IT'S ALIVE!

For now, anyway.

Hush you. Hi, sorry for the long wait, well not really, there's really nothing that's going to excuse not updating for nearly a year, so…yeah. Enjoy!

Nyx: Here's the disclaimer!

Disclaimer: We own nothing. Let's move on, now.

Chapter 9: Prolonging the Plot

"Okay fine, so here's the deal. I'll give you three cherry pies, a deck of cards, a star-gazing map, a bottle, a whip, a fan, a steamboat, a train, and a suit of armor, and in exchange you'll go do your grandma's side quest." King recapped. "Deal?"

"Yup, that's the deal!" Link said, hopping out of the boat and onto the beach of Outset Island. As he ran off, he called back, "See you in a bit, Thomas!"

"It's King of Red Lions!" The Dragonair boat yelled.

"No, your name is Thomas! Trust me, I'm never wrong about this sort of stuff!" With that, Link opened the door and slammed it behind him, preventing King from yelling back at him.

"That little b******!"

Inside the house, Link walked over to his grandma, who was lying asleep in a chair next to a black pot. Link, completely ignoring the Wynaut at first, peeked inside the pot, and found it to be full of soup, much to his delight.

"Hey, Grandma!" Link said, paying no attention to her condition. "Pour me a bowl of soup! C'mon, pour me one, will ya? I even have a bottle for you to put it in! POUR ME A BOWL, YOU STUPID B****!"

With that, Link kicked the chair, knocking his grandma onto the floor. She just gave a pained groan in response.

Link sighed. "Well, you're obviously too sick to do anything, and I'm too lazy to pour the soup myself. I'm going to have to heal you if I want some, aren't I?"

So, like the selfish jerk he was, Link decided to heal his grandma just so she could make him soup, and set off for Fairy Forest. He made it through easily enough, killing Sneasels on the path up and laughing at the wingless Dustox in the forest as he decapitated it. The Riolu pulled out a bomb and placed it next to the huge boulder blocking the fairy fountain, and jumped in after it was blown to pieces.

Inside the fairy fountain, a Mesprit appeared and greeted him. "It's about time someone came along! Really, I never get any visitors because no one thinks to get rid of the boulder that fell on top of the entrance."

"It probably also has something to do with the monsters and the fact that no one besides me can defend themselves at all." Link added.

"That too. By the way, here's a wallet for being the first person to come here in over twenty years." Mesprit said, tossing a wallet at him.

"Thanks." Link said as he caught it. "Got anything for my grandma? She's sick and I need to make her better so she can make me soup."

"Sure, here's a Reviver Seed." Mesprit said as she handed one to him. "I have plenty, no reason really, but I guess you need something to revive you if you end up getting killed."

"Please, when have I ever gotten killed on this adventure?" Link laughed.

"Dragon Roost Cavern." Mesprit replied.

"How do you know about that?" Link whined.

"I'm psychic." She responded.

"Oh yeah." Link said, then turned to leave. "I'm going. Bye!"

"Bye! If you see Uxie or Azelf, tell them they still owe me fifty rupees from that poker game last night!"

"Got it!" Link said as he left. Once he was out, the Riolu made his way back to his grandma, where he proceeded to shove the Reviver Seed down her throat. "Eat it, woman!"

The seed revived and healed his grandma instantly, who then proceeded to strangle Link with her ear-hand-thingies. "What the hell is your problem, you little brat? You knock me out with that shield I gave you, then you and Aryll both leave me so there's no one to take care of me as I slowly die from sickness!"

Somehow, Link managed to grab his shield and hit his grandma in the head with it until she let go of him. "Shut up! I healed your sorry a**, so show me some gratitude and pour me some soup!"

"Will you leave if I do?" She asked.

"Duh! I hate you, remember?" Link said.

His grandma rolled her eyes and proceeded to pour some soup into his bottle. "Fine, you ungrateful child, here!" She shoved the bottle back into his hands when she finished. "Now get out!"

"Thank you, grandma!" Link said happily. "Oh, and by the way…"

Several seconds later, his grandma was once again lying unconscious due to head injury from Link's shield. "I still haven't gotten over how you dumped me in radioactive waste on my birthday!"

Link then left the house and made his way back to King of Red Lions. "Are you finally done?" The boat asked.

"Yep, and now that I've done that stupid side quest, give me that stuff you promised me!" The Riolu demanded.

"You gullible idiot, I'm a freaking boat! How am I supposed to get you any of that stuff?" King asked.

Link stared in shock at the boat. "You cheated me!"

"Um, yeah, I did." King said. "So what?"

Five seconds later…

"ALRIGHT, I'M SORRY! NOW PUT THE FIRE OUT!" King screamed as his wooden body continued burning from Link's Will-O-Wisp attack.

"Nah, I'm enjoying this moment." Link said as he continued to listen to King's screaming for a few more seconds while he absentmindedly studied the sea chart. "Alright, I've enjoyed it."

**Time Lapse #7!**

It rained again during the time lapse, putting out the fire on the King of Red Lions that Link purposely inflicted.

"Time lapses." Link said. "Cool, eh?"

"Just get in so we can go to our next destination." King growled.

Link climbed into the charred boat and set up the sail. "So, where to now?"

"Now, we need to head to the Triangle Islands and put the pearls into the statues on each island in order to activate the next part of the plot." King looked behind him and saw Link's horrified expression. "What is it now?"

"I have to get rid of my shiny orbs? I don't want to!" Link cried.

"You have to! Did you think we were collecting them just to make you happy? No, they're plot pieces and you're going to have to part with them!" King yelled.

"Do I have to?" Link whined.

"YES!" The Dragonair boat yelled again.

"Fine." Link growled, turning the boat in the required direction and sailing while pouting like a small child.

Somewhere along the line, though, Link got lost and ended up sailing right into a whirlpool caused by an angry Tentacruel. "AHH! We're gonna die!" Link screamed.

"Quit panicking and shoot it with the bombs!" King told him.

"Okay!" Link chirped, bringing up the cannon and pointing it at the Tentacruel. "Die, creature of the deep, die!" He shouted, laughing maniacally as he blasted the poor creature to pieces.

"…I know I told you to do it, but that was still overkill." King muttered.

A small blue Pokémon rose up from the spot where the Tentacruel had been moments before. "Hi, I'm Manaphy! Thanks for the rescue; I thought that Tentacruel was going to rape me or something."

"No problem!" Link said. "Do I get a reward, though?"

Manaphy looked at the Riolu oddly, then shrugged and used his magic to envelope Link in a glowing white energy. "You know those moves you use despite the fact that you shouldn't be able to use them as a Riolu? Well, now you can use them longer without running out of energy."

"That sounds kind of useless." Link said.

Manaphy glared at him. "Shut up, I'm the freaking Prince of the Sea and I can send every Pokémon in the ocean to try and kill you if you don't like my gift!"

"Yeah right, I'd like to see you try!" Link taunted.

"Link, shut up! He'll really do it, you know!" King hissed.

"So, I can handle some Water-types." Link dismissed the threat.

Manaphy continued glaring at them as his antennae glowed with a red light. "Whatever, you jerk. Let's see you keep that smug expression on while you're getting torn to pieces by Sharpedoes." The Manaphy gave them the closest thing to the middle finger as he could, then dived into the ocean.

"…Nice going Link. You've managed to piss off the ruler of every Water-type in the sea." King growled.

Link shrugged, not seeming to understand how much harder he just made everything. "So? What's the worst that could happen?"

Five minutes later…

"Dammit, Thomas! I blame you for this!" Link yelled as he desperately tried to avoid the horde of Sharpedoes that were attempting to knock him out of the boat and rip him to pieces.

"I told you that you shouldn't have pissed off Manaphy." King scolded him.

"I didn't see you trying to help!" Link growled, making the boat jump over another incoming Sharpedo.

King just looked ahead and noticed something. "Link, look, it's one of the triangle islands!"

"Great, we'll be safe there!" Link said, making another jump right as they reached the island and causing the boat to land on the island itself with a loud crash.

"…Link, you understand that the point of a boat is that it's supposed to stay in the water, right?" King said slowly, as though talking to a child, which considering Link's maturity level, was pretty accurate.

"Meh, I'll push you back in later." Link said as he hopped out and walked to the lone statue on the island. He placed Nayru's Pearl in its hands and sighed. "Goodbye, sweet, shiny pearl…"

"Will you hurry up and get back here already?" King yelled at him.

"Fine!" Link yelled back, kicking the boat back into the water and hopping back in. While evading the Sharpedoes, he somehow managed to land on one of the fairy islands. Going inside, an Uxie appeared to greet him. "Hi there. Mesprit asked you to come, didn't she?"

"She says you still owe her fifty rupees." Link said.

"Yeah, I'll get to that eventually, once I have the money. Probably rob a bank or something." Uxie muttered. "Oh well, here's a bomb bag to carry more bombs."

Link caught the bag and smiled at the thought of holding more explosives. "Thanks!"

"By the way, before I forget, here's a Reviver Seed!" Uxie called, hurling it at Link's retreating form. The Riolu turned around just in time for it to nail him in the forehead.

"Ow!"

"Sorry! Also, if you're interested, Azelf will give you a bigger bomb bag." Uxie informed him.

Link's smile widened at the thought as he ran back to King of Red Lions. "Hey Thomas, let's go find that other fairy island!"

"Do you really need all these upgrades?" King asked.

"Yes!" Link yelled as he got in and sailed around until he found another fairy island. Inside, Azelf was waiting while drinking a cup of tea.

"Hey." Azelf greeted.

"Hi! Can I have some tea?" Link asked.

"No, but you can have this bomb bag."

"That works too!" Link said as he stared inside the bag. "By the way, you still owe Mesprit her money."

"Dammit, I was hoping she had forgotten about that." Azelf said.

"It was yesterday…" Link said, raising an eyebrow.

"So? I'm just going to hope that she doesn't come by for the money." Azelf said. "I'm broke. I don't have anything!"

"You're a legendary, aren't you? Shouldn't you have something?" Link asked.

"I live on a little island in the middle of nowhere. Where am I supposed to get money? Maybe I'll go mug some random bystanders…"

"Yeah, well, good luck with that. Do I get a Reviver Seed from you two?" Link asked.

"Heh, no. Why would I give you something like that after I already gave you a bomb bag that can hold 99 bombs? I gave you plenty already." Azelf scoffed.

"You suck!" Link shouted, then left and ran back to the King of Red Lions.

"Link, you're stopping at all these different places just to meet the local legendaries. Are you stalling so that you don't have to continue the plot?"

"Maybe, maybe not." Link said. "I'm done though, so where's the next triangle island?"

After more escaping from angry Sharpedoes, Link came to the next island and sadly placed Farore's pearl into the statue's hands. "I hate parting with my plot pieces." Link muttered as he got in and started sailing again.

"Get over it." King said.

"You're really sympathetic, you know that?" Link said sarcastically.

"Why would I be nice to someone as psychotic as you?" King asked as Link got out at the last island.

"Because I'm moe?" Link answered, smiling cutely.

"Don't be a weeaboo." King said.

"Why not? We're in a Japanese game."

"We're also in an American fanfic."

"Darn." Link said as he put Din's Pearl in the statue's hold.

As soon as he did, though, the statue began to glow. Link backed away, thinking it was about to explode, but when it didn't do anything for several seconds, he slowly crept closer to it. "Okay, so what happens now-" The statue chose this moment to explode, sending Link flying off into the sky. "DAMN YOU THOMAS!"

The King of Red Lions chose to ignore the screaming Riolu in favor of watching a humongous stone tower rise out of the sea that the triangle islands surrounded. Meanwhile, Link crashed face-first into the rising tower, then fell down into the water with a large splash in a moment of déjà vu. He surfaced and climbed into the King of Red Lions, who had sailed in front of the tower moments before.

"You could have helped me!" Link yelled at his travel partner.

"I'm a boat, I can't do much." King reminded him. "Anyway, behold the mighty Tower of the Gods!"

Link stared up in awe at the massive tower that seemed to touch the sky for several seconds before a bored look crossed his face.

"Meh, it's not that impressive."

"…If I wasn't a boat, I would hit you right now."