A/N~ I haven't updated in…forever. But I will be updating everything…EVERYTHING next week when school's over. EKKK. And….so, I think this is the longest chapter I've ever written, just because I feel so bad :0 SORRY AGAIN!~Lexie.

Here Without You

The door creaked open uncertainly, as if it hadn't been opened for years, instead of just a few days. Honestly, the last few days seemed long enough to be years.

Foster pushed into the house beside me, glancing at Mike as he slept on the couch.

"Your bother?" He walked towards the snoring form and pursed his lips. I smiled gently, walking over to him and brushing strands away from his face. I nodded.

"My brother."

Foster snapped his head to me, listening to everything around us.

"Paul's coming."

I didn't ask how he knew that, or how soon he would be here, I just looked up at the beautiful man before me and blinked back a tear. "What are you going to do?" After I said it I realized that I probably should have said something like, 'What are WE going to do.'

"I have to go. I'll be back." He moved around me towards the back door and stopped to stare at me. "If you need anything….yell."

He pushed through the door with too much force, making me jump and look around the room nervously. My body seemed colder…paler. Maybe it was. I was, in a sense, frightened for Paul to get here. Like I was a little girl laying in a darkened room awaiting the monster under the bed. It was the feeling of complete terror.

And I hated it.

I pushed Mike's foot away and sat at the bottom of the couch next to his feet, pushing my whole self against the back of the couch incase something popped out. This way, I could see practically the whole living room. I watched the front door, my eyes switching from it to all the other openings in the house, even the closets. Why in the world was I so afraid? I wasn't supposed to be afraid. Not of Paul.

I bit my lip as there was a knock at the door. I jumped, the loud bangs seeming to echo through the house. I felt my heart pound wildly in my chest as I contemplated waking Mike up before walking towards the door. This was the part in the scary movie where everyone screamed at the stupid girl not to open the ominous looking door. I was the stupid girl.

My steps were fast and wide, my paranoid brain thinking that the person may be somehow inside the house. I yanked the door open, the knob cold and hard against my palm.

It rushed in fast, just a blur of wild colors until it wrapped me in it's arms and all remained still. I flinched, looking up at Paul and wondering why, in all that was alive, he was hugging me.

"P-please don't touch me." He pulled away, reluctant and slow, studying my face. I'd been crying, this would be obvious. But would the betrayal and pain show on my face as well? Would my white hair scream out of the face of an angel that was earlier nuzzled into it? Would my sorry eyes yell of the love they showed to another man? Would my poisoned lips tell of the betrayal?

"Gabby. I love you." His voice was weak. Like a child who was just beaten down to the last bits of life. I stared into the dark orbs of his and felt the world crumble around me. Felt the ground fall from under my feet and leave me unstable and floating. The only thing that held me was his eyes.

"I love too."

He bit his lip softly, looking on the verge of tears and he took a step towards me. "You don't look so sure."

"Yeah," I stepped back, looking around the small room, "I'm not."

"It's him isn't it." His voice took a savage turn into anger as his fist connected with the flat, hard surface of the walls, leaving a dent. " I knew it from the beginning. That he wasn't safe, that he wasn't good for you, for us." He growled as his eyes locked with mine.

"I-I'm going to make us some sandwiches."

I rushed into the kitchen, pulling the bread from the counter and grabbing the peanut butter from the cabinet. "I don't want a fucking sandwich, Gabby, I want to know what the hell is going on here."

I ignored him, gripping a flimsy kitchen knife in my hand and shaking as I tried unwittingly to undo the lid to the peanut butter. I could barely get my shaking palm a firm grip on it. "Do you want Jelly on yours? Or just peanut butter? We only have grape jelly though. I could always run out and get some ch-"

"What the hell is going on with you Gabby?" He snapped, pushing me around to face him. His face was strained and tight with anger but it was his eyes that caught me off guard. It was the old Paul shining through.

They were the same, heartless, cold, dark, chilling, grey color as they were last year. The same way he looked at me before the whole wolf thing happened to him. Back when he was his old self and pushing me into walls and lockers, even knocking me down. This was the real Paul.

And he scared the shit out of me.

"P-Paul…please." I chocked, opening my fist so the knife clattered to the floor. "Leave." He didn't budge though. He just sat there and stared at me, his fierce eyes never letting up. He growled in aggravation and tore himself away from me, walking the room in three easy steps. I jumped back a little, startled as he was facing me again, only farther away this time.

"Gabby. I love you." He strode towards me and latched onto either side of my face. "You have no idea. I love you so much. Too much. It's…it's unreal."

I felt my eyes water as I looked up at him. He was in pain. Part of my mind did a little creepy smiling thing where I screamed out about payback and Paul finally knowing how it feels. But the bigger half of me, the Gabby part of me, was crying and wishing to take it all back. "You're right." I sniffed, trying to at least sound strong, even if I didn't look it. I placed my hand on Paul's chest, pushing him away from me slightly. "Unreal. Completely and utterly unreal." I chuckled darkly, letting my hair fall in front of my face.

"He needs to go Gabby. Do you have any idea what he's doing to you? Do you see what he's doing to us?" His voice was pleading and hopeful, like someone begging for their live through the cold steel bars of a musky prison.

"I think you should leave." My breathing was shallow and crackling, but it was all I could muster at the moment. Did he really deserve my sympathy after all he's don't to me? Did I really need to fall breathlessly into his arms again? No.

Paul Walker was never my rock. In fact, it was because of him that I lost my one and only rock in the first place: Kim. But now I had a new rock. One more steady and safe. One that rose above the others. My boulder. Foster.

"Gabby." He stated again, grounding his teeth together and taking a seat at the table, "You can't just…" He trailed off, clenching and unclenching his fists, "You're my fucking God damned imprint, Gabby! You can't just….stop that!" He screamed, standing up and coming towards me so fast that his lips were against mine before the chair was heard clashing against the floor. I cringed, tears falling from my eyes as I struggled to get my wrists out of Paul's smooth hands. He held my wrists against his chest with one of his hands as he kissed me, the other one holding my head to his. I whimpered slightly, feeling vomit and saliva slide up my throat.

"Woah there, guys. Come on, not when I'm in the house." Mike chuckled as he came into the kitchen, taking a sandwich off the table and not sparing us another glance as Paul released me and looked at me like I was below him. Like I was just another pest to be squashed under his giant boots. Like I was the lowest of the low. Like I was a vampire.

Mike left slowly, gathering his things and the snap of the front door being heard a few seconds later. I would have called out to help. Begged him for help, if only I could breathe. I was bent over, coughing and sputtering as I tried to suck in air. It was like chocking on water. Like taking a sip of soda just as someone says something extremely hilarious and then chocking on it and having the burning liquid come out your nose and mouth. I caught my breath slowly, and by this time, Paul was across the kitchen, gripping the counter and taking deep breaths.

"Gabby…" He rested his head in his hands as his shoulders shook. "I…I can't just live without you."

I watched the bigger man fall to pieces and his heart crumble into a thousand shards. I knew I was the cause. It wasn't as satisfying as I thought it'd be. I used to dream of the day I would make Paul Walker cry. The day that payback would strike him like a million fleeting deer. Now all I could feel was guilt.

"I'm here." I whispered, timidly placing my fragile hand on his shoulder and resting my head on his.

"I'm here, Gabby." He argued, swallowing loudly, "But you're not. You've left again. You're not the Gabby I knew anymore. I'm here without you."

I let tears fall silently, distracting myself out the window as Mike flicked away a cigarette bud just as Eric pulled up in his car. I sighed, nuzzling my face into my hair and pushing the tears back in. "I think I love him." But the words seemed robotic. Not mine. Like it was just so….caught up in the sweet scent and spell Foster seemed to cast when ever he was around. And when he wasn't around…it just seemed so stupid to think of him the way I did.

"I don't care." Paul stated, straightening out and taking a deep breath. "You may think you love him, Gabby, but you don't. It's…it's fate that we're together." He sniffed back tears. "I'll wait for you."

I didn't argue with him. I didn't tell him that it was no use or that I was never going to look at him the same way ever again. I didn't yell at him to stop pretending everything was alright. I didn't scream about how messed up everything was lately. About how after everything my heart still sank when I saw him. About how I got so excited and nervous when Foster was around that I feared I might just cry and would die happy then and there. I didn't yell about how I, Gabby, was within an inch of life, and begging for someone to save her.

Instead, I kept my feelings inside and politely asked, "Want me to put on some tea?"

So I did. And we left the kitchen, going up to the second floor so I could use the bathroom and Paul could grab an old shirt of Mike's out of his closet before he got home and noticed. I let the cool water run over my hands, feeling along my wrists until my fingers ran over seven very distinct scars. Out of hundreds of cuts, they were the only ones that happened to turn into scars. For me, they were a sign of survival. About how life had once before been so much worse than it is now. And that before I couldn't handle it. And now…well, I was on the verge of sinking back into that low point in time again.

I stopped the water, pulling my sleeves back down before hurrying out into the hall. I half expected Paul to be sitting there waiting. He wasn't. I walked down to Mike's room, pushing the door open but not finding him there either. I knew he wouldn't just leave me. A thump from my room made me smile and turn back around. I strode towards the door, walking in and spotting him over at my desk, holding a picture from the collection.

"That's me and Kim when we were seven. She was painting my hair so I looked more like everyone else." I blushed, taking the picture back and sitting it on the desk again with the rest of the old memories. It seemed like nothing was as it was back then. Like nothing would ever be alright again.

"Gabby." Paul was suddenly against me, his arms wrapping around my waist and holding me against him. I bet he expected me to cry. The thing is, I probably would have if it weren't for being so absorbed in the feeling of his strong arms around me. It felt like I was safe again. Like I could just nuzzle into him and be completely content for the rest of my life. Foster popped into my head.

His tender kiss, a kiss of betrayal and lies. I closed my eyes, breathing in. I expected to smell the soft, rose smell that I inhaled whenever Foster was around. But the smell I breathed in instead seemed foreign. Forgotten. Like a newborn child smelling fresh air for the first time. It wad distant, odd, and yet, it was the most comforting thing I'd ever witnessed.

And I rested my head against his chest, my ears perking up at the sound of his heart. The beats weren't subtle or slow, rather quick and hard. As if they were yearning for something more, or maybe just a little too love filled.

"I'm sorry." I couldn't imagine myself saying those words, but I knew I did when my feet moved me towards the bed and gave out when I reached it. I was seeing everything from outside my body. Like I was a puppet being moved by some subconscious part of me. "I…" I felt tears slip through my eyes as an ice cube clogged my throat. It felt like I just swallowed a potato chip sideways and it wasn't making any effort to be eaten. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore." I cried hopelessly, wiping at my eyes.

When did it get so hard? When did I finally loose track of myself? Ever since Paul things were supposed to be easy. They were getting easy. But now…

"Gabby." He sat next to me, pulling me onto his lap and holding me close as I cried. It seemed like I was being a baby again, but honestly, I couldn't help it. "Do you smell that?"

He sniffed the air huskily, searching for something…important. I did the same, only catching the slight smell of smoke coming from the distance. "Is there a bon fire today?" I questioned lamely, sucking it up. God Gabby, be strong for once. You owe it to yourself at least if not to Paul.

"No." He shook his head, helping me up before standing by himself, "Gabby…get out of the house."

"W-what?"

"Gabby." His voice was stern. An order. "Fire."