Lana awoke. She was curled up and her feet were cold. She'd been on top of the sleeping bag and had pulled the blanket around her, but she still shivered. The rising sun gave light enough to see by, but the campsite was still in the shade.
For a moment, she was confused. What was she doing here? Then the previous day's events flooded in, and she moaned. My plane crashed. Clark was here. Clark is an alien. Clark is one of them. She sat up, grimacing at her stiffness. She looked down the lakeshore; Clark sat there, apparently not having moved since last night. Her mind clamored, wanting her to think about everything. She ruthlessly shoved her thoughts down into a dark closet and looked down the lake again at Clark. He didn't move. She got up and stretched. I can't think about this right now. I really have to pee.
Coming out of the forest, she checked for the fiftieth time to see that she was still holding the meteor rock. It had become a talisman of sorts, a magic ring that guaranteed that the alien wouldn't hurt her.
It was a shock then, when she heard Clark's voice. She flinched as she heard him say, "I made some breakfast for you." She hesitated, then continued walking towards the campsite, grasping the meteor rock more tightly. "I'm going down the lake. I won't come near you." His words gave her some relief; she would not have to face him.
Lana's stomach growled at the scent of the meal in the mess tin. Since being with Lex, she'd become accustomed to gourmet meals. This meal was hardly gourmet, and the presentation was, politely put, sub-par, but as she spooned it down, she thought it was the best thing she'd ever tasted. She swallowed the hot tea, feeling a little less chilled.
Then she sat, empty. What to do now? Her frantic fear of the night before had subsided into a cold dread. She walked back over to the sleeping bag and sat down on it. Things had changed. She forced herself to face it.
Clark isn't human. Oh God. She thought about knowing him, the boy next door, for most of her life. She cast her mind back to their days in grade school together; in retrospect, he hadn't shown any strange abilities then. Things hadn't gotten weird till high school.
Lana considered what this might mean. The Kents must know about him, she thought, then mentally kicked herself. Of course they do, they're his parents! She felt angry at the Kents – how could they harbor an alien? Didn't they know what the aliens were like?
She sat there, not seeing the sun's rising and its travel over the lake surface as the morning passed. She obsessively reviewed their interactions over the past few years – the attraction in freshman year, obscured by her relationship with Whitney. Then the slow growth of romantic feeling through sophomore year. She realized now why that year had been marked with odd events. Then the disaster that was her broken leg, gotten when she tried to help Lex at Clark's behest, the weeks of rehab. She'd told Clark they had to break it off then, and he'd respected that. She'd gone to Paris and met Jason, but in the end, had realized Jason's ulterior motives and had gone back to Clark.
The second meteor shower and the aliens had changed something in her. She realized that there were things out there, things that might kill her easily, things that saw her as an insignificant annoyance, an insect to be brushed away. She'd clung to Clark, reaching greedily for life after almost losing hers. For a few months they'd had a wonderful life, a charmed romance. Clark seemed carefree. He'd been a gentle and considerate lover….her mind sheered off into panic.
"Oh God…I slept with that thing!"
She leaned over and vomited up her breakfast.
Clark sat on the lake shore, stealing glances at Lana. After eating the breakfast, she'd sat down on the sleeping bag and just sat there, staring into space, doing nothing. At first she glanced at him every few minutes, but now she'd not looked at him for over an hour.
Clark sighed. He wanted to stand up and move around, but he was afraid that if he made movements that attracted her attention, that she would be frightened again. Right now he'd take the reduction in frequency of wary glances as a positive sign.
He was worried. Their food was limited. Lana was pregnant, and although he didn't know a thing about obstetrics, she looked to him like she was ready to pop. He'd counted on getting her out of here in a few days, carrying her out at normal human speed, but now she'd be freaking out if he came near her. Not only that, she had kryptonite, so she could enforce the "no-Clark zone."
Clark deliberately didn't let himself think about how Lana acted, pushing him away, the frantic expression of fear on her face, her voice screaming at him. Apparently fifteen years of friendship and five years of romantic interest didn't matter at all. Worse than that had been her looking at him like he was a thing, not a person. Sure, he wasn't human, but he'd grown accustomed to being treated like one. It was chilling. He knew if he let himself think about it, he'd come close to weeping.
His stomach growled. He looked down at it and growled back. He felt a little hungry, but there was no way he was going to eat any of the food he'd packed. He was saving that for Lana. Ever since the solar flare episode, he'd thought that his powers came from the sun. One time he'd tested out this theory by going without eating for four days. He certainly had an appetite and dove into his mother's cooking when he let himself eat again, but he didn't become weak or sick. He figured that he didn't need to eat now.
Now they were wasting time. Sure, the weather was good now, but who knew if it would continue that way? They really needed to get out, get back to civilization.
Clark looked down at his hands, obsessively working, pressing the lead from the fishing sinkers into a thin sheet. Lead was the only thing he knew of that would protect him from the kryptonite. He molded the lead into a vase-like cylinder.
Lana sat on the lake shore, not moving, just thinking. The initial horror had worn off. Now she felt alone, empty. Memories of Clark tumbled through her head – the two of them riding together through the green meadows of spring, Clark turning to her and laughing. Sharing coffee at the Talon. Eating dinner at the Kent house, Martha urging her to take more food. Working on the blood drive together.
"He said he had a problem with needles", Lana remembered, giving an ironic little smile, realizing now what the problem actually was. If bullets bounce off their skin, can a needle get through? But then she remembered that Clark had spent hours with her, scheduling people, arranging things. He seemed so normal then.
She looked down the lakeshore; Clark still sat quietly within her view, his back to her. A tiny feeling of shame came over her, mixed with a larger helping of dread. She was going to have to talk with him. He was alien. He wasn't of this Earth. But he was Clark. She'd known him for years. But did she really know him? He'd lied about this, what else had he lied about? Anger mixed with the fear and shame.
Lana made a motion to get up, then sat down again. She clenched her fist around the meteor rock. What am I going to do? After a night's sleep, she realized her situation hadn't changed. She was still stranded, still in the wilderness without food, without communications, compasses and maps. No one knew where she was, and she hadn't seen any search planes. She'd been so happy to see Clark at first. Now…things were different.
The baby moved. She looked down at her abdomen; incredible as it seemed, she'd forgotten about the baby for a few hours. What about my baby?
Caught amidst fear, shame, anger, and dread, she didn't know what to do. Lana bowed her head and sat on the beach, just thinking.
Clark listened. Lana's heartbeat continued the same. At least it had slowed down from the frantic tachycardia he'd heard last night. The baby's heartbeat remained strong and steady. He held the lead sheeting in his hand, looked at it, then looked over his shoulder at Lana. She sat, head down, not moving.
He squared his shoulders, sighed, and got up. Lana's head lifted. A nervous expression crossed her face. He slowly walked toward her campsite, keeping his arms at his sides, trying to remain as still as possible. It was like approaching a wild animal. She would flee at the first thing that scared her. Or maybe, protecting her baby, she would lash out.
Clark stopped about twenty-five feet away from her, feeling just a twinge of nausea from the kryptonite.
"Lana. We have to talk." He said it softly, slowly.
She looked up at him, said nothing, cradled her abdomen, looked down again. .
"Lana. Please." He kept his tone even. No answer.
"Please, Lana. We have to think about what to do. I just want to talk with you. Nothing else." She looked at him again. The fear on her face pained him. "I promise I won't hurt you." He was sad that he even had to say this to Lana.
"Clark." The word dragged out of her mouth.
He remained still, didn't move a muscle, gave her an encouraging smile.
"Clark." She repeated his name, then got up stiffly. "Clark." Lana made as if to take a step toward him, then stood rocking on her feet, not moving. He could hear her breathing grow faster, coming in tiny gasps.
"Lana, how are you doing? Are you OK?" he couldn't stop himself from asking.
"I'm fine", she said dully. She looked at him, straightened her shoulders, and took a few steps towards him, reluctance on her face. Clark could hear her heart racing again. Sadly, he realized that Lana feared him; she was forcing herself to move towards him. Later on, after talking with her, and considering it from her point of view, Clark realized it was one of the bravest things she'd ever done. Then the kryptonite pain became worse, and he stepped back.
Lana looked at him in surprise as he moved back. She took another step forward; he took another step back.
Time to get it out in the open, if she didn't see it last night. "The meteor rock hurts me", he called to her.
Lana looked at the rock in her hand. She was afraid to put it down. But she had to talk to Clark. She stopped, incapable of deciding what to do.
"Lana, I have a case to put the meteor rock in. It'll protect me if you keep it pointed away from me. If you get worried, if you want to protect yourself, you can point it at me and I'll have to leave." He brandished the lead case.
"What?" she asked.
"The meteor rock gives off radiation that's harmful", he explained slowly and carefully. "It keeps me away."
She looked dubious. Clark knew she was afraid of him. She doesn't want to put down her protection, he thought.But how could they talk, how could she see his face, if he had to stay thirty feet away from her? How could he convince Lana that he meant no harm?
Clark got an idea. "Lana, think about the baby", he said earnestly. "You know that meteor rock exposure isn't a good idea. Look at all the meteor freaks in Smallville. Do you want your baby to be one of them?"
Lana stopped, thunderstricken. It was true. The horrifying realization sent chills through her. What a choice. Be without a weapon against the alien, or condemn her baby. She stood, frozen in indecision for a moment.
Clark's posture was what finally tipped the balance. He stood with the sun behind him. The bright light came from behind a cloud, silhouetting him, making it difficult for Lana to see his features. In that moment, Lana saw Jonathan Kent in the way Clark stood. Lana remembered Clark's father standing that same way, smiling; she remembered feeling safe with Mr. Kent.
"What do you want me to do?" she called to Clark.
Clark gave a sigh of relief. Keeping his voice calm, he called, "Walk back to the forest, holding onto the meteor rock. I'll come to the campsite and put this near your sleeping bag. Then I'll move away. You come and put the meteor rock in the case. Keep the open end of the case pointed away from the baby."
She nodded, and began moving back. Clark waited until she was a good distance away, then slowly walked to the campsite. This was no time for super-speed. He set the lead case down, walked away more quickly. As Lana emerged from the forest, he could feel the aura of the kryptonite. It came as a physical relief when she put the rock into the lead shielding.
Lana stood near the sleeping bag, the shielded meteor rock between her and the fire. Clark called, "I'm coming now!" He could see her tremble.
He walked even more slowly towards her, keeping his eyes locked with hers. Clark could hear her breathing speed up, her heart rate increase, feel the air vibrations of her shaking. She seemed ready to bolt as he neared the fire. Lana's hand, holding the lead-encased kryptonite, shook; the fine tremors grew larger as Clark approached.
"Lana." Clark circled around the fire, keeping it between himself and Lana, again moving slowly and carefully. Standing, he realized he could be perceived as looming over her; he deliberately sat down on the ground, hoping this would be a less intimidating posture. "Thank you." They stared at each other in silence for a moment.
"Do you want me to get some wood for the fire?" Clark asked, hoping that talk of chores would ease them into the tougher conversation.
"That's OK, you don't have to", Lana said. "Thank you for offering." Strange how one remembered polite small talk even when the world was turned upside down around oneself. She licked her lips, swallowed, and shifted her weight from one foot to the other.
Lana looked over at Clark. He sat quietly at the fire. She remembered the other aliens – how fast they'd moved, how strong their grip had been. I can't get away from him. Even if I could run, he's faster than I am. She stood a little straighter, took a deep breath, and said, "What are you going to do to me?"
Clark's eyes widened in surprise. "What?"
Lana avoided his gaze as she said, "Those other aliens were going to kill me. They did kill a lot of other people. Now that I know your secret—" she couldn't continue.
She looked up and saw a great sadness on his face. "Lana, I'm not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you."
Fear transmuted to anger. "Too bad your alien friends didn't feel the same way", she said.
"They're not my friends!" Clark said heatedly, almost shouting. He toned down his voice when he saw her flinch. "They're just people from the same place I am. They're not my friends!" He forced himself to calm down, remain sitting, staying still. "People that try to hurt you are not my friends!" He looked away, then said more quietly, "That's why I took care of them."
Lana's eyes widened. She ignored his last statement. "The same place you came from?" she repeated. A little curiosity wormed its way up out of the blanket of dread.
Clark sighed. The fire had burned down to coals. "You remember when you asked me if I believed in life on other planets?"
Lana nodded. How ironic it seemed now.
Clark echoed her thoughts. "You had no idea how ironic I found that question. I'm from a planet called Krypton."
Lana felt weak in the knees. She'd suspected, known, but hearing Clark confirm it from his own lips…she sat down.
"Go on", she said.
He in turn seemed nervous. "I was sent here when I was a baby. My parents – I mean my adoptive parents – found me and my spaceship on the day of the meteor shower. They took me in and raised me."
"The day of the meteor shower?" Lana said. All she could seem to do was repeat things Clark had said. A vast emptiness woke in her. "My parents…."
Clark looked even sadder. "That's one reason I never wanted to tell you", he confessed. "My home planet was destroyed. The meteors are fragments of it. I didn't cause it, but I came with the meteor shower."
She could hardly hear him. A roaring arose in her ears, and she felt faint. She put her head down. "My parents…."
"I'm sorry, Lana", he said gravely.
She burst into tears. The events of the day crowded in on her, her emotions at a peak. She cried for her lost parents, for the years spent without them, the times she'd been pointed out as "the orphan, that kid on the cover of Time magazine". She cried for the years of aloneness, of not belonging.
She cried, too, for the loss of Clark. Their old life together was over. It was not just their breakup and her marriage to Lex. This was a different sundering, a knowledge that he was not of Earth, that he was alien. She cried at the knowledge that she could never love him the same way again.
Clark stood as she sobbed, made an abortive movement towards her. He settled for handing her a tissue as she cried in big racking gasps. He shuffled awkwardly, wanting to comfort her, but afraid of her rejection, afraid of her being afraid of him. Lana trailed off to a few sniffles.
He looked at her, and wordlessly handed her another tissue. She gave him a weak smile of thanks, wiping her eyes and then blowing her nose.
"Will you walk with me?" Clark asked softly, gesturing down the lakefront. He extended his hand.
Lana stared at his hand for a moment, then got up without his aid. An exhausted stillness filled her. Clark put his hand down, stepped a short distance away, facing her. They stood for a moment in silence. His lips tightened as she picked up the lead cylinder containing the kryptonite, but he said nothing.
She took a few steps, not looking at Clark. He fell into step at her side and they began a slow walk down the lakefront.
Clark said nothing as they walked. Lana stole a glimpse at him; he looked straight ahead, his expression serious. Sunlight streamed across the lake surface, a small ripple of water sending reflections all around.
"Clark…" she said quietly.
"Yes?" His voice was just above a murmur.
"Who are you anyway?" she asked plaintively.
He didn't answer for a moment, then turned and looked her in the eye. She noted how green his eyes seemed at this moment – strong, piercing. "I'm a man who cares about you", he said.
Lana looked away. "Are you really?" She resumed walking. "I thought I knew Clark Kent. And now it turns out that he has this whole other side to him…" Suddenly she was full of rage. She turned to him and began hitting him, raining her fists against his chest. "How could you do this? How come you didn't tell me? How could we be together?"
Clark stood still, absorbing the blows, making no move to defend himself. He waited until her bout of fury diminished and she stopped hitting him, lowering her arms, a defeated expression on her face, tired. He said nothing for a moment. Then he turned and started walking again; Lana kept pace.
He gave a little smile. "I can understand that you'd be freaked out", he said. "I was when I found out what I was." He looked at her; saw incomprehension on her face.
"I didn't find out I was an alien till I was fourteen." He swallowed, his eyes not seeing the present, obviously remembering the past. Lana made a small questioning noise.
"I mean, I knew that I was strong, and fast, but I didn't know why. Then, one day, my father came and told me it was time for the truth." Deliberately, Clark didn't mention the whole Lex-and-the-Porsche-on-the-bridge incident. "He told me that I wasn't exactly from….here."
Despite her fragile grip on her emotions, Lana gave a small smile at the tone of his voice. Clark looked back at her and smiled a bit in return.
"That was the night I met you in the cemetery", he said. "I'd just had my whole world turned upside down. Then I saw you talking to your parents—" he grimaced at her look of pain, obviously not wanting to remind her of her loss – "and you helped me get through it. Even if you didn't know you did."
Lana remembered that night, twilight in the cemetery, turning behind her to see Clark, silhouetting an angel statue so that it looked as if he had wings. She remembered their quiet conversation that night that had led to so many more conversations through the years.
"Go on", she said.
""I had all these special abilities. I learned to use them more all the way through high school. I wanted to tell you. But I was afraid."
She didn't look at him, kept walking. Mixed with her surprise at hearing that he himself hadn't known was a tiny feeling of shame. Shame, that she hadn't been a good enough friend that he felt he could confide in her. Shame, in knowing that he was right to be afraid about the way she would react.
Clark continued. "I was afraid that you would see me differently." His voice was rough, the words uneven. "We went through high school. I grew to love you so much." He looked down, not wanting her to see his face. "I tried to help you."
Lana walked on, then stopped as she thought about that last statement. "Help me?"
Clark stopped too, turned to face her. Diffidently, he said, "Well, if you got into trouble, I would try to help you out." He scuffed one foot on the ground.
Images ran through Lana's mind, improbable escapes and strange events now explained. She'd had so many narrow escapes from what looked like certain disaster…She picked one memory at random. "That time Adam Knight was shooting at me and I called you at the Youth Center?"
Clark said quietly, "I really am faster than a speeding bullet." He started walking again, not saying more. Her mind awhirl, Lana took a few quick steps to catch up.
Certainty crystallized in her mind. "You've been helping other people, too, haven't you?" she demanded. "Chloe, Pete….Lex?"
He nodded.
Lana grasped his upper arm, stopping him. She looked up at him. "Why?"
"Because I can." Clark faced her squarely. "If you had the power to help someone, you would do it too. I know you would."
"I wonder if I really would, Clark", she said, dazed. Memory flooded her mind; how many weird things had gone down in Smallville? She thought of how many times Clark had been there. How many people had he saved? "I don't know if I could do what you've done." They walked on for awhile in silence, Lana thinking. Clark didn't say anything, taking his long slow steps.
They continued their slow walk down the lakefront. Lana grew aware of her aching feet. This far into her pregnancy, it was no joke to go on a half-mile walk, especially on irregular terrain. She gestured at a log. "Can we sit down?"
Clark looked at her, concerned. "Are you OK?"
"I just need to sit down for a minute." She sat down and set the lead-encased kryptonite at her feet.
"Do you want something to drink?" he asked.
She ran her tongue over dry lips, realized that yes, she was thirsty. "Did you bring a water bottle with you?"
"Not exactly." He smiled. "I'll get some for you, if you won't be freaked out."
"Freaked out?" Now she was nervous.
"One cup of water coming up." There was a blur, a gust of wind, and he stood in front of her holding the cup from the mess kit, full of water. It looked cool and appetizing. She reached for it.
"Wait a minute. That's lake water. Let me boil it first." Clark stared at the cup; steam rose from it and in a few seconds the water boiled. Lana saw his eyes – they almost looked red. Despite herself, she shrank away a little. "Then let's cool it down…" he blew on the cup; fantastically, the steam was replaced by frost. He handed her the cup. Lana stared at it, not taking it from his hand.
"Take it", Clark said, encouragingly.
Lana, trembling, reached for the cup, lifted it, held it.
"Go ahead", Clark said.
Lana lifted the cup to her lips and drank. The water was cool and refreshing.
"Um…that was…interesting…" Lana said. Her surprise and let's face it, fear, made it difficult for her to talk. "The last time I saw – what would you call it? the heat vision thing – the aliens from the black ship were using it to toast helicopters and burn up police officers."
Clark looked chagrined. "I'm sorry", he said. "I should have realized…" His voice became resolute. "I hope you know I would never do anything like that." He said in a softer tone, "Now that you know…I wanted to show you some things. I don't want to scare you."
She nodded. This new Clark Kent seemed much like the old one. Now that they were actually talking, she wanted to ask him questions.
Her hands ached where she had hit Clark. It was like pounding on steel. Lana thought back to the aliens in the black ship. The police shot them and the bullets bounced off. "You're bulletproof, too, aren't you?" Lana asked.
"Yes." Clark said it softly.
She thought back to a memorable night. "When you came to me that night in the Talon…"
"What?" He obviously remembered that night too, no additional description needed. The night their love became physical.
"Your lip was cut." She remembered kissing the swollen area, re-starting the bleeding.
Clark gave a sigh. Suddenly he looked much sadder. "That's a long story."
"We're stuck right here for awhile."
"Well…" he seemed disinclined to start. Then, under the pressure of her unblinking stare, he started talking.
"When I came to you that night, I had, um…renounced…my powers." He swallowed. "I was human then."
Lana felt a vast surprise.
Clark continued. "I could be hurt then. Physically, I mean." He lifted his hand, moved it to hers. She didn't pull away; he held her hand. "Those were the best months of my life, when I was with you. I was human. I wasn't some freak. I fit in." He looked her in the eye. "I thought about getting married, about having children…" he broke off.
"What happened, Clark?" Lana asked softly.
"I got shot." The words fell flatly. "I died. You remember that day."
"I do." Even now, a year or more after the event, she could recall her desolation, the sheer sense of unfairness at his life being cut off, their time together truncated so abruptly.
"I…came back. But my human life was dead." A pause. "That was the price." His words, barely whispered, touched her. "I had to be…what I am… now." He withdrew his hand from hers, put his head in his hands.
Lana thought about touching him on the shoulder, settled for clasping her hands together. "Clark…"
He lifted his head. "Didn't you wonder? Wonder about what happened? How come you never said anything?"
Lana sighed. She certainly had wondered. Clark's body had been lifeless in the hospital bed. Then it was missing. Hours later, she'd come to the Kents' house to commiserate with Mr. and Mrs. Kent. She couldn't believe her eyes when Clark walked into view. How could he be alive? He'd held her close, saying nothing, almost crying as he hugged her. She remembered the burned smell in her nostrils, the roughness of his ragged jacket rubbing on her as he held her.
"I figured it was a miracle. I was just happy that you were alive. I actually didn't want to think about it too much. But then things changed after that…"
Clark gave a tiny, bitter grin. "Now you know why." His voice showed his regret. "I had to go back to keeping this secret from you, go back to lying to you."
Revelation encompassed her. "That's why you wouldn't make love to me!" Suddenly it made sense. Relief washed through her. It wasn't her fault. She wasn't to blame. All the late nights lying awake in bed, worrying about what was wrong with her…
"Yes." He stirred the sand at their feet with a small twig. "I was too afraid of hurting you. I'm so strong…"
Lana looked away and shivered as she suddenly understood the implications of his words.
Clark continued. "I couldn't be honest with you. I lied every day." He avoided her glance, dug aimlessly at the sand some more. His voice lowered. "I lost you." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."
Lana didn't know what to say. This new Clark, this vulnerable Clark, rocked the foundations of her world. "Clark…" she said, trailing off. If you'd told me, I'd have…what? Freaked out? She really didn't know.
Her heart beat rapidly. His tall strength sat next to her; she felt it. Slowly, Lana reached out and took his hand. Clark looked up, surprised, then lifted his lips in a shy smile. Lana lifted his hand closer to her face, examined it. The same fingers, so much longer than her own, the palm smooth despite his farm work. She took his other hand, her smaller hands dwarfed by his. Those hands had held her, caressed her, supported her. They look so…human.
They sat in silence for a long time, neither one wanting to talk, both lost in thought. Lana found herself looking back at the previous five years with Clark from a new viewpoint now. Slowly she grew easier with his presence, realizing that Clark could have done anything to her at any time – and he hadn't. Clark seemed content to sit by her, making no noise, letting her think; he said nothing, offered no conversational openings. She wondered what he was thinking right now.
Eventually Lana let go of his hands; Clark shrugged and moved a little closer to her. He cast a wary glance at the lead-encased meteor rock; the open end of the cylinder pointed away from him.
Lana continued staring out at the lake; the long northern summer twilight was approaching. They'd managed to kill the whole day dealing with Clark's revelation. A goose raised up in the water, batting its wings, calling out, honking.
"What now?" she asked softly.