A/N: Is Sea World meant to be one word or two? Ahhh I guess we should have just gone with the Tropicarium... there's really nothing else to say other than: if you've made it this far, you sir/madam, have the patient of a saint. Well done!
"That was more than a prank you made me think I was dead!" Tatsuya shouted, still angry about the prank the other six had played on him a few days earlier.
"Jesus Christ. It was two chapters ago! Get over it already..." Zabuza muttered, although after 3 hours straight of Tatsuya's whining everything fades into white noise, he still considered the man's voice one of the most painful and soul crushing sounds known to man.
"Well it's not like we actually intended to kill you or anything..." Raiga said, in a half-assed attempt to be the voice of reason.
"I don't care about what you meant to do! None of you have even apologized!"
"Will you quit your bitching if we say we're sorry?" Zabuza said, rubbing his temples.
"No. That's not good enough any more, you need to make it up to me. Besides I have to catch up on the time you spent ignoring me."
"Well what do you want, eh?" Asked Mangetsu.
Tatsuya stood there, frozen. His face so devoid of emotion, he was either so deep in thought he'd lost track of the world around him, or Mangetsu had completely broken him and he had died on his feet. In spite of the others desperately wishing for it to be the latter, Tatsuya eventually broke his silence, with a ear-splitting scream of "…I WANT TO GO TO SEA WORLD"
"Why?" Kisame asked, his voice full of despair... experiences at sea world never ended well for him.
"I like turtles of course!...Why else?"
At SeaWorld
"Why the hell are we actually here?" Zabuza complained, he'd actually been forced to stay awake for longer than five minutes and already it was taking its toll on him.
"Because we ran out of aspirin…" Kyouki replied, whilst glaring daggers at a small group of screaming children.
"I thought Kyouki and Mangetsu got us a life time ban from here last time we visited…" Choujuurou hoped that there was the slightest chance they would get thrown out and not actually need to put up with Tatsuya for a full day.
"They did." Kisame sighed "But then Tatsuya wouldn't shut the hell up. So I had to ring them up and 'persuade' them to lift the ban temporarily, now let's just get this over and done with"
"I don't see how persuasion would have convinced th-"
"Choujuurou." Mangetsu interrupted, like everyone else sick of Choujuurou being so clueless, "by 'persuaded' he means he threatened to skin them alive, eh."
Although no matter how much the others complained, they were in no way going to dampen Tatsuya's spirits. As the purple-haired man ran around screaming, like some excitable four year old, "LOOK, LOOK THERE'S A TURTLE, AND A SEACUCUMBER?...Oh. My. God."
"Jesus Christ, what is it now Tatsuya?" asked Kisame, although not out of genuine interest. More that he felt, if they could make Tatsuya think – for at least one moment, that they actually cared about what he said and did, then the could escape from this hell hole sooner.
"IT'S YOUR MUM, or your dad I can't tell. YOU SHOULD HAVE A FAMILY REUNION!"
"Oh for the love of god Tatsuya. Do you have any idea how old those 'oh my god it's a shark, you guys are related, Kisame' jokes are? They might have been funny the first few times, but after being made several thousand times, they're just not. So shut the fuck up, okay?"
"Fine, I'll just find something else to do" Tatsuya sighed, setting off to find someone else to annoy. Although it did take much more time than he anticipated, as everyone else had used Kisame's rant as an excuse to slip away. And so, unable to find anyone else from the organisation to irritate – his excuse for never picking on strangers being that he had 'stranger anxiety', Tatsuya decided to turn to his number one favourite hobby, trying to marry off Kyouki.
Although, he never quite could just go about it in a fairly simple way. No, Tatsuya always had to think of the most elaborate ways to try and marry her off and why should he make exceptions just because he was away from home? Through very questionable means, he managed to disguise himself as an employee, and after finding a man who at least looked vaguely familiar, he set about putting his 'plan' into action.
"Hey, you! Can you help me move this box, I need to feed the sharks."
"Uhh, okay..." The man replied, with a great deal of uncertainty. It would appear than Tatsuya didn't make a particularly convincing Sea World employee, probably because he had the uniform on the wrong way round. Nevertheless, Tatsuya managed to convince the man to follow him into a storage cupboard, where he proceeded to be knocked out cold. The only problem that Tatsuya then faced, was finding Kyouki. Which conveniently, wasn't all that hard either.
"KYOUKI, I NEED YOUR HELP… I NEED YOUR HELP IN A CUPBOARD!"
"You what?...Zabuza didn't show you his video collection did he?"
"No, why? Why won't you help me? I don't see what's wrong with asking for help in a…" At first, Tatsuya wasn't sure whether he was more horrified with himself, or with Kyouki. "THAT IS SO CHILDISH, HOW COULD YOU THINK I MEANT THAT. YOU'RE DISGUSTING... Can you even do that with a woman?"
"What... yes... well maybe you... I uhh...nevermind," she muttered, not quite sure if Tatsuya was mentally stable enough to hear about such things, "I'll help you but this better not be a trick Tatsuya or I swear I'll kill you."
But of course, when the two of them actually reached the cupboard she saw the man sprawled on the floor, still unconscious.
"Tatsuya, what did you do?" Kyouki said turning around but as she did so the door to the cupboard slammed shut and she heard Tatsuya shout at her from behind it.
"I'm not letting you out until you're married!"
"I really should have seen that one coming..." Kyouki muttered to herself, even after two years of living with Tatsuya, she was still slightly amazed that there was someone more obsessed with marrying her off than her own father was. However, somewhere amongst all the profanities she was muttering to herself, she completely forgot that she wasn't alone, and so was completely startled when the formerly unconscious man spoke up.
"Where am I? What happened?" he asked.
"I dunno, my bat shit crazy cousin knocked you out with a broom or something. Now stand back I'm going to break this door down."
"Or we could just go out this door." He said pointing to a door behind them, "have I seen you before? I think I saw you when some insane people dragged me to this base."
"...Don't even ask. Let's just go already."
Elsewhere in Sea World
"Why don't you want a reunion with your mum and dad Kisame? Did you guys have a fight?"
"Tatsuya, fuck off. I won't give you another warning." Kisame replied trying his hardest not to murder Tatsuya right there.
"You know, I'd want a reunion with my parents but I can't. You know why I can't, BECAUSE THEY'RE DEAD." Kisame arched an eyebrow at this, he was sure that either it was by Tatsuya's own hand that his parents died, or they were alive and well and just ignoring him. Whatever it was, he'd have to ask Kyouki later. "So you should be grateful your parents are still alive, you are so selfish Kisame!" Tatsuya said completely ignoring Kisame's warning.
That was of course, until Kisame got fed up and punched him in the side of the head. Tatsuya's vision blurred and he fell flat on his face. However, this kind of thing happened to Tatsuya rather often, within seconds of it happening Tatsuya was back on his feet, and pestering Kisame as if nothing had happened.
"You know there's counseling trips you can go on to fix broken relationships right?" Tatsuya looked round to that Kisame had gone a funny plum colour with anger. Even he, in his own little world of insanity knew that he was in danger and set off full speed running as fast as he possibly could, away from Kisame. He jumped over benches and even pushed a woman into in an attempt to slow the land shark down.
"HELP! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME. A SHARK HAS ESCAPED AND IS COMING TO GET ME!" Tatsuya screamed at the top of his lungs as Kisame caught up with him. Until 10 men dressed in Sea World uniforms stepped in front of them, stopping both of them in their tracks.
Meanwhile
Kyouki stepped out of the cupboard and found herself in front of a large audience, she took another step forward to ask someone where she was. As she put her foot down a loud squeal from by her feet.
"Oops" Kyouki whispered looking down.
Half an hour later
"Right, that is it. All of you out, I'm putting the lifetime ban back on all seven of you." All the Seven swordsmen were now standing in the manager of Sea World's office, being shouted at like a group of misbehaving children.
"Why? What did we do?" asked Choujuurou.
"What did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO? That one-" he pointed at Kyouki "ruined the lunch time dolphin show by walking onto the stage half way through and kicking one of the dolphins in the face."
"It got in my way..." she muttered to herself "Anyway, if you're going to have dolphins you shouldn't just leave them lying around the place!"
"I DON'T CARE. Those two," he turned to Tatsuya and Kisame, ignoring the look of glee that had crept across Tatsuya's face when he heard about the dolphins being hurt. "Ran around screaming at each other and injured 5 people. The staff found him" he pointed to Zabuza, "asleep in one of the cleaning supply cupboards with his hands down his pants, 'protecting the thing most precious to him' And I don't even want to start on what that sicko-"He nodded towards Raiga, who was doing his best to whistle 'nonchalantly',"was up to."
"I wasn't doing anything, YOU HAVE NO PROOF!" he cried out hysterically.
"We caught you on camera, now go, all of you get out before I press charges."
"Hey, what did me and Choujuurou do, eh?"
"Well, you nearly killed all of the sea life by trying to fill our tanks with your 'Maple Syrup no Jutsu' and as for you..." He gazed at Choujuurou for a moment, but immediately looked away when he realized just how pathetic he actually looked "...I don't know what you did but it was bound to be something disruptive and possibly illegal. Now get out before I call the police."
"Ok, let's just go, SeaWorld is a piece of shit anyway." Zabuza said yawning "I'm tired anyway, I've been awake for like half an hour, that's a whole episode, it's gonna take me awhile to recover."
Later that day
"And the turtles were all like swoosh as they swam around. Then there was this one clam that was HUGE. The sea cucumbers were awesome that was purple... And kicking that dolphin was probably the greatest thing you'll ever do, woman. I hate dolphins, they're all like 'look at me I can jump through a hoop' and then there are all those people who go and protest about killing the squeaking little bitches. We shouldn't save them we should just kill them... and put them in tuna, it tastes better that way..."
"He's been at that for half an hour... How long until he shuts up?" Tatsuya's pointless – and grammatically incorrect – ramblings had already annoyed Raiga to the point he felt like repeatedly bashing his head off the wall.
"About a week... maybe a month at the most. He'll probably quit it around the same time Kisame stops sulking, eh."
"My god, can't I just kill him already? Killing him would be fun... I could do it with a stapler, if you just let me." Kyouki muttered to herself, still intending to carry out the promise she had made earlier.
"As much as it would be hilarious, no you can't kill him. He's too exploitable right now, if we let him carry on we might just get him to do our missions for us." Zabuza shrugged, fairly content with the possibility of avoiding his work.
"I thought we were supposed to be ninja... are we ever actually going to do a mission where we...you know... use our swords?"
"...Don't be ridiculous Chimecho... YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO GO RUIN EVERYTHING FOR EVERYONE DON'T YOU-"
"There goes the exploitability... you always have to ruin everything, don't you Choujuurou?" Raiga sighed, rubbing his temples as Tatsuya continued to yell randomly at the top of his lungs.
"Yeah...screw you guys, I'm going to bed." and that, was the last anyone heard of Zabuza for at least four days.