Chapter 7. You're Sick! You're a Sadist! You're a Fiend!
"Rory! Rory!" Jess was shouting from the bottom of the stairs, with Oliver standing very nervously behind him. Laura sprang up, bewildered but very excited by this turn of events. After Oliver had announced his decision, she hadn't heard any loud noises, and now they'd both emerged very suddenly and apparently needed her mom very urgently.
Rory appeared at the top of the stairs, eyes wide, looking terribly worried. "What is it, Jess? What's wrong?" she asked, sounding panicked.
"Could you come down here a minute? No worries - nothing wrong, I just need you!" he called upward. Jess now had the entire household flummoxed, a fact which he couldn't help but enjoy.
"What's going on?" She was slightly out of breath, whatever this was about, it sounded as if she needed to hurry. Jess raised both his palms, one toward Oliver, one toward Rory in a gesture of hold on, I'm about to tell you. He raised a fist to his mouth, staring at the floor for a moment, preparing to speak.
"Okay. Recap: Yesterday Oliver said some things to you that were very…rude, disrespectful, rebellious, and for which he has said that he's very sorry. He also pushed you rather forcefully against a wall, as I've come to understand. And, for both of these things, he feels he ought to be punished. And he's right. As much as he is growing up, at fourteen, he's definitely not an adult, nor should he be expected to handle the mental and emotional responsibilities of adulthood. So, if he's in a position where he's carrying around residual guilt, because I haven't disciplined him adequately - then, I'm not doing my job as a father."
He paused and spoke his next words a little more softly. "My initial solution to that problem…was too hasty…and I almost went back on my word…" He looked Rory in the eye very deliberately and very tenderly. "And, I'm very sorry." He glanced at the ground, and his chin dropped for a second before continuing.
"But…I've come up with an alternate solution, which is definitely more…creative, and hopefully, more effective." He took a deep breath and clapped a hand companionably across Oliver's back. "Rory, I'd like you to meet your new personal slave."
"WHAT!" The question came in stereo from all three of the other individuals in the room. Oliver's voice rose above the rest in what was really more of a screech. Admittedly, Jess had been going for a reaction, and the one he got was gratifyingly impressive. He had to struggle to keep a straight face.
"Well," he said, turning to Oliver, "yesterday, you indicated that your mom really doesn't do much around here. So, if you were to take over those light duties for, say…a month, that really shouldn't be too difficult, should it?" As the look of one caught in their own trap swept across Oliver's face, he raised his eyebrows at him, nodding. "Yes. That, my friend, is the appropriate consequence for shooting your mouth off."
"Ha! Ha!" Laura sing-songed in the background. As any kid knows, or does by the time they grow up, it's never a good idea to chime in when somebody else is in trouble. She realized that a second too late, as her dad whirled in her direction.
"Your mom already has a personal slave, but I've got an opening, if you're interested," he suggested in a friendly-sounding tone. She hopped down from the banister, where she'd perched herself to get a better view of the proceedings, and decided it was better to be somewhere less visible.
"Where were we?" Jess mused, turning back to Oliver. "Oh, right. And since you didn't just shoot your mouth off…you also pushed her into the wall, it only seems fair that you see to her comfort to make up for it." He looked at Rory. "I'm thinking', back rubs…foot massages…pedicures…whatever you feel like. Live it up!" Rory tried not to mirror the devilish smirk on her husband's face, but it was becoming more and more difficult to do so. In fact, she'd begun barely perceptibly to shake with suppressed laughter.
"You're enjoying this!" Oliver accused the pair of them, indignantly.
"Mm-hm," his dad smirked, nodding. In response to Oliver's glare, he explained, "I said that I'd hate paddling you, and I really wouldn't like grounding you - but seeing you not only find out first-hand what a piece of cake your mom's life isn't, but also pamper her and cater to her every whim…" His inflections were soft and teasing to the point of cruelty. "…that is what the term 'shadenfreude' was created for!"
"Just. Plain. Mean!" Oliver complained.
"Yeah…I refuse to beat you, neglect you or ignore you, and I insist on providing effective discipline, a comfortable home, plenty of food, decent clothing and a few thousand other things…I'm an absolute sadist!" Jess mocked. He laid a hand softly on his son's shoulder. "You'll live through it," he assured him gently, smiling. He paused and bit his lip, looking up.
"Oh, and one more point before I'm through with my intolerable cruelty," he said, in a tone meant for both Rory and Oliver to hear, "If at any point during the course of the month Oliver decides he doesn't have to listen to what his mom tells him to do, or decides to give her lip, or treat her in any way that's physically aggressive…" He looked at Rory meaningfully, "All you have to do is say the word…and there's a paddle in there that can be very persuasive." Rory bit her lip, knowing this was his roundabout way of telling her that he wouldn't break his word. It had to come with her say-so.
Jess caught the flash of anger on Oliver's face out of the corner of his eye, and caught the boy by the arm as he turned to storm off.
"Look at me," he said softly. Oliver sighed heatedly, but met his father's eyes. "You said that you were sorry for what happened yesterday, and that you felt guilty about it, right?" The boy nodded. "I know that it may seem like I'm being unreasonable or even unfair, but if you take this discipline and learn from it, at the end of a month's time, you'll really understand what your mom has to go through day-by-day, you'll have learned to be respectful and obedient to her, even when it's hard, and as far as your feelings of guilt for hurting her, you will have every opportunity to make it up to her, so that you never have to feel guilty over that again." Oliver softened.
"All of that makes sense, I guess, even though it's way more punishment than I was figuring on…" he frowned. "But, why'd you tell mom to have you use the paddle any time she wanted, on top of everything else. That's just…" he trailed off, his look of distress and injustice acute.
"That's not what I said, or what I meant," Jess told him. "I said that she could say the word if you were rebellious or violent…in other words, if you did the same thing all over again!"
"Oh."
"So, don't do that," Jess said with a gesture that said see how simple that is? Oliver sighed, nodding.
"So, when do I get to start cracking the whip?" Rory asked playfully. She thought there'd been enough seriousness for one night.
"Now's as good a time as any," Jess replied with a shrug.
"Oh, slave!" she called out in her sweetest tone. Oliver turned and looked at her, doing everything within his power not to roll his eyes. "Fetch the ice cream from the freezer and dish some up for everybody!"
Jess let his head drop backward as if in agony, "Oh! Cruel taskmaster!" he wailed. "Put the kettle on for some tea, too!" he called to Oliver, but Rory whirled on him.
"Oh, no you don't! My slave! Get your own!" she said in wide-eyed "seriousness."
"Huh! Now that's gratitude…" Jess bemoaned, shaking his head. "I get her a slave and she won't even share!"
Jess, Rory and Laura sat at the table while Oliver served. Incidentally, he put the kettle on…and brought out the cups without being asked. He even brought out the bananas, hot fudge, m&m's, maraschino cherries, and chopped nuts before his mother had time to ask…which was quite impressive. Naturally, Mom got hers first, which earned a smile from Dad, and Laura got hers last, which earned something else entirely.
"I always wondered what it would be like to have a maid," she said demurely, which got her a pointed glare from Jess. "Oh, excuse me, I meant a butler. Ow!" She'd gotten Mom's remedy for jerks, and Oliver tried not to laugh.
Lastly, Oliver sat down, and the clinking of spoons on glass and the appreciation of banana-splits was the order of the day. Rory's enjoyment was the loudest, which wasn't out of the ordinary, but she enjoyed a little extra for Oliver's benefit. When the kettle started to whistle, she almost jumped up to get it, before she remembered that Oliver would be doing that. She settled back into her seat, folding her hands with a contented sigh.
"I could get used to this," she smiled. "So, whose turn is it next month?"
"Very funny," Jess grinned with a slight eye-roll and a shake of the head.
Oliver took tea-orders and delivered it in Rory's prettiest teacups. He seemed bent to distinguish himself in his new duties, which was a good sign. Once the tea had cooled, Jess had just taken a big gulp when he noticed Rory get out of her seat, to his confusion. She was supposed to let Oliver do…whatever she was doing. Before he could swallow to tell her so, he felt her breath, warm on the back of his neck. Well…this was a pleasant surprise. He decided not to say anything after all, but instead swallowed and brought the teacup back to his lips.
Rory positioned herself right by his ear and whispered very quietly, breathily, "I heard you're in the market for a personal slave…" There was an explosion of tea. That's the only way it can be accurately described. It sprayed from Jess' mouth and nose, and the teacup seemed to leap out of his hands on its own accord, landing uninjured on the table, but with its contents…well…everywhere. And he continued choking. The rest of the table exploded too, but not with tea. Laura's laughter was the shrillest, Oliver's was the loudest, and Rory's was the longest. She kept laughing even when he had ceased to choke and tried to right the disaster area he had created.
"Oh, slave!" she called through her laughter. But, she couldn't stop laughing long enough to finish the command. She merely waved her hand incoherently at the general mess. Oliver shook his head and started unrolling copious amounts of paper towels.
When Jess stopped choking enough to speak, hoarsely he began to object. "Wait. I made the mess. He's your slave, why does he have to do it?" She shrugged.
"Well, if I'm your slave, and he's my slave, then that makes it his job," she reasoned with true Gilmore logic. Jess smiled, but then got quiet. He looked at her hesitantly.
"So, does this mean that I'm forgiven?" he asked warily, eyes vulnerable, shining…mutely pleading. After a moment during which Rory Mariano struggled with her emotions and they played softly across her sweet, perpetually girlish face, she reached forward and touched a finger to his lips, let a frown crease deeply between her eyebrows, as she shook her head slowly…"Shhhhh…" She leaned forward and tenderly kissed where her finger had been.
Laura began to lick the bowl where her ice cream had been. Oliver wiped the last of the tea from the table, stepping around his parents' kiss…stopping to watch, just for a moment with a relieved and grateful smile.
A/N: This may be the end. Only time shall tell. I said it was the end before, and I was wrong. I've had more than one request to show scenes of Oliver with Luke and Lorelai, and I'm sure I will. I'm just not certain if it will be in a continuation of this story, or in another one. If anybody has any ideas, shoot them my way. For now, I hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have. Thank you for reading. :)
(And, of course, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE review!)
And, a BIG thanks to luvtheheaven, oana07, and StarLight for your help with this story. I honestly couldn't have done it without you! Oh, and everybody needs to thank my mom, without whose mental prodding this might not have gotten finished at all, and if it did, Oliver may have ended up getting paddled for my muse's deficiencies…talk about unfair!