Chapter 4

The Hazardous Entreaty

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After Finn had posted the "Lady Goth freak out" video on YouTube, Artie knew it was only a matter of time before Puck showed up at his house looking for help.

It had taken them awhile before they had reached the point in their relationship where they were tight, but after all the Geometry tutoring, vocal back ups, egg incidents, and a much begged rendition of Rebecca Black's "Friday" in a last ditch effort to win Britney back, it was fairly safe to say that Puck and Artie were each other's wingmen. And that was why the bespectacled teen wasn't even the least bit surprised when Puck busted into his room smack dab in the middle of one of Artie's more successful Halo campaigns (the jock's timing had always been terrible) and why the bespectacled teen was even less surprised when the words Puck started spewing out didn't have any apparent relevance to his current predicament.

It was just one of Puck's little quirks.

"I think Mike might be the Hulk," Puck declared once he thoroughly distracted Artie long enough to make him lose his first place ranking. The wheelchair-bound teen chose not to reply and frowned at the screen, trying to pull his score up. It was usually best to just let Puck get this stuff out of his system before he engaged in the conversation.

Behind him, the jock flopped onto his bed, unbothered by Artie's lack of response.

"Or maybe it's just Asians in general," he continued, and Artie could just picture his eyes glazing over as he pondered that idea, entertaining thoughts of giant green Asian people running around and smashing buildings. There was a brief moment of silence where Puck continued to daydream, but then he snapped himself out of it, coughing in an attempt to cover up his temporary mental leave.

"Mike was mad," he explained, and Artie's frown deepened, (because "Mike" and "mad" in the same sentence made about as much sense as "Rachel" and "popular" did). "And then he spread it onto Tina."

So the video wasn't the actual incident, it was just a repercussion.

Interesting.

Artie cleared his throat after several seconds of silence had passed, deciding to finally step in while simultaneously making a very satisfying headshot.

HeadlockQueen_20 was going down.

"So," he started casually, smirking as he reclaimed first place. "How did you make Mike mad?"

The snort of indignation Artie received at his question indicated that his hypothesis was correct, and he put the controller down, slowly withdrawing from the game and turning to face his distraction. This would require his complete and undivided attention.

HeadlockQueen_20 could have this round.

"I was just trying to follow the law," Puck lamented, throwing an arm across his eyes overdramatically, and Artie had to refrain from rolling his eyes at the exaggerated gesture.

"Pissing off Mike is following the law?" he asked sarcastically, and the other teen jerked his arm away from his face so that he could properly glare at Artie.

"No dipnut," Puck growled, pointing at him threateningly. "The legit law. Some cop said we had to get counseling which I thought was going to be easy but all Mike does is get mad, even when I'm not there."

And with that Puck threw his arm back across his face, thoroughly mourning the sad state of his world. Multiple questions barraged Artie after Puck's brief and unhelpful explanation, most of them along the lines of what the hell happened (in public) that was so loud and disruptive that a cop (a real cop, because Puck wouldn't bother himself if it wasn't and he had seen enough of them to recognize a true man in blue) would encourage Mike and Puck to seek counseling. When did this happen? How did he miss it? And why in God's name did Puck decide to start obeying the rules now?

Though really it had only been a matter of time before something like this happened, and to be honest, Artie was surprised it had taken this long. He had though the dam would burst some time around Regionals. It was almost like watching a documentary on Discovery Channel, studying how the two jocks interacted.

Upon first inspection, Puck and Mike's relationship was like that of any average male teen jock to his fellow average male teen jock. There was an alpha, and a follower, and as long as that balance remained intact all was well with the world. It was clear to see who stood where. Puck, being the more vocal and assertive of the two, dominated their conversations and actions while Mike, being more easy going and submissive, fell in line with the best of them. Even when other variables were added into the equation, like Finn or Sam, that system of hierarchy worked because they all somehow knew by unspoken rule who stood where, and they were all fine with that.

The change began not when Puck dragged Mike and Matt into glee club (which was what any other person would have suspected) but later, when they were juniors. After a year of growing accustomed to voicing himself, stealing the girl, and losing one of his best friends, Mike was slowly coming into his own. He didn't need the hierarchy he had previously subjected himself to because of his constant position as an outcast. Being himself, speaking up, it was helping him grow as a person and as such, he no longer needed an "alpha" to constantly follow around.

Which brought Artie back full circle to Puck's point of view in all this. To say he'd changed drastically since joining New Directions would be a laughable understatement, and while Puck had changed for the better, he still had his fair share of faults. Like just about every other person in the world Puck feared change, and while the ground which he stood on was constantly shifting and rearranging itself for the better, the teen needed something to hold onto, to remain constant through the shifting tides. Hence, his ill-treatment of Mike.

While Puck treated the dancer as a close friend, he still maintained an (and even just thinking this made Artie feel slightly girly but there was no better way to describe it) emotional barrier between them. For Puck, it was his rock, his anchor, but for Mike…it hurt, probably. Seeing how everyone else had somehow moved up in the Puck's world and he was just left in the dust, scrambling after them in a race he had no hope of winning. The problem (aside from that problem) was finding a way to communicate this to the Puck in a way that he both understood, and would stick around long enough to listen to. No small task.

But first, Artie should probably find out what exactly Puck was doing in his bedroom.

Seeing as his probing on the incident in question only served to get him nowhere, Artie switched his tactics, moving into an area of relative safety.

"So what do you want me to do?"

Puck brightened as he finished the question, perking up as though the offer had not been coerced through the surprise visit.

"We need to spy on him."

And…

Nope, not where he had thought this was going.

Artie blinked, scrubbed at his ear, and blinked again, processing what his wingman had said and marveling at how vastly it differed from what he had assumed he was going to suggest. He had thought, stupidly, that Puck's request would be more along the lines of "You should talk to him because all I do is instigate rage" so he could try and smooth things over.

Playing at subterfuge primo James Bond style had not been what Artie had in mind.

Thankfully Puck could see, or sense, or smell the other teen's confusion and decided to explain his reasoning behind the decided course of action, rolling himself into seating position and hunching over, staring him straight in the eye.

"There's a conspiracy going down here Artie, and the only way we can get a scoop of the real dirt is if we follow Chang's every move, track his actions, and tap his phones. You know, spy stuff."

First of all, Artie was pretty sure neither one of them knew how to properly tap a phone or even bug a room, and as much as he was for equal opportunity he was pretty sure his handicap would get in the way of any major sneaking.

As if he read his mind, Puck began to reassure his concerns.

"Don't sweat it dude," he urged, reaching forward to pat the side of Artie's arm. "I've got it all figured out. I'll be the field agent and you can be like, hq, or that tech guy who calls all the shots from that place that has all the monitors and speakers and stuff."

Artie wanted to protest, because this took deflecting a problem to a whole new level of insanity. As entertaining it would be, and as great a story it would make, odds were it would only serve to dig Puck deeper into the hole he had created whenever Mike inevitably found out.

Sensing his hesitation Puck pushed for the homestretch, thinking Artie was on the fence when he was actually deep in the infield.

"Come on Artie, I need you man. We both know that as awesome as I am, Puckasauras doesn't have the smarts to pull this off alone."

That, made Artie pause.

If Puck really was as intent to do this as he seemed he was, he would probably go for it whether Artie agreed to help him or not. At least if Artie helped him there was a smidgeon of a chance they could pull with off without Mike catching on. Eventually Puck would get bored when he realized there was no conspiracy, and by the end of it they would have a really great story.

Besides, he had always wanted to see what it would be like to be a spy, and this was the closest he was ever going to get.

"Okay," Artie replied after a moment of hesitation, and Puck whooped, punching his fist into the air.

"Alright!" Puck cheered, hopping off the bed, "This is gonna be awesome Wheels, trust me."

As Puck continued to spout off plans and commandeer his computer to look up the gear they would need, Artie sat back and sighed; getting the distinct feeling he should warn someone about this. He wasn't entirely sure who, but he should tell someone.

If only to get their camera ready.

Lord knows he was going to.

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*click*

"Hello?"

"Mercedes, it's Rachel-"

"I know, I have caller ID."

"Listen, as much as I enjoy your periodic doses of sass, mostly because it keeps me constantly aware that there are others who would try to steal my spotlight, we have a problem."

"…What?"

"It's Mike."

"Look Eva Perone, you better get to the point-"

"He doesn't think he has a soul."

"…Seriously?"

"I'm not making this up, Finn heard it from main source himself, Kurt can even back up his claim. Mike doesn't think he has a soul."

"Why the hell does he think that?"

"I don't know, but if New Directions has to worry about any more snags, or break ups, or whatever attempt at overdramatic behavior this is we are going to crash and burn during a year that is supposed to be filled with our inevitable and well deserved triumph. We cannot allow this to go unaddressed."

"Normally I would say you were overreacting, but damn it, I don't want anything to ruin my senior year. What do you propose?"

"Well…I've always wanted to try out an intervention, you know, gathering together with Mike in a place that inspires calm and relaxation and trust. I've never had the opportunity to do one and I doubt another will arise so it's best that we do it now."

"…a soul intervention?"

"Yes, Mike needs to know that he is loved and respected here, and we need to put an end to his self doubting and constant need to disacknowledge his value both as an individual and as a performer. As overused as the common aphorism is, we are only as strong as our weakest link."

"…this sounds crazy, so it should probably work."

"There's nothing crazy about it Mercedes-"

"Whatever, lets just get down to the details, shall we?"

"Of course."

"Who should we invite?"

"Well, Mike, of course. You, me…I tried to ask Finn if he was interested but Kurt has expressly forbidden him to interact with Mike in any way, and odds are he wouldn't be able to comprehend or contribute to the emotional aspects of this event anyway. Should we invite Tina?"

"No. No, no, no, and no. You do not want to invite her."

"I only ask because-"

"Trust me, now is not a good time."

"The negative ramifications of his beliefs must have spread farther then I had originally anticipated."

"Sure, whatever. I'll call Kurt and see what we can come up with."

"Great, I'll start doing research. We need to set just the right mood to ensure maximum success and-"

"Got it, you'll do the research. I'll call you back tomorrow with an update."

"Thank you Mercedes."

"Chang's gonna be the one thanking us when we get through with him."

*click*

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Sam darted his eyes back and forth, pointless, but Mike's agitated state was rubbing off on him, so he did it anyway. Assured that he was alone in the grungy, run-down bathroom, he pulled the phone he had very carefully snagged out of Mike's back pocket (a feat he had been incredibly unwilling to do but drastic times called for drastic measures) up to his ear, hitting the dial button and praying someone would pick up. He almost didn't care who.

Thankfully, when his call was collected on the other end of the line it was exactly who he was looking for. She didn't bother with any preamble, and Sam could see how easily she and Puck got along.

"You've got a lot of nerve calling here Chang, ever since wrestling season ended I've been looking for a way to release my excess frustration and after your girlfriend stuck her psycho nails into my boy-toy's hide I've just been dying to ring her up and include her in my new workout routine." Zizes paused there, just long enough to let the creepy sink in (and it did sink in, never in his life had Sam been so glad he wasn't Tina) and catch her breath.

"I'll give you a hint," she warned, tone a deadly kind of joking. "It'll involve my fist meeting her face."

Before he could lose his nerve or receive any more threats of bodily harm he would rather not bare witness to Sam spoke up, coughing awkwardly and trying very hard not to imagine Tina getting the snot kicked out of her by a very angry Zizes.

"It's Sam," he said, trying not to sound as intimidated as he felt. "I just borrowed Mike's phone."

Another pause, Lauren reevaluating the situation.

"Oh," she mumbled, surprised but recovered quickly. "Well, what can I do for you blondie?"

Good, she didn't ask him to pass her message on. That conversation would have taken a very uncomfortable turn when it got to the part where he mentioned stealing Mike's phone and violating the sanctity that was the jean back pocket.

Sam shook his head, trying to focus while he still had time.

"Listen Lauren, I don't have a lot of time. I had to threaten Mike that I would pee in his car if he didn't let me use the bathroom and then jack his phone just to make this call."

Zizes interrupted while he took a much needed breath, disbelief clear in her voice. "What, is he holding you hostage?"

"…something like that." He glanced at his watch and saw the seconds ticking by. "I just…called to warn you. We're on our way to your house."

"My house?" Zizes echoed, creepy edge back into her tone, and Sam wished more than anything he could somehow get Mike to just give this up and call it a night. "So he wants to bring the party here, that's even better. Now I can mess up Tina's boy the way she messed up mine."

There was a pause were Sam stared in horror at the dirt littered floor, really, really wishing his communicating skills were better.

Unaware of his state of panic, Lauren continued on, "Do you know how to work a camera?"

"No!" Sam shouted as soon as he recovered (well, he did know how to work a camera, but that wasn't really the hot issue here).

"Geez fish lips, you don't need to be so sensitive about it," Lauren joked, and Sam shook his head sadly.

"Not that…" he mumbled, running a hand through his hair. He was wasting too much time. "Mike's been…something happened, I think Puck did something, and he's just really confused right now so if you could just please, please not hurt him or beat him or cause him any harm I would really appreciate it."

"Puck did something?" the wrestler asked, sounding mildly…interested?

Shouldn't she be offended that Sam was…what, besmirching her boyfriends honor or something?

There was a sudden banging on the door, and Sam jumped, almost dropping the phone. The voice wasn't a surprise at all, Mike's shadow dancing underneath the door as though he were frantically dancing or pacing or whatever he did when he was knocking on doors.

"Hurry up Sam, before the trail runs cold!"

Which didn't make any sense because the GPS in his car wasn't going to forget how to take them there, but by this point Sam had learned not to argue.

"Just a minute!" he yelled back, edging his way over to the toilet so he could flush it with his foot.

Yeah, even he had to draw the line somewhere.

On the other end of the line, probably having heard everything that just happened, Lauren picked the conversation back up, voice contemplative and friendly in that not-quite-friendly way. "You make an interesting offer trouty mouth. Seal the deal with a twenty four pack of snickers, paid for by Tina of course, and promise to keep me informed of the situation and your Asian will remain untouched."

How the-? But Tina wasn't…

Uhh… Sam was going to have to play relationship counselor to those two when this was all done. Or maybe he could just get Rachel to pay for them. She'd paid off Lauren before, she could do it again. He'd probably just have to promise to sing some duets with her or something. She always seemed to be on the prowl for some studly guitar back up.

The pounding on the door started up again, and Sam flushed the toilet quickly, moving over to the sink so he could start going through the necessary motions there.

"Deal," he whispered into the phone, and then he snapped it shut quickly, shoving it into his pocket and exiting the disgusting smelling death closet before Mike got impatient and busted the door down.

Chang would owe him for this one so bad when he came back to his senses.

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Endnotes:

Yayyyyyyyyy! Another chapter!

Of course I would like to give a big thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, Gabwr, Southern Hemmy, and Rogue Ranger! Your words are always awesome, and they always make me smile.

And a big double thanks to Ms. Perception and the MysteriousUnknownStranger!

I forgot to put there names down as people who reviewed when I originally posted the last chapter, because my mind was still on vacation, and this is my attempt to make up for it.

Now onto the story.

My goal here is to slowly drag in as many characters as I can, bit by bit. I might not be able to get to all of them, and some of them might only make minor appearances because I'm pretty sure I can't do all of them justice, but I'm willing to try.

I already have some set in stone ways to brig everyone in, but if you guys have any suggestions I'm willing to hear them.

Until next time.