A/N: LonelyAura, you can take certain events in this story as a foreboding ;)

"Kyouki, Kyouki, Kyouki. KYOUKI! Shit. I've been forgetting to say eh...EH!" Mangetsu said, repeatedly poking his friend in the shoulder in an attempt to wake her up.

"...what?" she murmured in a half asleep state, hoping that whatever it was Mangetsu wanted would take no more than a few seconds and she would be able to go back to sleep.

"I want to irritate someone, eh."

"Okay..." she groaned, attempting to prop herself up against the wall. Sometimes she could have sworn she hated mornings more than Zabuza did."Who should we start with?" however, before either of them had any time to think, there came a loud screeching sound from downstairs...

"THERE'S NOTHING TO FUCKING EAT...WOMAN!"

"I sense we have our first victim, eh."

"IT'S BEEN LIKE, 3 SECONDS SINCE I YELLED AT YOU, WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOWNSTAIRS?" Tatsuya burst into the room, having run up the stairs as quickly as he could immediately after yelling the first time.

"Umm, Tatsuya... we have some bad news for you... you might want to sit down..." Kyouki said in as melancholic a tone as she could manage, avoiding eye contact with their unsuspecting victim.

"What? What's happened? Did one of my Digimon die? Is Charizard OK...please tell me Charizard is fine, please?"

"Your Charizard is fine, it's something much worse, now sit down, eh." to this day, it still astounded Mangetsu that a grown man still believed that pokémon was actually real.

"OH MY GOD, THE BABY ISN'T KISAME'S IS IT? YOU, YOU." he yelled, pointing and Kyouki and Mangetsu in turn "YOU'RE A SLUT AND I BET YOU SEDUCED HER, DIDN'T YOU, DIDN'T YOU? KISAME!" and with every word the volume of his, incredibly loud, voice escalated, until the walls of the room actually began to shake.

"SHUT UP!" Kisame yelled, just as loud from elsewhere in the base.

"It...isn't...that." Kyouki managed to say, despite having the near uncontrollable urge to punch Tatsuya right between the eyes.

"Oh, okay." he replied in an unusually calm tone, given that he had just screamed his lungs out at them. And finally, he managed to do as they had told him to ages ago, and sat down on the edge of Kyouki's bed.

"It...it's Danzo... he's getting a sex change, just so he can escape you, eh." Mangetsu said, finally. Since they hadn't had any time to plan this out, he had to go on what little knowledge they had about Tatsuya... his creepy old man fetish being the only thing which came to mind.

"What, no...no. Oh my god... I think I'm hyperventilating... It's okay, I'll adapt, I'll adapt." He managed to choke out through his unsteady breathing.

"Oh, and he's eloping with Ao." Kyouki added in, just to pour salt on an open wound.

"WHAT?"

"No no no, don't worry, eh. We thought about how to help you get over it, so... you know that Mei Terumi lady, eh?"

"Yeah..."

"We're marrying you off to her." strangely, Kyouki found the whole ordeal to be rather fun when it wasn't happening to her.

"NOOO. Please, I'll do anything, anything! I'll be nice I promise! You can't do this to me... I'm a homosexual, you don't lean any more to the other side than I do! Even when I was normal I was gay!" he grabbed Kyouki by the shoulders and began shaking her like a rag doll.

"No you weren't, you have that love child remember?" she replied, attempting to brush him off like you would a fly.

"I thought its mother was a man, she looked like one... I was drunk and it was a slip of the cock... mind. MIND" he continued to yell, tightening his grip on Kyouki's shoulders in a desperate attempt to reinforce his point.

"...anyway, eh." Mangetsu began, desperately trying to change the subject to avoid further mental scarring. "Danzo's a woman and we're marrying you off to Mei Terumi...Oh, hey Kisame, eh."

"Shut up, Mangetsu." Kisame said, completely pissed off at the fact he'd had to get up just to find out why Tatsuya was screaming at him for the third time that morning.

"What, eh?"

"... I really hate you, you know that? I have no idea why... I'm just really suspicious of you... you stay away from my stuff." Kisame's hatred for Mangetsu had cause him to completely forget the reason for him being there, to yell at a now suicidal Tatsuya.

"Do you even have stuff? You don't seem like the kind of person who owns stuff." Kyouki asked, trying her very best to ignore Tatsuya who was now repeatedly banging his head off her wall.

"I was in his room. When we were talking. He has. Nothing. You should know that. I bet you. Are always. In There." Tatsuya managed to say in between banging his head of Kyouki's wall, in some futile attempt to commit suicide.

"Oh for god's sake, Tatsuya stop it, it was a lie." she sighed, more out of concern for her wall than for her cousin.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"but seriously, just stay away from my stuff." Kisame said to Mangetsu, before turning and leaving.

"HE MEANS KYOUKI!" Tatsuya yelled... directly into Mangetsu's ear.

"I'm right next to you, stop shouting, eh."

"I just wanted to make a point. The point being that Kyouki is Kisame's possession and you should stay away from her."

"I gathered that, eh."

"Yeah well, some of you guys are a bit slow. I was just making it clear."

"...Let's go find someone else to annoy, eh." Mangetsu sighed, getting the feeling that if they didn't leave soon, Tatsuya would never shut up.

"Typical. Can't face up to the fact that she belongs to someone else!"

"Who should we annoy next, eh?" Mangetsu asked, after Kyouki had slammed the door on Tatsuya... not that he was particularly bothered, he'd probably spend the rest of the day sat there, ranting to himself.

"Well...we should probably stay away from Kisame. He seems to be in a mood with us today."

"...Is he ever not in a mood with us, eh?"

"Well...he's sometimes not in a mood with...me..." for the life of her she honestly couldn't remember at time when Kisame had ever been in a good mood with Mangetsu. "Let's go find Raiga."

10 Minutes Later

Raiga wandered into the lounge, where he was confronted with the sight of Mangetsu, sobbing into the table, and Kyouki who still looked as if she had only just woken up, sat beside him, failing to be comforting.

"What's wrong with you Mangetsu?"

"...It's...Suigetsu's dead, eh... there's this disease and it... it killed everyone under 16, eh." He managed to choke out, in between Kyouki kicking him full force in the shin, every time he didn't sound sad enough.

"...NOOO!" Raiga said after a long pause, falling to his knees and shaking his fists dramatically.

"Calm down Raiga, I mean, it's not like you're a pedofile or anything..." Kyouki said, exchanging a rather terrified look with Mangetsu.

"No, It's just... I'm mourning Suigetsu is all..."

"Yeah just... let it all out Raiga..." Kyouki rolled her eyes as her and Mangetsu were forced to sit in an awkward silence for the good part of 15 minutes, whilst Raiga sobbed uncontrollably.

"...Why won't he stop crying, eh?" Mangetsu whispered.

"I think we may have taken away everything that he holds dear to him. We're destroying people's lives today...who next?"

"Zabuza, eh!" and with that, they tried to sneak their way out of the room, leaving Raiga to cry all by himself and praying that they wouldn't end up being held responsible for his death.

In Zabuza's Room

"ZABUZA WAKE THE FUCK UP!" Kyouki yelled, whilst repeatedly stamping on Zabuza's stomach, having failed to wake him up in every other possible way.

"...Why?" he groaned, having barely been disturbed by all the noise (and pain) Kyouki had managed to make.

"We want to talk to you about... Haku, eh."

"HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HAKU?" he suddenly sat bolt upright, knocking Kyouki completely off balance and causing her to hit the floor, full force.

"So... Haku's your 'girlfriend'eh?" Mangetsu asked.

"Yes... how did you know that?" there was something about this that worried Zabuza greatly.

"Haku told us." Kyouki said, standing up and straightening her clothes out... god, Zabuza's floor was not a good place to be. "So, you are gay after all then?"

"What, No? How does that make me gay?"

"Well... Haku is a boy... I thought you of all people would have known that, eh" Mangetsu replied, trying to look as shocked as possible.

"...NO SHE'S NOT! .Haku"

"He said you met at a gay bar..."

"O-Outside a gay bar! I WAS PASSING BY!" Zabuza yelled, becoming increasingly worried.

"Sure you were, eh..."

"And why were you two at a gay bar?"

"We were passing through Soho... on our way to see the Mizukage." Honestly, it wouldn't have surprised Kyouki (or anyone else for that matter) if the Mizukage's house was in Soho...

"Ah, Soho... I know it well."

"Yeah we thought you might."

"What? Stop twisting my words!"

"No one needed to twist them, Zabuza... you said it yourself, eh."

"I swear to god, I will beat the pair of you to death with this."

"No, no, no." Mangetsu said, grabbing Zabuza's sword from him. "Heads go in here, eh... and when you pull the sword, it's supposed to decapitate people, eh." he then handed it back to him, you'd have thought that after several years, Zabuza would at least know how to work his own weapon.

"Oh... really? I fucking love this sword, hold still!"

"Time to go...?" Kyouki gave Mangetsu a worried glance and he merely nodded and bit his lip in response, before the two of them bolted out of the room and as far away from Zabuza as was possible... not that he would have chased after them or anything, he was far too lazy for that.

"So...who is Haku, eh?" Mangetsu finally asked, after an extremely prolonged silence.

"... I haven't a fucking clue. Do we have anyone left to annoy?"

"All that's left is Choujuurou, eh..."

"That shouldn't be too difficult, all we need to do is tell him someone in the organisation likes him and-"

"Someone said they liked me?"

"Y-yes, it was... it was... Tatsuya, eh." Mangetsu stuttered out, partly because he was so shocked that someone had been in the room the whole time without them noticing... and partly because he genuinely struggled to think of someone who might like Choujuurou.

"But we don't want to interfere too much" Kyouki continued, convinced that not even Tatsuya would want Choujuurou's friendship... or anything else for that matter "you should go talk to him about it yourself..."

"Oh, okay..."

"...Does that boy seriously have no common sense?" she didn't even bother to wait until Choujuurou was out of earshot before she spoke.

"...None at all, eh."

15 Minutes Later

"YOU GUYS ARE SO SELFISH. WHERE THE HELL IS KISAME? KISAME GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!" Tatsuya yelled, bursting into the lounge.

"...I'm right here Tatsuya." Kisame sighed, not willing to point out that Tatsuya was the one who had actually just dragged him downstairs.

"I am so angry at you two-"

"Why are you covered in blood, eh?" Mangetsu asked, only just realizing that Tatsuya wasn't just turning red with rage.

"Don't worry it's not mine." Tatsuya waved his hand dismissively, determined to completely avoid the subject and return to his story.

"Whose is it?" Kisame sighed, if Tatsuya had 'accidentally' killed another Jehovah's Witness he swore he wasn't going to cover it up for him... again.

"Choujuurou's. Is there a hospital near by he can crawl to? Who's the healing ninja here. Woman?" he looked expectantly at Kyouki, who merely shook her head in response. "Well then who is it?"

"You."

"Oh. Well...shit. We're going to need to find a new member... More importantly though, you guys are dicks. First of all, the woman and Kisame run away together just so they don't need to stop having sexytime and because of that this whole war starts. And then, I get killed by Mangetsu, no one apart from Kisame even seems to care that I died... thank you for avenging my death by the way, Kisame."

"I've heard this before... Tatsuya, what was my name in all of this?" Kyouki asked in a patronising albeit concerned tone

"Helen of Troy."

"Tatsuya. I am not that historical figure." she said with increasing agitation.

"And for some reason everyone kept calling me Hector..."

"I don't think there's any reasoning with-" Mangetsu began, only to be interrupted by Tatsuya kicking him in the heel as hard as he possibly could.

"TAKE THAT YOU DICK!"

"What... what are you doing, eh?" however, Mangetsu was completely unfazed by it... probably because Tatsuya couldn't kick his way out of a wet paper bag.

"Kicking you in your one weakness, Achilles! If that's even your real name!... Maybe I should shoot it with an arrow or something, like Kisame did..."

"Why did he shoot me, eh?"

"To avenge my death, after you killed me. I am his brother after all. I'm sure there was another reason though... hint hint."

"...I'll ignore that, eh." Mangetsu sighed, rolling his eyes. "Wait, why did I kill you, eh?"

"I killed Suigets-" Sadly, Tatsuya never got to finish his sentence as he was interrupted by Raiga, flinging open the doors and screaming at the top of his lungs.

"SO IT IS TRUE. HOW COULD YOU? HOW COULD YOU RELEASE A VIRUS LIKE THAT? I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!"

"...Should we maybe tell Raiga it was a lie, eh?" Mangetsu whispered to Kyouki, who just continued to stare blankly at the wall in front of her.

"Mangetsu. We might just be responsible for Choujuurou's death. As long as everyone's distracted by Raiga... no one's going to give us shit for it."

And so, the seven swordsmen spent the rest of the day trying to prevent Raiga from brutally murdering Tatsuya... save for Choujuurou who was left to bandage up his leg because, as it turns out, Tatsuya thought that the foot was a vital organ.