A/N: This may well have been the first story ever written for this series... just about every time this story comes up I'm yelled at to point out that Tatsuya is not as fat as previously implied... I, however, think that's a lie.

"Get up, we're going to be late!" Zabuza shouted at Tatsuya who was still lying in his bed despite having a mission to go on.

"Why do I have to go on the mission? I went on a mission last week!" Tatsuya mumbled into his pillow. Unaware, that it had in fact been three years since his last mission, and the majority of self-respecting ninjas managed to go on at least one a week.

"Well then, we'll go without you, good luck finding any food." Zabuza turned and left the rubbish filled room, slamming the door on his way out.

Half an hour later

The seven swordsmen found themselves walking through a forest, Tatsuya included even if it had taken Mangetsu threatening to ram a 6ft metal bar up his ass (eh). Even then, he was still in his pyjamas... dragging his sword behind him as he walked whilst talking very loudly about himself to a very uninterested Kisame. Who, at that point would have much rather listened to Raiga rambling on to Mangetsu about his burning desire to 'meet' Suigetsu.

Whilst everyone else was engrossed in their own conversations, Zabuza was walking behind the group watching for bandits. Little did he know that someone had crept beneath his radar and had been following them for quite some time. Suddenly, a huge rock came flying out from behind the trees, heading straight for the back of Zabuza's head. By the time he realized something was wrong it was too late he was knocked out cold and dragged deep into the forest where he awoke in a deep hole...

"You know what? You should bring your brother over to the base sometime!" Raiga said to Mangetsu, apparently no one had noticed the mysterious disappearance of Zabuza either that or they were all too busy with their respective conversations to care.

"Did you hear that?" Raiga asked Mangetsu, after receiving absolutely no response.

"Hear what, eh?" Mangetsu asked, now slightly nervous that it could be Suigetsu.

"It sounds like children laughing." Raiga stated, Mangetsu was somewhat relieved at the knowledge that there was no possible way for it to be Suigetsu, since he had devoted quite some time into ensuring that his younger brother grew up to be utterly miserable. "They really shouldn't be out here alone..." he continued "It's dangerous out here... they could get um...hurt! I think I'll just go check on them, yeah... check on them"

Before Mangetsu had the chance to reply, Raiga had already run off – not that Mangetsu really cared – he was just relieved that now Raiga was gone, he could finally feel slightly more at ease.

Now, here is where the part about the mysterious disappearance of Mangetsu would come in, but due to a complete lack of information from Kishimoto and complete laziness on my part, there really isn't anything to write, wow, what a disappointment, eh... Anyway, now to Choujuurou and Tatsuya!

Choujuurou was walking along just praying that Tatsuya would stop talking soon.

"AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS ANNOYING ABOUT WOMEN?...ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING" Unfortunately for Choujuurou, there was no such luck.

Noticing a speck on his glasses that was bound to start annoying him soon, Choujuurou stopped in order to clean them. Tatsuya however, carried on walking while continuing his rant, clearly unaware that his audience had fallen behind. Whilst Choujuurou was busying himself trying to make his glasses clean, he failed to notice the tentacles across the ground. When they reached Choujuurou they wrapped themselves around his ankles and dragged him backwards into the trees.

"OH MY GOD, IT'S GOING TO EAT ME! HELP!" Unfortunately for Choujuurou no matter how much he kicked and screamed he couldn't get free. Even more unfortunate for him, was that the only person who could hear him was Tatsuya, who, to Choujuurou's despair didn't even bother to turn round.

"Tch. Is that nerd shouting about how much of a nerd he is again? Jesus, we know already." Tatsuya said, briefly halting his self-absorbed ramblings "Well if he's going to be so selfish and only talk about himself, I suppose I'll need to go tell Kisame and the woman about just how god damn awesome I am!"

5 Minutes (That seemed like 5 days) Later

"You know what the best thing about me is? I'm not a woman, so I can do every important thing. Those women, they're too stupid to do anything right" Tatsuya carried on ranting, much to the annoyance of the other two remaining swordsmen. "I'm tired, how many hours have we been walking for? Let's rest. I want to rest. Now"

"But it's only been ten minu-"

"NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOUR OPINIONS, WOMAN!"

Tatsuya sat down on a log by the side of the path they were walking down, fully expecting the other two to join him, but, instead they just carried on, as if they had never noticed he was there.

"You know, you could at least wait for me! I am the strongest here. Without me you guys are so screwed" No response. "Fine, carry on walking! You guys go on and get yourselves killed, see if I care!" Unknown to Tatsuya, a dark figure was creeping up behind him. When the figure was right behind Tatsuya its arms shot out, covered his mouth and held him back. Tatsuya bit down on his captures hand. "Ugh! Don't you touch me you filthy peasant!" Although he had no time to escape, as the shady figure punched him it the side of the head, knocking him out.

As the figure walked through the forest to where he had put the others he found it strange that the man slung over his shoulder continued to talk, despite being out cold. "Bloody peasants, thinking they can touch me, I'll show them all, I'LL GIVE THEM WHAT FOR!" If he was ever going to do this again, he'd need chloroform.

Somewhere else in the forest

"Is it just me, or does something feel a bit...off?" Kisame said turning to Kyouki.

"Yes, it's become strangely quiet around here..." Kyouki replied monotonously. It wasn't as if quiet was a massive problem.

"Yeah, I can actually hear myself think..." The two of them stood in silence for a moment, before coming to a sudden realization "...Tatsuya's missing!"

"That's a bad thing, is it?" Kyouki asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Well no, but the others have disappeared too..."

"Oh well... yeah, I guess that's slightly more problematic... only slightly."

"How can five grown men possibly get lost in their own home? We'll have to split up and look for them. You go that way, I'll go this way" Kisame pointed in two different directions and Kyouki nodded in agreement before they both went their separate ways. Well, I think everyone knows what fate soon befell poor Kisame...

After 10 minutes of fighting through the forest, Kyouki heard noises coming from a nearby cluster of trees, she braced herself, slowly drawing her sword when suddenly, Raiga burst into sight shouting at the top of his voice. "OH, LITTLE BOY~"

As he caught sight of Kyouki, he froze right on spot, staring at her blankly. "...I wasn't running after little children... why would you think that? That's ridiculous! I AM NOT A PEDOFILE!" he managed spit out, eventually.

"Then why are you out here?" Kyouki asked, ignoring the last part of his statement for the sake of her own sanity.

"...I'm out here for the same reason as you." He replied "...and why are you out here?"

"...I'm looking for the others." she replied, narrowing her eyes, although more out of disgust for Raiga's lack of ability to lie, than anything else. " They've gone missing. Now come on you have to help me find them."

And so the two of them walked in what was an extremely awkward silence. Which was perfectly fine for Kyouki, but Raiga on the other hand, took pleasure in insulting, irritating and generally just creeping out the people around him.

"Kyouki, I'm sure you told me once, but I forget. How old are you?"

"17." She replied bluntly, not even bothering to make eye contact with Raiga.

"Oh, it's a real shame you weren't a couple of years younger, we would get on really well if you were" If it were at all possible, he could have sworn he saw Kyouki's face turn an even paler shade of white.

"...Let's hurry." She said, quickening her pace, now beginning to see the advantage in having the others around. As they walked in silence again, she began to wonder if Kisame was having any more luck than her. Suddenly, a man pounced in front of them, like a cat He was wearing a mask which covered all of his face, except from his strangely coloured red and green eyes.

"Ah, I found you! And with only a pedofile to defend you!"

"I'M NOT A PEDOFILE!"

"Yes you are. I saw you with those children earlier."

"THOSE PESKY KIDS!"

"Oh god. Not you, not again. Leave me alone." Kyouki cried, her eyes wide staring at Kakuzu. She then turned and ran away at full speed, without even giving a thought towards Raiga, who she was leaving alone with one of the only men in the whole world who somehow managed to be more creepy than Raiga himself.

After a good while, Kyouki managed to slow herself down and realized she was now, completely lost. After battling her way through some thick bushes, she came to a clearing, and in the middle of the clearing was a large hole. Deciding that it probably wasn't a trap, Kyouki looked into it, and when she did, she saw all her team mates at the bottom, the only exception being Raiga.

"He's back! He tried to get me again. You promised me he had left!" she shouted down to them, as if she was the only one in an unfortunate situation, and the others had just been playing a practical joke on her.

"Who's back, eh?" Mangetsu shouted back up.

"That guy! You know the one...Kaku...Kakuto?"

"IT'S KAKUBLIH, OBVIOUSLY! DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING WOMAN?"

"Kyouki will you for once in your life, stop wasting time and get me the hell out of here!"

"Geez you're being such a dick Zabuza!" Tatsuya said, slightly bitter that Zabuza had interrupted what would have been – in his opinion, a perfectly good argument between him and Kyouki. "Ohhhh... I get it! You really are a woman! You must be on your period!" There was a moment of silence as everyone stopped to glare at Tatsuya.

"Tatsuya, just go sit in the corner, eh." Mangetsu sighed.

"THERE ARE NO CORNERS YOU IDIOT! THIS HOLE IS CIRCULAR, SO HA!"

"Kyouki, I'll throw you up a rope!" Of course, Choujuurou meant well, but his throwing skills were beyond off, and rather than getting anywhere close to Kyouki, the rope swung backwards and whacked Tatsuya straight in the eye. "Ooops, sorry Tatsuya... but... you kind of had that coming..."

"YOU BASTARD, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"Uhh...be grateful it wasn't...Hirameki?"

"You guys!" Kyouki yelled down, trying to break up the fight "You're ninja, right? Couldn't you just... focus the chakra in your feet and climb up?"

Stupid didn't even begin to describe how the others must have felt at that point it time.

Back At The Base

After, their ordeal, everyone decided the mission just wasn't worth doing and all headed back to the base. The six of them sat there for some time before Kisame finally said

"Don't you feel like we're missing someone?" At that precise moment, the doors flew open and Raiga stood there looking like he was ready to scream bloody murder.

"KYOUKI!"

"Oh ...shit."

"YOU LEFT ME BEHIND WITH THAT KAKUZU GUY! HE MADE ME PAY HIM NOT TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT THE CHIL-" Raiga paused for a moment, deciding it was best not to say the last part out loud. "If you say a word about anything you heard today, I swear, I will tell everyone exactly why that man is out to get you." he muttered to Kyouki, who merely grimaced and gave him the slightest hint of a nod.

"Oh believe me Raiga, I'll take your secret to the grave..."

"Anyway" Choujuurou began, desperately trying to change the subject "What were we even supposed to be doing on that mission?"

"We were going food shopping." Zabuza stated, as if it was something completely normal for a group of excessively violent and bloodthirsty ninja to be doing.

"...we were doing what, eh?" Mangetsu asked.

"Yeah, you dicks forced me to get out of bed just for that? That's the woman's job not mine!" Tatsuya protested, ignoring the death glare he was receiving from Kyouki.

"I don't think I need to remind you of the time we tried to get to the kitchen, do I?" Zabuza asked.

Everyone recoiled in horror, that was a time they'd all rather forget...