Here we go, welcome back, thanks for everything, yada yada yada…

You could at least try to sound more cheerful.

I'm just not too sure about how well this chapter came out.

Relax, we'll be fine!

Whatever you say. Nyx?

Nyx: The disclaimer is that Winged Ether does not own Pokémon or Legend of Zelda. Get it, got it, good.

Chapter 7: Warning: Forest is Flammable

"And, we're back!" Link shouted, jumping off the ledge and floating over to the next one with the Deku Leaf, ignoring Tetra yelling at him about breaking the forth wall right off the bat. He then jumped from the next one, only to fall halfway through and respawn back at the previous platform because he ran out of magic.

"How the hell do I run out of magic and fall with a leaf? I'm just holding it with both hands while the wind carries it, why can't I just keep holding on?" He ranted.

"How would I know? Don't question the video game logic, just go with it." Tetra sighed.

After getting more magic, Link jumped off again, but still ended up falling into the water because he wasn't high enough to land on the other ledge.

"Tetra!" Link whined. "Help me!"

"Oh, come on!" Tetra groaned. "You figured out how to get the Deku Leaf on your own, why can't you figure this out?"

"The answer to getting the Deku Leaf was obvious!"

"And the cyclone circling this pillar isn't?"

"It's a cyclone, Tetra! It'll suck me in! I'm not that stupid!"

"Actually, according to the strategy guide, that cyclone shoots you into the air, giving you enough height to reach that ledge you missed before." Tetra smirked as she read through that part.

"Why didn't you tell me that earlier?"

"I thought you would have figured it out by now."

"I hate you." Link said, following her instructions and making it to the entrance of the Forbidden Woods, just missing the Hoppips flying around. When he got in, he was swarmed by Dittos that appeared out of nowhere. He got better.

"Hey, the Dungeon Map's in the first room! Isn't that lucky?" Link cheered, pulling out the map and looking at it.

"Let me see that, will ya?" Tetra asked. Link held the stone up to the map so Tetra could get a better look. "Hmm, wait, is the map of the Forbidden Woods supposed to say 'Forest Temple' on it?"

"What?" Link looked at the map and saw that she was right. "Oh, come on! What kind of joke is this?"

"I bet Makar replaced it to keep others from finding him."

"That's a stupid idea, you're a stupid person." Link said, ignoring Tetra's audible growl at that. "Screw the map; I don't need a map to get through here!"

"That's great, genius." Tetra said, humoring him. "And while you're in a heroic mood, why don't you get that nut and use it to kill the plant blocking the door?"

"Wait, a sec, I open doors by killing plants with giant nuts?"

"I didn't mean it like that, sicko. Get your mind out of the gutter."

"What are you talking about?" Link asked innocently, picking up one and examining it.

"Uh, nevermind. I can save the tainting of your mind for later." Tetra said.

Link shrugged and threw the nut at the plant on the door, destroying it. As he was about to leave, Link turned and looked back at the room, which looked relatively normal.

"You know, I feel like we haven't done anything funny or awesome this chapter."

"What's that? I was too busy reading the forth wall's will." Tetra quipped. "Seriously, we just started, not much could have happened yet."

"Yeah right. We're already over five-hundred words in!" Link stopped and thought for a moment. "I know! Fire! Everything's better with fire!"

"What are you-"

Link used Will-O-Wisp to set the grass ablaze, and most of the room caught fire within seconds. He left and entered the next room. He jumped into a flower and shot out into the air. After a few seconds of gliding, however, he ended up on a collision course with one of the huge spiked vines extended from the wall.

"AHH!" Link screamed, closing his eyes and letting go of the leaf with one hand and dropping down to the floor below. Upon landing, he opened his eyes and looked up at the now flaming plant.

"What did you do now?" Tetra asked.

"I accidently set one of the vines on fire with Will-O-Wisp." Link said nervously, still eyeing the plant. He held the stone up for a good view.

"Link, you're aware it's spreading, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then get out of here before you BURN TO DEATH!"

"Okay." Link said timidly. He jumped into another flower and used the rest to get to the other side of the room, where he bombed the door plant and entered the third room.

"Good thing the fire tends to stay in the same room as it started, right Tetra?" Link asked.

"Are you going to set fire to every room in this dungeon?"

"Possibly."

"What about those rooms that you'll have to reenter later on?"

"Oh. Well, can you tell me which ones those are?" Link asked.

"I suppose, since you do have to save the world, and all." Tetra sighed. "You don't come back to this room, though, so you can go ahead and set this one alight."

"Yay! So, uh, how do I get through this room?"

Tetra sighed. "Jump on the wooden platform and use the Deku Leaf to push yourself across."

Link followed Tetra's directions until he was through the next door, taking care to set the platform on fire on his way out.

"You're going to be visiting this room a lot, so don't even think about it." Tetra advised.

"Darn." Link jumped onto the moving branches, killed another door plant with a nut, and entered. As he jumped over the split in the ground, he was ambushed by a horde of Cascoons. He got better.

Link then entered the next room, which was oddly empty looking. "There's something bad in here, isn't there?"

"It's a surprise." Tetra said in a creepy sing-song voice.

Link did his best to ignore her and walked forward, only for a wall of thorny vines to burst from the ground and violently knock him back. "What the-!"

"It's a maze, Link. Don't be intimidated, it's just huge walls of thorny plants that shoot out of the ground when you get close and go back down when you're far away, therefore preventing you from completely avoiding them!"

After trying to get through the maze and getting blown back about seventeen times, Link had enough. "That's it! I refuse to be humiliated by these freaking plants!"

Link used Will-O-Wisp on the vines in front of him, causing them to catch fire and, like before, spread to the rest of the room.

"Nice going, genius. Now how do you expect to get the items in here?" Tetra asked.

"With the power of time lapsing!" Link cried.

**Time Lapse #5!**

Link was standing outside the door to the room back in the hallway, a little burnt, but with the compass and small key on hand.

"I hope you don't plan on abusing that." Tetra said.

"Naw, the rest of the dungeons probably won't be as flammable as this one." Link said, walking forward only to get swarmed again by the Cascoons.

"Help…" He recovered.

After running out of the hallway (it caught fire when Link tried burning the Cascoons off), Link went back and entered the locked door. Using the flowers to jump up to the top, he entered the next room.

After he entered, pollen started raining down. "Look up." Tetra said unhelpfully.

Link looked up just in time to see a giant Dustox fly past him.

"YOU!" It screamed. "You are the one who killed my children!"

"Your what?" Link asked.

"The Cascoons." Tetra clarified.

"Ah. Look lady, it's not my fault your kids aren't fire-resistant!" The Dustox glare intensified after that statement.

"That might not have been the best thing to say." Tetra said.

"You *******! FACE MY MOTHERLY WRATH!" The Dustox screeched, swooping down and ramming into Link. She turned back around and did it once more.

"Ow! How am I supposed to kill her?" Link groaned.

"Cut off her wings, she'll be grounded!" Tetra shouted.

Link waited until the Dustox attacked again, before jumping over her back and slicing off one of her wings. The Dustox screamed in pain, then released a few Wurmples which somehow evolved into Cascoons right away.

"I'm not liking this." Link said as he cut through the Cascoons, which only served to make their mother even angrier.

"HOW DARE YOU! And right in front of me as well! Have you no shame?" She yelled.

"Grandma always told me I was a complete monster, does that count?" Link's eyes widened in surprise as the Dustox charged at him again, and again he jumped over, cutting off another wing. Now missing two wings, the Dustox couldn't fly properly, which made it easy for Link to slice off the rest of the wings.

"You've stalled me far longer than any mid-boss should; now you die!" Link jumped on top of the wing-less Dustox and slammed his sword straight through her abdomen, causing her to explode into smoke.

Link opened the chest and pulled out a boomerang. "Yay, new weapon!"

"Are you kidding me? Boomerangs are extremely difficult to master! There's no way you can use that!" Tetra yelled at him.

Link threw the boomerang, which hit the two switches that opened the door, and came back to him. "Yay, I am the boomerang master!"

"How on the Great Sea did you do that?"

"My theory is that that stuff that turned my fur green also gave me instant skill with every weapon known to Pokemon." Link suggested.

"…That's a stupid idea. You're a stupid person." Link started crying after she said that. "Suck it up, you baby!"

Link eventually went back to the main room and used the boomerang to cut the vines holding up the flower, sending it crashing down into the basement of the dungeon. Link jumped down after it, using the Deku Leaf to slow his fall so that he wouldn't break his legs and waste another time lapse healing them.

He entered the next room, killed the Hoppips, Cascoons, and Dittos, avoided the creepy appendages that looked suspiciously like Drifloon hands (cue Link screaming like a little girl about how they were going to "drag him to Hell"), and entered the door.

In here, he hopped on the flower and cut the supporting vines so that it fell into the water, then used the Deku Leaf to push it forward, somehow killing the Octilleries just be running into them. Once on land, he avoided the Dittos and Drifloon hands and went into the next room.

This room had a really obvious puzzle involving five switches. "Wow, three guesses what the answer to this trick is, and the first two don't count." Link quipped.

"I'm supposed to be the sarcastic one, here." Tetra reminded him.

"Hey, I can have my moments, can't I?" Link threw the boomerang at the five switches, then went to the chest and opened it to find the boss key. Two Granbulls were dropped down from the sky afterwards.

"Um… hi guys." Link waved sheepishly.

The two Granbulls looked at him, then at each other, before stabbing themselves through the heart and dying.

Link and Tetra were silent for a long time. "…How come whenever a Granbull shows up, I never have to fight it to defeat it?"

"Technically, I don't think an enemy committing suicide is the same as you defeating it, but whatever. You have the key, let's go fight whatever giant monster's here and get Makar." Tetra said, pulling them back on track.

"Right." Link used the grappling hook to get back to the main room, then used the Deku Leaf to ride the whirlwind back up a floor. He killed the door plants and the wing-less Dustoxes in the next room. Link then finally entered the room that contained the boss door.

"Finally! After nearly two-thousand words we are finally here!" Link shouted.

"…It's not worth it anymore." Tetra commented. "Although, I am amazed that you refrained from setting fire to the last few rooms after you finished with them."

Link thought about this for a moment, then facepalmed. "Crap, you're right! I need to go do that!"

"Aw dammit, I shouldn't have said that."

"Since when do you care about nature?"

"Respect nature man, or it'll come back and bite you in the ***!"

"Whatever, I'm still going to make this place go down in flames." After revisiting the rest of the rooms and setting fire to them, Link went back to the one before the boss. Burning that one as well, he entered the boss room, where he immediately saw a depressed-looking Turtwig holding a small thorn vine.

"Hey, it's Makar!" Link shouted, waving at the Turtwig.

Makar took notice of him and groaned. "Aw man, what are you doing here? Don't tell me the Great Deku Tree sent you here to find me!"

"He did, and I did." Link nodded.

"Damn it! I don't want to go back! I came here on purpose! I even took the dungeon map for this place and replaced it with the Forest Temple one so that Pokémon would have a harder time finding me!" Makar grumbled.

"Hah, I knew it!" Tetra exclaimed.

"Yeah, that really doesn't do much if the Pokémon rescuing you has a partner with a strategy guide." Link said.

"I don't want to be rescued!" Makar yelled. "I want to stay here, where I can be emo in peace! Ugh, guess I have to resort to drastic measures. Kalle Demos, do it."

A blue Carnivine rose up from behind Makar. "Excellent." It said in a demonic whisper, before swallowing the Korok whole.

"What the-? Why did you do that?" Link asked, preparing to fight.

"In exchange for my protection, the Korok promised to stay here forever. It gets very lonely being the only thing existing in this room ever since this place's creation." The Carnivine said.

"I see, but did that really require eating him? I mean, technically, that could be considered cannibalism."

"Perhaps, but I really couldn't care less." The Carnivine growled. "I am Kalle Demos, lord of the Forbidden Woods. I feel the forest burning; it is your doing, is it not?"

"Um, yeah…" Link said sheepishly. "Sorry about that, heh heh…"

"The time for apologies is over. You are strong to make it through my domain, surely you will be a good challenge and last snack before these woods are destroyed." Kalle Demos' enormous petals closed up around him, while small vines lifted the bulb into the air and long, spiked vines shot out from underneath the plant. He definitely looked a lot more threatening than he did at first.

"I'm dead." Link said simply.

"Nice knowing you." Tetra agreed.

"You're a lot of help." Link growled. Suddenly, one of the vines shot towards him, and Link just barely dodged it.

"Nintendo logic." Link said to himself as he pulled out the boomerang. "The weapon you find in the dungeon is always going to be the weapon the boss is weak against." He threw the boomerang, which cut threw a few of the vines connecting Kalle Demos to the ceiling.

"Yeah!" Link cheered, only to get struck by several vines shooting out of the ground that he never noticed before. "OW!"

After he got back up, Link threw the boomerang a few more times, cutting the rest of the vines and sending the giant plant crashing to the ground, which opened up to reveal a stunned Kalle Demos.

"Yes, now I can end him quickly with Will-O-Wisp!" Link shouted, producing a flame in his paw.

"Link, you idiot, Makar's still in there!" Tetra reminded him.

"Darn. Guess we have to settle this the old fashioned way." Link extinguished the flame and ran up to Kalle Demos, slashing away at him. Suddenly, the flower petals rose back up, sealing Link in the bulb with the Carnivine.

"Foolish creature, you have walked right into my trap. Now you will feel my wrath." Kalle Demos growled ominously.

Cue Kalle Demos totally owning Link.

After Link was spit out of the plant, he stood up and yelled back, "That's not fair!"

"It is completely fair. The other bosses mocked me for being a "pretty flower," so I had to better myself. That meant using a cheap move that was sure to cause damage unless you were extremely careful."

"Hah, you admitted the move was cheap!" Link laughed.

"Oh, grow up!" Kalle Demos closed up the petals and rose into the air again.

"Aw, I have to repeat the process again?" Link whined. He threw the boomerang again until it cut through all the vines and left Kalle Demos vulnerable again.

"Alright buddy, the Forbidden Woods is completely ablaze, and I can already see flames starting to seep in here. So in order to save us both from suffering a horrible death by fire, I'm ending this right here and now!" Link slashed the sword one finally time, severing Kalle Demos' head from his body, which hopped around for a bit before managing to speak.

"Well, this was avoidable." Kalle Demos said, then burst into purple smoke.

Link grabbed the heart container. "And that's the second boss."

"That was surprisingly serious. I don't think that will sit well with our readers." Tetra said.

"Now look who's breaking the forth wall. But anyway, you worry too much. We'll be fine." Makar then approached Link.

"Damn, you killed the one thing keeping me from being able to stay away from the Forest Haven. And since the Forbidden Woods is burning down around us, I have no choice but to go! Thanks a lot, why did you have to come?" He asked.

Link shrugged. "I needed the orb. It's shiny and apparently a key plot device. Now come on, let's go!" Link grabbed Makar and ran into the magic portal in the middle of the large flower, escaping from the soon-to-be doomed Forbidden Woods.