Makar feels about us, and I think he actually fell in there on purpose."
"Shh! He doesn't need to know that!" The Deku Tree whispered, then turned back to Link. "Alright, I need you to go retrieve Makar from the Forbidden Woods. If you can do that, I'll give you Farore's Pearl."
Link shrugged. "Okay, that shouldn't be too hard."
"Actually, equipped as you are now, you can't even get there. Here, you can have one of my leaves!" Putting on a face of constipation, the Deku Tree made a large leaf sprout from a crown of leaves high up.
"How am I supposed to get up there?" Link growled.
"How should I know? Figure it out yourself!" The Deku Tree yelled, lowering the lily pad back to the ground.
Link ran off and jumped into one of the large flower buds, then shot out into the next one, repeating this until he reached a lower crown of leaves. Pulling out his grappling hook (which, thanks to discontinuity, had repaired itself after being burned through in the previous chapter), Link swung back and forth and tried to land in another flower bud. He missed and fell all the way back down, landing with a sickening crunch.
"Link, what was that?" Tetra asked skeptically.
"That was both of my legs breaking." Link groaned painfully.
"Do you want another time lapse?"
"Yes please."
**Time Lapse #4!**
After Link's legs healed, he went back to jumping from flowers and managed to get up to where the Deku Leaf was. He picked it up and posed, just like he did with every new item he got.
"Wait a sec, what am I supposed to do with a leaf?"
"Glide with it, of course!" A Skiploom called from down near a higher up exit. "Hurry up and get over here!"
"Don't tell me what to do!" Link called, jumping off and using the Deku Leaf to glide over. He ran through the exit and came out outside. He looked over at the foreboding and evil-looking forest across the sea.
"So, are you ready to cross and start the second dungeon?" Tetra asked.
"Actually, no. Each dungeon gets its own chapter, so we can't get over there and start until the next one."
"I bet the forth wall is really loving your total obliteration of its existence."
"I bet it's loving both of us right now." Link said. "Doesn't matter though, next chapter it is!"