That night, I couldn't sleep. It always happened, either on days that I cut, or days that I had gotten into a fight with Sebastian. Since I had done both of those things in one day, I had twice as much trouble sleeping.

But once I managed to get to sleep, it didn't last. I was a light sleeper, and the commotion I heard coming from the main part of the house was enough to wake me up.

I had the sudden thought of getting out of bed and seeing what was going on, but I was too annoyed to do so.

When I woke up the next morning, a Holiday, I was in a particularly crappy mood. Not that I was ever in a good mood, but some days, it was worse than usual. I wanted to just lie there in bed, but I knew I couldn't. So, I got up out of bed and got dressed. I started to walk toward the main part of the house, but I felt as though I was forgetting something.

Ah, I realized. My gloves.

I always wore gloves, especially when I had new cuts, or cuts close to my wrists. Long sleeves also worked. I had to cover up my scars, otherwise I people would see, and I would get sent away to a hospital in the capital. As much as I hated living in Trampoli, living in a cell in a hospital would be much worse.

I shuddered, trying not to think about it. I pulled on the gloves, and walked out of my room toward the dining room.

Dad, Mom, and Ella were sitting at the table, eating happily. I stopped abruptly as I noticed that my grandparents weren't there.

"Where are Grandma and Grandpa?" I asked.

"Oh, look," Ella muttered. "Gunie's actually caring about people."

For whatever reason, that really pissed me off. I slammed my fist down on the table so hard that tears briefly stung my eyes.

"Fuck!" I cried. After that, I mentally slapped myself for showing that I was in pain.

"If you're going to behave like this," Dad said. "Then you need to go do something else." I scowled.

"Fine," I replied.

I felt surprised, since I usually didn't do well with requests like that. More often than not, those situations led me to feeling angry to the point of violence. I shuddered as I remember the time I threw a book through a window and got glass all over the floor. I was lucky that it was the floor, though, and not someone's eye.

My best guess was that my subconscious mind wasn't happy with the idea of me being physically restrained that day.

I grabbed a book off the bookshelf, not caring which one it was, and sat down next to the fireplace. I was dismayed upon realizing that I had grabbed a book that I knew from experience was boring, but I didn't want to get up to get a new one, so I opened it up and started to read.

A few pages later, I started hearing footsteps come down the stairs. I looked up, and saw Grandma and Grandpa, but also, a person I had never seen in my life.

It was a girl about my age, from what I could tell, and she looked like she was on something. She was skinny, almost to the point of looking unhealthy, but I quickly forgot that as I saw the huge bruise on her head, the stitches in her leg, and the bandages around her ankle. Grandma and Grandpa seemed to be helping her along, and once they were down the stairs, the girl took a pair of crutches that were propped up against the wall.

I had the sudden thought of returning to my incredibly boring book, but I couldn't take my eyes off that strange girl. As she drew nearer, I could see how red her hair was, her pointed elf ears, and her blue-green eyes. She was like no one I'd ever seen before, that was for damn sure.

I furrowed my brow as I realized that my heart was pounding. That never happened unless I was in a fight with someone at home, or when I knew Sebastian was about to knock the crap out of me. I found that frustrating, and tried to focus on my book.

Suddenly, Grandma clapped her hands, and I scowled. Clapping was a little much for a family breakfast, but Grandma was…strange, putting it mildly.

"Everyone!" she said grandly. "As you know, we have a special guest as of last night. This is Ria, and she will be staying with us until…how long will you stay?"

I didn't know anything about this, I thought.

"Until I can find out where my father lives," she replied. "Or until I get better."

There it was, my heart pounding again. There was something about her voice that I liked; it almost had a musical quality to it. I could tell she was a singer.

Like me, I thought. Even though I hated to show it, I loved music. I could play the organ and the piano decently, but my real passion was singing. Of course, nobody could know that, since Sebastian would beat me up in five seconds flat if he found out.

"All right, then!" Grandma exclaimed. "So, if you could all introduce yourselves-" Of course, Ella stood up immediately. She adored girls that were older than she was, and thought of every single one she met as an older sister. The only exception to that rule was Amy.

"I'm Ella!" she cried. She sat down, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I had almost expected her to ask Ria to be her best friend or something, and I was glad she didn't. I briefly looked up from my book, which I was only pretending to read at that point, and saw that Mom and Dad looked kind of annoyed.

They continued with their introductions, and I decided to try and actually read the book. Due to my high level of distractibility, the words eventually became nothing more than blurs on the pages, and I just stared at them.

"Hey Gunie," Dad said, managing to make me refocus on what was going on. "Why don't you come over here and introduce yourself as well?"

It always kind of pissed me off to be brought out of my zoned-out state, whether I was thinking or not. I felt my cheeks redden, and I threw the boring book down so hard that my glasses got a little crooked. I quickly pushed them back up the bridge of my nose.

"Dad," I said coldly. "My name is not Gunie. And I'm sick of being called that, so don't tell her those kinds of lies."

I saw Ria raise an eyebrow at me, and I wasn't sure if she was amused, irritated, or just a little surprised. I realized that I was acting like a toddler with a bad temper, and I felt my cheeks get a little redder, but I tried to ignore it. I figured I could always apologize, but that would just make me look weak. There was no turning back.

"But you've been Gunie since you were a baby," Mom said.

"Yes," Grandma added. "We'd call you that, and you would laugh and laugh, and then-"

"Just because I happen to be named Raguna," I interrupted. "And just because I am the second Raguna does not mean that I need to be given a nickname that belittles me. Honestly, even 'Big Raguna' and 'Little Raguna' would be fine." I paused, making sure to look contemptuously at all of them. "I'm going back to my book. Try not to bother me so much."

I continued to half-listen as Grandma offered Ria some breakfast, and Ella gushed about her. Apparently, I had jumped the gun with being relieved that Ella hadn't done anything embarrassing. But when she called Ria "pretty", my cheeks, which had just returned to their normal color, turned red once again. I was about to take my goddamn book to my face, I was so frustrated with myself! What the hell was wrong with me? To mask my sense of panic, I forced my face into its usual scowl and tried to make some sort of disrespectful sound. Unfortunately, it came out almost like a snort.

"What's the matter, Gunie?" Mom asked. "Don't you think she's pretty?"

That one caught me off-guard. I was a quick thinker, though, and thank goodness for it. So, I decided to keep spewing out rude comments.

"Please, Mom," I replied, a smirk creeping onto my face. "Don't set the girl up for disappointment. You wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings."

"Gunie!" Ella shouted. I saw Ria wince in pain, for some reason. "You're a big fat jerk, you know that?"

"I'm not sure I know," I replied. "Also, that's not even the worst insult I've ever heard, so unless you do it intelligently, I won't take offense."

"Hmph!" Ella muttered with a scowl on her face.

Ella was more cooperative than most eight-year-olds I'd heard of when it came to leaving me alone, so she didn't bother me too much after that. However, something else started bothering me.

One of my "tragic flaws", as the literary experts would say, was the fact that even the sight of turnips made me feel sick. I had no idea why, but that was true. And as the turnip smell filled the air, I got even angrier than I had been.

Grandma set a plate – which I could tell contained an omelet filled with turnips – in front of Ria, and gleefully said that she hoped she liked turnips. I grimaced at the very thought, even though Ria seemed content.

"'I hope you like turnips' is right," I muttered. "Grandma doesn't know how to cook anything else."

"Gunie!" Mom cried in shock.

Why the hell is she so surprised? I wondered. I usually act like a jackass, don't I?

"Don't call me that," I replied, mocking her surprised tone of voice.

Dad stood up.

"If you don't haul ass upstairs," he said. "You're not going to be able to feel it by tomorrow. Now go." For a brief minute, I considered flinching and telling him not to hit me "again". Of course, Dad had never laid a hand on me, but I thought that it might be funny, at least for me. In the end, I decided against it, so I smirked, and started walking up the stairs.

As soon as everyone was out of my line of sight, I scowled. Normally, I would have just gone to my room, but if I didn't go upstairs, there would be hell to pay. At first, I hoped that I wasn't being forced to go up there because they had figured out I had been cutting again. But then, I remembered that Mom and Dad had recently turned the attic into a room where I could go to calm down when I was angry. I hated that, though. It made me feel like I was already in an insane asylum.

I went up the ladder to get to the attic, and sighed. For a few minutes, I just sat there, trying to figure out what to do. I scanned the room several times, but finally, I saw a little, leather-bound book, exactly like my school notebook, and a pen lying on top of it. I stood up, and walked over to it, picked it up off the floor, and looked it over.

It was just a plain, blank book, but something about it felt…odd. It almost seemed like that book would help me accomplish something. Like it would lead me somewhere.

I frowned. What a stupid idea! How could a blank book help someone with something? Besides, I knew it was really narcissistic of me to think that I had some sort of psychic power.

Narcissistic…that word reminded me of the fact that I had my own mental illness. However, I had often read and heard that keeping a diary could be therapeutic. And blank books were usually meant to be used as diaries.

Besides, I thought. It'll be something to do.

Whether it was a good idea or not, I decided I would use that book for that exact purpose. Maybe, just maybe, it could help me get rid of the Sadness.

I'm alive!

Long time no update, huh? Well, now I have! *Dance*

Not much to say at the moment. Oh, yeah! As you may have noticed, Gunie has a potty mouth. So, from now on, there will be no bad language warnings. And expect violent images in later chapters.

And I've been really bored lately, so feel free to communicate with me!