A/N: OH. M. GEE. This video… BLEW MY NOW MINISCULE BRAIN AWAY INTO TINY DISINTEGRATIVE PIIIEEECCEESSS.
I love you Gaga. You remind me why I keep on writing; to make bat-shit crazy stuff that people either can't understand or understand a little too well. :3
So, many of you asked for a continuation of the last installment and all I really have to say is here you go. Hopefully it pleases you (because I honestly have no idea where this is going, this is all L and Light's show from here on out and Hari-chan has no part in it whatsoever as strange as that sounds) and you guys will have to at least tell me what you think. Hahahaha I realize now that we're getting to the songs that are actually being played on the radio aside from Bad Romance… nice. Cherish it you guys. Cherish it.
o.o;
Right.
Let's just get to the story, shall we? ^.^;
Btw side-note (cuz we all like these ;3): I don't have the booklet for The Fame Monster Lyrics so I scoured the web (which had so many variations on the lyrics it was scary) and went by my own ear and got… this. If this is incorrect than I apologize, but only correct me if you have the booklet please, no matter how well-intentioned. Everyone hears things differently after all. ^.^; AAAANNND I have new poll and forum up you guys! :) Please check both out and if you would please either vote or comment, that would be nice. :3 And a hint to the next song to be used... is in my avatar. If you have the Fame Monster, you'll know it. XD
WARNINGS (do I still need to do this? If you've read this far… REALLY?): Definite guy on guy action, though no solid yaoi in this one (once again, SORRY FAN-GIRLS AND BOYS). Allusions to attempted suicide, self-mutilation, rape and substance abuse along with violence, blood and stuff of the icky variety. Depression along with other mood/psychological disorders if you manage to catch it and angst of the gangsta-and-still-very-fucked-up-but-not-willing-to-admit-it!Light and detective-but-not-as-reclusive-or-douchie-but-still-very-much-a-douche!L variety. Oh… and Jaeger. (If you've ever drank Jaeger then you KNOW this shit needs a warning label. FUCKING JAEGER!)
Disclaimer: Don't own DN nor do I own "Alejandro" by Lady Gaga. I wish though… (Oh how I wish) T.T
"Stop, please, just let me go…
Alejandro,
Just let me go!
She's not broken…
She's just a baby
But her boyfriend's like her dad-
(Just like her dad)
And all those flames that burned before him…
Now he's gonna fire-fight,
Gonna cool the bad!
You know that I love you boy;
Hot like Mexico, rejoice.
At this point I've got to choose-
Nothing to lose.
Don't call my name
(Don't call my name-)
Alejandro.
I'm not your babe
(I'm not your babe-)
Fernando.
Don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch,
Just smoke my cigarette and hush!
Don't call my name
(Don't call my name-)
Roberto."
-"Alejandro" by Lady Gaga
Title: Alejandro
His face…
It was so blurry.
Fingers ran over thick, aged skin just like they used to when he was still a child and this man, this man that haunted his dreams so well had enough life in him to let the young boy do so.
Dark brown eyes, graying obsidian hair, a distinguished chin always littered with sparse tiny hairs leading up to the thick mustache that never seemed to be neglected-
He missed him so much.
'What would you say if you could see the things I've done?'
At that thought, he would always awaken; the shame heady and unbearable even within the land of his dreams.
Light turned his head and stared into the photograph that never left his bedside, throat clogged and dry.
"What would you say dad…?"
But the photograph never answered back no matter how much Light asked.
Sachiko stared at the young man in front of her, the familiar dark cloud of hair tangled over gray despondent eyes. "He's still in bed. I knew he'd get sick after all that time he spent with Sayu. I'm surprised you didn't get ill as well."
"I look sickly enough as it is, Mrs. Yagami, can you imagine what I would look like if I actually did?" L smiled sadly under the curtain of obsidian strands of made almost entirely of knots. "Do you think he'll want to see me?"
The smile on the tired mother's face slowly slid off her lips, wrinkled pale hands grasping one of L's own within its shaky grip.
"He's been having trouble sleeping lately…"
"Ah. I suppose that's a polite no?"
"Think of it" Sachiko's hand tightened momentarily over L's, "as a present 'not really' but a future 'most likely.'"
The milky-skinned detective felt his own lips twitch upward.
It was nice being with the family again.
"You're early." Light smiled as he shoved his carry-case off of the clothed shoulder it was strapped against and primly sat down in his 'designated' seat, the dark-eyed man across from the light-eyed young man staring into his cup of milk-and-sugar laced coffee as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world.
"You're late." L snapped, his voice softened only by the large amount of cake already stuffed in his mouth. "Light should know better by this point…"
"Oh please, like I complain all those times you're late?"
"… … Yes."
"That's beside the point! You're late all the time, deal with it."
"Hmph. Nice to see you too, Light."
It still felt strange to not kiss each other in greeting whenever they saw each other, but L and Light managed to do so with not-so-little effort on both of their parts. Time had done little to stifle the urge to be close to each other and their enduring heated glances and rampant flirting probably didn't help the other's self-control.
'I just have to be patient…' L would think to himself when the urge to pin Light down and ravish him for all he was worth would overwhelm him entirely. 'I know we can get there if I'm patient…'
Light on the other hand seemed to be fighting tooth and nail to keep up the boundaries of friendship that were slowly but surely becoming entirely non-existent within his and L's relationship (for lack of a better word of course). It was getting to be six months since they had 'separated' and still he was stuck in the same old habits he had become accustomed to after 3 years of comforting routine, wanting something he didn't think he should have whilst beating himself up for still wanting it.
It was an exhausting cycle to say the least.
"Any luck triumphing your GPA from last semester?" L easily transitioned, for once noticing the look of discomfort shadowing the better part of Light's face. Instead of becoming agitated at L's clear disdain over his indecisiveness, Light gave the man an eerie smile that reflected his own inner-turmoil.
Light was quite sure that the only reason that L allowed these transgressions to continue was because they were both as equally awkward at these conversations as the other, Light simply hid his outward unease towards the distracting subjects a lot better than L.
With a charming smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and a sway of his hand, Light continued on with the useless drabble, his own headache increasing with each minute that L stared at him as if it were only a matter of time…
But if Light would have anything to say about it, then that 'a matter of time' would be 'not anytime soon'.
"Mikami and I are going to go out tonight." Light began uncomfortably, as if he didn't quite know what he was doing speaking to L about the planned events (pressed upon by Mikami and not Light) but pushing himself to do so regardless. "I… I wanted to know if you wanted to come with us."
"Like a date?"
"Not like a date! Like friends! Friends who don't scare off potential boyfriends/girlfriends and grab each other's asses because they have possession issues!" The brunet ranted. "Those kinds of friends!"
"… Still seems like a date to me." L downed the rest of his coffee, smiling as Light practically sputtered. Wiping off the spittle with a napkin, L bit back another smirk. "It's alright, Light. We've been through the friends-with-benefits stage before, remember?"
"Even though I wouldn't have called us 'friends'…" Light drawled as he put down his cup of coffee and leaned back into the familiar chair, the homey scenery of L's kitchen a mimicry of his time with the overly-reclusive detective. "And there was nothing 'beneficial' about it either."
L's eyes gleamed thoughtfully underneath the artificial light, "I beg to differ, Light."
The startled look on his 'friend's face was enough amusement to last him until the end of the week.
"Maybe next time Light." L cheerfully declined, taking in the disappointment within his former lover's face as if it were the finest of wines; as slowly and delicately as possible.
7/19/2009 – 4:20 PM
Light: Get out of work yet?
L: Possibly. What is it that you need Light?
Light: Oh, so now I can only txt u when I need something?
L: Of course not. I was simply checking…
L: Though if Light *did* need something I am here for *all* of his needs. ;-D
Light: Pervert. :-p
Light: I just wanted to see you but I don't think I want to *now*. I might get 'accidentally' molested again.
L: ;-) You know you liked it.
Light: What scares me is that you're not even trying to be apologetic about it or deny it anymore.
L: ^.^ I can't help it. Light is too scrumptious for me to sound sorry about touching him. Light, be less sexy. It will benefit us all. Maybe.
L: I retract that last txt. Light is always sexy so I do not think it would be plausible to try to be UN-sexy.
Light: You're warped mind amazes me sometimes.
L: I try. See you in 10?
Light: *siggggh* ffiiiinnneee…
Light laughed as he leaned back against the now-familiar couch, the idiotic movie playing in front of him both mind-numbing and enjoyable. L, who was curled up beside him, kept stealing glances in his direction, but for once Light did not do anything to abate them.
He was comfortable.
It had been so long since he had felt this comfortable…
"Oh my God, why are we watching this again?" Light chuckled (read: giggled) under his breath, leaning into L's personal space without thinking. "I think I just lost several hundred thousand of my brain cells that I'll never get back now…"
"Ah, the good die young and stupid, Light. Don't ever forget that."
Snorting out his diet coke from his nose, the tan-skinned young man flopped over L's lap and grabbed the popcorn lying innocuously on top of the cushions surrounding L's right hand side. The feel of a hand on his bottom didn't even shock the 21-year-old, hints of a smirk shadowing over his lips as the subtle touch became a daring grope.
"What are you doing…?" Light slapped the hand away as he came back up, bowl of popcorn in one hand as the other balanced his form upright. "You were trying to get a free touch! Again!"
"Can't be free if you know I'm doing it." L smirked as he guzzled down his extra-sweet orange soda. "Now, you're all relaxed and I'm certainly less stressed than I was before you got here…"
"I'm going to hate where this is going aren't I?"
"Close your eyes."
"Yup. Definitely going to hate it."
"Like I'm going to do something you won't like." L held back the lewd expression waiting to bloom over his face.
"Uh oh… you're thinking something perverted again aren't yo-"
Before Light could finish his question, L leapt over the mountain of cushions surrounding them on his couch and jumped on top of the younger brunet. A loud squeal (which Light would later deny emitting altogether) broke the racket the incredibly dumb-down comedy still playing on the television as a series of kicks, gropes and grapples ensued.
"ARGH!" Light grunted as L flipped him over his head and landed back-first on the floor, long legs that weren't the 21-year-old's immediately straddling the college student's waist and keeping the pouting young man right where he was. "Get. Off. Of. ME!"
"Uh uh." L breathed out as he leaned forward, face barely inches away from Light's.
"L, get the hell off of my stomach before I catch you with a right-hook when you're not looking and breaking your fucking nose!" Bright red cheeks puffed out adorably as the scarred collegiate began to shake with rage. "I know 15 different ways to kill a man without the use of weapons or excessive force. Want to try me?"
"And I know 25." L smirked before pointing at himself. "Homicide Detective."
"Fuck you!"
"That's the idea!"
"NOT. FUNNY!"
"Well, I find it hilarious." L whispered into the other's ear, the same nose that Light had been threatening to break no less than a couple of minutes ago now nuzzling the soft skin just beneath the lobe of said appendage. A slight shiver ran up Light's spine at the timid touch, face turning slightly to meet the opaque gray eyes following the prone brunet's every move. "Why don't you?"
"You're about to cross some serious lines L…" The ragged taunt did little to push the older detective off of Light's person but did bring Light back to the present; at a time where he and L weren't together and any type of physical contact that breached the line that the younger man was trying to keep intact was not welcome.
'My body is certainly not getting the memo,' Light silently thought to himself 'and neither is his.'
A small kiss was pressed against Light's jaw as any thoughts of struggling immediately fled his thoughts and the fists caught between L's own grip were loosened entirely. Then another kiss was pressed against his cheek and all the tension within Light's body drained away as if it had never been there to begin with. The tightened hands still bound roughly against his scarred wrists pulled away and slid down to the college student's flanks, their torsos sliding against each other as their noses touched briefly and drowsy eyes connected without the blazing intensity of anger or passion that was usually present in both man's eyes whenever the other managed to catch their gaze.
A part of Light seethed incessantly as a pair of chapped pale lips met his own, the kiss chaste and pleasant; a distinct opposite to most of their past kisses which were always harried, rushed and painful, never full of real sentiment but always full of feeling. Teeth clanking against teeth, lips bruising in their intensity as tongues smoothed out the rough bites and gentle nips; it was always pleasurable, but only because of the person he was kissing.
One gentle kiss, however, became two, and two gradually became three-
After awhile, Light gave up on the count altogether and simply enjoyed the sensation of being cared for. It wasn't one he was used to but for some reason it still felt familiar to him; like one of his father's hugs when he was still just a child and didn't worry about whether he was going to come home safe or not or the first time his sister smiled at him without that knowing sadness set within her eyes.
Warm yet still a bit terrifying.
A slick tongue swept against Light's bottom lip as his eyes began to glaze over, his train of thought now darkening as the innocence of the gesture was brushed aside for something much more ardent. Tilting his head away from the kiss so as o gather back his mental capabilities, brown eyes glared up at the smug look perched on L's face.
"Are you busy on Saturday?" Light breathed out, refusing to back down from the challenge (which had ultimately landed him in this position all those years ago).
L shook his head as he stifled away his knowing smirk, knowing that doing anything more tonight would be pushing the limit.
"Sure."
L smiled as he watched Light do an explicit jerk with his hips on the dance-floor, his ever present glass of scotch faithfully set within his hand as the other balanced a smoking cigarette. Mikami plopped down next to him, his own fluorescent pink drink halfway gone already.
"You seem to be having a good time…" The law student absently commented as he laid his drink out on the table, dark brown eyes focusing on the same body that the investigator next to him was staring at. "Should I ask why you're sitting here getting your ass plastered instead of out there staking your claim? God knows more than one person out on the dance-floor tonight wants to get their hands on your little sugar-monkey and sex him up until he can't even see straight."
L smirked as he leisurely took a puff of his cigarette, letting the ash from the lit half fall onto the table once all that smoke was exhaled back out in a stream of smoke that did little to lighten up the atmosphere of the decadent club surrounding them. "It isn't necessary."
"Oh really?" Mikami looked every bit as skeptical as he was sure L wanted him to look. "And why do you say that? Aren't you the possessive one here?"
L's smiled fell off his face, a stony demeanor taking its place.
"Don't look at me like that. It's how you lost him the first time; it's not like its some big secret."
Instead of getting angry (as he would have done when both he and Light were still together and both of them very much unstable) L snuffed out his cigarette and cradled his ice-laden scotch within both of his hands. Mouth set in a thin line, the words emboldened his expression without the older man having to even raise his voice, "He knows who it is that will pick up the pieces when he's done having his fun. And even then, you can be sure that fun will never expand to whatever it is you're thinking right now."
Mikami shifted within his seat, his fear carefully hidden within the solitude of his thoughts and rosy-hue of his drink. Glancing over at Light, who was now stumbling his way over to their table, the future lawyer wondered if his friend knew just how possessive his ex-boyfriend truly was.
Or how frightening he could be for that matter.
"What are you two doing? You look so bored." Light laughed as he tucked a stray strand of honey-brown hair behind his ear, cheeks prettily flushed under the array of colored lights.
"We're just having talking. What else would we be doing Light?" Placing the intoxicated brunet on his lap, L missed the incredulous look on Mikami's face and nuzzled the college student's neck reverently. "I missed you…"
Instead of commenting on the strange display in front of him Mikami took another gulp of his drink and ignored the glare being sent in his direction. If Light hadn't been as drunk as he was, he would have no doubt noticed the warring amnesty both men were reluctantly taking part of that night, all for his sake.
L almost slapped himself as the hand settled over the small of Light's back slowly began to go lower-
Notice it, Light, and beat this man away from your personal space before I do it for you…
And lower-
I don't care who the hell he is, he is not supposed to be touching you there!
And lower.
That's it, I'm done.
And that was as low as that hand got.
"L!" Light shouted as L grabbed his forearm and pulled the 21-year-old out of the other man's inappropriate embrace. "A little warning next time maybe?" `
"Excuse me! And who are you?"
"That would be my boyfriend, Matsuda." Light deadpanned, not daring to turn around and look L in the eye. "I would appreciate it if you didn't make such obscene gestures in his presence; he tends to get really possessive and violent after a couple of drinks."
"S-sorry…" Matsuda stuttered as L continued to glare at the man for all he was worth, scaring not only him but the whole general populace of the club. "I'll j-just… yeah…"
Smirking in victory as the young dark-haired miscreant ran away from the frightening pale man (who was not only associated with the law but could make any violent advance look like an accident of sorts), L let his own hand drift down from the small of Light's back and land on its most missed destination.
Instead of the usual tantrum, Light smiled at the man in return and gave him a brief kiss on the lips in thanks.
"So… Boyfriend?"
"Don't push it, L."
"Just checking!"
"L… you, uh, might want to ease up on that Jaegermeister…" Mail chuckled nervously as L continued to chug the drink right out of the bottle. "L, Jaeger does not lead to good things! I'm telling you right now, the worst stories always start off with 'Well, I was out drinking and I just had to have some Jaeger…' which always leads into 'then I dropped some Jaeger bombs' which ends with 'FUCKING JAEGER!'"
"Let the man drink himself into oblivion, Mail. He's been having it rough since his sex-toy's been fighting off his advances." Mihael whispered, not caring to notice the twisted frown being aimed in his direction. "Poor man has to get his jollies somehow."
"But Jaeger?"
"Jaeger." Mihael nodded solemnly.
Inwardly both men were looking forward to whatever havoc this binge drinking was going to wreak on their boss but they kept their manic grins to themselves and were content to watch the older man go crazy with the alcohol.
7/27/2009 – 1:48 AM
L: Light…
Light: L? Is something the matter? o.o?
L: I'm really tired.
Light: Then… go to sleep?
L: You know that isn't what I mean Light.
Light: Are we really going to do this now? Via txt mess?
L: Is there any other way you will talk to me about this?
Light: Why can't you just accept my decision?
L: Why can't you accept mine? I want to be with you…
Light: You need to go to bed, L. Now.
L: I will if you come with me…
Light: Stop it. Stop. Just… go to sleep. I'll call you in the morning.
L: Promise?
Light: … Promise.
7/27/2009 - 3:30 AM
L: Liiiiiight. I can't sleep. :-(
Light: L. I don't know what you want me to do.
L: Come herrre.
Light: L… go drink some warm milk or something.
L: OK. :-)
Light: … … … …
7/27/2009 – 4:54
L: LIGHT THE MILK DIDN'T WORRRRK!
L: SERIOUSLY. IT DIDN'T WOOOORK! T.T
L: Light… talk to me. Please. :-(
Light: Last time I'm going to say this ok? GET THE FUCK TO SLEEP L! STOP DICKING AROUND, CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SLEEP! NOW! I WILL CALL YOU IN THE FUCKING MORNING ONLY IF YOU STOP WITH THE DAMN TXTING OK?
Light was proud to say that no more text messages were received that night.
L groaned as his head pounded viciously; his brain was obviously at war with his skull and refused to be quiet about it.
'Shit what the hell…?'
Wondering what could have woken him up from his unconscious haven that were his dreams, L flinched as a loud ring broke through his thoughts and smashed his eardrums.
"Phone… phone… where the hell did I put my phone?"
Patting his night-table (only to find nothing) L moved onto his pillow-
"Finally!"
And reveled in his success. His headache continued to blossom as the ringtone blared out incessantly, red-veined eyes taking in the name and smiling cheerfully.
"Light!" L croaked out happily, not realizing just how hoarse his voice actually was. "You're… calling…?"
"And you're obviously hung-over."
"I… may have had a bit much to drink last night, yes, but I do not see how that is any of your concern."
"How about you check your text messages and then tell me it's not any of my concern you idiot."
L blinked as the phone line cut off, the anger within Light's voice confusing him even more than the phone call. Though both men still kept communication with each other it was usually via text message since it required a lot less talking on both of their parts…
'You were drunk last night… and your phone was under pillow instead of on the night-table… and Light called you, obviously annoyed about something… SHIT!'
Scrolling through his messages, L bit back a flinch as his headache turned into a definite migraine. That certainly explained Light's mood…
"Fucking Jaeger!"
(Later on he would forget to hold his tongue in front of Matt and Mello and suffer through an hour of immature jokes and choked laughter at his own expense, wondering just why he kept those two employed when all he ever wanted to do was choke the life out of them at the best of times.)
"Really?"
L shifted uncomfortably as his best friend/ex-lover stared down at the flowers that had been forcibly shoved into his hands and quirked an eyebrow.
"I'm a woman now?"
"It's an… apology… for the other night." The dark-haired man grumbled out, much to his own displeasure.
"You mean when you drunk-texted me over and over again crying about how you couldn't get to sleep and that you were lonely? Really?" Light was obviously finding this much more amusing than L was. "It's not as if I've never seen you drunk before L. I know what the hell you're like."
"I'm not that bad…"
"L, you're worse than a woman on her period with the mood swings you manage to roll in and out of. God help the person who pisses you off when you're drunk too because I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be getting home in one piece."
"I do not get violent…" L flinched as Light gave him 'the look'. "Not that violent anyway."
"How can someone like you still be so in denial about your own drinking habits?" Putting the flowers down on the table next to him, the tired brunet sat down on the comfy couch, expecting the other to join him on his own accord. "You have a serious problem L."
"That's rich coming from you."
Light smirked as L finally sat down, a full blown pout settled over his lips. "But no less true."
"I do not have… habits."
Once again, 'the look' was employed. "L, you drink more than I do, and I'm pretty sure that's either really, really sad or some sort of sad accomplishment. Either way… it's just sad."
"Can we talk about something else?" L finally snapped, his eyes rid of their former roundness. Pale lips were thinned and whiter than usual; Light knew he had L backed into a corner just by that look alone. "Please?"
'It's so easy to talk about my demons yet ignore all of yours isn't it?'
"Fine." The bland tone did not fit Light's personality but did wonders for his companion's mood, L's face unscrewing from its pinched expression and adopting one akin to blank relief. "How has your day been?"
Hazel brown eyes unwaveringly kept themselves trained forward, the large block of cement in front of them unmoving and unforgiving. The flowers that L had brought for him were held within his hands, a bit wrinkled and dry after a few days of lack of care, but ready to be laid down on the grave he was visiting.
The patch of dirt underneath his feet was dry from the summer sun, crunching uncomfortably with each step he took. The name on the tombstone glistened, the ceramic-like finish to shining spectacularly as if it were brand new. As if the nicks and chipped veins surrounding the letters engraved were tiny imperfections due to the way the sunlight hit the smooth plane and the large tombstone was only put up yesterday.
"Hi." Light whispered, kneeling down despite his usual aversion to dirt. "I'm sorry I haven't visited lately dad. Just a lot of stuff going on… I'm really confused."
"I don't know what I want anymore. Not when it comes to… well, you know." Breathing in the smell of grass, dead flowers and polluted air, Light felt himself fall deeper into his own despair. "If I stay with him I feel horrible but I stay away from him I feel worse. How can one person make me feel so… bad about myself and yet so good at the same time?"
"Everything that ever happens between us is somehow always my fault, though that's all in his humble opinion. Do you know he had the nerve to deny having a drinking problem the other day? All he does is drink! But I shouldn't talk because I'm such a bad influence. Psh, bullshit." Giving up all pretences of holding up any sort of dignity he might have left, Light dropped onto the ground and glared at the tombstone in front of him. "I'm not the only one in the world with problems. I know I'm not perfect. But does everybody always have to shove it in my face all the time? L, Teru, Sayu and mom… They love to talk about how fucked up I am yet whenever I say something about them, I'm not allowed to because I'm so messed up I apparently don't know what I'm talking about."
"I keep my mouth shut the most. I bite my tongue and let everyone say what they have to say in order to keep the peace. Why? Because I've made the most mistakes? But if not for me, none of them would even be in the position to say so."
"If not for my mistakes mom would have killed herself working years ago and Sayu would have been forced to get a part-time job just to help pay for the bills along with me. If not for my mistakes Teru would have never gained the drive to want to finish college, let alone continue on into law school. If not for my mistakes… I would have never met L in the first place." Caressing a small petal about to fall off the aging flowers cradled against the tombstone, Light reluctantly smiled. "Sometimes I regret ever meeting the guy, but that feeling is fleeting at best. I don't know how but I've come to really care for him. I don't know what to do with him…"
A drop of water plopped on the younger Yagami's head, the clear blue skies becoming obscured by large darkening clouds. The sun, which was still, if reluctantly, shining down on the well-dressed recipient, was gradually being swallowed up by the darkness until nothing but small specks of light were left to shine and the rain became a faint drizzle.
"I wish you could tell me what to do." Light whispered softly as the sound of rain crashing down on stones washed over him like the shower of water was doing over his body. "It's so easy to manipulate somebody when you don't feel anything for them. God, why did I have to… for him of all people!"
Head brought down as the onslaught of rain continued to hit him at full force, Light sighed as he finally took in the state of the now-muddy flowers drowning within their mud-encased grave.
"I hate feeling like this… but most of all I hate him for making me feel like this to begin with."
"… … Hi." Light shivered as he stared into L's eyes, visible golden skin frighteningly pale and smudged with mud. His clothes and hair were weighted with water and equally dirty, piled on top of the young man's lithe body as if to emphasize just how thin the 21-year-old student truly was. "I-"
L gaped as the young man he had been 'courting' took one step forward only to stumble into his arms and practically black out for a couple of seconds. Blinking the water out of his eyes, Light turned his messy face upward and grimaced.
"I didn't know where else to go."
Pulling his best friend inside his apartment, L glared at the random people littering the hallways still staring at (or ogling for that matter) Light's body disappearing through his door. "We have to get you cleaned up and out of these clothes."
"Hmph. Anything to get me naked…" Light rasped out as the older man pulled at his shirt's buttons.
"Yes, but I also don't want you to catch hypothermia either." Gradually making his way down to the brunet's pants, L leered up at the potentially ill 21-year-old. "Though if you did, I do have plenty of body heat to offer Light if he so needs it…"
"Pervert." Was Light's last response, falling over in a heap of tangled limbs and harsh breaths.
"As if I would ever throw you out into the streets when you needed me the most." L whispered into the unconscious man's ear.
Arms wrapped tightly around Light's waist, the bemused gray-eyed detective nuzzled the smooth skin of the neck presented to him and made his way into the bathroom.
"Oh… it's you."
Misa stared at the mountain of books set in front of her with unbridled contempt, green eyes narrowed with jealousy.
"Where's Light?"
"Obviously with me."
"Ha-ha. You're so brilliant. Seriously, where's Light! He's missed two days of work with no calls and our boss is ready to blow a gasket!"
"Then your boss is an idiot for waiting those two days instead of trying to contact him himself."
"Just tell me if he's alright you ass!"
"He will be fine. He is with me and that is all you need to know. Have you spoken to his mother?"
"I did! She didn't really say much… only to call his cell-phone! And look how well that turned out! What are you doing with him you pervert! I swear if you touch a hair on his head I will find you and rip you limb from limb, leaving your manhood for last!"
"… … … Ouch. That sounds as if it would hurt."
"Yeah! Ouch!" Misa huffed out, eyes flashing red with anger. "Now about Light-"
"He will be returning back to work when he is able. I will provide the doctor's note for his boss once I have my own personal doctor inspect him. As for his virtue, you needn't worry. He lost that years ago."
Misa squawked in anger but was cut off from the rant waiting to be unleashed on the man on the other line as a tiny click was heard and the line dropped completely. Gaping down at the phone in her hands, Misa gave a small countdown to Zen herself out and punched in both her and Light's boss' number instead.
'Serenity now… Serenity now… Serenity now…'
"Hi Mr. Namikawa! Um… I'm afraid that I've got some bad news concerning Light…"
"You keep getting yourself sick and you'll never make it to work." L blandly stated as he handed the bed-ridden brunet a cup of tea, dark eyes assessing. "The doctor said not to strain yourself yet this is the third time this week I've caught you out of bed, cleaning of all things."
"You know I don't like mess." Light muttered, the bridge of his nose and cheeks still flushed a light pink. "And that's all you do; make a mess!"
"Isn't this my apartment?"
"That I'm staying in, thanks." Sipping a bit of tea, Light sighed as the liquid warmth crawled through his sore throat. "It's no trouble for me to clean. I used to do it all the time remember?"
"Yeah…"
"You changed a lot of stuff around."
"What, is Light just now noticing all the moves I've done?" L teasingly asked as he handed the boy a napkin.
"For the most part? Yeah." Came the quiet admittance. "I used to always bug you about moving some of this stuff around. What made you want to make the change?"
L only smiled as he took the now-empty teacup from his friend's hands and pushed back down onto the bed.
Some questions weren't worth answering-
Especially when the answers were already so obvious.
"Here."
Light yawned as his head popped up from within the sheets, L's pale hand trembling as it kept the object within its grip steadfast within its fingers. "You looked like you needed a diversion."
"You do realize that I've been able to go home for the last two days."
"Yes." L let the book drop onto Light's lap, stripping himself of his jacket and adding it to the growing pile muddled on the floor.
"And it hasn't crossed your mind to ask why I haven't left yet?"
L shook his head, hands on his pant's zipper. "No."
"Do you… want me to leave?"
Shucking off his pants, L didn't even deign to answer the question.
Sitting up within the mountain of sheets and pillows surrounding him, the bed-ridden brunet shifted so that his companion would have room to lie down, mocha-brown eyes closing even as his fingers clenched around the bound book placed within the tanned hands.
"I'm hungry." Light suddenly stated, causing the near-comatose man next to him to snort out of amusement. Slapping the man on the back (just like he used to) Light promptly got up to make himself something to eat. Ignoring the tell-tale glare setting his back on fire, the scarred student made sure to make two sandwiches instead of just one.
That stupid pen.
"What's the matter Light?" L rubbed his gray eye hidden behind the reading glasses he had been cajoled into getting by the demon in disguise (also known as Light).
Why had he given him that stupid pen?
"Light…?"
Light shrugged as he kept his eyes trained on the writing utensil within L's hands, the flurry of motion enough to keep the slightly unhinged student hypnotized.
His father had used to love that pen.
'What would you say…?'
"I think it's time I went back home." Light unsteadily whispered, eyes smudged with uncertainty.
Instead of rebutting the statement L quietly nodded his head, the overwhelming dejection still alive if only within his eyes.
"Let's go out tonight, just you and me." Light whispered into the other man's ear as he slithered up upon his detective's lap, brown eyes hazy and despondent. "Please?"
"Why don't we just stay home instead? Watch a movie, eat some popcorn, make-out like hormonal teenagers…"
"I need to get out." The hoarse murmur was strained and uncomfortable, whereas before it had been full of heat and passion. "Please."
Fingers tangled within burnt sepia strands of hair as dark charcoal gray met amber brown, L knew he didn't have the heart to say no.
"If I say yes, will you stay with me the whole night?" It was a plead that L did not want to admit to; another question buried beneath the mountain of lies that had once again managed to topple over the other whilst still managing to be truthful, or at least as truthful as one man could be to another who had seen both the best and the worst they had to offer.
The light within his companion's eyes burnt brightly against the dim setting of L's living room, trying to convey in emotion what words would never be able to honestly portray.
Not when everything that managed to come out always seemed to be a lie.
Pressing his lips onto the golden patch of skin set right between Light's eyes, L nodded solemnly.
"Let's go then."
"How long did you think you could avoid me, huh? HOW LONG YOU LITTLE PRICK?"
The young man barely even blinked, licking his bloody lower lip savagely as the brutish beast holding the 21-year-old by the collar of his shirt growled rather viciously. "And who the fuck is this, Light? Another bitch you've already fucked? Or did he fuck you?"
"Well, it wasn't you doing the fucking now was it?" Light sadistically chuckled, wondering how he had (once again) managed to land himself into his current predicament.
Before he could say anything else, a sharp pain contorted itself onto his side (that same fucking side, that same fucking scar, that same fucking pain) and twisted until he felt as if he couldn't breathe-
"SHIT!"
Hands grabbed his neck propelling the smaller body forward before careening the damaged man into the wall, head bashing against pure brick and cement. For a second, everything was blessedly black, all the pain was gone and Light felt himself slipping away, and away, and away…
"LIGHT!"
Reluctantly, Light opened his eyes and just breathed; the pain was once again sharp and unforgiving, the random streams of light and darkness blurring his sight until it was a big smudge filled with nothing and everything all at once and here he was, still alive and still very much confused.
"I think… I'm hurt."
L laughed hysterically for a moment, wondering how Light could find the humor in his situation; how one night out, a night supposedly for the both of them, could turn out so horrid and…
So very like them.
"I think you're right." The detective took the boy in with an assessing eye, one hand dialing 911 while the other kept the dangling limbs steady and Light awake. "You… you're bleeding a lot."
"That tends to happen when you've been stabbed." Light once again joked, eyelids fluttering. "I think… I'm going into… shock…"
"All right, but you have to answer me some questions before you black out on me, Light. Who was he? Why did he hurt you?" L asked the young man. "You have to tell me everything, Light. I… I don't want you to get hurt."
"Aren't you supposed to be a detective? Investi-" Light coughed, a tiny splatter of blood landing onto his arm as his head flopped to the side. "Shit.
"This opening up thing is hard isn't it?" L commented after a small bit of talking into his cell-phone, putting pressure on the main injury against Light's side.
"Like a bitch."
And after all that, Light saw only black.
The white lights.
He was so used to these motherfucking white lights.
"Hello son." A kindly voice. A lot of times, they usually were. "We just need to have a look at your back, alright?"
No. No it wasn't.
"W…why?"
"Well, we just need to make sure everything's alright. You've been comatose for awhile now…"
Light felt himself drift off as the doctor continued to speak, his body screaming for more sleep.
"How long have I been here?"
"Two weeks."
"I don't remember two weeks."
"Well… you were unconscious a lot of the time."
"I don't feel tired anymore."
"Do you feel any pain?"
"No."
She gave him a skeptical look, as if he had never handled pain before. She had seen his scars; they knew he could handle it and were scared by it.
"You sure about that?"
"When can I leave?"
The nurse gave the boy sitting on the bed a cursory glance.
"When can I leave?" Light asked once more, voice a tad bit more forceful.
Before the young woman could respond, a lanky shadow appeared over her shoulder.
"Right now."
Heaving out a sigh of relief, Light ignored the brash squawk of disagreement the older woman admonished and carefully pulled the railings of the hospital bed down only to find a pair of strong hands hefting him up as cautiously as they could as setting him to his feet.
"I have your clothes." L stated simply, book-bag hooked over his shoulder.
Both men gave the blushing nurse matching pairs of incredulous looks, not even commenting as she sputtered her way out of the room and towards the nursing station where she would no doubt spread the biggest piece of gossip that week.
"You ready?"
"…"
"Stupid question."
Eyes filled with disappointment-
Body drenched in blood-
Fingers stretched out-
Help?
Cries-
My cries?
Fingers painted red-
Eyes closing with pain-
What's happening to me?
"SHIT!"
Light screamed as his hands immediately went to his eyes, trying to wipe away the blood and the pain and tears and the sweat-
"Light!"
He was bleeding, he knew he was bleeding, because there was liquid there but he couldn't open his eyes because if he did he'd see it and it would be real-
"Light, let go!"
But that voice, it sounded like comfort and understanding and these visions were killing him, killing him, killing him just like his fa-
"WAKE UP!"
The hands stopped grasping.
The blood stopped flowing.
The pain was… not there?
"Wake up…" L whispered into his ear as Light's hands were pulled away from his face and placed away from him. Gently bringing the scattered man onto his lap, L pressed a kiss to his cheek and then another on each eye. "Wake up…"
Eyes finally opened, filled only with tears. "Dream…"
"More like night-terror." Wiping away the remaining strings of tears, L reached for a handkerchief to do away with the small amount of sweat coursing down the younger man's face and neck. "You need to get to sleep."
"No." Pressing himself against the side of L's face, Light sloppily kissed the closest piece of skin available to him. "No more sleep."
"I'm right here, you'll be ok…"
"Don't-don't-don't…" Light begged as he pressed another frantic kiss on his former (really?) boyfriend's lips, voice cracking under… the… pressure… "I'm so fucking tired of this shit. Can't you make me forget it? Please? Just for a little while…"
For a moment, the younger man thought that his partner would acquiesce to his request, but he was soon disappointed.
Instead of ravaging him, Light was given a small peck on his temple. Instead of smothering him, Light was softly laid back onto his side of the bed. Instead of tearing away his clothes, Light's night shirt was gently lifted as still fresh wounds were carefully inspected. Instead of hurting him, Light was pulled into the other man's embrace cradled closely against L's chest, heartbeat thrumming delicately into his ear and lulled into a comfort he had forgotten existed.
As he let the strings of sleep serenade him back into its own embrace Light's last thought was obscured by the shroud of pleasant obscurity, knowing he could have died at that moment and not have regretted anything.
"It's better."
The confirmation was made underhandedly, as if Light couldn't tell even though it was his body.
A hand (which had never been so gentle with him before until now) tilted the golden-skinned face to the side, admiring the lack of bruising and swelling.
"What?" Light asked, feeling ridiculously self-conscious. "There's no reason to stare so hard, I'm still me after all that mess."
L continued to stare down at Light's face, the scrutiny made even more unbearable by the eyes shaded with a happiness that Light felt didn't belong there.
"We're so close." L whispered.
"To what?" Light whispered back, his body relaxed to the point of sleep even if his mind was still whirling with activity.
Tucking in a lone strand of ash-brown hair behind Light's right ear, L gave in to his signature quirky grin.
"To where we're supposed to be."
"And where's that?" Little by little his body was picking up the signs; his frustration was finally gaining the outlet it needed and L was doing nothing but unintentionally stoking the fire.
"If I have to explain then maybe your head is worse off than we first thought."
"This is close to you?" Light gestured brokenly. "You are seriously fucked up."
Picking himself up from off the couch, Light limped his way into an upright position. "I told you, this can't work. Whatever it is that you feel for me, it can't happen. Look at me! I don't have anything to offer you and you have already proven that you can't handle me! Maybe even being friends is too much…"
"You really are the stupidest smart person I have met in my life." L rumbled. Standing up himself, the slouch was no longer present and Light found himself eye to eye with the man who had, in essence, saved his life multiple times (though if you thought about it, Light had done the same, if unconsciously). "What have we been doing these past couple of months? Do you do those things with your other friends? No. You've only been with me, you've only kept yourself with me; what we do is not what other friends would consider normal. Get your head out of your ass and just admit it!"
Light took a step back but his expression did not change. If anything, it became a blank slate reminiscent to L's own disinterested expression which now seemed to be lost in the righteous anger swallowing the detective whole. "I need to go home."
"You are home." Grabbing the arm swinging past, L's adamant reply was ignored as Light then concentrated on pulling away, running away-
Something, funnily enough, both he and L were good at.
"We are not doing this right now."
"What, so long as we don't talk about it it's just fine? What do you think we've been doing this whole time, Light? Playing house? Stop being so damn stubborn and just admit it; this. Is. Home."
"Even if it was, I wouldn't admit it to you!" Light's jaw clinked shut as he subconsciously punched himself in the face, the statement flying out of his mouth before he could even stop it from doing the damage it would onto Light's pride. The victorious gleam in L's eyes belied what Light had unintentionally admitted, the stupid headache the younger man seemed to always be inflicted with hitting him at just the right time.
"Take me to my mother's house," Light bit out, knowing that if he said the word 'home' again L would never let him out of his sight, "or I'll leave while you're not looking, and we both know that I would and could."
A part of L wanted to keep fighting, to make the boy really eat his words and recognize just what had been true all along, but instead he took the tiny victory for what it was and nodded. When Light was like this there was no telling what he would do to get what he wanted, harming himself being the most logical thing to do (within Light's own head) and harming L being the last, if not far-fetched, resort.
"You know you'll be back." L snidely said in its place.
Light said nothing to disagree.
"Light?" Sayu's lilting voice echoed prettily off the walls of his self-imposed prison, the pictures ripped down and the random sporadic items which had littered the 21-year-old's living space thrown on the floor in a fit of confusion and rage. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine." Was the mechanical reply. A full week of filled with silence and 'I'm fine's', a week filled with tired instigations and nightly muffled screams…
Her brother was not fine.
Sayu turned, Sachiko's features twisted in a mixture of rabid anger and motherly concern. "Mommy, he's hurt."
"It'll be ok." The exhaustion was palpable within the older woman's face but the resolution angled in those sharp brown eyes offset whatever fear Sayu could have for her brother's health. "No matter what happens, we'll make sure Light gets better. Right?"
"Right!"
"Now I need you to go do something for me dear…"
"You're not all right." Sachiko whispered as she dragged her son onto the couch and raggedly dropped him against the cushions. "You need help Light."
"I do not."
"Stop it. I have sat by and watched you destroy yourself for the last time, especially for this family. There has to be line; I'm drawing it here."
"I said I'm fine." Light gritted out, pulling the sleeves of his shirt down over his hands.
Sachiko stared at his covered arms, already knowing what laid there to see.
"You're going to be staying with L from now on. It's either that or a mental institution Light."
Biting lips peeling for blood stopped as shaky eyes widened with heart-stopping fear.
"Why?" The 21-year-old man asked brokenly.
"Because you can't keep breaking like this." Sachiko quietly admitted. "And neither can I."
Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the things he had done; things he thought he had had to do to keep his family safe and satisfied.
When he opened them, however, all he saw was brown eyes so full of shame.
"I'm sorry…"
Salt-and-pepper colored hair shook as droplet of rain splattered against cold white skin, the man shaking his head appearing more saddened by the second.
"I'm sorry…" Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the things he had done; things he thought he had had to do to keep his family safe and satisfied.
When he opened them, however, all he saw were brown eyes so full of shame.
"I'm sorry…"
Clear rain ran down the older man's suit, slowly turning a crimson red as holes began to appear all over the bespectacled gentleman's body, forming a muddy bloody puddle alongside the man's feet.
Almost like a reflection, his own body began to palpitate with pain, his back, his side, his legs, his arms all soaked red, the liquid beneath their feet turning into a river of blood, tears and disgrace.
I'm so sorry…
Cold skeletal fingers traced his sunken cheek.
He couldn't stand the sight.
"Not as much as I am."
The hoarse voice echoed withinLight's ears even when awoke, the beige ceiling above him familiar and damning all at the same time. A warm body breathed beside him, still sleeping and unaware.
One hand pitched over the thinner man's chest as L snuggled up beside him, palm up and scars and cuts out.
No matter what he did, he knew he would never be free.