Disclaimer: I don't own, I just play here. Also I'm not sure how this story became so shmoopy but it has. Must be that time of year.

A week later Kara steps out of the docking bay to find a certain man waiting for her with flowers. She snorts and walks up to him.

"What do you think you're doing here?" She stays out of his reach shifting her bag on her shoulder. "And with those."

"I'm waiting for a certain woman I know who drives me to do stupid things, like show up with flowers. I'm also hoping she doesn't punch me for bringing them." She smiles at the last part of the comment and moves into his personal space. He wraps an arm around her and breathes her in. "You smell like an engine." He comments pulling away and trying to kiss her. She avoids him. "I like it." He tries to recover.

"Uh-huh." She tries to move away from him. He moves his other arm around her and locks her against him.

"I like you how ever I can have you." He leans down and kisses her briefly, feeling her trying to pull back. He waits patiently and calmly moving his lips against hers as he rubs his hands up her back. She lets out a slight gasp as her body reacts and returns the kiss.

"You suck." She says when he pulls back. He smiles and she can't help herself from smiling.

"Not as well as you do." He whispers in her ear as they move to leave the docking station. She smacks him on the chest and allows him to drag her outside. He hails a cab. "Your place or mine?" He asks.

"As long as I can do my laundry I don't care." She thinks better of that. "Your place." He smiles.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Once inside his place he starts her laundry for her while she uses his shower. She is toweling off her hair when he enters the bathroom. He grins at her and she scowls back.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's nice to see you."

"It's nice to see me? Or it's nice to see me in one of your shirts?" She asked pulling the material away from herself; he didn't seem to have a robe so she'd hijacked one of his tee shirts.

"Both." He leans against the counter, as far away from her as he can manage, wanting her to come to him. It's petty and childish and he knows it but he can't seem to help himself. She doesn't seem thrilled to see him and its puzzling him. After a few moments of staring at one another, she moves past him into his bedroom and out into the mid day sun on the deck. She breathes in the smell of the flowers and the city and sighs. She wraps her arms around herself trying to calm the urge she has to run to him and wrap herself around him. After he doesn't follow her out onto the deck she stops resisting the urge and goes back in to find him.

He's still leaning against the sink, lost in thought. She moves in front of him and takes his face in her hands and moves his lips to hers. He doesn't move, just waits for her next move. She moves her hand around to the back of his neck as she presses her body against his crossed arm. He finally moves his arms around her.

"Are you pouting?" She asks pulling away, realizing what she just did. He grins at her. "Bastard." She says trying to pull away.

"Not yet." He says crushing her to him. She leans her ear against his chest and listens to his heart. He puts his chin on top of her head and just holds her. When she lets out a sigh, he releases her.

"What's wrong Kara?" He asks as he follows her back out onto the deck.

"Nothing." She sighs looking out over the city.

"Wow. How do you bet so well at triad? You're the worst liar I've ever seen." She sighs and looks away from him. "You can tell me. Even if it seems stupid."

"So are you my boyfriend or my therapist right now?" She retorts. He looks taken back.

"You're boyfriend. I promise to only give advice if you ask about it, but you need to talk things out sometimes."

"Who do you talk to?" She asks suddenly.

"You and my parents. Course I've been in counseling for most of my life. Adoption was hard on me when I was a kid; still is to some extent." He walks up next to her and rubs a hand up her arm. "What's wrong?"

She looks into his ice blue eyes and hesitates still. She doesn't want to admit what's been bothering her. It seems stupid. This is how she's always been. Why should she want to change now? And it wasn't because if him. She'd been questioning herself for months now. Well really almost two years now, since Zak's death.

"I'm wondering…" She growls frustrated. She looks at him pleadingly. "Why can't you just leave it alone?" She asks.

"Will you talk to anyone else about it?" He asks solemnly. She bites her bottom lip. "I thought so. But whatever it is, you need to let it out before it eats you up."

"It's just that I've been questioning myself a lot lately. Usually I go balls to the walls not thinking about what I'm doing. And suddenly, ok not so suddenly, but slowly over time I've started to question myself and my decisions. It's so unlike me."

"It's normal." He says without thinking. That is the therapist. She huffs at him and he reaches out to comfort her. "Sorry, but its part of my personality. I'll try to tone it down." He closes his mouth.

"I've never had this much doubt before. And I'm really starting to hate it."

"What makes you not trust yourself any more?" He asks curious how the confident woman he knows was falling to pieces in front of him.

"I don't know." She says quietly, knowing he'll see through that particular lie.

"Kara." He says. "You know why." He moves back from embracing her. "You need to say it. You need to let someone else take on some of the guilt you've been carrying around."

"I hate you." She breathes.

"Good. Now say it."

"I killed him. I killed Zak." She breathes.

"No you didn't." He contradicts her statement.

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes I do." She snorts at him and moves away from him. "Every one of us has free choice. He chose to go to flight school when he knew he didn't have the passion for flying. He knew when he was struggling in sims that he wasn't going to make it. He knew he was fulfilling someone else's hopes and dreams for him. Children do it all the time. They take the expectation of the parents and make it their own, pretending that it's what they want or need. You alone cannot be blamed for his death. Accidents happen. How many of your other students have died?"

"I don't know."

"I bet a few have. And you know what? You can only teach someone so much and then you have to let them go. Sure failing basic should have kicked Zak out of the cockpit but don't you think he would just keep trying until he passed and then he would do the same exact thing?"

"Maybe." She admitted.

"So stop trying to shoulder all of the blame. You alone cannot decide someone's life, unless you actually put a gun to their head and shoot them."

"That's what it feels like I did." She comments, tears brimming her eyes. "It feels like I stood there and pulled the trigger. How could I do that to someone I claimed to love?"

"The same way parents and loved ones let people go all of the time. You were selfish for a second; you took what you wanted and Kara?" He asked, she looked at him. "There's nothing wrong with being a little selfish every now and again. You deserve to be happy."

"No I don't." She retorts as the tears start to fall. He's tried to keep his distance but can't manage it while the tears fall down her face.

"Everyone deserves happiness. Everyone." He says fiercely as he wraps his arms around her shoulders.

"Even a frak up like me?" She tries to joke to cover up the uncomfortable silence following his last comments. He pulls back and looks down into her reddened face and smoothes her now dry hair away from her face.

"Especially you." He brings his lips down to kiss her. The stand entwined for a long while before Kara's stomach starts to growl. She giggles and moves away from him.

"Got anything edible?" She asks.

"I can make you a sandwich." He comments taking her hand.

"Sure." She says following him into the house. After they've eaten she looks at him and says "Thanks"

"For what?"

"For going all headshrinkers on me." He ducks his head.

"I didn't mean to. It just kicked in. I've really got to practice not doing that. Especially with you. You don't need me doing that all of the time."

"That might be true, but today I needed it." He smiled and reached across the table to squeeze her hand.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A few hours later, and several episodes of mattress acrobatics later, Kara lays on Leoben's chest drawing her fingers up and down his naked flesh.

"You're special." She comments lazily.

"What makes you say that?" He asks suspicious. She moves her chin so she can look at him. "And thanks, but seriously what makes you say that? Last time you were here you were claiming we had nothing in common."

"Usually I would have stormed out after someone forced me to face the music, and here I am naked, laying on top of you. You must be special for me not to punch you and run away."

"Ah, you do know how to romance a man." He runs his hand up her back. "I'm glad there's some indescribable feature that I possess that hasn't made you kick me out of your life yet."

"What do you see in me?" She asks soberly. He smiles at her.

"Well," he starts adjusting her on his chest, pulling her closer "You have a presence that fills a room. You walk like you know exactly where you're going, even when you don't. You're gorgeous. You make my heart hammer when you say my name and I can't get enough of your skin. Need more?"

"Maybe." She says teasingly.

"What do you see in me?" He asks.

"Damn, I knew that would backfire." She laughs as he tickles her. "Stop, Stop!" She gasps. "I'll tell you!" She pants trying to catch her breath. He hands stop tickling her waiting expectantly. "First your eyes speak volumes without saying a word. You're passionate about the world around you. Your eyes are a beautiful blue color. You soothe me when I should want to punch someone. You make me forget to breathe when you whisper in my ear. I can't get enough of your skin against mine. You kiss me just the way I like without encouragement or thought and you kiss me exactly when you shouldn't but it always feels like the right time. And you make me laugh."

He brushes her hair away from her face and pulls her towards him. He showers kisses on her face until she stops him and moves to kiss him more passionately. She sighs and pulls away.

"I don't think I can handle any more." She comments.

"Really?" He asks greedily. "I though you couldn't get enough of my skin."

"Skin, yes. Possessive taking of my body over and over again tends to make me walk funny."

"How about a bath then?"

"Heck no. You, me and water equals more sex. I'm trying to prevent sex." She laughs softly. "I never thought I'd be trying to prevent sex." She hops out of bed and rummages through his clothes looking for sweat pants.

"Top drawer on the right." He comments understanding she's looking for a lower half. She pulls the pants on and picks up the disregarded shirt from earlier over her head. He smiles widely looking at her in his clothes. She's not that much shorter than he is but her frame is smaller and the shirt and pants envelope her as she stands next to the bed. He grabs her hand and drags her back down into bed. He rolls her over to the other side of the bed, ending up pinning her arms above her head. She looks serious as she leans up and tries to kiss him. He pulls back a fraction, knowing she can't follow. He smiles impishly and moves his body against hers. She moans and arches her body against his in response. He releases her arms and buries his face in her neck, just holding her against him. She starts to squirm as his breath tickles her neck.

And then Leoben does something he immediately regrets, "I love you." He breathes. He freezes, realizing what he just said. He waits, hoping she didn't hear him. He feels her still underneath him. Her pulse jumps against his lips and starts racing and he swears inside his head, knowing she heard. They both lay there as still as possible, waiting for the other to make a move. He leans up on his elbows finally to look into her eyes.

"I'm sorry Kara. I didn't mean to say that." He pleads with her. She looks at him puzzled and a little distant.

"Did you mean it?" She whispers.

"I'm so sorry."

"Did you mean it?" She asks a little louder.

"Of course I meant it. I just didn't mean to speak it out loud."

"Why?"

"I'm afraid to feel this way, this quickly about someone who's slightly afraid of even being a couple with me. I don't want to get shattered into pieces." He sits up and moves away from her. He sits on the edge of the bed, then moves to put clothes on. She doesn't move or say anything and he takes it as a bad sign. He doesn't want to try to chase her down naked either, so he slips a pair of pants on first. He pulls his shirt on and sits back on the bed not facing Kara. He feels the bed move and expects to have to chase after her. Instead he feels her arms around his chest and across his neck.

"Leoben?" She asks softly. He doesn't move or speak. "It's ok. I think I love you too." Her voice almost dies out in the end, as if she's afraid to even say the words. He spins to look at her. She just kneels on the bed looking at him. He grabs her and wraps her in his arms and feels his heart swell. By the end of the night they fall asleep holding one another.

_________________________

TBC..................