Here I am again. In hell. The bodies, yeah bodies not people not souls just an empty boxes. They are broken, shaking, crying. It's no different from the last time, yet it shivers me. It's ten times worse but same, it's like nothing has changed it's like I never left this place at all. Is this a dream?

Then why can I feel pain? Why when I pinch myself it hurts? I grab a knife that shows up suddenly. I cut my finger, just to find out...

Ouch.

If this hurts? Is..is Kennedy, Buffy, Xander... Are they all just a dream? Do I live here and my mind is creating a safe place. In the Sunnydale University we learned about that. If your body suffers through a too traumatic situation then you create world, safe world. World in which you are happy. But was I even at the university or was it a dream too. What is real? What is fake?

Tara.

Is Tara just a creation of my mind? No, no she was real, she had to be. And Buffy? I couldn't come up with all that right? Right?

"RIGHT?" I scream at the people around me. They don't even look at me. Screaming, frustration that's normal here. How do I know it's normal? I shouldn't know what a norm here is. I don't live here. Well, assuming I am still alive. Assuming this is a place not hell.

"Willow" I hear voice again. But not Anya's. It's man's voice. It's low voice, painful. Like only talking causes him so much trouble.

"Willow" I recognize that voice, it's Spike.

I turn around and see him. His left eye is a huge bruise. I doubt he can see through it. He is half naked, his back covered with scars from a belt. Or a knife. His neck, there are marks on it . Vampire marks. He has been bitten more than once. I look at his wrists and I notice they are marked too. Someone was biting him, many times.

"Spike, is this hell?"

"Yeah, witch."

"Why am I here?"

"I am not your house dog, I don't care."I nod. He is right he is in hell for how long and I only care about myself.

"Can I help you?"

He shakes his head and laughs" You want to help me? Me? I am the killer I deserve this."

And then he just laughs hysterically. He starts coughing because it hurts him.

"Who, who did this to you?"

"I did."Familiar voice sends me shivers.

"Buffy?"

But like with Xander it's not her. Her face is vampires', her cruel smile, showing her teeth.

"You came to take a look? How nice of you Will. But it will take a while before we get to the good part." she says and kneels to him.

"You wonder why I could never love you."´she whispers in his ear.

"You are killer, vampire, you made me like this." she motions to her vampire face.

"No, no I didn't."He holds his head.

Buffy smiles at him gently, like he is a child. She slowly, carefully takes both his hands down from his head and then with the same smile she leans in and bites him on the neck. She doesn't stop until he is nearly unconscious.

He is quiet he doesn't scream, only surrender accept it as a part of his punishment. I wonder if there were times when he fought. Whether this just happened too many times?

She wipes the blood from her mouth and looks me up, but her look is not predatory just amused. Like only me being here is so funny.

"So Will, wanna go shopping with me?"I stare at her, my mouth wide open.

"What here? No."She nearly killed Spike and she wants to go shopping? Was my vampire self crazy too? I remember I thought so, but that was cause she was a lesbian and I wasn't yet.

"Oh come on, be some fun."

"Why am I here?"I try to change the subject.

"You know being a vampire taught me one thing. Care less about other people and more about yourself." What does that mean? Is it a compliment or a threat? You are a weird vamp Buffy, you are constantly confusing me.

"Buffy?" I say carefully.

"You are way more fun, when you are evil. Change for me?"

I shake my head.

"Pretty please?" No, I don't want to change. No, no.

"No" I scream and the same scream must have woken me up cause I am on my bed sitting.