A/N: Hiiiii guyssss…
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, MY LOVELIES! X3
Since I look upon all my loved ones as my valentines, that includes you guys too! And since I rarely leave this holiday without gifting the people I care about, here you go! Yeah, yeah, I added another part, but c'mon, most of you knew it would happen eventually. Hell, I might even just go along with the whole "Fame Monster" album and let this fucked up couple riiiideee it out. Lol! And please, if you're really content, I wouldn't mind a 'valentine' in return *hint hint* lol.
I've realized that a lot of people are torn about the characterization within this story/series. Some of you feel as if they are a bit OOC whilst some of you feel as if they're perfectly IC. Ha ha ha… what's my opinion you ask? Well, I think it's a bit complicated, so I won't go into detail, but let me put it this way…
There isn't just one way to keep a character 'in character'. ^.^ Besides, unless we're Ohba and squad, we're all pretty much keeping them out of character, aren't we? But I would love to continue hearing all of your opinions. They do indeed amuse me. XD
Hope you guys enjoy this monstrous train wreck! :D
Disclaimer: I don't own DN nor do I own "Dance in the Dark" by Lady Gaga. Now let me wallow in peace with my Vitamin Water plskthanx. T.T
"Some girls won't dance to the beat of the track;
She won't walk away,
But she won't look back.
She looks good
But her boyfriend says she's a mess;
She's a mess, she's a mess-
Now the girl is stressed;
She's a mess, she's a mess, she's a mess-
She's a mess!
Baby loves to dance in the dark
'Cuz when he's lookin'
She falls apart!
Baby loves to dance in the dark…
Baby loves to dance in the dark
'Cuz when he's lookin'
She falls apart!
Baby loves to dance,
Loves to dance in the dark."
-"Dance in the Dark" by Lady Gaga
Title: Dance in the Dark
Light huffed out an exhalation of breath as he stumbled into the apartment, brown eyes rimmed red with exhaustion and alcohol. Throwing his jacket on the floor the 21-year-old college student giggled as he pulled off his shoes with his feet, body wobbly and unstable as he leaned against L's couch. Shushing himself rather idiotically (L was still sleeping after all) Light paddled over the obstruction in his way and sloppily leaned against the frame of the open door of L's bedroom, the pale figure tiredly sitting on the bed turning towards the wayward man still struggling to keep his balance.
"You're supposed to be sleeeeeping…" Light slurred as he chuckled, stripping off the tight tee-shirt held to his body with only a few buttons and tugging at his skin tight jeans so as to shuck them off as well. "What time did you come home?"
L sighed as he quietly slipped off the bed, taking the task of assisting his temporarily coordinately-challenged boyfriend with his sloppy stripping whilst enjoying the familiar slate of golden-brown skin being presented to him after a long day of work.
"A little after one." Kicking away the splotches of clothing now speckling their bedroom floor L slung an arm around his lover's waist and guided him to the bed, hiding his amusement horribly. "You're actually early for once."
"Nothing interesting to report," Light sighed against his boyfriend's neck, pressing a series of tiny butterfly kisses along the slant of pale skin turned murky by the darkness of the room. "Just some drunken crazies and horny college students out tonight… Nothing new or exciting…"
"Any of them remind you of anybody you used to know?" The dark-haired detective chuckled as he let the younger man push him onto the bed and crawl after him.
"Very funny…" Laying another small kiss on his collar bone, Light grinned as he stared at the collection of faded bruises littering the skin above the collar of L's shirt, hands slowly trailing up from underneath the starched fabric and gathering it right as it reached his armpits. "Up!"
"Right…" Laughing at his boyfriend's fiery impatience the dark-haired detective lifted up his arms and blinked at the flash of white appearing over his eyes as the fabric was swept off of his head. Grabbing the back of the younger man's head before he could say anything L pressed a sloppy kiss onto those mischievous lips he loved so much, the bitter aftertaste of alcohol lingering heavily over the tongue peeking out to meet his own. Light groaned, his inhibitions all but lost in the face of so much sensation and lack of cognitive thought.
Treading down from the tanned biceps underneath his palms towards the exposed midsection littered with faded scars the older man almost paused to revel in the uneven skin; a specific scar in particular lying just above the brunet's hipbone catching his attention as one hand hovered over its location.
Kneading the uneven surface of skin L let his lips pop away from Light's and trailed a series of kisses down his cheek and jawbone towards the pulse of his neck, feeling a pair of hands fall from his waist and pull at the button and zipper of his jeans with an impatience that rivaled his own. Letting the article of clothing fall with gravity, L stepped out of the pool of denim just as he pushed the college student back towards the bed, ignoring the groan of irritation sent in his direction as Light's back hit the fluffy mattress and the tangle of limbs that came within him.
"Ow…" Light moaned as L's knee bumped against his thigh, falling out of the mood for a moment in lieu of the painful clash of body parts and the lack of the buzz keeping him from experiencing such pain. "That hurt!"
"Light, shut up." To punctuate the statement (and make sure that the only uses his mouth had at that were for kisses and other much more pleasurable stimulation of the sexual kind) the slightly more aggressive of the two laid a quick uncoordinated kiss on top of the brunet's mouth before moving back down to his prior activities, catching the younger man's nipple with his teeth and tugging on it slightly before sucking on the now-erect nub.
Instead of continuing on with his complaint Light groaned, the steady ache in his thigh slowly diminishing as the tingles of warmth sparking within groin increased second by second. Letting his hands grip those smooth dark strands falling across his chest, Light grew much more impatient as L continued to lavish attention onto his chest; after the boring night he had had, he refused to have to add on lazy sex on top of it.
"C'mon…" The 21-year-old pouted, hazy chestnut eyes lowering as a tanned leg crept up the man's pale-skinned torso and wound about his waist. "Stop teasing, L…"
Slowly lowering his head so as to leave no spot untouched by his lips and massaging hands, L moaned as he reached that same scar as before and licked the malformed slant ripped against otherwise near-perfect skin. Smirking as the body beneath him bucked under the lavish attentions spent on the still-sensitive tissue beneath his mouth, long skeletal fingers continued down the track Light so desperately needed him to as slightly-chapped lips stayed right where they were.
"Mm…" Hissing out in relief as those same figures languidly traced his inner thigh, Light almost cried out as L suddenly bit the scar tissue and stroked his length all in the same moment. One hand still grasped onto those dark strands and one hand now clutching the sheets bunched up inside his palm, Light moaned while trying to keep still and revel in the dual sensations L was bestowing upon him.
"Stay still." L muttered to no avail, lowering his mouth from the scar and smirking at the tinge of red illuminating the glistening pinkish-gold outline of the beautiful blemish that stood apart from the others weaving themselves alongside Light's torso and back. Without meaning to (or perhaps he did), the younger man rolled his hips in rhythm to the slow pace of that hand slithering up and down his cock, not able to control himself as the thought of those lips wrapping themselves around his length nearly undid him entirely.
"I don't want to…" Light whined as L interspersed his groin with soft nips and kisses. "You're being such a little bitch tonight, L!"
"Don't act like you don't like it." The lighter man snickered as he brought both hands up and around the base of Light's penis and gently squeezed, staving off any form of release he could indulge in. Twirling his tongue around the head of the prominent erection laying within his hands, L stifled a chuckle at Light's scrunched up expression. "What?"
"A-asshole!" Light stuttered as he backed away slightly and sat up, his legs spread out on the bed as his torso was supported by one of his arms now stretched out behind him. The other hand still thrumming through the dark strands falling forward onto his lap moved down to the pale neck presented in front of him as careful lips maneuvered further down the college student's length and swallowed.
"Shit!" Which was Light code for 'I wasn't expecting that but you should probably do it again because it felt really good; 'k please thanks!'
It almost made L laugh thinking about it; and had he not been so preoccupied with what he was doing, he probably would have.
Light moaned incessantly as he watched his boyfriend's head bob continuously within his lap, his cheeks hollowing for every suck he gave. The hands around the base of his cock kept squeezing intermediately so as to keep him from coming, but the image of the act alone was enough to get off on, let alone the sensations that came with it. L slowly trailed his tongue alongside the sensitive slit on the tip of his lover's penis, the bitter taste of pre-cum leaving a strange aftertaste in the older man's mouth.
"Stop it!" Light finally gasped, not quite able to take it anymore. Gently pinching the sensitive skin of the man's neck, Light nudged the older man's side with the side of his knee and began pulling at his hair so as to bring his head up. "Not like this… don't wanna… like this…"
Letting the penis slide out of his mouth with a slight pop L brought his head up and smiled; Light's hand falling off of his shoulder and meeting the other pressed behind him as L pushed forward and suckled on the soft lower lip gently pouting at the sudden lost of contact.
Moving away from the delicious figure scrunched up against the headboard of their bed, a shaky hand opened the drawer next to them and ruffled about until a long dark-colored tube was clutched between long skinny fingers in a triumphant clasp. Uncapping it with a sloppy twist of a wrist, L almost cursed as Light began to chuckle, fumbling fingers doing little to take away from the brunet's amusement. Giving the boy a rather dirty look (and not in the good way), those same overly-excited hands squeezed out liberal amounts of clear jelly-like liquid onto their palms and let the substance pool over the ends of their digits as Light continued to smirk in personal satisfaction at the task at hand before lowering down onto the mattress completely.
Once again lowering himself over the length of his lover's body, L didn't even hesitate as he trailed down the boy's sculpted abdomen and past his groin area towards the entrance presented to him as those raised knees split open little by little. Gently placing a tiny kiss on the side of brunet's mouth as the first finger slipped inside the tiny opening, L wasn't surprised when he his upper lip was nipped for its trouble.
Swirling the digit around, another pale finger joined its companion as a battle for dominance resumed between the two men's mouths; supple tongues swirling against one another as blunt teeth nipped and gnawed at any piece of flesh caught within their grasp. Light gasped into the other's rabid kiss a moment after the third finger was added, the curling sensation pushing against the tiny bundle of nerves inside him causing him his legs to unconsciously shift closer to each other, unknowingly winding around L's thin waist as they did so. Slowly scissoring against the constricting flesh surrounding the tiny appendages, L moaned as he bucked his hips forward, teasing his own body with images of what would soon to be happening in just a little bit of time.
After a few minutes of being continually pushed and pulled back from the brink of release, Light finally relaxed his body enough to the intrusion without actually wanting to, not wanting to admit just how much he loved it when L fingered him, but reveling in the feeling in the sanctity of his mind.
Knowing that something a bit better lay just around the corner, he kept himself in a steady mindset, the sound of more lubricant being spilled onto L's fingers reassuring his own libido that it would not be forgotten. Closing his eyes from the sight of his boyfriend slathering that same substance onto the girth of his length, Light let out a tiny mewl and dug his hands into the familiar softness of L's skin.
The prodding push set against his sphincter barely warned him of the sudden entry just as L snapped his hips forward and took the breath out of him; the sight of Light's now snapped-open hazel eyes and the sound of the loud keen slipping past those flushed, plump lips reverberated down to the pale man's penis as he shuddered in return. Grabbing the back of Light's neck with one hand L forced his way into that delectable mouth once again, groaning loudly as the other hand stroked the underside of Light's thigh, which tightened at the contact and pushed him closer inside the younger man's body.
Light merely moaned as he accustomed himself to the completely wanted intrusion and once again rolled his hips, the tide of pleasure littering every orfice of his being as the walls clenching around the other man's penis constricted involuntarily.
L gasped as well-muscled arms wrapped around his shoulders, trembling thighs still keeping him locked in place. Small rakes of red scratches appeared over his shoulder blades as Light once again moaned heatedly and ran his blunt-nailed fingers up and down his lover's back. Gently rocking his hips back and forth in a slow but steady momentum that he knew would eventually force a pout onto that gorgeous face he loved to look at, L smirked as disoriented orbs of heated amber snapped into a delicate focus, legs hitching higher along his hips.
"Aren't we being accommodating tonight?" L whispered in his lover's ear, earning a shaky sigh for his trouble.
"Tiirrreeed…" Light bemoaned without realizing it, feeling as if he were in another world altogether. "Really tiirreed… mmn…"
Laying his head back on the pillow supporting his neck, Light closed his eyes once again, the action spurring L on instead of agitating him as it normally would. Lifting the boy's hips off the bed throwing a pillow underneath him, L buried his face against the side of the brunet's neck, tracing the set of red bite marks with a lazy tongue before snapping his hips forward with a much more forceful thrust.
Smirking at the hoarse grunt that action granted him, L laid more of his weight onto the stiffening body beneath him and let go of the gentle rocking he had afforded himself and the semi-awake Light yelping in shock.
"A little warning might be nice next time!" Light grasped his own stiffening sex as L chuckled, wondering how anyone could be half as amused as L was whenever they had sex. "Bastard."
"And yet you have thrown me off yet," was the expected response Light received, but he was no longer paying attention to the words coming out of L's mouth. Trying to keep up with the frenzied thrusts against his prostate and the wandering hand now lying against his own, Light gnawed at his lower lip as L stroked pulled at the hand stroking his length and forced more pressure against the overly-sensitive organ.
Trying not to get too ahead of himself, L pressed one last kiss against those addicting lips as is lover's inner-walls clenched tightly against his cock and held in his breath, the sight of fluttering eyelids accompanied by the feel of a warm stream of liquid hitting his lower abdomen undoing the older man completely as he finally came inside the tight canal holding onto him like a vice.
"Well, fuck." L murmured as his body sagged alongside Light's, falling off to the side as he pulled Light's body along with his. "That was nice."
"Hm…" Light sighed, digging himself deeper within his boyfriend's side and yawning.
"You do realize that you're going to regret going out in the morning, right?" L panted as he Light absently nodded against his neck, eyes already closed in a state of semi-sleep. Chuckling softly so as to not rouse his tired lover, L closed his own eyes and tightened his hold on the body practically lying beneath his own.
The alarm clock beside him flashed from 1:59 to 2:00 am as both men were carried away into slumber.
"I'm fine." Light muttered as he cradled a cup of coffee between his calloused hands, eyes blurred over with pain and vertigo. "Just fine."
"You don't look fine." L mumbled, the cheeky smirk on his face doing nothing to make Light feel better.
"Shut up."
"I can't help it if you look horrrrrriblll-"
"Do you really want to finish that sentence?" Light glared at the older man, face scrunched up and slightly swollen with anger. "Because I can promise a bucket full of celibate nights if you do."
L chuckled as he fixed his jacket and shrugged. "As if I haven't lived through that before."
Flinching at the not-so-subtle dig at his prior dry spell Light turned his head and took in a large gulp of coffee to burn out the sour aftertaste of his boyfriend's cutting remark. L immediately sensed the cold indifference Light's slouched stature seemed to take as soon as he made the remark and shrugged, still not used to the bipolar moodiness his once emotionally-staunched paramour now inhibited.
"Do you have school today?" He asked instead, grabbing his suitcase that lay on the floor next to the table. Light shook his head, now completely silent. Knowing that the cranky brunet would refuse to speak after being spurned in such a manner(even if nonchalantly), L lay a small kiss on his cheek and left the apartment leaving an increasingly agitated Light in his wake.
"Again?" L asked worriedly, the college text books he was used to seeing tumbling over Light's hunched figure as he worked on his assignment. "But you just went out last week."
"So? It's not a big deal is it?"
"Well…"
"What, think I'm gonna sleep with the first stranger I see?" Light snapped, the subtle jibe tipped with poison.
"It's how we met, isn't it?"
L flinched as the sound of gritting teeth echoed throughout the dining room, the white walls (now decorated with a new family he could actually call his own) closing in on his thin frame.
"Your insecurities are cute you know that?"
"I'm glad they amuse you at least…"
"I'm just going out with Mikami and few other guys, having a couple of drinks, probably dance a little then going home. I doubt I'll be doing anything crazy."
"Because I would hate to hear about any itty-bitty indiscretions through the grape-vine…" Light hit the man on the shoulder, not sure how to take the man's teasing comments. A part of him was offended; had he not been with and kept steady with the detective for nearly three years now and not migrated off to somebody else yet? It was only when Light truly paid attention to the little jibes his boyfriend sent in his direction that he realized just how badly his old habits had been thought of.
And it hurt.
A lot.
"You're an asshole, you know that?" Light shut his textbook with a heavy slam and stood up, knowing that his anger may have been unjustified in context to the situation at hand, but not being able to handle it in any other way but to stalk off in a huff.
Before he could even shove his books in his bag, however, L immediately jumped on the couch and grabbed the boy's hands. "What's that all about?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about; don't treat me like an idiot."
L, of course, did.
"You know I didn't mean any of it."
"Cut the bullshit; we both know that you do." Light snapped back even as his posture loosened up as a lanky arm made its way across his waist. "Even now, why do still you lie like this? To the both of us?"
Though L shook his head and laughed off both his and Light's own comments, grabbing the young boy before he could get too far, the lazy grin which had been used in part to calm Light down slowly disintegrated into a small frown; a dark glare decorating his features as he buried his face into the college student's neck.
There was always more truth in their silences than there ever was when they both spoke to each other anyway.
"What the hell is the matter with you today?!" Mello snapped as he slammed his fist on top of L's desk, large blue eyes narrow with irritation.
"Nothing," L muttered under his breath, the file open for his perusal absconded by Mello's effeminate fist. "I'm fine."
"Riiiigghhhht." Matt smirked beside the leather-clad blond, obviously not taking L's word as fact. "We believe you."
"Are the two of you trying to make a point of some kind? Because if you are I would just rather you came right out and said it so that I could get back to work instead of having to indulge in your forced guessing game."
"L, it's just… you've been a lot more grouchy lately…"
"Is Light not putting out for you again?" Mello asked without the slightest bit of hesitation, blond hair falling over his blue eyes rather prettily.
"Mello!" Matt slapped a hand over his eyes as he mentally counted down from 10, knowing that what he would see would be the ass-kicking of a life-time-
"What would my sex life have to do with my work, Mello?" L deadpanned as he glanced up at the leather-clad man, calmly taking in a deep breath so as to not kill him where he stood.
"Well, I don't know about Matt here but-"
"Mello, shut up!"
"When you're not getting any it seems to reflect pretty terribly in your attitude-"
"Mello, did you forget he's our boss?!"
"And quite frankly if our little queen isn't doing her job then that means you aren't doing yours, and that affects us here!"
"I assure that my sexual escapades are plentiful and nothing for Mello to worry about." L stated, a small twitch developing in his eye. "In fact, I'd say I've been getting more than my fair share. So please, enough of your idiotic assumptions and get to work-"
"Wait… you're saying he's putting out too much?" Mello immediately read in between the lines of his friend's speech, knowing L like the back of his hand. "Are you retarded?!"
"Mello!"
"Are you listening to him, Matt? The man's insane!"
"You know what, let's go." Matt pulled Mello out of the large office by his ear, ignoring the sputtering barrage of curse words that spilled out of his boyfriend's mouth as a result. "We'll see you later, L!"
"Of course…" L sighed as he stared down at the case-file in front of him, the headache he had been nurturing only increasing in strength after Mello's explosion. "Of course…"
Laying down the pen he had been holding onto tightly so as to not do anything he would later regret, the dark-haired investigator let his form fall back into the chair and drifted off into his own mind where things were never as complicated as real life.
L frowned as he stared at the clock, eyes wide open. The prominent shadows lingering beneath his eyes were enhanced in the darkness of the night, the pale skin of his face illuminating deep groves of black that halted just at the apples of his incredibly pasty cheeks.
Light had told him he would be back before two.
Staring at the clock now flashing the numbers 4:39 L had to remind himself that though Light did occasionally come home early (and quite early at that) there were times where the boy wouldn't come at all.
The troubling part was that usually on those nights he had at least called to let him know that he wouldn't show. The worry settled itself both in the depths of his abdomen and the left side of his chest; tossing over on his side, L wondered why he was even trying to keep up with the visage of sleeping when he knew that such a feat was impossible at this point.
But…
Just in case Light showed himself at the door, he liked to pretend he had been sleeping and had just been 'roused' at the sound of the keys jingling by the open door, his lover penitent about his lack of sleep and ready to do whatever necessary to right his wrong and make L the happiest he could.
Yes it was manipulative.
Yes it was strange.
But it made the both of them feel as if they truly were a normal couple.
Without Light here to play out that fantasy with him, however, he felt empty.
The clock beside him flashed from 4:39 to 4:40 am.
His eyes stayed open; unseeing even as the darkness flowing through the room grew all the more stale.
"Hello, L!" Sachiko smiled as she lowered the plate of cookies on the table and welcomed the younger man inside. "How are you today?"
"I'm fine Mrs. Yagami." Quickly picking up a cookie L munched on it, his rapid succession of thought flashing rapidly as the sweet held tightly within his grip became an after-thought to the real reason he had showed up on his lover's doorstep. "I just needed to speak with you about Light."
"What about him?"
"Did he come here last night?" L asked forthright, feeling comfortable enough in Sachiko's presence to not bullshit around.
"Uh, no… I thought he spent the night at your apartment." Sachiko stuttered, the worried look on her face neither feigned nor overly-drawn out. "Do you think he's alright?!"
"I'm sure he's fine." L lied. "He's been a little distant lately but I'm sure that has nothing to do with tonight."
"So you've noticed it too." The weary mother sat down beside the dark-haired detective and sighed. "I don't know what's going on with him; it's like he doesn't even speak to me anymore."
L kept his comments to himself, the suspicious feeling he had been cultivating for the past couple of months blossoming into something ugly and discomforting.
"I hope he isn't doing anything harmful to himself anymore…" Sachiko whispered to herself, her thoughts venturing on something far different than L's own contemplations.
Grabbing another cookie L gave the older woman an uneasy smile as he popped the tasty morsel in his mouth and silently chewed, the empty feeling in his stomach turning over until the sweet taste churning on his tongue turned acidic and bitter. Swallowing in an attempt to stave off the nausea brewing within his body, L merely listened to the older woman prattle on about nonsensical things that he did not have a care for.
In his mind, there was only ever Light.
"Where were you last night?"
Light twitched as he dropped onto his boyfriend's couch, the sour expression slanted over L's face combative and full of rapid tension.
"What?" Truthfully not understanding the implications of his lover's sudden question the still-tired brunet laid his head back and studied the face presented to him and muddled through his sordid analysis with a hung-over mentality.
"Where. Were you. Last night."
Light shrugged, scratching his head with a tanned hand. "I stayed with Teru at his house. I think I got a little carried away with the drinks; I couldn't even walk straight with all the alcohol those guys poured down my damn throat! Ugh!"
"A little carried away? Do you know how-" Pulling at his dark hair, L bit his tongue for once. "Why didn't you call me then if you needed a ride?"
"I didn't want to bother you!" Light snapped back, the strange confrontation not easing well with the hang-over he was now sporting. "Jeez, when did you suddenly become my mom?"
"I'd hope with the things I do to you and let you do to me you wouldn't think of me as your mother." Watching the younger man change positions on the couch and lay his head on a random pillow thrown on for decoration (per Light's request of course), L cringed as stalked over to the couch and lifted up his lover's head, sitting down in the spot recently coveted by Light's body. "Then we'd have to talk."
"Well, with the way you're giving me the third degree you'd never fucking know it…" Pouting at being yelled at for trying to be considerate, the exhausted brunet closed his eyes and turned on his side, the white fabric of his boyfriend's bunched up tee-shirt comforting even as the man wearing said shirt tensed at the innocent scrutiny. "I was just trying to be nice… you don't sleep as much as you used to and I thought if I called you wouldn't go back to sleep…"
"And who said I slept last night?" L silently let the question hang, knowing that if anything would make Light feel badly it would be his (incredibly looked down upon) habit.
Light bit his lip as he hugged the man's waist, his headache blowing into a full-out migraine.
"You had me so fucking worried, Light…"
Red rimmed golden-brown eyes slowly opened, meeting L's slightly distressed gaze.
"I'm sorry."
Instead of snapping at the now-docile boy in his arms, L quieted himself, enjoying the weight set upon his thin frame. He would accept his apology just like always.
Just like always.
Though Light didn't realize it, he wasn't exactly alone when he went out to his 'clubs'.
Most times, dark eyes kept a vigilant watch on those swaying hips and fast-paced legs, taking stock of everyone that came in contact with the gorgeous boy who wore his sensuality on one sleeve and his faux-naivety on the other.
This wasn't unhealthy.
It wasn't.
L felt his eye twitch as a random hand grabbed at his boyfriend's hips, not taking stock at the punch Light threw in the direction of the appendage and only in the fact that it had happened to begin with.
If he wasn't so damn cute-
If he didn't speak so provocatively-
If he hadn't been throwing out his body so obviously-
If he wasn't himself-
L threw out all these excuses; everything boiled down to Light and what he was doing, unconsciously or not. His head throbbed as he took a swig from the glass handed to him, the light-headed feeling making him feel as if he were on a cloud.
He continued to watch his boyfriend unknowingly flirt with the crowd, the tantalizing display only raising his ire along with the burning liquid flushing through his veins. The night passed on in a blur; drink after drink was tossed into his mouth without so much as a thought of what it was that was going down or why. Men and women gave him strange glances as he sloppily leaned against the stool he was situated in, his stare only on the brunet occupying everyone's attention on the dance floor. The strobe lights hit his body at all the right angles as the bass of the music pounded against the walls of the club, only intensifying the people's wants suffocating every person within the smoky building.
The bartender asked him if he wanted anything else as he finally stood up.
Shaking his head he stalked away from the stool he had been sitting on, his eyes set on one destination and one destination only.
L barely registered the shocked exclamation on his lover's part as he dragged him out of the club, the bouncers coming up to him with feral looks on their faces only to have Light loudly proclaim their connection to one another, if hesitatingly. The dark-haired detective barely listened; his gait unwavering if full of stumbles.
Light gave him a queasy look as he kept along with his boyfriend's near-sprint, nervous beyond belief.
He didn't know what he did this time…
But he would rather not find out.
"What is the matter with you?!" Light bellowed as L threw him into their shared bedroom, confusion clouding his alcohol-hazy mind. "What the hell are you doing, L?!"
"What's the matter with me?! What's the matter with you?!" L bellowed. "You were just asking to be raped in there!"
"What are you talking about?! I wasn't even doing anything!"
"Like hell you weren't!" Sloppily waving his hand around in a show of frustrated impatience, L ignored the naively confused boy's expression and concentrated only on the prior actions he had seen; to a casual observer it would seem like nothing, but L felt he had a right to be worried. "Tell me, do you always act such a slut when you go out?! Because if that's the case-"
"Slut?! Who the hell are you to call me a slut?!" Wiping his face with his hands, Light tried to keep his composure steady and fair. "The only person I am sleeping with and have been sleeping with for the better part of three years is you. Tell me how that is being a slut."
The words made sense, but Light could tell that L wasn't listening to the words coming out of his mouth.
Utterly bewildered by the force of anger being shoved into his face, the tired brunet didn't even fight as he was pushed back into their bed, eyes glistening with honest fear.
'He wouldn't do that again… he promised he wouldn't do that again…'
"Why are you so angry?" Light whispered. "What did I do?"
Realizing just how close he was to actually harming the 21-year-old, L held himself back. Still filled with (what he believed to be) righteous rage, he stepped away from the blank-faced college student staring at him with unseeing eyes. "I… I can't do this right now. I can't."
"I think I'm done." He slurred, dark eyes bright with certainty.
And with that L re-zipped his coat and left the apartment leaving a thoroughly confused and intoxicated Light along with it.
'It seems so much emptier… when he's not here.'
Forcing away the tears of hopeless confusion and biting frustration, Light had finally settled down in his boyfriend's bedroom after hours of restless tossing and turning, no sleep to be had in nearly 48 hours. The day before had been spent in a vegetative state; he was still not quite sure what prompted L's sudden breakdown and equally sudden departure. Endlessly he had raked his mind for something he could have possibly done for the outburst; Light wasn't an idiot, he knew his mouth sometimes opened without his mind's consent and said things that, normally, he would never even think to say.
But he had nothing.
Nothing.
Was this…
Was this what the end looked like in couple's terms?
'No… L wouldn't do that. He wouldn't.'
(But says who…?)
Light ignored the small voices of reason popping up within his mind, positive that torturing himself would do nothing to bring L back into his arms. Light curled his legs up to his chest and leaned his head against his knees, the large bed he was sprawled upon though familiar, spacious and lonely without L to share it with him.
"Cool down. He just needs time to cool down." Though he was still utterly confused, Light knew that L would not just get mad over something stupid. Once he was better they would talk about it like two adults and everything would be resolved. "He wouldn't just leave without a reason. He just… needs time to cool down."
Though he kept saying this to himself, Light couldn't quite believe the words coming out of his own mouth, even when echoed out loud.
Picking up his cell-phone he swallowed his pride and wrote the first message of what would be of many.
(Even if he didn't know it yet…)
What's the matter with you?
Delete
Why aren't you answering my calls?
Delete
What did I do?
Delete
Is this it?
Delete
I can't keep doing this, L! Explain yourself at the very least and I'll leave you alone!
Delete
I'm not angry, just call me. Tell me what's going on!
Delete
Is this the end?
Delete
Why are you doing this? Please, tell me; what did I do wrong?!
Delete
L shifted as he stared at the last unready message written just an hour ago, the frantic calls nothing but a dim memory.
Not willing himself to hide behind any sort of cowardice at this point, L opened the message and stared at the collection of words lying dormant on the tiny screen in front of him
You said you were done? That's fine.
I guess I just can't take a hint, can I?
Thanks for everything.
Finger poised over the delete button L leaned back in his chair, his office seeming all the bigger in a span of seconds.
Thanks for everything.
Was this…
What he wanted?
Instead of asking himself the unsettling question, L deleted the last message, the words ringing incessantly in his head even as his body slowly relaxed against the unfamiliar chair within the hotel room he was staying in and closed his eyes.
Thanks for everything.
'Thanks for nothing.' Was L's fading thought as he drifted off into another dreamless sleep.
"Light?"
Dropping his bag in his room, Light said nothing as his little sister came forward and wrapped her hands around his bicep.
"Yeah?"
"Are you ok?"
"I'll be fine." Light murmured, knowing that despite his own strong statement that he wouldn't be.
But his sister didn't need to know that.
"You act as if I'm a child." Patting the young girl on the head gentle hands pulled at the delicate wrist attached to soft grip Sayu held on his arm. "I'm a big boy; one break up isn't going to kill me."
"So after almost three years you're saying you're not even sorry that he's-"
"No. No, I'm not." Lie. That's a lie. "It's his loss anyway."
That's such a lie.
"It's not that bad… being alone."
Without you…
I guess I'll have to learn how to live again.
L coughed as he entered his apartment after a near month of ignoring it in favor of the hotel room which he had inhabited in that time. Speckles of dust (Light would have flipped if he would have seen this) clung to every nook and cranny, the luminescent white now tinged with an unnatural dull gray sheen.
The walls were plain as day, all prior pictures ripped from their former spaces as their outline dimmed slightly to the despairing dust clinging everywhere. The tiny knick-knacks that Light and Sayu had been so fond of laying all over his apartment were also gone; all semblances of Light's existence fundamentally erased as if he had never been there at all.
What used to be white was not gray; what used to be comfortably empty was now filled with a different sort of translucence that L couldn't describe. The air was heavy within the apartment, filled with a dark nostalgia that L wished to be rid of. Rushing past his living room (which was bare except for the pieces of furniture he himself had picked out) L threw open the door of his bedroom and stared at the impeccable bedroom in front of him.
The sheets were changed from the warm crimson they had been before he had left to a dull steel-gray, the drapes by his shaded windows the same color. Opening one of the drawers with a trembling hand L blinked to find it completely empty. Opening another, he cringed as that one as well was empty. Not even daring to open the closet, L sat down on his bed and sighed.
Staring at the now empty walls filled with nothing but white(gray) L ignored the pang of indecisiveness settled over his chest and blinked, letting his head fall forward and his body slump even further within itself.
The silence though-
It was nothing compared to the silence.
"Hey bitch."
Light rolled his eyes as he stared at the blond man dressed from head to toe in leather, the open door letting in the draft he so desperately hated to feel.
He hated the cold.
"What do you want Mello?"
"Nice 'hi, how you doing's to you too bastard." Strolling inside the tiny apartment Mello paid little to no attention to the exasperated expression lingering over Light's face as he entered his home. "I love your greetings by the way."
"I try." Light grit his teeth. "Now what are you doing here and why?"
"I want to know what the hell you did to Mr. Boss-Man and why he's had such a stick up his ass for the last month and a half I've had to deal with it." The blond didn't even flinch at the monstrous glare thrown in his direction as he heaved himself into a free chair and clucked his tongue. "Why are you here when you should be over there pulling it for him Frou-Frou!"
"That is none of your damn business!" Pointing at his door, Light didn't even try to keep his voice down as Sayu peeked over from the kitchen. "Now if you would please get the hell out-!"
"Don't tell me you dumped the bastard!" Mello whined. "We were just getting him to loosen up!"
"I don't need to tell you anything, now leave." Light spun around and flicked his hair out of his eyes, ready to stomp back into the kitchen-
"Don't tell me… he left you?" Halting at the stunted whisper, the brunet bit his lip as his little sister stared at him with sad eyes. "That fucker… all that shit about you being the one and how fucking wonderful you were-What the fuck?!"
Knowing that Mello was only reacting this way because of L's supposed feelings for him and not because he actually liked him in any way, Light allowed the cursing without a word. He had not been allowed his tantrum, and though Mello was not his friend, in that moment he liked to think that the verbose blond was acting it all out for him…
And he actually felt better as a result.
"Listen, I know you hate my ass…" Mello started as Light turned his head to glance back at him, cold brown eyes as blank as can be. "But I'm sorry guy. I didn't… fuck, I didn't expect that shit, I swear. With the way he used to go on and on about you… I never would have thought he do some crap like this."
Eyes softening at the sincerity of his visitor's words, Light slowly nodded his appraisal. Though he and Mello had never really gotten along, he had always admired the sincerity in the man's words; he hardly said anything he didn't truly believe, and that what was made the blond both so likable and so detestable all at once.
"That makes the both of us then." Light murmured softly as the usually mean-spirited consult nodded absently and rushed out of the apartment, knowing that he had over-stayed his welcome before he had even walked through the door. The tired brunet said nothing as his little sister hugged his side, her dark eyes heavy with a sadness that only siblings watching their own suffer could truly understand.
Patting her on the head, Light led her back into the kitchen.
He couldn't afford to be weak forever.
Not when he had so much riding on him as it was.
"THAT'S IT." Teru Mikami screeched as he entered his best friend's immaculate bedroom, eyes flashing behind his wire-framed glasses. Light almost fell back on his chair at the intrusion, hair disheveled by the surprise. "You are going out tonight mister! And I MEAN IT!"
Light rolled his eyes as he grabbed his ear-phones, which had fallen out of his ears the moment Mikami burst into his bedroom and given him the wild-eyed stare that usually was the spawn of so many bad ideas. "And you say this why…?"
"Light, you're turning into a shut in!" The law-student whined. "A completely sex-able shut in, but a shut in nonetheless! This can't happen! The fabric of the universe's existence depends on it!"
"Drama queen-ing much Teru…"
"Get your damn sexy clothes on and meet me downstairs, Light Yagami!" Refusing to be denied, Mikami grabbed the boy by the scruff of his neck and dragged him to his closet, ignoring the various pictures and figurines stashed into a large box next to the wardrobe in front of him. "You will not sulk any longer! Goodness, for all the time you've spent sexing people up, one guy leaves you and suddenly you're a mess!"
"Because it's not as if we were in a relationship or anything like that." Light sighed as he thumbed through his clothes, knowing Mikami truly wouldn't leave him alone until he was well dressed and ready for a 'good time'. What kind of good time Mikami wished him to have he didn't know, but he knew he wasn't ready to jump right on the saddle and go back to his… less scrupulous ways quite yet. "Don't push me and I'll be downstairs in a few, alright?"
"I'll be waiting!" Mikami grinned as he practically skipped out of the room, appearing too much as the cat who ate the canary.
Note to self; definitely don't drink anything Mikami brings me tonight…
"C'mon, L…"
"No." Scribbling something in his notes L glared at Matt from the corner of his eye. "I don't want to go out."
"Listen, I think tha-"
"No."
"Well, fuck me, L!" Mello snarled out, a couple weeks having passed since his visit with Light Yagami and his anger at the situation L had forced the young boy in not lessening in the least. "You're the one who fucking threw him out, weren't you?! If that's the case, why the hell are you the one acting as if you're the one who just got dumped on his ass?!"
"Mello, please, just chill the fuck out, you're not helping the situation, alright…" Matt discretely stroked the naked bicep in an attempt to calm the blond down, but he knew that once Mello was pissed off about something, there was no stopping him and his ranting.
"L, you will go out with us tonight, or I will show everyone in this building those highly classified pictures of you at a certain Christmas party that shall not be named…"
L stilled in his writings as he slowly glanced up at Mello's evil visage, eyes twitching at the threat.
Mello, though, did not even waver.
Sighing at the entrapment made against him, L hung his head. "What time are we leaving then?"
Mentally reminding himself to high-five his boyfriend later, Matt guffawed inside his head and grinned as his boyfriend arranged times with their best friend and boss, the evil smile perched upon his face not lessening in the least.
'Damn do I love this boy…' The redhead grinned as Mello sent him a smitten beam, those blue eyes glowing with delight. 'L, you really don't know what the hell it is you're missing, my friend…'
'Because this isn't familiar at all.' L thought to himself as he stared at the ethereal figure shrouded in darkness, the strobe lights hitting the youth in all the right places as various bodies smothered over his decadent form only to be rejected by well-placed glares and overly-polite (yet still very snide) remarks.
Instead of hogging the dance floor like the predator L had always assumed him to be, Light was pitched at the corner of the room, for once trying to keep attention away from himself, if to no real avail. The boy radiated with a natural cognitive grace that others were attracted to by default; it was the reason L himself had left with him that first night and why he had been so reticent to let go of him all those other nights after.
'What am I doing…?'
Keeping his gaze on the magnetic figure drenched in melancholy, L once again felt a clawing rage itch its way up his throat as a barrage of men and women stopped by Light's table and attempted to talk him up; the negative replies were constant and steady, the only real thing that kept the older man from stalking over to his ex-lover's table and gathering him up in his arms so as to protect him from the stream of wandering eyes that didn't want to leave him alone.
Without his noticing, as the daydreams of that same men were blinding him to the reality caging him within the stifling atmosphere of the club itself, Light's head tilted off to his side, leading to a clear view in L's direction, which was not blocked by anything.
Their eyes suddenly touched as the lights hit both of their figures in echoing glares, charcoal gray scrutinizing honey brown in a simulation of their first night meeting in a club so similar to this one.
However before any real chemistry could occur Light turned his head once more and fled into the shadows, letting his duster melt into the walls of the dark club before fleeing the large establishment.
L gulped as that empty pit pitched even deeper within his stomach, the ache returning with a vengeance.
Thanks for everything.
Those words haunted him more than anything else, reveling in every bittersweet emotion that clung to the remnants of what their relationship was. L had thought he could save the boy and in the end, without even realizing it, he had ruined him even further; dampened the youthful spirits that had captivated L on that first night and put out the fire that had made Light who he was.
And why?
'Because I'm a fucking idiot that's why.'
Though he knew it would probably be for naught, L pushed his own drink aside and followed after the man that had held his heart for almost three years-
And still did if he were half as honest to himself as he was towards everyone else in his general vicinity.
Light felt his heart pound feverishly within his chest as he laid his head back against the brick wall supporting him, eyes blurred with stringent tears. He had thought he had been prepared to see L again after a full three months of avoidance and intuitive speeches that had fueled his coming out this night after forcing himself to become a shut-in.
'Damn you Teru, you must have planned this somehow!'
Listening to the back entrance open on his left side the agitated brunet threw himself off the wall and power-walked out of the alley. The rapid succession of steps echoed behind his own energetic gait causing the tawny-eyed 21-year-old to speed up his walk and keep his gaze forward.
'Always running…'
Was that why L had been so fed up?
Was he…
'Had I ever really stopped running?'
Unconsciously slowing down his own pace, Light almost fell forward as a hand grabbed onto his arm and yanked him back; a pair of familiar dark-gray eyes meeting his semi-frightened countenance without the slightest bit of hesitation.
In that moment, the only thing Light wanted to do was scream.
Staring into Light's glazed-over eyes L felt his own resolution tremble. Where once he had seen begrudging affection and snarky laughter all he could see now was dark despondency mixed in with a newfound cynicism that made the former seem like nothing. The grip he had on the brunet's arm slowly loosened until it fell away entirely.
Never had he felt so out of reach with the other.
Neither man said anything for what seemed like an eternity, eyeing the other's countenance with heavy hearts and tender conflictions that continually contradicted each other within their own heads.
All Light wanted to do was keep running.
All L wanted to do was make him stay.
It was the constant push and pull of their relationship; the red twine that both kept them together and kept them apart.
But L knew that no amount of apologies or groveling would fix this.
Not this time.
"It's nice to know you're still alive." Light bit out, his face tight with old anger that didn't quite reach his eyes. If anything, he looked resigned, knowing that no matter what he said, it was indeed… the end. "Seeing how you couldn't even pack up the balls to tell me to my face what I think we both already knew would happen before all this shit even happened. If anything, I would appreciate it if you would just leave me the fuck alone."
L opened his mouth to say something but closed it a moment later.
What could he say to make this better?
He was already the villain in Light's eyes…
And quite frankly, so was Light in his own bedraggled gaze.
He had been justified in his anger, damn it.
Hadn't he?
"It's alright though. I don't need you." Light suddenly stated outright, the silence stretching into something sinister and deceiving; deceiving for whom though, was the question. "I never needed you. That's at least one thing that hasn't changed."
Turning around without another word the cinnamon-eyed 21-year-old didn't even flinch as one small tear trailed down his cheek and hit the cement ground, mourning for something that, in his eyes, never really was.
'I never needed you… more than I do now.'
"Light… are you alright?"
"Light, do you need anything?"
"Light, are you sure you don't want to go home early?"
"You look tired, Light."
"Is everything ok at home, Light?"
"Are you coming out tonight, Light?!"
"It's been forever since we've last seen you, Light!"
"Light…?"
"Light?"
The near-tranquil brunet turned around as he grabbed onto his books, one of the boys from his class giving him a queer look. "Class is over, Light."
"Ah… thanks." Throwing his stuff into his bag, Light quickly shuffled out of the classroom, his thin frame easily slipping past the growing crowd huddled by the door. Ignoring the roaming eyes and choked back whispers, Light continued his way out of the building and roamed about the college campus, his feet leading him as opposed of his head.
(Maybe it's time you got over yourself…?)
Ignoring the tiny voice speaking slurred reassurances, Light clutched onto his satchel and fixed his collared shirt, the fabric brushing his side uncomfortably as the scar tissue tingled with a phantom pain that ached more than burned.
'It won't make it all go away.' Light answered easily in his own mind, the vast impulses in his mental arsenal begging him to make the pain go away. To dull it down until it became nothing but a blurred hindrance that he could barely remember. But that was an artificial solution; not real in the least.
Once the people were gone and the alcohol stopped flowing he'd be in the same place as before, only there would be no one there to pick him up as he fell.
He didn't want that anymore.
And it had only taken 3 years worth of pain (care) to make him realize it.
"Alright, I've got nothing." Mikami groaned as he stared at the taciturn 21-year-old doing his homework, not used to the much calmer side of Light that only appeared when he was in the middle some mental revelation. "What's your big epiphany?"
"Epiphany? Is that what you're waiting for?" Light didn't even look up from his notes as he pressed the highlighter down on the page he was scanning through, the yellow stream of ink a nice distraction from the conversation at hand. "I think you're looking at the wrong guy then."
"Oh, give me a fucking break." Mikami finally broke down. "What is it?!"
Light coyly glanced up at the shaggy-haired law student, honey brown eyes shining with amusement.
"But if I told you, what would the fun in keeping it to myself be?"
"Arghhhhh!"
Light laughed as he dropped the highlighter in the crease of binding holding the book together, the vast amount of space inside the confines of the library's walls comforting him as much as the rusty smell of aging books and familiar company did.
"If it'll make you feel better…" Mikami perked up at the words almost immediately. "I'll tell you this much."
Without much care as to who was watching or not, Light leaned forward, smiling as Mikami's own stare widened as a result.
"I was right about him all along."
As soon as the words crept out of his mouth the 21-year-old college student felt… lighter. The dreamy expression on his face didn't fade as he sat back down, the contemplative look on his friend's face not lessening in the least.
'Because I was right…' Light mentally leapt for joy as he thought this, his concentration not as shot as it was five minutes before. 'And now I just have to wait for him to realize it too.'
L bit his lip as he gave his new apartment an once-over, dark eyes warming up nicely to the décor of the homey loft.
The creamy beige walls were lined with random pieces of art that he liked at first sight, remembering Light's constant struggle with his tastes and how difficult L himself had become as a result. The cozy furniture was all new as well, dusky chocolate brown that went well with the various shades of cream, burnt orange and crimson lining his apartment. They were all colors that Light himself had loved…
Whether the choices were subconscious had hardly mattered to L. He had liked them and that was what had been the point of searching for the colors to begin with.
It was the new beginning he had needed so badly. But it didn't end there.
Marching into his new bedroom, L smiled as he stared at the small tokens of mementos he had garnered throughout the years. The main focus, however, was set right next to his bed on top of the night-table framed in steely silver.
The last photograph he had of his and Light's time together, both men smiling into the picture as Light hung off L's neck and vice-versa.
He still had so much left to do.
"What are you doing here?!" Mikami shouted as the older man standing in front of his door merely blinked, the last six months doing little to change the investigator's ageless demeanor.
"I…" L, for once, was speechless. "Don't know?"
Mikami growled out a rather derogatory comment under his breath before pulling the older man into his apartment and slamming the door behind him. "Well, you my friend are an idiot!"
"I won't disagree with that." L nodded his consent, knowing he had fucked up big time. "In fact I agree with you whole-heartedly."
"Don't think that'll get you out of hot-water! I'm not half as forgiving as Light is!" Snarling indignantly as the pale-faced man didn't even flinch at the warning, Mikami rolled his eyes. "How did he manage to fall in love with you of all people anyway?! You're not even fit to lick the heel of his shoe or breathe the same air as him! Hmph!"
"You're in love with him." L stated dryly.
Mikami let out a tiny squeak, his cheeks flushing a deep red. "N-no! He's my best friend! I-"
"Can't control who you fall for." The dark-haired detective smiled sympathetically at the law student, knowing just how hellish it could be falling for someone you believed to be out of your reach. "Maybe I should leave…"
"NO!" Halting the man's progression before he could even take one foot out of the door, Mikami shook his head emphatically. "No… I… I might like him a bit more than a friend should like another friend, but he's in love with you."
"Do you know how hurt he was when you didn't return any of his calls or texts? How much he hounded your personal assistants? How many nights he stayed up waiting for you because he was worried sick about you only to get fed up with it, not because he was sick of waiting, but because he was sick of feeling as if he wasn't good enough? Do you know how much it takes to make a man like Light feel as if he's worth jack shit? Especially with the crap he's been dealt with all his life?" Mikami waved his arms around as L shook his head, the guilt he had buried under the rug bursting back into life as Mikami emhasized just how much he was in lo-wait, what? "People stare at him cuz he's pretty and knows exactly what to say and when to say it, but does anybody actually know the real Light? The fucked up one who parties because he just wants to forget every shitty aspect of his life or gives up his own money so that his sister and mother can relax knowing that the 'man' of the family is going to take care of them? Or the one who was so crazy in love with you that he literally dug up every single insecurity that he held in the back of his mind and threw it all away because he knew that you would accept him as he really was? I mean, if you couldn't accept him for who he was when you first met him, why the hell did you chase after him?!"
Shell-shocked at the inadvertent confession made on Mikami's part, L could only concentrate on the words 'so crazy in love with you…'
'I knew it.'
"I…"
"Just because he never said the words," Mikami whispered, the hoarse quality in his voice reflecting the pain of having to watch his friend break over and over again for who knows how long, "doesn't make what he felt any less true."
"I need to see him." L stuttered, his own eyes clouding with something akin to tears. "I need to see him now."
"Yeah. You do." Mikami muttered. "So do you get it now?"
L blinked once more, this time out of confusion at the sudden question.
"I never saw him like that before; so freaking depressed, like he was really ready to slit his wrists or something… but, when he was still with you…" Mikami scoffed as he dropped his hand, glasses flashing as a beam of light hit them. "He was actually happy with you. Still fucked up, yes, but happy nonetheless. Thinking back on it now, did you ever actually feel relieved that he and his fucked up problems were gone? Or are you just finally figuring out how badly the both of you depended on each other?"
Instead of waiting for an answer Mikami swept out of the room in a dramatic twirl, stomping out of the his own living room in a huff, as if that had been his intention the whole time.
Trying to keep the smile off of his face, L ran a hand through his hair as he backed away from the room and made his way out of the apartment.
"I'm coming, already!" Light snapped as the onslaught of knocking echoed throughout the apartment, the nap he had been indulging in barely doing anything to snap him out of his insomniatic stupor. As soon as he reached the block of wood and gripped at the doorknob, the knocking halted almost immediately.
'What the…?'
Light slowly opened the door, biting his lip as a familiar head of messy dark hair and impossibly dark eyes leaned against his door frame staring down at him with an expression of grief that he couldn't possibly describe.
Instead of snapping out some dirty remark or slamming the door back on the man's face, Light lowered his stare and let the detective slide inside his apartment with a curious gleam in his darkened eyes.
Some things were never changing after all.