Hermione told herself she could do it. She could break things off with him. But, she admitted, it was much easier to keep a strong resolve when he wasn't standing right next to her, looking so absolutely delicious.
Now that Hermione decided she wanted to end it, she found herself studying Ron and his relationship with Lavender. She had never noticed how physical they were with each other. Nothing outrageous, not even close, but just enough to always remind the other that they were there. Ron and Lavender were currently standing across the room with their backs to Hermione, chatting with a few people. As Hermione watched, Lavender lifted her hand, and slipped her pointer finger into the back pocket of Ron's jeans. Just slightly. She gave a little tug, pulling his jeans down the tiniest bit. Ron never broke off his conversation, never even turned to look at Lavender, but his hand started moving too, almost subconsciously. His arm went around her shoulder, playing with the dangly earring she wore on the ear closest to his hand.
This should be making her decision so much simpler. Look at how easily they showed affection, how simple it was for them to be together. But dear Merlin, instead it just made her see red. How could she decide that she couldn't have Ron when she had never had the chance to be with him like that? Out in public, unafraid, instead of hiding behind locked doors?
She turned toward the bar, asking for another drink, and to make it strong, please. It was just her luck that Ron and Lavender chose that moment to plop themselves down at the bar as well. The bar was crowded, and they didn't notice her, but she was close enough to overhear them, if she wished.
Oh, she wished.
They were in the middle of a conversation, and she turned her head slightly to listen in.
"…that's not what he was said! God, Ron, don't you remember the conversation at all?"
Ron grinned broadly. "It was a year ago! And why would I want to remember any conversation that involved a bloke sexually harassing me? It was mortifying!"
Lavender leaned into him. "He probably saw what I'm seeing."
"And what's that?"
"A right sexy man, that's what."
Their heads bent close together, but Hermione had had enough. She swung from the bar stool, and dove out into the crowd. She wanted to get her mind off Ron Weasley and she wanted it now.
Seamus appeared next to her. She looked up at the ceiling, unsure if she should be thanking God or cursing him.
"Oh, Hermione! Haven't seen you in awhile." Hermione could detect a little bitterness in Seamus' tone, but she couldn't exactly blame him. They had gone on a few perfectly pleasant dates, and she could not give a decent reason for her disappearing act.
"Seamus, I'm sorry. I've been pretty much off the grid for the past month. Work has been terrible, I've had loads of new cases…" She trailed off, unable to supply proof to that utter lie.
"Ah, don't worry. We're here tonight, right?" He clinked his glass against hers.
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Ron and Lavender still at the bar, engaged in a thorough snog.
She looked at Seamus, funny, handsome, single, Seamus. "Right." She smiled.
It was two hours, and quite a few more drinks later when she found she was kissing him. It was quite a surprise, really. Ron's kisses always had her brain's full attention, sometimes to the point that she couldn't remember basic facts about herself, but here she was, again, kissing Seamus, and, again, really wishing she weren't kissing Seamus.
Her thoughts were interrupted when a stormy-looking Ron pulled them apart, grabbed her by the upper arm, and muttered, "Lavender needs you" through his teeth.
If he was pulling her to a broom cupboard, she was sincerely going to blow her top.
He pushed her into the women's loo instead.
"Ron, I swear to God, if manhandling me like this is going to become a habit I can tell you right now, you will lose any and all felling in your bollocks very, very quickly."
Ron didn't seem to hear her. "You kissed him! You can't kiss him!"
The red she had been seeing turned into a haze that practically obscured her vision. "And what of it, huh? You have Lavender to cuddle with at the bar, but I'm still lonely, and I just turned thirty! I'm sure you'd just love to have me in a fit of depression, pining after you, but I've got a life and an image to maintain, and I refuse to ignore the attention of good-looking men just because you don't like it. Especially because you are being a hypocrite! How many times tonight have I had to watch you and Lavender slobber all over each other? God, I'm back in sixth year and I bloody can't look away!"
Ron's eyes changed. She recognized that look.
He leaned in, eyes on her mouth.
Hermione smashed her hand into his face in an attempt to stop him. "Did we just go back in time? Are we back in the broom cupboard at Harry and Ginny's flat? We had better be, Ron, because I know you did not just try to kiss me."
They heard a loud knock on the door. "Is anyone in there? A queue's forming, and one of the women looks…ill…." Retching noises could be heard.
Ron unlocked the door, grabbed Hermione's hand, and Apparated the two of them into the alley beside the bar.
Hermione tugged her hand from his. "You know, it's generally polite to warn someone when you're going to do that."
"Well I've never been generally polite."
"You're right, 'insensitive prat' is your default."
"Are you going to let me try and defend myself?"
She looked around. "You brought me to a dirty alley. You're not off to a good start."
Ron's expression turned serious. "I need to tell you something."
Hermione rolled her eyes and tapped a foot. "Again, if this is your personal defense, I would suggest hiring a lawyer."
"I love you."
Hermione's heart rolled in her chest. "Don't say that!"
Ron's face became expressionless.
"You cannot say 'I love you' for the first time when I am angry at you! I will always remember this and think 'Yeah, Ron told me he loved me about two minutes after I seriously considered punching him in the face.' Do not say you love me."
Ron smirked. "Alright, how about I say this instead?" He cleared his throat, the serious look returning to his face. "Hermione, the past month has been the best one of my entire life. I never knew I could feel this much for one person – what with me having the emotion range of teaspoon and all – " He gave a half-laugh, rubbing his hand through his hair. "I like literally everything about you. How a woman that is so gorgeous can be such a good person. How your smile makes me so happy, no matter what mood I'm in" He made a wild gesture. "How your hair looks exactly the same – wild – when we're either arguing or making love."
Hermione was stunned, and all she could think to say was, "Is that why you like to rile me up so much?"
"Now, yes. I never knew that before your birthday, did I? All I knew during school was that your hair was fascinating." He laughed, then swallowed hard. "Hermione, it's never been like this with Lavender. I'm so sorry you had to watch all that tonight. I don't know why, but today she's been really… clingy.I've honestly been trying to find you all night, but she won't let me out of her sights. She's probably wondering where I am now."
Hermione didn't need to be a psychologist to figure that one out. Lavender's guilt about cheating was coming back in full force.
"Hermione, can I please say it now?"
She smiled and nodded.
"I love you."
She practically breathed it in, letting it be a salve to all the hurt feelings she had gotten as the night went on, letting it overcast everything she had been planning on telling him tonight.
She put her arms around his neck, stood on tiptoe – the man was so wondrously tall – and then they were kissing, yes, in a dirty alley, but in public all the same. Where anyone could walk around the corner at any time, and spot them. Hermione found she didn't care.
She pulled back slightly. "We should probably go back inside."
He instead pulled her closer and buried his face in her hair. "I don't wanna."
She reached behind her, unhooked his arms, and separated them fully. "Come on."
As soon as they stepped through the doorway, Lavender pounced on them. "There you are, Ron! I've been looking everywhere for you."
"Sorry, Lavender. I was feeling really warm and wanted to step outside for a bit, so Ron said he's keep me company."
"Aww, you're so thoughtful, Ron!"
Ginny appeared next to her, face hard, and said, "I need to talk to you" before pulling her away.
Was she limited to a life where Weasleys would practically rip her arm off in anger while pulling her through crowds? Because it was definitely starting to seem that way.
She stopped at a secluded table in the back of the room, half hidden by a very dead-looking fern. She pushed Hermione into a seat before taking the one directly across from her and leaning in closely so as not to be overheard.
"Hermione, what are you doing? I saw Ron pulling you down the corridor leading to the lavatories and then you two weren't seen until now, almost – she looked at the wall clock – half an hour later, coming in from outside."
Hermione didn't have an answer, so she chose to study her folded hands instead.
"Look, I am thrilled that you two have finally worked it out, I am. I've never seen Ron looking this happy. But you are not the kind of person to be okay with having a relationship completely in the shadows. I saw some of the looks you were giving him and Lavender tonight. I'd feel the same – I don't know what they hell Ron thought he was doing – but it was clear that you were jealous. This can't go on much longer. Soon I'm not the only one who's going to figure out why you're glaring at your best friend."
Hermione rubbed her eyes. "You're preaching to the choir, Ginny, honestly. I had every intention of breaking up with him tonight, but he said some very… convincing things to me just now. I thought I had it all figured out, but now I'm more confused than ever."
"You need a deadline. You've always been a hard worker, of course, but you need to be able to see the point of doing something before you do it. Right now, all choosing will do is hurt someone, whether it be Lavender or Ron. So you need a deadline."
"What good will a deadline be?"
Ginny's jaw was set. "If you don't figure it out by then, I'll tell Lavender the truth."
Hermione gaped, a little hurt, but she couldn't help feel the tiniest bit relieved by Ginny's words. She had been completely correct; Hermione needed help forcing herself to choose.
"Christmas. That's you're deadline."
Hermione immediately frowned. "Ginny, I really don't want to ruin everyone's holiday." Besides that was way too soon. "How about… March."
"And have you possibly ruining Ron's 30th birthday? No. Besides, that's ages away. You'll get complacent. January."
Hermione internally shook her head. How could she have forgotten Ron' birthday? "February."
Ginny threw her hands up. "Fine! But the farther away it is, the harder it's going to be for you to make a clean break. February 1st. That's your deadline."
"February 1st," Hermione agreed.
Author's Note: Annnd Hermione's internal see-saw just tipped the other way, hard.
Also – the line "I like literally everything about you" is taken directly from the book. It was too adorable not to use. McEs.