The internet access at camp sucks, but I have Chapter 3 up and Chapter 4 is almost ready. Sorry I'm being so slow, bear with me and leave reviews if you want me to continue.
Chapter 3: It Impacts Everyone
The days following Jack's diagnosis were very difficult for the Hudson family. After the near impossible task of informing their son of what could be his death sentence, then breaking the news to Ryan, Emma and Sarah, Finn and Rachel called their respective parents to tell them the news. Burt, Carole, Hiram, Leroy and Shelby all offered to come out to Cleveland and help in any way they could, but Finn and Rachel didn't want to make the situation any more stressful for the kids. They wanted to continue to make life as normal as it could be, but life would never be the same for the Hudsons.
Finn had also called his brother in New York that night. Kurt suggested bringing Jack to the best children's hospital in the world, which was located in New York. Going there had been an option they'd discussed, but for now they wanted to stay in Cleveland. If they went to New York, it would be a lose-lose situation for the other three children. If they stayed home, they would be without they went to New York, not only would they be dealing with a cancer-stricken brother and distressed, distracted parents, they would have to start at new schools and be in a totally different environment.
The only people outside the family Finn and Rachel had the energy to tell the news the night they got it were Sam and Quinn. Finn and Sam were still best friends after all these years, as were Rachel and Quinn. Sam told Finn that he and Quinn would be willing to come out to Cleveland to help if needed or if Finn and Rachel just needed a distraction. They also promised not to tell anyone the news until Finn and Rachel were ready.
Jack stayed in the hospital for a few days after his diagnosis as he got ready to start chemo. Rachel took a three week leave of absence from her job, only going in after school to work with the Glee club. Finn continued to go to work, but was never mentally there. He went straight to the hospital after work every day, right after getting the other kids from school.
One day about a week after the diagnosis, the day before Jack's first round of chemo, Finn was too exhausted and distracted to give a lesson and just asked his students to write a journal entry about an issue pressing on their minds currently. As the students worked and Finn was about to text Rachel at the hospital, his classroom phone rang. He picked it up. "Finn Hudson."
"Mr. Hudson, this is Becky Zaslov, the nurse at Cambridge..."
Finn's heart skipped a beat. Why was the nurse at his kids' school calling? He couldn't have another kid be sick.
"Ryan came to my office this morning after throwing up. He said he hadn't been feeling sick before he threw up and after he threw up he felt fine."
"Well - " Finn didn't want to say it in front of his students but felt like he had to tell the nurse. "Last week our youngest son was diagnosed with cancer. I think Ryan might have thrown up because he's having a hard time with it. I'll come take him home for the day."
"That's probably a good idea, see you soon."
Finn called the office and asked them to send a substitute to the classroom, saying it was an emergency. The principal was understanding. He told Finn he could leave any time when Finn first told him about Jack.
As Finn drove to Cambridge Elementary, a rush of guilt came over him. Neither he nor Rachel had intended it, but for the past week, Ryan, Emma and Sarah had been neglected. They were taken straight from school to the hospital every day, then spent the afternoon there as their parents mostly focused on their sick brother. Back home, it was endless phone calls and e-mail sending. This was hard for the older kids, too. They needed their parents.
Finn pulled into the parking lot at the elementary school and went into the office. "I'm here to pick up Ryan Hudson."
"Dad!" Ryan bolted out of the nurse's office in the back of the office, ran to Finn and hugged him. Finn's heart broke when he saw the fear in his son's eyes.
"Hey, Ryan," Finn said. "How about you and I go get some lunch?"
"But I brought lunch," Ryan said, looking confused as they left.
"I think you and I need some boy time." Finn put his arm around his son's shoulder as they approached the car. "Sit up front with me." Ryan and Emma had both reached the age where they wanted to sit in the front seat of the car. Finn and Rachel had been pretty adamant about not letting them until they were twelve, nothing was normal about today.
Ryan gave Finn a confused look. "But I'm not allowed to sit in the front seat, Dad."
"Today you are," Finn said. "I'm thinking we should go to Mongolian Buffet."
"Okay," Ryan said. Finn and Ryan drove quietly to lunch. When they arrived, Finn took the opportunity to talk to his son about what may have caused him to throw up.
"So Ryan, what were you thinking about right before you threw up?" Finn asked.
"Why are you asking that?" Ryan asked.
"Well, you haven't been sick lately. Your teacher said you didn't seem sick this morning and you felt fine after you threw up, which makes me think that something else made you throw up."
"How would I know?"
"Ryan, I know we haven't been giving you and the girls you the attention you need since Jack got sick. I'm sure it's been hard for you."
"I just don't understand why he had to get cancer."
Now what was Finn supposed to say? How was he going to tell his oldest son that he, too, didn't know why? The best thing to say was the simplest. "I don't know why he had to, either. It isn't fair to him, to you, or to your sisters."
Ryan continued talking. "I think about it all the time. I'm afraid to talk to you and Mom because I know you're sad."
"Ryan, you can always come to us."
"Yesterday at lunch, a boy in my class told me that Jack's going to be sick all the time and you and Mom aren't going to want to spend time with me. Then at recess, Emma and I just went under the equipment and sat there not talking for the whole hour."
Finn felt tears coming to his eyes. This was one of those times he questioned his parenting. He could barely handle having a kid with cancer. Trying to help his other children through it was even harder. He feared saying or doing something that would make the situation worse.
"Let me tell you something," Finn said to his son. "When you and Emma were born and I held you two in my arms for the first time, your mom and I had just gone through a very difficult time. As I looked at you two, my newborn children, I had one wish above all others. I wanted you two to live a life of happiness. I didn't want you to get hurt or experience pain. I wanted only the best for you. I felt the same way the first time I held Sarah and Jack. I wanted it more than anything and I tried to tell myself that would happen, but I knew deep down you would suffer, you would get hurt. We need to stick together. At the end of the day, no matter how many bad things happen, what matters most to me is that I still have you and Emma and Sarah and Jack and your mom."
"Dad?"
"What?"
"Do you think Jack's going to die?"
Finn paused. He'd hoped none of the kids would ever suspect the possibility, but he wasn't surprised that it had still crept into his son's mind.
"You didn't answer me right away," Ryan declared. "Does that mean-"
"No, Ryan," Finn said. "I'm not saying it's going to be easy but we will get through this."
"Can I just stay home instead of going to the hospital after school? I really don't want to go.""Of course you can stay home. If it was up to me, you'd never have to go. You and your sisters always have the option to stay home."
"You won't get mad at us?"
"Of course not. I completely understand why you don't want to go. If I was ten, seeing all that equipment on my brother would bother me, too. Ryan, I love you. Don't think that I don't anymore. It's just that your mom and I are trying as hard as we can to stop the cancer."
Ryan managed to smile. "I love you too, Dad."
Finn and Ryan tried to have a normal father- son lunch. Finn talked to Ryan about his school, his friends, his soccer team. After lunch Finn and Ryan went home and watched a movie until it was time to pick the girls up from school. Finn gave them the option of staying home today as well. They both wanted to stay home.
After dropping the kids off at home, Finn drove to the hospital and went to Jack's room. Jack was sleeping in his bed while Rachel was on her laptop.
"Hey," Finn said quietly, giving Rachel a kiss."Hey," Rachel said, returning the kiss. "Where are the other kids?"
"They're at home." Finn sat down next to Rachel. "They aren't taking this well. I think staying home today might be good for them. Ryan threw up at school today because he's so upset."
Rachel took Finn's hand. "Oh no."
"He told me at recess yesterday, he and Emma just hung out under the playground equipment for the whole hour."
"This is bad."
"It is. Rachel, I feel like we're doing the other kids a disservice. I haven't meant to and neither have you, but the fact of the matter is that we've been putting them on the back burner."
Rachel sighed. "We have. It isn't right. Ever since Jack got sick, it's been all about that. We have three other children to pay attention to. They need us, Finn."
Finn nodded and kissed the top of Rachel's head. "They do."
"There's something else I've been thinking about," Rachel said. "We can't keep trying to do this alone."
"What do you mean?" Finn asked.
"We need our families and they've offered to help. I don't want to burden them, but we need them."
Rachel always knew what Finn was thinking. "I think we do too. Not only do we need the help, the kids need people who can fully focus on them. They need people to help them with homework and watch TV with them."
Rachel sighed. "I just wish things were like they used to be."
Finn gave Rachel a hug. "So do I." They watched their son sleep as they sat in silence.
"I can't lose him," Finn whispered as he leaned against Rachel. Despite the fact Jack had only been part of his family for five years, he couldn't imagine the family without Jack. The Hudsons needed a mom, a dad and four kids.
"We aren't going to lose him," Rachel whispered as she weaved her fingers through Finn's hair. "We're going to get through this. Together, we will who this fight."
"I love you, Rachel Barbara Berry Hudson."
"I love you, Finn Christopher Hudson."
It was as if Finn and Rachel were always trying to reassure each other things would be okay. They'd been through hard times before, but nothing like this, and it would only get harder.