The first thing I notice is the sun. It's unnaturally red and it shines so much I can feel myself sweating. I am in a desert but when I look around and see thousands of people working, screaming, lying on the ground, it doesn't feel like it. Desert is a symbol of loneliness but this place is crowded
Damn. I just fell over something. I look back.
Oh my god! I think I am gonna be sick. I fell over a child no more than eight years old. She … she lies on the ground and … she is covered in blood, it's ….
I am on my knees throwing up. How can someone do that to a child? But when I look around I see that no one else looks better. I see that the kid is actually pretty good compared to the others. What is this place?
"Help!" A dark haired woman screams at me. She is on her knees. Her hands point towards me like she's begging for money, but they are also covered in blood. Her dress is torn apart and I can see scars on her bare back. She has more bruises than I have ever seen on a person. Her back is just blue and red, with no part on her body that actually looks like normal skin. Finally I look her in the eyes, her soul her look, is so broken. She is defeated, lost...
Half of the people here look like her, the other half are their torturers. This woman's torturer is a man in a good shape. He is five feet tall and has short black hair. His face is a mask of cruelty. He holds a knife in his hand and cuts her with it. He doesn't pay any attention to me, solely focused on her. Again, I notice that everywhere there is a victim and a torturer or only a victim.
I try to attack him but my magic is useless. I run against him and hit him. He disappears.
Good.
"Come on, we have to go …" I grab the woman.
"No, he will be back …" And just when she says it, he reappears, laughing at us both.
Why can he use magic and I can't? Why do the torturers ignore me? I am glad they do, but still.
"Willow," I hear a quiet whisper. I frantically turn around, causing me to throw up again. Why am I always trying to be everywhere fast?
I shakily stand up.
"Willow," I hear it again.
I follow the voice, carefully looking at the ground to make sure I don't fall again. But at the same time, I try not to look at all because if there is any place called hell, this is it. As I try not to look, I realize that the victims never help each other. I think I was wrong-the desert exactly fits this place-there is one thing worse than loneliness and that's loneliness in a crowd.
This place is like designed to break you in every single way, not just body but soul. Then I recognize how my presence affects them. I am here, but I don't help them. I am just another thing that breaks them into pieces. Ignorance, loneliness, pain, anger, desperation…
"Willow." It's a woman. I can only see her back from where I am standing; she has a blonde hair above her shoulders …
My body turns completely still…
"Anya," I breathe out.
"Willow, so you finally joined us. I knew you would end up here. You are evil; you tried to destroy the world."
"Here? You mean in hell?" I ask, but my voice is still so dull.
"Where else? You didn't think you would go to heaven did you?"
"I…I am not dead, am I?" I don't wanna stay here. Please, I can't. I am redeemed, I am trying. Oh goddess, don't let me end up here.
"No, probably not. You don't feel like others. You have more life in you."
"Are you okay?" She is not as hurt as some others, but she is still beaten up.
"I am in hell. What do you think?" She looks at me like I am crazy. Well maybe I am … what am I doing in hell when I am not dead? Maybe it is just a dream.
"Oh no, he is here again."
"What? Who?"
She motions behind me. I turn around and there is Xander. But there is something off about him—it's his face. His teeth are clenched together, his nostrils are dilated and his eyes … I never thought looking at my best friend could chill me to the bone.
I take a step back. He follows with one of his hands clenched in a fist and the other holding a knife.
"Anya what…what is he doing here?" my voice cracks.
"This is hell and hurting is most effective when it comes from the person you love. I am an ex-vengeance demon, I should know."
Oh goddess. I take another step back. This can't be true. I am not here, I am not here. This is just a dream, just a DREAM.
He stands so close to me I can feel his breath on my face …
Please wake up, please wake up, please …
He smiles and I shake.
"You are not the one I want," he says. He raises the hand holding the knife and backhands me. Then all I see is darkness.