"We didn't finish the mission" Kisame sighed "Zabuza had a little problem..."

"IT WAS MORE THAN A LITTLE PROBLEM AND YOU KNOW IT!" Zabuza yelled, his fists clenched in irritation.

"My god Zabuza, your hormones are all over the place, you're such a woman!"

"...Someone stab him in the face so I don't have to." Zabuza murmured, he would have happily done the task himself, had it not required far too much effort than he was willing to waste on Tatsuya.

"Well, since that creepy man is gone, we might as well just carry on with whatever it was we were doing" Choujuurou said pulling out a twilight book.

"AGH!" Zabuza grimaced, practically pushing himself into the wall. Although, whether it was to escape Choujuurou or the book he was reading, wasn't entirely clear.

"What's the matter with you, eh?" Mangetsu asked with a slightly perplexed facial expression, as he looked up from where he sat on the floor, comforting his ever so slightly traumatised friend.

"Nothings 'wrong' with him, Mangetsu. It's just that Zabuza the woman is scared of the ickle vampires, if you're going to be so pathetic why don't you just leave and get pregnant, Zabuza!"

"Actually Tatsuya, Zabuza has a fairly good reason to be afraid of them..." Kisame replied, attempting to sound like the voice of reason, although the amused smirk plastered on his face betrayed him.

"What? That he got raped by one?" Tatsuya asked, blinking in disbelief.

"I might as well have been!" cried Zabuza, who had now crawled into a corner and assumed the foetal position.

"Yeah, I know the feeling..." Kyouki sighed. Had Zabuza not retreated to the darkest corner of the room, she'd have patted him on the back, but instead she resolved to do it to Mangetsu, who was the closest possible option.

"Wait, how did Zabuza almost get r-raped by a vampire?" Choujuurou asked, struggling slightly with the word rape, as he was still incapable of saying 'sex' without blushing furiously.

Kisame glanced over at Zabuza, who by now was so wrapped up in muttering to himself that it was obvious he would be incapable of explaining anything. And then with a heavy sigh, Kisame began, "well, when we were on that mission..."

A Day Earlier

The majority of missions the Mist ninja were forced to go on, usually involved trudging through various bogs, marshes and in this case, forests. For the majority of them, Kisame and Zabuza in particular, walking through a dark forest was not even vaguely unnerving. However, even for two very accomplished ninjas, the sight of a pale... and strangely sparkly man, standing alone in a dark forest, was a bit more than unusual.

"Kisame...what the hell is that?" Zabuza squinted slightly, trying to work out if he had just been walking for longer than he thought and was beginning to hallucinate.

"From this angle, it looks like a hobo..." Kisame commented absently mindedly, momentarily thinking the same thing as Zabuza. However, after blinking a few times, he confirmed what he had just said. "A really shiny hobo."

"A really shiny hobo?" Zabuza repeated, giving Kisame a very disgruntled look. "Really...I'm so glad you're our leader"

"Well, if you really want to find out then why don't you go ask? I'll wait right here."

Even Zabuza knew it was never a good idea to argue with Kisame. Not because of the shark man's violent and bloodthirsty nature though, just because verbal disagreements with him usually lead to primary school insults and terrible puns. And so, not wishing to be parted with his bed for a few extra hours whilst Kisame claimed he looked stupid, Zabuza decided it would probably be best just to approach the suspicious man. Upon getting closer to him Zabuza found it strange that for someone who sparkled so much, the man had made no effort to comb his damn hair...maybe Kisame was right and he was actually a hobo. However Zabuza must have been thinking out loud because the man seemed to notice him immediately.

"Do I...dazzle you?" he asked, being all but 3 inches away from Zabuza's – twitching and extremely horrified looking, face.

"No! What the hell, just who are you?" Zabuza asked, jumping back slightly. Still with the same horrified look plastered across his face.

"Edward Cullen. The most amazing, pure blood vampire, ever to be born"

"Well...fair enough then" Zabuza quickly turned his back on Edward, his eyes darting from side to side as he walked – at as quick a pace as he could manage without actually running, back to Kisame.

"So, who was he?"

"I dunno, some pixie or something." Zabuza shrugged, brushing past Kisame.

"Well..." Kisame said, looking back over his shoulder at said 'pixie' and arching a brow "that pixie is giving you a seriously creepy look" and indeed, Edward was looking at Zabuza with the same expression Orochimaru gets when he comes across an under aged, orphan boy.

"I don't care. The sooner we get this mission over with the better! If we leave those idiots alone for too long then we won't have a village to go back to."

"I suppose so, just don't come crying to me if you run into that guy in a dark ally..."

"Tch, like he could actually do anything. I'll kill the bastard if he comes near me."

"If you say so..."

Later That Night

Rather than travelling overnight, Zabuza and Kisame had decided to stay in a nearby village. Which was of great benefit to Zabuza, as his lazy nature immediately drew him to anywhere with a bed. However, unlike usual, Zabuza was finding it extremely difficult to actually get to sleep. And after what felt like hours of tossing and turning, he could have sworn that he felt a strange presence in the room with him. Opening his eyes slightly, he managed to see the outline of a person... with really messy hair... actually it looked more like the outline of a tramp than anything else. Of course, Zabuza being Zabuza, he didn't feel the need to turn the light on and confirm his suspicions, he'd get by just by shouting profanity whilst working on the assumption that whoever it was, he'd be able to beat them within an inch of their life.

"but...I thought I dazzled you...?" The figure asked, with a very hurt and offended tone of voice – in response to Zabuza's profanity.

"What the?" Zabuza yelled, immediately reaching for the light switch. Although seeing the figure illuminated was in no way comforting for him, "Why the hell are you here?"

"I was-"

"Were you watching me sleep?"

"...yes"

"WHY?"

"because the lion fell in love with the lamb, what a sick maso-"

"Did you just accuse me of bestiality?" Zabuza yelled, clenching his fists.

"No I-"

"Then you just called me a sheep, didn't you?" Concluding that Zabuza was probably shouting more at himself than anyone else, Edward decided to continue talking in the hope that his words might just get through.

"Well, yes, but that wasn't what I-"

"So you just called me gay?"

Edward, now felt as though he was touching on a rather deep insecurity of Zabuza's. And so, decided it best just to avoid this particular question entirely, "As I was saying, what I meant was-"

"You did, didn't you? You just called me gay, you little shit!" Before Edward could reply, Zabuza picked up his sword and cut him straight across the chest. But much to Zabuza's absolute horror and disgust, Edward did not die, in fact he didn't even bleed. Instead, a strange, sparkly substance poured out from his wounds. "Oh my god...IT'S AN IMMORTAL PIXIE!"

Zabuza screamed, running down the hall to where Kisame was and banging repeatedly on his door.

"What is it, Zabuza?" A bleary-eyed Kisame asked. The whole shark-like appearance he had was really not improved by bloodshot eyes. So much so that Zabuza actually delayed his response, unable to work out which of his two 'companions' terrified him more.

"THAT PIXIE, HE CAME IN THROUGH MY WINDOW AND STARTED WATCHING ME SLEEP" Kisame blinked and stared at Zabuza for a bit, completely ignoring what Zabuza had just said.

"Zabuza...are you wearing... Spiderman footed pyjamas?"

"WHAT DOES THAT MATTER, THAT BLOODY PIXIE WAS WATCHING ME SLEEP THEN HE BLED GLITTER ALL OVER THE PLACE. He's...GARY GLITTER!"

"Maybe...maybe he just...wanted to see...if you... sucked your thumb whilst sleeping... you know … to go with the outfit and all" Kisame managed to choke out between fits of uncontrollable laughter.

"Yeah well... YOU'RE BLUE!"

"That's the best you can do Zabuza? Honestly, you call me immature..."

"Shut up! Stop patronizing me and get rid of that damn pixie!"

"I don't know what you're expecting me to do, he's not a spider, I can't scoop him up on a piece of paper and drop him out the window." Kisame shrugged. He really did hate the times when he felt more like Zabuza's dad than his co-worker.

"But you could-"

"BELLA~"

"Bella?" Zabuza asked, by now he looked beyond bewildered.

"I think he's talking to you..." Kisame replied monotonously.

"Of course I am!" Edward said, taking Zabuza's hand "Bella, you must come with me so we can raise our mutant demon baby from hell!"

"What? No! Kisame...help me!" Zabuza yelled, using all his strength to prevent Edward from dragging him away.

"You know, I bet teenage girls would pay a lot of money for this shit..." Kisame said, pressing his thumb to his chin in an attempt to look more thoughtful.

"And? What's your point?"

"My point, Zabuza, is that if we take this guy, sell him to some generic romance author, we could make so much money out of it that none of us would ever have to do a mission again!"

"Oh? And you think this guy is just going to let us do that? In case you haven't noticed, HE'S A BIT OF A RAPIST! How are you going to sell him without him going all rapey on you?"

"Really Zabuza, you're the one he wants to rape, and besides, you underestimate me. " Kisame said, reaching for something, no Samehada but a large wooden poll which he used to smack Edward across the head with. Much to Zabuza's surprise, Edward actually collapsed from the impact of the blow. "Now, you grab his arms, I'll grab his legs, and no one will ever need to know that we just killed a gay pixie."

Back In The Present Day

"Wait, so you actually sold someone a dead pixie, eh?" Asked Mangetsu, not that he would have put it past any one of them to do such a thing.

"Well, he wasn't dead when we sold him..." Kisame replied, in a way that made it seem as if that was somewhat better.

"and he just – mysteriously died – in the space of a day?" Tatsuya asked.

"Well no, the woman we sold him to put him in a room somewhere in her house, but even then Zabuza still didn't feel safe. So, after she paid us in full, we went back in through her windows, rolled him up in a carpet and threw him off a bridge. I'm pretty sure he'll be dead by now... everyone knows pixies dissolve in water."

"Well that's...pretty bulletproof...so wait, you actually got the stupid woman to pay you? So we never need to do missions again, right?" Tatsuya asked, being overly optimistic.

"No, Tatsuya!" Zabuza, shouted suddenly jumping up and out of the foetal position. "Because of you! You and your stupid ass schemes we need to use ALL of that money to repair this place!"

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT, IT'S THE WOMAN'S! IF SHE HAD DONE THE DAMN CLEANING LIKE SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO-"

"Why hasn't anyone stabbed you yet? I asked like twenty minutes ago..." Zabuza interrupted, suddenly feeling more like his old, murderous self again.

"...this day really couldn't get any worse, eh?"

"I'm back~" Came a voice which sent shivers down the spine of each and every one of the swordsmen.

"...Spoke too soon, eh." Mangetsu said, not even wanting to glance at Raiga, out of fear that he'd turn to stone if he did.

"Well, I don't know about you guys but I had the most am-"

"Raiga. We all know you were out pedoing. So just be quiet, we've all been mentally scarred enough as it is..." Kyouki said.

"What? So I don't even get a flashback?"

"No Raiga, and you know why that is? It's because you're a pedofile, and that's slightly worse than being a woman!" Tatsuya shouted, clearly in a mood after finding out he had just wasted all the organization's money.

"Well," Kyouki sighed, standing up and dragging Mangetsu to his feet in the process – as his arm that had once been draped around her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her after the Kakuzu ordeal, now had a death grip on them, out of fear of Raiga, "I don't know about the rest of you... but I'm off to drink away the few brain cells I have left in order to forget this."