Chapter 9

You feel the pain

~Chimera~

After that day I took a new interest in Malfoy, hence me looking at him at the moment, as he's, you guessed it, sleeping in Snape's class. Wow, probably the only one that could pull that off.

I don't understand how I could've been so opened to him last night. It felt strangely cathartic, probably that's how girls feel after a hen night.

Hm... you have to admit he is beautiful. His fringe falls over his closed eyes as his lips part murmuring something. Every bone in his face is so well shaped, every inch of skin is smooth and pale and immaculate; his eyelashes are long and dark despite his white blonde hair; his lips rosy and sensual; and his hands… oh, his hands.

SNAP out of it, GRANGER!

I'm sure this is just a side effect of missing him. I mean, it's not like Malfoy is more beautiful than he is. Well… maybe the grey eyes…and the white hair… but that's all, plus, he cares for me, whereas Malfoy hates me with all his might.

Next to him, I can see Pansy looking at him longingly, poor pug faced slut, she really is whipped, isn't she? Look at her, her 90 pounds, 5 foot 6, precious pureblood frame. She even had that stupid nose redone, so now she looked like a model. I hated her. She was perfect, a perfect little shiny doll.

Lets all face it, I envied her. Who wouldn't? I always try to convince myself and others that being smart is above being pretty, or in this case drop dead gorgeous, but in my mind, in the darkest corner of it, I know I'm not actually believing what I am saying. How could I, when I, myself, am attracted to beautiful men? Appearance counts… a lot, I would not delude myself, but I can't be like her, I don't have, neither the body, nor the confidence to be like her. I am simple, like hundreds of other girls out there that buy witch weekly and stare at the front picture of Malfoy, heartthrob of the last what, 5 years?… yeah, I'm just like them, another faceless face in the crowd.

But… I didn't stare at Malfoy…No, not me!

Merlin…I'm staring.

3

I have to figure out what he's doing in that goddamn room.

Maybe I should just knock and ask if I could come in.

Uh, I amuse myself most of the time.

Strangely enough, as I spy on him, from under Harry's invisibility cloak (no, he doesn't know I took it) I can't see Crabbe and Goyle, only two second year Ravenclaws, or some other house. But as I look at the map, Crabbe and Goyle bullets are the only ones on the floor.

So Malfoy is smart enough to brew Polyjuice. Can't say I didn't expect it. Now the only problem is, Polyjuice takes time to brew, so either this has been on the agenda even before coming here, or he had a batch of it lying away somewhere, highly unlikely. So this is something planned to the very detail.

I again think I should tell Harry, this seems dangerous, but my gut tells me to stick to my promise. I'll confront him in 5 days time, when I see him. For now, though, I should probably keep a closer watch on Malfoy while he isn't in that room, maybe I can find out what he's plotting. I can't very well get past dumb and dumber, and then face the devil himself.

3

No luck finding out anything.

I'm seeing Malfoy again tonight, and tomorrow I'm going to see him. I can't help but be anxious. I even spent half an hour rummaging through my closet so I could find something nice to wear. I'm still supposed to wear the school uniform, but I though I'd spice it up a bit, throw in a pair of kitten heels and a shorter skirt. Never hurts to try, does it? Actually, after my inspection of Pansy I have decided that maybe I could spare half an hour a day to try and tame my hair and put on a bit of eyeliner. I am after all a seventeen year old, girls these days start using makeup at the age of twelve, ergo, I think I am allowed to use a bit of eyeliner and some mascara.

I glance in a window on my way to see Malfoy. I look a bit pale. I pinch my cheeks, and blood comes flowing into them making them a rosy peach. Then I almost slap myself for caring this much about a STUDY date.

I walk in the library all bossy and determined to see this over and done with so I can go back to my room and have a good nights rest before tomorrow when I am supposed to see the man I truly like.

'Oh, there you are, I was beginning to think you weren't going to come. I even had a coffee so I could be more awake today' he says gesturing to the empty cup.

'What, no sordid remarks?'

'Well, I was going to say something about your hair being a bird's nest, but somehow you're a step ahead of me.'

Was that supposed to be a compliment?

'Guess now's my cue to call you a Mudblood. So, Mudblood, what's on the table today?'

Somehow that didn't sound like an insult, somehow it sounded as if I expected him to insult me, and he felt obliged to do so, just to keep up our routine, and most importantly, somehow, he knew I wouldn't lash out at him, which only comes to prove that our sick and twisted relationship has evolved to something sicker and more twisted than it was before, only for the fact that we now seemed to get along.

I pull out my transfiguration book and the tests that I have for today. He pulls out his book, and we get down to business.

3

'Wonderful work, as always, I shall speak to McGonagall, see if I can get her to let you off the hook'

'I'd appreciate that.' He says still sitting. 'So, who's the guy?'

I get my head out of my magically expanded bag and look at him like a deer caught in the headlights. 'What?'

'Not what, who?'

'What are you talking about?'

'Come on, Granger, the hair, the almost invisible makeup that I am sure you just can't get to a bathroom quickly enough to take it off, because it's bothering you, the fitted shirt, the…'

'It doesn't bother me, I …'

'Please, Granger, don't insult my intelligence, I've been playing nice all night, don't spoil it, you're eye's been twitching for the last hour, you clearly feel uncomfortable wearing makeup. Is it that guy that got into a fight with me?'

'No, of course not, I haven't seen him since, plus, there doesn't have to be a guy. Can't I just try to feel good about myself?'

'By making you feel worse?'

'God, Malfoy, you really know how to burst my bubbles, don't you? All the girls wear makeup, why can't I? Because I'm too nerdy to, or is it because it looks bad on me whatever I do?'

'I didn't say it looked bad.'

'Well then, what's the problem? I don't see you complaining when you see pansy wearing makeup'

'So this is about a guy' he says smirking.

'Noo!'

'Oky, Granger, have it your way. A free piece of advice, though, Pansy looks like crap in the morning, so if you're really gonna go all girly, than know that despite what we want to see before we fuck you, after we fuck you, if we stick around, it'd be lovely to wake up to a beautiful woman sitting next to us.'

I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn't find the words. This was Malfoy opening up to me for the second time around. I just nodded my head stiffly and then exited the library.

I went to sleep, thinking about Malfoy's words. Basically he was telling me that whatever I do, it's bloody hard to be everything for a man.

3

I woke up this morning feeling hazy. Something was up, my magical aura was just on a roll, making my hair frizzier, like it wasn't bad enough. I spent half an hour trying to tame the stupid thing, but I just couldn't get it to sit right. I finally give up it's still better than on most days, but still not what I wanted it to look like. I don't even have time to put makeup on now.

I fly out the door, and run for the stairs. I'm going to be late.

I arrive at the bathroom, out of breath. I take some time to adjust my breathing and straighten my skirt and shirt. If it weren't for the kitten heels I would have gotten here a lot faster.

So here goes nothing. I enter the bathroom and immediately have a bad feeling. i hear a faint gasping sound and I make my way further in.

As I glance, from behind a stall, I can see a boy perched over a sink, his white blond hair stands out like nothing else, and again, the same sound comes from him. But now I recognize it. It's not a gasp, it's a sob. There is something so terrifying about Malfoy crying, it's something I never though I'd see.

I silently approach him putting a hand on his shoulder. He spins around and grabs me by my arms, painfully digging his nails into them. I wince, but otherwise do not say anything. He's looking at me, with desperate, bloodshot eyes, tears marring his perfect face. So much pain… the same pain. My pain.

And then he kisses me. It's hurried and angry and sloppy, but it's the best kiss of my life, so I let him, because I know how he feels and I would give anything to take the pain away.

I soon find myself on the sink, my legs straddling his lower frame, my hands in his hair, his hands up my shirt. It feels so good, so right so it can't be wrong, can it?

I pull him forward and embrace him 'I'm here' I tell him 'And I'm not going'.

3

As I lay in his arms, still perched on the sink, holding him tightly, I can't help but wonder how it would have been like if we would have had sex in normal circumstances… not that I regret it.

His body's still shaking, maybe with tears, maybe with pants, I'm not sure. I move my hand over his back, soothingly, pecking his neck. I feel him trying to talk so I stop, giving him time.

'They killed her' he rasps out. 'They said I wasn't going fast enough… so they killed her'

I had gathered as much. His mother…the same pain.

He pulls back and looks at me with pleading eyes 'Tell me I can do something to bring her back, tell me there's a book. Tell me she's not gone.'

I feel my heart shatter. I look at him straight in the eyes 'I'm sorry, Draco.'

'No…no…'

I adjust our clothes quickly and grab his hand.

'Let me help you'

'I don't need your help' he snarls.

I feel hurt for a moment but I can understand.

'I know you don't need it, I know you don't want it, but I'm asking. Please let me be there for you' I try to grab his hand again, but he pulls it back.

'Get away from me you filthy Mudblood!'

'I know it hurts! They killed my parents too!' I half yell. 'You can't think straight, so let me take care of you, we have to ensure your safety, they'll come after you now, I can't let that happen'

He slid down a stall door. 'let them find me. They already killed me, Granger' he says lifting his sleeve. 'the moment I got this I knew I was dead'

The Dark Mark was looking at me, if possible even more evil against his pale skin.

' You're not a death eater' I said firmly.

'When you use that tone of voice, who's not to believe you, Granger' he mocked 'But how do you explain the tattoo then?'

'You're not! You are a student, you are a boy, but you are not a Death Eater. You're Draco. Now get up. We're going to see Dumbledore.'

He looked at me for what seemed like hours before he finally stood. I walked by him the entire way to Dumbledore's office, and then started reciting candy names for the next hour, but now we're finally here, in Dumbledore's office, where nothing could harm us, because we have Dumbledore.

a/n: ah, there we go, another one. Next one will be up at the end of July, until then either read my other stories, or check my favourite authors, I love their works, and god bless them for being better updaters than me. *chuckles*. Now then, any thoughts?