A/N: Why yes, we are throwing in random characters and pieces of technology that have nothing to do with anything! ...Someday, this story will have a plot of it's very own.

"I'm hungry. Go make some food woman... in fact, why are you even out of the kitchen? GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN!" Tatsuya yelled at Kyouki, unaware of the futility of the whole thing, as after having had the same thing said to her on a daily basis, Kyouki had learned to completely switch off every time Tatsuya spoke.

"Do we even have a kitchen?" Kisame asked, looking up from his sword, which he was currently feeding fish food.

"Yeah, it's right at the back of the base, I saw it in these blueprints." Choujuurou replied, waving a piece of paper in the air whilst barely making himself heard over Tatsuya's continued ranting.

"There are blueprints?" Kyouki asked, her eyes wide with shock, "Jesus, I thought someone just built this place on a drunken whim..."

"We could always use the blueprints to get to the kitchen, eh..."

"I have an idea! We should use those blueprints to find the kitchen, there might be food that the woman can cook!" Tatsuya said, blatantly ignoring the fact that Mangetsu had made almost the exact same statement only seconds before him.

"And there are a lot of other rooms here too..." Choujuurou muttered whilst staring at the blueprints.

"I'll go get Zabuza and Raiga..." Kyouki said, walking away from Tatsuya who, after giving up on his endeavours to get her back in the kitchen, was now rambling on about the 'sheer brilliance' of his 'plan'.

10 Minutes Later

"Kisame, why do we need survival bags and first aid kits? It's not like we're climbing a mountain or anything..." Zabuza asked, horrified at the thought of having to do some actual exercise.

"Yeah, but we'll need them in case we get lost" Kisame replied "this base is pretty big, and none of the seven of us have ever gone past the wall of trash before..."

"But we have a map and we're only exploring the base, even if it is big it's still just a building."

"Whatever Choujuurou. If you get lost, killed or molested on this trip I just want you to know, I'm not helping you."

After half an hour of climbing over the wall of trash, the seven swordsmen finally reached the other side of the heap, and due to the complete lack of sunlight that got through, were left in almost complete darkness...with Raiga.

"So...where do we go now?" he asked.

"Well..." Choujuurou squinted at the blueprints, his eyesight being even worse in the dark than it was on a regular day, which was barely possible."We go through that door on the right, then we keep going straight until we get to a fork..."

"Wait, let me look at the map, eh" Mangetsu said, after looking around for several minutes and seeing no door to the right.

"Then we go down that corridor for about ten minutes..." Choujuurou continued, still tracing his finger along the blueprints whilst completely ignoring Mangetsu.

"Ten minutes? How big is this place?" Kyouki asked.

"Well supposedly it's about five miles across... the Mizukage thought that a building this big would be best for keeping us away from the other villagers. Partly because we're retarded, but mostly because she's a bitch." Zabuza shrugged.

"And you know why that is? It's because-"

"She's a woman. "

"WILL YOU QUIT IGNORING ME, EH!" Mangetsu yelled, becoming extremely frustrated with the other members, and when they still paid no mind to his little outburst, he resolved to grab the blueprints straight out of Choujuurou's hands and run through the nearest door. Unfortunately, no one noticed for another five minutes, when they had already reached the end of the corridor.

"Where's Mangetsu?" Raiga asked.

"He'll be off sulking somewhere," Kyouki shrugged, "he does that a lot, it's best just to leave him be."

"... where did the map go?" Choujuurou said, staring down at his – now empty, hands.

"You lost the map? You are such an idiot chicken chow mein." Tatsuya said, smacking Choujuurou upside the head.

"It's not my fault! Mangetsu must have been the one who took it... he could be anywhere by now."

"Okay...we're not going to get anywhere if we just stand around" Kisame sighed, rubbing his temples. Sometimes, he wondered if all his insecurity and general unhappiness, stemmed not from his appearance, but from the fact that he was surrounded by idiots. "Raiga, Choujuurou, you two go back down the corridor and go look for Mangetsu. Zabuza, Tatsuya, you two go through the door to the left... Kyouki and I will go right..."

"Why does this whole situation feel awkwardly like a Scooby Doo episode?" Zabuza muttered to Kyouki as Raiga and Choujuurou disappeared back down the corridor, whilst Tatsuya busied himself yelling at Kisame, over how he had no right to order the others around... that was Tatsuya's job.

"Because the collective IQ of everyone here is that of an eight year old? Just, get on with it..." she shrugged in response, turning to leave with Kisame – thankful that she wasn't the one who had been landed with Tatsuya.

Some time later, everyone else had at least made some attempt to get to their respective destinations, even if some people, such as Raiga, had become...distracted. Zabuza and Tatsuya, being as lazy as they were had made absolutely no attempt to move since the group had split up. In fact, they had just stood in the exact same place, leaning against the wall and waiting until the others were out of earshot.

"So..." Zabuza said, turning to Tatsuya, even beneath the bandages it was easy to see that he now had a somewhat psychotic smile on his face "I bet Kisame and Kyouki have gone off to 'find some gills'"

"Yeah, and to find some er... lungs as well!...haha..." Tatsuya replied, trying to pass off his sentence with enough confidence to make it seem as though he knew what Zabuza was talking about, just so he could feel included.

"...You have no idea what I'm talking about do you?" Zabuza narrowed his eyes, it didn't take much for him – or anyone else for that matter, to see through Tatsuya's façade.

"Of course I know! But say... Frank here" Tatsuya said, gesturing to an empty space on his left "didn't know...what would you say to him?"

"Well, er.. Frank" Zabuza said, looking to Tatsuya's left "on Kisame's birthday I walked in to..."

"What are you doing Zabuza the Dick?" Tatsuya asked with a confused expression plastered across his face.

"...I'm talking to Frank."

"...What? Who's Frank? What the hell are you on?"

"Nevermind... crazy bitch...anyway, I walked in to see Kyouki and Kisame alone, and Kisame was taking his shirt of. And she tries so say that he was looking for his gills, but Kyouki's a pirate and therefore a liar, so I don't believe that for a second."

"Kyouki's a pirate...?" Tatsuya asked, convinced that even through his veil of insanity he'd have noticed if one of his co-workers was a pirate.

"...That may have been a dream I had."

"I see... so that's why she refused to do as I said and marry that guy from SeaWorld... she's in love with Kisame... I bet I could marry her off really easily now..."

"...You really do have some issues, Tatsuya."

Meanwhile

"Ten minutes and we still haven't found anything... maybe we should try opening some of these doors..." Kisame said, after he and Kyouki had reached yet another dead end.

"Why are we even looking for the kitchen?" Kyouki asked, with a highly displeased tone to her voice, "it's not like we weren't coping without it."

"I know, but it's not like we had anything better to do..."

"Uhh...Kisame..." Kyouki said, after having flung a nearby door open, only to have someone fall on top of her.

"What?" he asked, continuing to look through the various doors in front of him, without even so much as glancing back.

"There's a dead guy in this cupboard." She replied, moving slightly to the left so that she was no longer propping up a dead body.

"Oh yeah, him..." Kisame nodded and rolled his eyes when he looked back. "He disappeared about a year or so ago... I always wondered where he went..."

"I thought you said no one had ever gone past the heap of rubbish?"

"I said none of the seven of us... this guy was around when we were the eight swordsmen of the hidden mist." Kisame replied, seeming not at all bothered that the decaying corpse of his former comrade had just fallen out of a cupboard.

"Remind me again why I agreed to work with you guys..."

"Because Mangetsu and you have some weird overly attached friendship...thing?"

At first, Kyouki wasn't sure whether she was meant to respond to Kisame, or just stand there glaring at him. Although Kisame wasn't the first and certainly not the last person to point that out to her, it really wasn't something she was prepared to discuss. "...can we just get this over with?" she mumbled eventually, after spending several minutes trying to use her eyes to bore holes into Kisame's soul.

However, before the two of them could actually do anything else, they were interrupted by a loud crash, coming from elsewhere in the building.

Zabuza and Tatsuya fell to the floor, as a car broke through the wall. The driver's window rolled down, and a seemingly albino man with violet eyes stuck his head out of it.

"WHICH IDIOT PUT A FUCKING BUILDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD?" he shouted, before continuing to reverse through the building, obviously not aware of how to make his car go in the right direction.

Fortunately however, the path of destruction had left all of the seven swordsmen visible to each other.

"Screw it. This is the last time any one of us leaves the living room." Kisame shook his head, giving up on looking for the kitchen and heading back to the living room where he had left his precious Samehada.

And not only is that why the seven swordsmen are confined to one area of the building, it is also why, under no circumstances, will Hidan ever be allowed to have his driver's licence back.