A/N: Okay so... this is part one of something that was way too long to post as one chapter! I really do commend you if you even do make it through this part :D

When Kisame awoke in the morning, he felt different in many ways; for a start, he was a lot smaller, most of his limbs felt lighter – as if he had lost weight, perhaps the only thing that felt unlike being drunk to him was the strange weight he now felt on his chest. Although strangest of all to him was the fact that he woke up in somewhere completely unfamiliar, unlike his usual near-empty room, he was now bombarded with bright colours and various pieces of tat he couldn't see any reasonable person ever having the need for.

"...Where?... Where the hell am I? Did I get drunk again...? What the fuck is going on?" he stumbled about as he got out of bed, clutching his head in an attempt to stop a sudden onset of dizziness. His body felt unusually light that morning to the point that he felt ridiculously unsteady on his feet, as if he had been stripped of all his muscle in the middle of the night. That however, was not the only thing that made him feel more than a little uncomfortable. Only seconds after he had steadied himself on his feet he heard the door behind him slam open, followed by an aray of various swear words... although most disconcerting of all was the fact that, when he finally turned round to look at the figure, he found himself confronted with a strangely familiar looking figure. In fact, if he hadn't been concious at that moment in time, he would have sworn he was having an 'out of body experience' because the man who stood before him, in every way shape and form... appeared to be himself.

"Hey, who are you? What the hell is going on?"

"Kisame... don't turn around." They replied, ignoring just about everything Kisame had said to them.

"How do you know my name? Where the hell am I?"

"No Kisame, don't turn round!" The man outstretched a hand, as if he were about to grab Kisame and force him to keep still, their actions however simply weren't quick enough and before they could stop him, Kisame caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror behind him. It was a lot worse than he had imagined that morning... he was a woman."I told you not to turn around, what did you do? You turned around and almost had a heart attack, nice work."

"W-what are these?" he asked, patting the area of his chest where he had felt the unfamiliar weight.

"They're called boobs... STOP TOUCHING THEM!"

"...Okay so..." Kisame began, trying to stop himself from hyperventalating, if only because it would mean he wouldn't have to once again, put his hand on his chest and molest himself... or herself, frankly he wasn't quite sure what he identified as today. "I'm a woman... and... I'm wearing a hockey shirt as pyjamas... So, if I'm Kisame... only in Kyouki's body does that mean you're...?"

"Yep."

"Oh, god this is horrible."

"Hey! My body is fucking incredible, you should be grateful you get to see it up close!"

"...But... but I don't want to be a woman. I want to be a man... with a penis."

"Oh please, it's not like it's a big deal even if you do just so happen to have two." There was a moment of incredibly awkward silence, before Kyouki finally noticed the visable distress on Kisame's face, if she were any less vain she could have simply passed it off as not being used to seeing her own facial expressions. "Yeah, that was quite surprising... I thought that was just a rumour."

"...YOU LOOKED?"

"Well, I needed to go to the bathroom, and I wasn't about to wait for you to wake up... that whole taking a piss whilst standing up thing is a lot harder than it sounds... especially with two."

"I-I-I..." Kisame began stuttering, already feeling his face turn scarlett... which admittedly, he was quite grateful for. Never before in his life had his skin been so devoid of colour, mind you today seemed like it was going to be full of new and grueling experiences for Kisame.

"Oh, that just reminds me, I wanted to ask you something. Say I wake up in the morning... and I have like, a boner. What should I do about it? I mean, can I just have a cold shower or do I actually have to do something about it. You know, deal with it."

"Do you... listen to what you're saying before you talk? You just asked if you had to have a wank! I can't believe you just asked me that...do you have any shame about this whatsoever?"

"None at all." She grinned, making Kisame quite grateful that he was eternally grumpy... his 'smiling face' was a little more than he himself could bare. "So back to my question, morning wood?"

"What are you doing in here Kisame...?" This was probably the first, and only, time Kisame could ever say he was grateful for Mangetsu's presence.

"Oh, he was just about to tell me about his morning boners." Kyouki replied, instantly forgetting that, in Mangetsu's eyes, she was Kisame.

"...What?" Mangetsu narrowed his eyes, in an expression that could have been either confusion or disgust.

"I mean... uhh... I... SHUT UP!" She managed to stutter out after a while, not quite sure how exactly Kisame would usually react to Mangetsu. Kisame himself however, grimaced. If there were going to be stuck like that for any great length of time he would definitely have to give her lessons in insulting Mangetsu. Mind you, he didn't really want that... god only knows what kind of lessons he would have to get for whatever it was she and Mangetsu did together. "I have to go now... I uh... hate you... yeah... you remember that."

"Why are you still in your pyjamas? Get changed."

"...You're not going to watch me, are you?"

"No." Mangetsu sounded as though the question had actually hurt him. "I never watch you... why would I start today? Now you go get changed, I'll go get the stuff for your hair and then we can... oh, you know..."

You know? You know? No, Kisame could honestly say that he didn't know, and the vague note that Mangetsu had ended his sentence on before doing some... awkward looking half-skip, half-walk out of the room, really was not comforting to Kisame. Matters didn't exactly improve after Kisame got changed either, to begin with he found himself feeling obligated to get dressed with his eyes closed, which meant he fell over several times and by the end of it wasn't quite sure if he had actually managed to put everything on the right way round. Then, there was the whole issue of how ridiculously exposed he felt, it's not as if he hadn't previously noticed that Kyouki was extremely scantily clad... it just felt so much more wrong now that it was him who had to dress like that.

There was only one way Kisame felt he could actually lay his mind to rest. Well, two. However, asking Mangetsu was completely out of the question as far as he was concerned... and as in Mangetsu's eyes, Kisame was in fact Kyouki... he may have ended up doing more harm than good. And so, he set out to find Kyouki. His first instinct was to check the bathtub, because it seemed like the kind of place she would assume the shark man spent the vast majority of his time, although upon doing so, he found only several million spiders and a plastic helicopter... which belonged to Tatsuya, no doubt. As it turns out Kyouki was in the last place he would have expected to find her, his office. And, to his surprise, from where he was standing, it actually looked like she was doing work... on closer inspection, it turned out she had just taken various crayons and scribbled on the paper. Kisame held back a sigh, when he was back in his own body he would have so much work to do, although he was glad Kyouki was at least making the effort to masquerade as him, instead of lurking in the bottom of swimming pools and scaring small children.

"Kyouki!" He tried to divert her attention before she began drawing rainbows on his paperwork. "I have to ask... you two don't... do it, do you?"

"No. God, we're friends. Why does everyone ask that?" Kisame assumed the expression Kyouki pulled was that of complete and utter disgust... Or was it anger? He was beginning to realise it was difficult to read the emotions of a shark.

"Because you two sleep in the same the bed? You're both clingy and overly attached to each other and I'll be honest, I'm still not entirely convinced that you don't change in front of him."

"...Shut up. I don't go asking you and Zabuza that."

"Yeah but that's different, me and Zabuza aren't...as weird as you two... besides you asked me that yesterday..."

"Details, details... what day is it?"

"Wednesday."

"Oh, oh well it's mountain day for you. Good luck!" And with that she turned back to the various important documents that she had now begun to draw stars and flowers on, awkwardly shooing Kisame away with one large blue hand.

"Where were you?" No sooner had Kisame left the room than he was confronted by a rather concerned looking Mangetsu.

"I uhh... felt ill..." Why Kyouki might lurk in his office whenever she felt ill, Kisame didn't know but he instantly regretted saying it, when he swore he saw something snap in Mangetsu. Which, judging from how quickly Kyouki had recovered from the flu a few months ago, could only be one thing... nurse mode.

"Ill? Really? Do you have a fever or something? Come here." Before Kisame could react Mangetsu had grabbed him by the wrist, pulling him close enough to place a hand on his forehead. Now, Kisame was beginning to doubt he'd ever adjust to the lack of muscular strength he had. "You should go back to bed. Right now."

"No, no I uhh... I just saw Kisame's face is all...?"

"Oh," Mangetsu quickly released his grip, smiling sympathetically "I feel like that sometimes too..."

"Yeah, that Kisame... don't we just hate him? He's such a dick..."

"No, we've never said we hated him before..."

In the hours that followed, Kisame was just grateful that what Kyouki had meant by 'mountain day' was in fact, just being dragged up a mountain by Mangetsu. Although he swore this was one of the few times he could claim he was having a worse day than Zabuza, he was desperately wrong...