The Hangover: Twilight Edition
Author's Note: I'm sorry it's taken so long to update but things have been hectic around here lately and I have to admit I have been totally addicted to True Blood. Which has the wheels turning about possibly doing a Twilight/True Blood Crossover….I'll let you guys poll on it on my profile and let me know what you think. Not sure of a plot just that I'd either get the folks from Bon Temps in Forks or vice versa…not sure yet but it could be fun! Anyway…back to this story.
Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight that honor is still bestowed upon Stephanie Meyer but if I had MY way I'd definitely have my way with a few wolves (Paul and Jared) and vamps (Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper). I also don't own the concept…that's from the writer and director of The Hangover. This story is not meant to either upset or offend anyone it is for entertainment purposes only. Without further ado….On with the show!
Chapter 4
The boys were thrown in the back of the police car they had stolen without any recollection the night before and all three hauled off to the Las Vegas Police Department.
While sitting in the waiting area a group of school aged children came into the building and stopped right in front of the three guys.
"Children, this is why you should behave. You wouldn't want to end up like these three would you?" the teacher said to the class.
"No ma'am" they all said in unison.
One boy stopped right in front of Jacob and kind of stared him down for a minute before finally saying "You're going to rot in jail old man."
"What did you say to me boy?" Jacob replied and the boy spit in his face before walking away to join the rest of his class. After sitting there for a while, Jasper made a phone call to Bella to fill her in on everything…in not so many words.
"Hello?" she answered.
"Hey Bella. How are things your way?" Jasper asked in a friendly manner.
"Fine…Where's Edward?" she asked.
"Oh he's in one of the rooms getting changed. He left his phone at the hotel room. Do you want me to tell him to call you?" Jasper asked.
"Please. What have you guys been up to?" she asked.
"Oh you know, the usual. We hit the strip last night and now we are about to enjoy a nice massage so that we can come back tomorrow nice and relaxed for the wedding." Jasper replied.
"Tomorrow? I thought you were coming back tonight." Bella said.
"Well by the time we're done here it is going to be late so we figured we'd take the red eye back tomorrow morning and be there in enough time for the wedding." Jasper said.
"You better not be late Jasper or it's your ass." Bella said.
"We wouldn't dream of it Bella." Jasper drawled.
"Whitlock, McCarty, Black!" the officer yelled in the background.
"Well Bella, we have to go they are calling for us." Jasper said and he hung up as they walked uncomfortably into the interrogation room. The two cops that picked them up were sitting in the room both looking very pissed off.
"Do you mind telling me how the FUCK you got our car?" the male officer asked straight out.
"Honestly, officer we don't remember much about last night. It seems that someone slipped us roofies in our drinks and the night was a blur." Emmett said.
"That's all well and good but how do you plan to pay for the damages done to our car?" the female officer asked.
"Well, we unfortunately don't have any money and we'd spend the night in jail but we have to get back for a wedding. Is there anything else we can do to make up for taking your car?" Jasper asked. Just then another copped walked in and said "Officer's the school children are here for the demonstration." he said.
"Thank you officer." the male officer said before looking at his partner. An evil grin spread across both of their faces. The boys feared the worst. A few minutes later they were being hauled into a classroom and the handcuffs were taken off. In the room sat a class full of school aged children awaiting a demonstration on the abilities of a taser.
"This children is a police issued taser. In the wrong hands anything is possible and you must be careful or someone could get hurt and it could accidentally electrocute you." the male officer said before shooting the taser backwards hitting Jasper in the stomach. Jasper screamed out in pain before dropping to the ground twitching a few times before finally stopping to hold his stinging stomach. The officer pulled the barbs out of his skin making him wince again before addressing the class again.
"Now who would like to try to shoot the taser?" the officer asked motioning for Emmett to step forward. The officer picked a little girl from the group and put the taser in her hands. "OK, sweetheart. Just aim it at anywhere on the body and press this button right here." he told her pointing to the trigger. The little girl aimed up at shot Emmett right in the groin causing him to scream out and drop to the floor. The officer removed the prongs and asked for another volunteer motioning for Jacob to step forward. Just as Jacob's luck would have it…the boy who spit on him earlier was chosen. He took the taser and without a second thought he shot Jacob right between the eyes. Jacob winced before dropping to the ground shaking wildly. The officer's laughed hysterically before dismissing the class and walking the boys back out into the lobby and taking the cuffs off.
"I'd say you've paid your dues, boys. You are free to go." the officer said.
"Thank you, I guess. Um did you happen to find our rental car, by any chance?" Jasper asked.
"Why yes we did, parked right in the middle of Las Vegas Boulevard." the female officer said "It's sitting at impound now, you are free to go get it."
"Thank you officers." Jasper said and with that they left to head to the police impound lot. While waiting for the car, the boys talked.
"I hope we find Edward soon." Jacob said.
"I'm starting to think he's lying dead somewhere in a ditch." Emmett said coming back from getting a drink from the nearby drink machine.
"DUDE! Not helping, can't you see the man's hurting?" Jasper said.
"Sorry, but we have to face facts here…he's gone and there's a slim to none chance of finding him." Emmett said.
"We have to keep looking." Jasper said just as the car drove up unscathed. The boys all piled into the car and headed back toward the hotel. On the way they heard banging from the trunk.
"Do you guys here that?" Jacob asked.
"Yeah, what is that?" Emmett asked.
"It's coming from the trunk." Jacob said.
"EDWARD!" they all yelled in perfect unison before Jasper pulled the car over and took off to the back of the car to unlock the trunk. When they opened the trunk a midget (or to be politically correct "little person") jumped out of the trunk butt naked and landed directly on Jasper beating the crap out of him with a tire iron before jumping off and taking off in the opposite direction of the boys but not before hitting the other two a few times with the tire iron. After the midget was gone the three boys sat broken and bruised on the ground wondering "What the Fuck.". Emmett was the first to speak.
"Who the HELL was THAT? And why were they in the trunk of our rental car?" Emmett said.
"How the hell should I know? I learned that we stole a cop car, you married a movie star and got a face tattoo, we stole a huge freaking BEAST dog and then we lost Edward…who was that? Fuck if I know!" Jasper said wiping the blood from his head and lip from the beating he just took.
"Guys, I have a confession to make." Jacob finally said and the guys looked at him. "You know when we had those drinks we had on the roof before we went out? Well I um I kind of put something in them."
"You WHAT?" Emmett said jumping to his feet.
"I was told it was Exstacy, I knew you guys wouldn't take it on your own so I put it in our drinks. I didn't know it was a roofie. I just wanted us to have a good time." Jacob said.
"Why the FUCK would you slip ANYTHING in our drinks?" Emmett said getting mad.
"Where did you get Ex from man?" Jasper asked.
"From the guy at the liquor store, he said it was some high grade shit." Jacob said.
"You took advice from a liquor store DRUG DEALER you fucking IDIOT! In case you haven't noticed JACOB…Edward is MISSING, I am MARRIED to someone OTHER than ROSALIE, Jasper just got the SHIT beat out of him…What the fuck?" Emmett screamed before punching Jacob square in the jaw before getting in the car. When he opened the car door he hit Jacob again in the head. After seeing what happened he helped him up and they headed back to the hotel to find out what else happened the night before.