Greetings, we are here to tell you that we are not dead!

And of course, to give you this new chapter.

Now remember people, we're back in school, so updates will be slower, but if we get reviews then that will give us encouragement to work on this story when we have free time, instead of wasting time on the internet.

So review! We'd appreciate it.

Nyx: My turn now. Thanks for helping these two keep faith in this story, and here's the annoying disclaimer that apparently has to be in every single chapter. Disclaimer: We. Own. Nothing. We cannot emphasize that enough. But anyway, on with the story!

Chapter 8: Forth Wall Demolition: The Third Pearl

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SOLD YOUR SOUL TO A DEMON?" The Deku Tree yelled at Makar. He and Link had arrived back at the Forest Haven, and Makar was trying to explain, with little success.

"I was speaking metaphorically, but if you want to put it that way, then fine. Since the "hero" here killed the demon and burned down the Forbidden Woods, I've had to come back. Thanks a lot, hero." Makar growled.

"You're welcome!" Link said, oblivious.

"Oh, it doesn't matter anymore. I suppose I have to give you the pearl, since you did complete the dungeon." The Deku Tree sighed, before shaking his top branches and causing Farore's Pearl to fall into Link's hands.

"Yes! I have my shiny orb! Now I can get out of here!" Link cheered.

"Oh, no you don't! You're staying here and sitting through our ceremony!" The Deku Tree said. "Makar, play your violin!"

"I'm not playing that piece of crap! I don't give a damn about the stupid ceremony, you can go die for all I care!" Makar yelled.

"You know, Makar," Tetra said through the stone. "If you don't play it, then Link won't leave the island."

Makar instantly pulled out the violin. "Fine, I'll play." He started playing a really dark and depressing song.

"Is it supposed to sound like that?" Link asked.

"Yes." Makar responded automatically.

Link shrugged and looked up. His eyes widened when he saw multiple seeds sprout from the Deku Tree's top and fall down. The other Koroks flew up and caught them.

"Another ceremony is completed!" A Hoppip said.

"Yes, and now we can take these seeds and plant the Great Deku Tree's children all over the sea!" A Seedot yelled.

"You mean on the islands, right? Not the actual sea itself?" A Shroomish asked.

"Of course, you moron! Did you really think I meant planting them in the freaking sea?" The Seedot yelled.

"I'm sorry! I wasn't sure!" The Shroomish cried. The Seedot slapped him on the head with his foot.

"Okay... this is really weir-AHH!" Link cried as he was suddenly pushed off the raised lily pad. After he got back up, he turned to look at Makar, who was glaring down at him.

"The ceremony's over! Get out!" He yelled.

"Merciful Nayru, does no one like me?" Link grumbled as he stormed off.

"I like you, somewhat. You're a lot more tolerable than a lot of the other Pokémon I met." Tetra said.

"Thanks Tetra, that means a lot to me." Link said, casually walking out and stabbing his sword into the underwater Octillery's head without looking. He jumped down the waterfall and went back to the King of Red Lions.

"Guess what, Thomas? I got the orb! It was fun; I met an emo Turtwig, burned down a dungeon, sat through a depressing ceremony, and watched the Deku Tree make seeds to scatter across the islands!" Link said, all in one breath.

King looked at him weirdly. "That's great, I suppose. Something tells me I'm better off not knowing the details, though. Get in, and let's go get the last orb."

Link happily climbed in and set up the sail. "Where to now?"

"We sail to the northwest. And before your terrible navigating skills tick me off again, northwest is that way!" King jerked his head in the right direction.

"Alright, you don't have to be so touchy." Link grumbled, turning the boat in the right direction and sailing off. After a while, the island came into view, and it started raining.

"Oh great, the plot's already screwing us over." King growled as they approached the island.

"I'll ask Tetra what she thinks, she always knows what to say, right Tetra?" Link asked into the stone.

"Yeah, about that, I'm going to go ransack a bomb shop now, so I won't be talking to you for a while." Tetra said.

"What? But you're supposed to give me company! There's no one else around here to have an intelligent conversation with!" Link whined.

"Um, I'm here." King reminded him.

"Absolutely no one at all!" Link said, ignoring King. The boat glared silently at him.

"Hey, I have my own life. This story isn't just about you, you know." Tetra said.

"It kinda is. I'm the hero."

"The game's called Legend of Zelda. You're not Zelda."

"Neither are you!"

"That's what they want you to think!"

"Enough with the spoilers!" King shouted, silencing both Pokémon. "Link, get out right now and find out what happened to the sea spirit, Jabun!"

"Why do I care about what happened to some fish?" Link asked as he got out.

"Because that fish has the last pearl!"

"I'm on it!" Link shouted, excited about getting another shiny orb. He ran off and immediately crashed into Quill. "OW! What the hell, dude, where did you come from?"

"I flew. I have wings." Quill said.

"It's raining." Link pointed out.

"Stop pointing out flaws in physics and listen to me! Jabun has already fled and locked himself away on another island!"

"Aw great, does that mean he's an antisocial emo like Makar? I don't think I can handle another one of those-" Link was interrupted by Quill's delivery bag being slapped across his face. "OW!"

"Shut up! Anyway, the island he's sealed himself away on is your home, Outset Island. You'll have to go there to find him." Quill said.

Link wore a horrified expression at the thought of having to go back to his native island. Quill wisely chose to ignore it as he continued speaking.

"Even though it probably wasn't a very good idea, I already told the pirates, who took off for Windfall to get bombs." Quill continued.

The horror written on Link's face doubled in intensity at the mention of Windfall. Quill continued.

"Since you need bombs to reach Jabun before the pirates, you'll have to go there too to get-"

Link fainted outright at that.

Quill stared at him for a few seconds. "He probably shouldn't be talking about antisocial weirdoes if he can't even handle going to certain islands." With that he took off back to Dragon Roost.

Link woke up about an hour later and turned to look at King.

"Good, you're awake. Now get in." Link climbed up and set up the sail again. "Now we're going to Windfall to-"

Link fainted again.

"Dear goddesses…"

**Time Lapse #6!**

"Link woke up again to find himself at Windfall Island. "AHH! Not this place again!"

"Shut up, Link!" King yelled. "Now, stop being a baby, and get over to the bomb shop."

"Bomb shop?"

"Yes, you need bombs to blow up-" Link was already gone. "…Why does he keep doing that?"

Unfortunately, Link had no idea where the bomb shop was, despite the fact that it was rather visible, being a lone building near the shore. So he resorted to tearing through every building in an effort to find it, causing mayhem and destruction.

Eventually he found the bomb shop, and broke down the front door with Force Palm without bothering to check if it was locked or not. The pirates had already left by that time, so he turned to the Slakoth that was tied up in the corner.

"You!" Link shouted, pointing his sword at the Slakoth's face. "Where are the bombs?" The Slakoth couldn't speak with the gag over his mouth, so Link ripped it off.

"The pirates took them!" The Pokémon gasped. Link instantly removed his sword, feeling very happy.

"Thanks!" He took off again and ran onto the ship, where he stopped in front of the door and knocked politely.

"Password?" Niko asked.

Link's mood went from ecstatic to murderous in a millisecond. "SCREW YOU!" He shouted, and broke the door down with Force Palm.

Niko stared in shock at the violent entrance. "You know, you didn't have to break the door down. You got the password right."

"Seriously, the password was "screw you"? Who thought of that?"

"Tetra."

"That explains it. Anyway, I'm here for my bombs."

"Okay, but you'll have to play another game with me." Niko led Link down, where he started the game and made his way across. "I've made it much harder, though, so you'll have a much harder time-"

"I'm here." Link said, standing next to the Rattata, who fell over in shock again.

"How do you keep doing that? Oh forget it, just go get the bombs." Niko sighed.

Link grinned and ran over to the chest in the next room. He opened it and pulled out the bombs. "This'll be fun!"

"And what do you think you're doing?" Tetra's accusing voice rang out from the stone. Link pulled out the charm.

"Oh hey, Tetra! How's it going?" He asked cheerfully.

"Oh pretty well, actually, if you ignore the fact that you're STEALING MY BOMBS!" Tetra screamed at him.

Link winced at the volume of her voice. "Were you listening in?"

"No, I'm in town right now, and the locals were talking about a psychotic Riolu tearing apart the island, screaming about bombs and explosions."

"Damn villagers, can't trust any of them." Link growled silently.

"Nonetheless, since you are my beacon of intelligence in this sea of stupidity, I'll give you a head start." Tetra said. "You can have the bombs, we have more, and you have until morning to get out of here and reach Jabun. If you don't, we'll catch you, and I'll skin you alive before throwing your mangled body to the Sharpedos. Got it?"

"Ouch, I thought you valued me more than that."

"I do, but you still stole from me. I can't forgive anyone for that."

"It's true." Niko said. "One time Gonzo took one of her green jelly beans, and she stabbed him in the gut and hung him upside down from the mast for the entire night."

"The green ones are my favorite. No one is allowed to take them." Tetra growled. "Anyway, you'd better get going before I change my mind. Bye!"

Link stared at the stone for a bit after it went silent, then shrugged and walked out and back to the King or Red Lions. "Okay, we can go now. I've got until morning before Tetra comes after me and tries to skin me alive."

"You just have to get yourself into some kind of trouble whenever you're by yourself, don't you? Well, climb aboard; our next stop is Outset Island." King saw that Link had frozen up in fear again. "Link, you have to go back sometime. Don't you want to see the people you've spent your entire life with?"

"No." The answer was instantaneous.

"Fine, then I'll have to force you."

"Time lapses won't work unless I actually get in you!"

"Fine then! We'll do this instead!"

**Scene Transition!**

Link and King were now on the shores of Outset. "What the hell? How did you do that?"

"That's not important. What is important is that you go see your Grandma."

"Why would I go see that *****?"

"Because it will start a quest where you'll get a bigger wallet at the end and will be able to hold more money."

"Why would I need a bigger wallet? Every time I've needed something, I've just stolen it."

"That is not the point. We are not leaving this spot until you go see her!"

"Ah, but that's just it. You are just the boat, and have no control over where we go. I'm the one who does the steering, so we go where I want to." Link said smugly.

King couldn't think of a retort. "You're a heartless little demon, you know that right?"

"Uh-huh. Maybe after we get the orb I'll be in a better mood and we can go see her later. Probably not, but maybe." Link said, getting back in, and steering the boat around the island. Partway through, they were caught in a whirlpool that appeared out of absolutely nowhere.

"What the hell? Where did this come from?" Link panicked.

"Jabun must have put this here for defense or something." King answered.

"He sure went through a lot of trouble to keep others away. Are you sure he's not antisocial in any way?"

"Yes! Now destroy that stone slab over there! It's where Jabun is hiding!"

Link took out one of the bombs and threw it normally, so it landed in the water about three feet away.

"…Link? That was pathetic." King said.

"I have a bad throwing arm!" Link defended.

"You're a Fighting-type!"

"What's your ****ing point?"

"Just use the cannon!"

"When did we get a cannon?"

"Just do it! In case you haven't noticed, we're about ten seconds away from being pulled into the whirlpool!" King yelled.

Link somehow pulled out the cannon and blasted away at the slab. When it was finally fully destroyed right as they were about to be sucked in, the whirlpool disappeared and King sailed into the cave. When they got inside, a giant Whiscash emerged from the water.

"(Oh hey, King! What's up?)" The Whiscash spoke in a tongue that Link didn't understand in the least.

"Greetings Jabun." King replied.

"Thomas? Why is Jabun talking nonsense?" Link asked.

"He's not talking nonsense. He's speaking Ancient Hylian. Valoo and the Deku Tree can speak it, as well." King replied.

"Then why don't they?" Link asked.

"Because no one else in this time speaks it and they've actually realized that and learned to talk in the language everyone else uses! Jabun is the only one still behind the times." King answered.

"(Hey, one of us has got to still do it.)" Jabun said. (But anyway, back to the conversation. So, Ganon's back, correct?)"

"Indeed, Ganon has returned." King said.

"I still don't see why no one bothers to say Ganondorf anymore." Link grumbled under his breath.

"(Did you find the Hero of Time? You should have, because I specifically told you to only come find me if you did.)"

"Um, no. I haven't found him."

"(Then who's the Pokémon sitting right there whose the same species and color of the Hero of Time?)" Jabun asked.

"Eh, he's no hero, just a naive sociopath who keeps getting lucky in his quests." King said.

"And now they're speaking about me as if I'm not here. And insulting me. I hate this world so much." Link growled to himself, still exempt from the conversation.

"(But you brought him here. Does that mean he's supposed to be the hero of this story?)" Jabun questioned.

"Unfortunately, yes." King said, earning a glare from Link, who had a guess as to what they were saying.

"(That's not good. Oh well, we'll leave it to the goddesses to decide if he's supposed to be the hero.)" Jabun said, throwing Nayru's Pearl at them. Unfortunately, he overshot and it fell into the water, so Link dived in after it.

"(…Um, anyway, did you find Princess Zelda's descendent yet?)" Jabun asked.

"I believe I have. Although, I don't think you'll be too happy with the answer. Both the hero and princess of this story seem to be completely screwed up." King sighed.

Link surfaced and climbed back in, holding onto Nayru's Pearl. "I got the shiny orb! My needs are taken care of, so there's nothing important left to do and we can leave now!"

"(…We're doomed.) Jabun concluded.

"I couldn't agree more. Goodbye Jabun." King said as he and Link sailed out of the cave and Jabun dived back into the water.

Once they were outside, they noticed that it was suddenly day time again.

"I hope Tetra still doesn't plan on skinning me alive now that it's day time." Link said.

"If you weren't the hero, I would so be okay with her doing that to you." King grumbled.

Once they had sailed a bit further and could see the shore of Outset Island again, King turned to look at Link, who was still cradling Nayru's Pearl.

"Alright Link, we've got the pearl. Are you going to go see your grandma and the other islanders like you said you would?"

Link looked at the island for several seconds, and then turned to look at King, before giving his answer.

"No."

"YOU SON OF A-!"