"Oh my god...I'M BLUE! I THOUGHT I WAS JUST REALLY COLD!"
"Yes, Kisame. You've been blue for some time now, eh..." Mangetsu said, after having listened to his self-proclaimed leader point out the blatantly obvious for what seemed like hours, he along with everyone else was now bored to the point of tears.
"But...IT'S AMAZING...I'm amazing."
"Sure Kisame, whatever you say..." Choujuurou muttered under his breath, even his seemingly limitless patience was wearing thin.
"DAMN RIGHT WHATEVER I SAY! YOU KNOW WHY WHATEVER I SAY GOES? 'CUZ I'M THE LEADER!" Kisame paused for a few seconds, contemplating whether it would just be better to smack Choujuurou upside the head, or continue on with his ramblings. "...FOLLOWING THE LEADER, THE LEADER, THE LEADER~"
"So... whose bright idea was it to get him drunk?" Kyouki covered her ears in a desperate attempt to drown out Kisame's less than perfect singing. "I swear, I will rip their eyes out of their sockets."
"It was Zabuza...and great as it would be to stab him in the face for it, he's gone for a 'walk' with Raiga..." Mangetsu replied, so exasperated that he forgot to add the 'eh' at the end of his sentence.
"And you know why that is?"
"No...but I bet you're going to tell us...eh..."
"DAMN RIGHT I AM! It's because Zabuza's gay!" He looked up, unable to tell if the looks on the faces of his three colleagues were from disbelief or boredom, although he was in such a state of euphoria that he settled on the latter. "...I'M BLOODY TELLING YOU! I saw his boyfriend...who looks like a girlfriend!"
"...Do you think that if we start ignoring him he'll get bored and just leave...?" Choujuurou turned to Mangetsu, his eyes now glazed over with desperation.
"Not likely. Kisame's excessively violent and bloodthirsty on a regular day, if we start ignoring him we may push him over the edge... then god only knows what'll happen, eh..."
"Oh my god, you guys!"
"...speaking of pushing people over the edge, here comes the poster child for birth control..." Kyouki muttered.
"I was just watching Avatar and there were these blue people and-" Tatsuya stopped midway through his sentence, staring at Kisame as if the two of them had never met before. Then, with a look of absolute horror, he let out a less than manly scream of "GOOD GOD, THERE'S ONE OF THEM AMONG US!"
"Is he confusing reality with tv again, eh?" Mangetsu asked, arching an eyebrow. Although by now he already knew the answer.
"Looks like it..." Choujuurou let out a shaky sigh, being both the newest and the most out of place member, around people like Tatsuya he really did feel like he was way out of his depth.
"Why does anyone actually put up with him?" Kyouki muttered, if it were up to her, they'd have long since locked Tatsuya in a cupboard under the stairs and completely forgotten about him.
"Because, Kyouki. He's like a goldfish. One day, he'll get really fat... and then I'll eat him!" Kisame said so casually it was more like he was talking about the weather rather than eating his team mate.
"Well...that's my curiosity settled..."
"Y-you're going to eat me? SHIT, I KNEW THEY WERE COMING FOR ME!" Tatsuya screamed – failing to take into account Kisame's somewhat inebriated state. Not that it would have mattered if he had anyway, he had always suspected Kisame thought of him as more of a snack than a person. Tatsuya attempted to run for his life but due to a lack of both coordination and common sense, he ran into the wall instead, knocking himself out.
"What a mono-synaptic cretin." Choujuurou being Choujuurou, didn't really understand that this wasn't much of an insult...
"MY GOD CHOUJUUROU, YOU REALLY ARE A NERD! YOU KNOW WHAT? ONE DAY YOU'LL JUST TURN INTO ONE BIG – WHY DO YOU GUYS GET SUCH POINTY SWORDS... WHY CAN'T SAMEHADA BE LIKE THAT? ... I'M GOING TO FILE HIM DOWN!"
"Really Kisame, I think it's time you went to lie down, eh." Mangetsu said with a total lack of emotion, after the momentary excitement of Tatsuya being knocked out cold had passed, he remembered exactly why it was they were all on the brink of suicide. Not to mention he wasn't about to point out that only Zabuza and Raiga could go so far as to call their swords pointy.
"Maybe you're right Mangetsu" Kisame nodded, standing up. For the first time that day, he had given his comrades the faintest glimmer of hope... which he proceeded to shatter almost instantaneously with his next outburst, "...MY GOD, KYOUKI!"
"...what?"
"YOU'RE REALLY SHORT!" he paused for a moment looking at the heights of the other two
remaining swordsmen "No, wait... you're not short...I'M JUST REALLY TALL...I must be terrible at limbo!"
"I never imagined he'd be like this... I always had drunken Kisame down as more of the argumentative asshole type, eh..." Mangetsu said, his despair evident in both his voice and facial expression.
"Well Mangetsu, you know what...YOU'RE NOT REALLY CANADIAN. YOU'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN TO CANADA, SILLY BETCH!"
"How dare you, eh! You're drunk, you have no idea what you're talking aboot, eh!"
"Yes Mangetsu and you're delusional, but tomorrow, I will be sober!"
Mangetsu stuttered a bit as if he was about to say something else, but eventually gave up and stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut on his way out.
"Wow... just wow... and not in a good way" Choujuurou said, glancing at Kyouki. His mutterings not actually referring to Mangetsu's tantrum, but to the fact that he and Kyouki were now the only ones left in the room with a drunken Kisame. "...did you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
"There's someone at the door..." Both of them sat in silence for a few moments, before Choujuurou being as bright as he was decided to use this new found hope as an excuse to get as far away from Kisame as possible, "I'LL GET IT!"
"But...don't leave me alone with him..." Kyouki protested, however Choujuurou had already run out of the room and down the corridor before she could do anything about it. "Damn you..."
"Thank god I'm out of there." Choujuurou muttered to himself, not really taking into account that knowing his luck, this situation was probably a bit of a double edged sword. When he opened the door, he was faced with a tall and (extremely) fat man. "...Who are you?"
"Akatsuchi." The man replied, a ridiculous grin plastered across his face.
"I don't know an Akatsuchi..."
"Yeah don't worry about it, you will when you reach the summit of the five kages..."
"The what?"
"Nothing." Akatsuchi replied, avoiding eye contact with Choujuurou, who was now highly confused. "Anyway, I am here...because I made these biscuits..." he then proudly held up a small box, expecting Choujuurou to take some form of interest in its contents.
"Yes...how nice for you..."
"You want a biscuit, don't you?"
"No, not really...I-I mean thank you... but no..." Choujuurou looked up immediately after giving his answer, and seeing Akatsuchi's face contort into and expression of anger, he let out a small yelp.
"Yes you do! I worked hard on these! I'll give them to you for free, just take the biscuits!"
"But I don't want..."
"YES YOU DO!" Akatsuchi said, shoving the box into Choujuurou's hands and running away as fast as his fat boy legs could carry him. Choujuurou sighed and shut the door, there was nothing that made him more suspicious than a box of biscuits from a fat Iwagakure ninja. However, before Choujuurou could actually walk away the door flung open, hitting him in the back of the head and knocking him into the wall.
Meanwhile back in the living room, Kyouki found herself in a situation far worse than Choujuurou's, or at least so she thought. He had left her alone with a drunken Kisame, who was now flicking through some book whilst muttering various nonsensical things to himself.
"Kisame... what are you doing?" She asked in the same unamused manner a mother would use, after witnessing her child eat a mouthful of worms.
"Trying to work out the best way to eat Tatsuya! You see... I think he'd go well with pasta!" He replied, holding up the book and pointing to a random picture in an attempt to illustrate his point.
"Ok, now Kisame... you remember that conversation we had once, about how I can't actually read?" she asked, receiving a shallow nod in response, "Yeah well... even I know that isn't a cookery book. In fact, I think it belongs to Raiga."
"...Stupid book. Trying to trick me! WELL I SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU!" he slammed the book down on the floor and immediately turned his attention to the mirror at the other side of the room.
Kyouki, turned in the opposite direction and began staring out the window, desperately trying to ignore the drunken shark-man.
"Oh my god..." Kisame said, putting one hand on his face "Who cut my face open? I'm going to kill the betch who dunnit...no wait, THEY'RE GILLS! I HAVE GILLS ON MY FACE!" bored with the lack of reaction he was getting he removed his hand from his face, lightly brushing it off his arm and feeling the same rough pattern on his shoulder.
"You know maybe you should-" Kyouki turned round to face Kisame for the first time in five minutes and immediately froze. "Kisame...why have you taken your shirt off?"
"Because, I have gills on my shoulder! Isn't that amazing?...I wonder where else I have them..."
Although Kisame never quite managed to remove his next layer of clothing, before Kyouki let out a horrified yell of, "STOP STRIPPING!"
"But...my gills..." he pleaded, as if she might actually take it as an excuse for him trying to strip in front of her.
"No! Just... hurry up and put your shirt back on!" she said, picking it up off the floor and handing it to him.
"I think we may have come in at a bad time..." Raiga said, he and Zabuza having just appeared in the doorway.
"Oh crap... you guys... didn't happen to hear anything we said before that sentence, did you?" Kyouki asked, not even able to turn round and face them.
"Nope, not a word."
"So...what were you two doing?" Zabuza asked, making it painfully obvious that nothing Kyouki could possibly say would change the idea he already had set deep within his mind.
"Nothing I-" Kyouki spun round, yelling at Zabuza whilst blushing furiously. "He was looking for his gills!"
"Uh huh, sure he was..."
"You know what Zabuza... just think whatever you want."
"Fine then, I will!" He smiled, now ridiculously happy that he had found his entertainment for the next few months.
"It's okay Kyouki. I completely understand." Raiga said, sympathetically patting her on the shoulder.
"Really...?" she asked, even at the best of times, Raiga was the type of person who you'd trust only as far as you could throw.
"Yeah, I mean, If Kisame was a little younger I would totally- I'm saying this out loud aren't I? Ooops..."
"There's something seriously wrong with you..." Kyouki brushed Raiga's hand off of her shoulder
trying to put as much distance between the two of them as possible.
"Hey! Hey, Zabuza!" Kisame was obviously so drunk that he was oblivious to everything going on around him.
"...what?"
"SOMEBODY TOLD ME YOU HAD A BOYFRIEND WHO LOOKS LIKE A GIRLFRIEND THA-"
"THAT'S ENOUGH OUT OF YOU!"
"Calm down, Zabuza..." Raiga sighed, as much as he'd have revelled in the sight of Kisame and Zabuza having a bitch fight, he couldn't help but feel as though now really wasn't the time.
"Why should I calm down?"
"Because you're the one who got him into this state in the first place..." Choujuurou said, walking into the room as he rubbing his head where the door had hit him.
"Ah yes... So I did" Zabuza grinned, "wait... where the hell have you been?"
"You just knocked me out...WITH A DOOR!"
"Oh, I am on a roll today! Where's Mangetsu, did I incapacitate him too?"
"No...he's just sulking..." Choujuurou replied, not about to let Zabuza develop a god-complex as well.
"Ugh. You guys are all so damn weird. I've had enough of you all! I'm going to bed!" Kisame said, getting up and staggering out of the room, leaving four highly confused ninja behind.
"Hey Kyouki...he's going to bed. Do you not want to-"
"Shut the hell up, Zabuza." Of course, Zabuza wasn't the kind of person to be put off just by that, but just as he opened his mouth to reply, Mangetsu charged into the room with a bottle of maple syrup in one hand and a hockey stick in the other.
"NOT CANADIAN, EH? WELL, I'LL SHOW YOU! I'LL BEAT YOU IN A GAME OF ICE HOCKEY...where's Kisame, eh?"
"He's gone to sleep." Choujuurou replied "and since Tatsuya is also unconscious, don't you think it would be better if you stayed quiet? If the two of them stay like that we might have a fairly normal day for once..."
"Oh...well then this was all a bit pointless, eh!"
"Yeah well, it's not like we had anything better to do..."