She pulled back crossing her arms against her chest and smiled, "You smell like lavender…" she commented with a smirk. "A little nervous?"
"Uhh! Why am I nervous! I have sung this song so many times! It's not like this is my first performance!" I babbled trying to rationalize with myself. I shook my head and looked out past the big red curtains and out at the audience. Ok so I was nervous. This was my first solo, and at a competition no less, I was freaking out a bit.
Brittany was standing beside me with her hand rubbing up and down my back trying to calm me.
"Oh! Here…" Clearly remembering something she had forgotten she reached down and pulled something out of her purse. "The lady at the store said that it helps calm the nerves."
I reached out grabbing the small vial from her hands. "Lavender Oil?"I tilted my head questionably.
"Yeah!" She reached enthusiastically for the container and carefully opened the bottle. She took my hand and used her finger to rub some of the oil on the inside of my wrist. "Go ahead," she encouraged. "It'll help."
Taking my wrist from her grip I tilted my head down and breathed in the smell of the lavender. It was a strong and steady smell and surprisingly I started to feel calmer. I relaxed my shoulders, taking another deep breath, and looked up into her eyes. "Wow that actually helped. Thanks!"I smiled as I wrapped my arms up around her shoulders hugging her.
"You're going to be great!" She leaned back and lightly kissed my cheek.
"Maybe…" I shrugged trying to look casual. She smiled again making my knees a little weak and I once again leaned myself against the door.
"Hey Santana!" Mike called as he bounded up the steps.
"Hey Mike! How have you been?" I smiled giving him a hug.
I took a second to look back over at Brittany. She was watching Mike as he answered the question I had asked. She looked exactly the way I remembered her. "…so yeah that has been fun."
"Oh good!" I replied as I attempted to disguise the fact that I had missed almost all of what he had said.
After Brittany and Mike had been shown to their rooms the night went by really fast.
We had talked for hours in the living room remembering days back in Glee Club and the songs we had sung. I tried my best not to stare at Brittany all night, and for the most part had succeeded. There were the occasional slip ups followed by Quinn's elbow 'lightly' connecting with my side to shake me back.
It was a little past midnight when Kurt had stood up, "Well I better get to bed. I have to get Blaine and Rachel from the airport in the morning." Over the drowsiness I could hear the excitement in his voice at seeing his boyfriend.
"Yeah I'm gonna crash too." Puck yawned. It seemed everyone was taking his lead as they started to get up and head to their perspective rooms. I had to admit I was struggling to keep my eyes open.
I had just finished changing into my sleep clothes when I heard a tap on my door.
It was Brittany.
"Hey…uh can I talk to you?" I couldn't help notice how her voice shook with the question.
"Yeah sure" I opened the door enough so she could slip past me, her hand brushing against my arm as she passed sending a silent shock all the way up my arm leaving it tingling. "So what's on your mind?"
I had a feeling by her previous tone that I already knew.
"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I know over the years we haven't really talked much and I know it's mostly my fault..."
I wanted to be gentle in entering this conversation but everything I had feeling over these past few years all boiled to the surface and I couldn't stop myself.
"What happened? I mean we were best friends and then you were just gone?" I interrupted my outburst catching her by surprise.
"I know. I got that offer and then everything just moved so fast and I got busy and…" She stopped, biting her lip, trying to figure out the right thing to say, the right words that would make up for everything. "I didn't mean for that to happen. I'm really sorry." She barely whispered looking down toward the floor.
I could see the internal struggle she was having, I was having one too. The truth was she hadn't owed me anything. Sure she was my best friend and I had been in love with her; but, she hadn't known that. Back then I was so angry with her for leaving. But I had grown up a lot since high school and all she had been doing was moving on with her life. I couldn't blame her for that.
"No, I'm sorry it's not all your fault. I could have called you. I just…you were so far away and at this new school and I didn't know how I fit into your life anymore." I sighed. That seemed like such a crap excuse. I mean just because someone moves away that doesn't mean you are any less to them than you were, at least that's what my mind tried to tell me.
She took her eyes away from the floor and let them once again rest on me. I watched as pain flitted across her face and a tear fell down her cheek. She moved fast toward me and reached down letting her arms wrap around my waist and pull me to her. I went willingly.
"Uh…I've missed you so much." She breathed out tightening her grip.
"You can't imagine how much I have missed you." I laughed admittedly through my tears as they had, against my will, begun to fall down my cheeks.
As I stood there in her arms my face nuzzled into her neck and something flipped. It was like finally I got to breathe again. I surrendered to the realization that I would never let her leave me again and I smiled. I loved her, and I wasn't going to let this week end without telling her that.
"So...how has life been?" I asked, whipping the tears from my face, desperate to get back some kind of normalcy between us.
I moved over to my bed dragging her behind me and waited as she sat down pulling her leg up beneath her while the other dangled off the edge touching the floor.
She smiled, catching my subtle topic change, an admission that I had accepted her apology.
"Oh it's been good! I will be working full time starting this spring and I am so excited to start my career in dance. I mean it's what I dreamed about ever since the day we joined Glee Club." I could feel the buzz of excitement radiating from her body.
"I'm really proud of you." I couldn't stop myself from smiling as I listened to her talk about her life. I could tell she had truly enjoyed her time in California and despite my sadness over losing her for those years I was happy for her. I always knew she was meant to be great.
"So are you seeing anyone?" She asked startling me out of my thoughts. I hadn't thought this question would come so soon.
"No I'm not…what about you?" I ask hesitantly.
"No" I inwardly sighed with relief. "I mean I dated a few guys over the years but no one that ever stuck." It was hard to keep the smile from my face.
"Yeah…" I agreed nodding my head. Truth is I hadn't dated anyone since high school. It wasn't that I hadn't gotten any offers, because I had, but I always seemed to find a reason for it not to work.
"Well I think I should go to bed." She said through a yawn and reluctantly I found myself yawning in agreement. She slid off the bed in a bounce and I saw the relief in her movements, the same I felt, that we had definitely accomplished something tonight.
I rose from the bed too following her to the door. "I'll see you in the morning."
"Goodnight Brittany"
I shut the door as she left down the stairs to return to her room and fell with my back against the door looking upward in relief. I was humming with excitement.
Finally I crawled into bed wrapping my arms around my pillow, hugging it close, and with one last thought of her, I fell asleep.
I woke up to an unknown pressure on my forehead. Quite soon did I realize that it was someone tapping hard on my forehead in succession in an effort to wake me.
"Uhh!" I grunted pushing the hand away from my face trying to stop the attack.
I slowly opened my eyes letting them adjust to the sunlight streaming through the window. I squinted over at the form leaning over me and buried my head in the pillow.
"Kurt! What are you doing!" I yelled into my pillow flinging my arms out in frustration.
"Oh come on! Santana wake up! Some people want to say hi to you."
I looked up confused, "What who?" His eyes drifted to the other side of my room and there were two people I hadn't noticed before.
"Hey Santana!" It was Blaine and Rachel and before I could say anything they both launched at me pinning me down to the bed and hugging me.
After the talk in the coffee shop with Kurt that day about Brittany he had invited me to his house for Christmas dinner. I had ended up spending almost the whole break with Kurt and his family; and since Blaine was always with Kurt and Rachel was always with Finn, back in those days anyway, I had become close with the two as well. It had been an odd feeling to look at Rachel and not get instantly annoyed but now, while we were not best friends, we both knew that if either of us really needed the other we would be there in a heartbeat.
"Hey guys!" I laughed at their silliness and wrapped my arms around the both of them as much as I could.
"Great to see you! You're as bright and perky as ever!" Blaine teased sarcastically as he stood up pulling Rachel up off the bed.
"Yeah yeah well you see how "perky" you are when someone wakes you up the way he just did. I mean really what was that?" I asked punching Kurt in the leg lightly.
He jumped back smiling. "Well I wanted you up and it seemed to do the trick so stop complaining and get up and come downstairs." He walked out the door followed closely by Blaine.
Rachel leaned in and gave me another hug, "Missed you" and I hated to admit it but I had missed her too.
"Me too" She got up rolling her eyes and shaking her head in the direction Kurt had gone leaving the room and me to myself.
I showered and dressed quickly picking out some jean shorts and a tank top comfortable yet cute. As soon as I left my room I smelt the aroma of bacon and maple syrup. I appeared Finn had gotten up early and taken the time to make breakfast for everyone. My stomach grumbled and I literally skipped down the stairs and into the kitchen.
"Wow man this stuff is good! Who knew you could cook so well!" Puck laughed stuffing some waffles into his mouth from the table in the other room.
"Hey Santana! Good morning, uhh just grab what you like and find a seat." Finn smiled as he poured himself some orange juice.
"Thanks Finn."
As I put some bacon and eggs on a plate I felt someone come up beside me. It was Brittany. "Hey come sit with me, I saved you a seat" she smiled as she looped her arm through mine pulling me along.
I followed her into the other room and saw everyone seated and chatting away. It was clear that a few tables had been moved and pushed together to make enough room to seat us all. I sat down in the open seat next to Brittany and started eating casually listening to the others conversations.
Blaine was talking to Mercedes about New York and some play he had just seen that he thought she would like. I heard Sam talking to Quinn and learned that he had stopped going to college, money problems it seemed, but that he was enjoying working and planned to go back later.
Artie was sitting next to Tina and she was leaning against him as they talked to Mike. From what I could get from their conversation he was doing a film/dance project with his friends from school and they had been posting them online and seemed to be getting a pretty nice response.
"You like it?" I asked Brittany and as she looked up at me. I smiled because I was still having trouble believing that she was here, within arm's reach. I could reach out and touch her if I wanted to.
"Yeah! Its great! I didn't know that Finn could cook" she laughed taking another bite of her pancakes.
"Yeah his mom made him take a cooking course. As much as he hated it then I think he's glad he did it." I said nodding toward him. She looked over and saw what I saw. Finn was staring longingly at Rachel as she ate smiling and talking to Puck.
"What happened with those two?" she asked quietly.
"Well it's a long story but what it comes down to is he was unhappy in New York and she could tell. It just wasn't working out. So she broke it off with him and he moved back here."
She nodded as she took in the information. "It's too bad."
"Hey guys so I was thinking we should at some point this week go down to the McKinley. I still talk to Mr. Schue and I bet he would love to see you all." Finn proposed to everyone finally taking his eyes off Rachel.
No one needed any more convincing than that and as we finished eating and clearing the table Sam suggested that we all go swimming in the lake. "I mean it's there we might as well take advantage of it" he laughed and he got no arguments from everyone.
I headed up to my room to change into my bathing suit and was happy that this weekend was probably going to be better than I had originally expected.