Just a little note to start things off...as far as I've seen, there are many spelling variations with Seras' (or however you spell it) name, so if you have any 'official' spelling, please tell me. Otherwise I'm just going to keep spelling it however I want to. I might even change it up once in a while, just to be different. Because that's just what I do. I live on the edge...the edge of GRAMMAR!

Chapter 2: Stairway to Exhaustion, Meeting Seras, and My Last Will and Testament

"Alright. We're just going to have to confirm a few things before your paperwork is all finished." Walter briefly looked up at me, probably to make sure I was still paying attention.

"Finally. We've only been working on this for about five hours."

"It has only been two at the most."

I groaned. "That's about two hours too many. Let's just get this finished so I can get some sleep." I rubbed my eyes tiredly.

"Yes, let's. Your full name is Alexia Winters?"

"Yep."

"You're currently eighteen years of age?"

"Until October twelfth."

"Your birth parents are?"

"Does it even matter anymore!? I'm never going to see them again!" I slouched a bit lower and narrowed my eyes. "Why do I need to confirm all this?"

Walter sighed and put his pen down. "Please, can we just get through this?"

I sat up and put my hands on the dark mahogany desk while leaning forward conspiratorially. "Look, we all know that everything in that history report is true, so I'm going to save us both time by issuing this statement: 'I, Alexia Winters, agree with and confirm every piece of information in that official report, whether I have seen it or otherwise.' There. Will that do?"

Walter smiled. "We can make it work." After ticking off some boxes and filling in some random blanks, he had me sign on several lines before grabbing the sheath of papers, tidying them up quickly and shoving them into a manila folder.

"Great. I'm off to bed then. See you later." I hauled my ass out of the uncomfortable wooden chair and went to shuffle my way into the dank stone hall when I was stopped by Walter.

"Wait!" I turned to face him with the blankest look I could manage. "Would you mind taking these papers up to Sir Hellsing for me? I have another project, you see, and I fear that I won't be able to make the deadline with all these interruptions and-"

"Say no more." I dragged myself back to the desk and accepted the folder from him. "And her office is where?"

"Up the steps, third door to your left." He pointed in the general direction, which wasn't all that informative, but whatever. People and their habits.

"Ah. Steps. Yaay." I smiled sarcastically to myself before turning to leave. "Of course there had to be steps. Lots and lots of steps. Why can't they have escalators installed? That'd be awesome. I wish I had escalators in my house. And waffles. I could really go for a waffle right about now. But not the toaster kind. I don't like those. They get soggy. I wonder if they have a recipe for waffle batter? Or pancakes. The don't get soggy unless you use too much syrup. Of course, they're not as crispy as waffles to begin with." I continued to mumble random things to myself as I walked along the hall and ascended the first set of stairs that led to the foyer. Lucky for me, Integra was standing at the top of the second set of stairs, bidding farewell to some visitors who were just out the door.

"Today's my lucky day. Sir Integra! I have some papers for you from Walter!" She moved her head slightly in acknowledgement, and in just a way that the light caught the lens of her glasses and reflected. I suddenly found myself looking into the face of a woman with two huge glowing orbs where her eyes should be. It was creepy how often that happened, actually. More than it probably should have. Apparently, they didn't have those glasses that have been designed not to reflect light here in London. Or, at least, they weren't that popular with everyone I'd met insofar. I managed to haul my ass up the stairs, even though I was crawling on my hands and knees for the last fifteen steps. I feebly held up the envelope towards her. She grabbed it nonchalantly and tucked it under her arm.

"You look awful. Maybe you should get some sleep."

"Really? Funny, since I feel so energetic and alive right at this moment. In fact, I feel so awake, I'm tired. Imagine that. I could just curl up and DIE right here. Sounds like a good idea to me." I curled up in a ball and rested my head on my arm.

"You cannot sleep on the staircase." Integra scolded.

"Watch me!" I shifted so I was in a more comfortable position and prepared myself for a nice nap. "Or you could just give me a nice little shove. Then I'd fall asleep in a broken pile at the bottom of the steps. Would that be more appropriate?"

Integra sighed heavily. "I don't have time for this…Alucard!"

Normally I would have bolted, but I was dead tired, so I just laid there waiting for the inevitable. I watched as the shadows in front of me began to shift and dance until a pair of black boots came into existence right in front of my face.

"Yes, Master?" I looked up to see Alucard standing at ease, that same slightly maniacal grin spread across his face.

"Get her out of here. Take her down to her room."

He looked down at me. "What, are your legs broken?"

I scowled deeply in return. "No, and I don't want them to be broken, either. I just…ugh. I could barely drag my ass UP these damn stairs. Sure, going down in easier, but…I can't. I haven't slept in fourty-eight hours." I rubbed my eyes wearily and yawned. "I just want to sleep for a month." Integra looked at me with a slight frown then silently walked away. Wordlessly, Alucard picked me up and slung me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Or flour. Or something in a sack, anyway. Like, a sack full of dead weasels or something. Normally I would have protested, but I was so tired I was beginning to wonder if cows liked eating cheese, or something equally stupid and frivolous. It didn't take Alucard long to get downstairs, and he unceremoniously dropped me on to my bed and walked out of the room without giving me a second glance. I instantly fell asleep.

When I woke up, I found a couple of bright blue orbs floating right in front of my face. I blinked a couple of times before screaming and protecting my face from the blue orbs with my arms. When I lowered my arms and opened my eyes, there was a blonde girl sitting on my bed, looking rather frightened. There were no blue orbs to be seen. Phew.

"Holy shit! Don't do that to me! I thought there were a couple of disembodied blue orbs staring at me…" I shuddered at the memory before utter confusion took over. "Who the HELL are you!?"

She looked taken aback for a moment before letting out a small 'oh yeah!'. A bright smile crossed her face as she held her hand out to me. "Hi! My name's Seras Victoria."

I stared blankly at her hand for a few moments before looking back to her cheery countenance. "Get off of my bed." Her cheeks flushed slightly in embarrassment as she gingerly climbed off the side. We both jumped slightly as the door slammed open. Walter stood in the door frame, looking around in alarm. He spotted the two of us and let out a relieved sigh.

"Ah. I see you two have met."

"Who the hell is she?" I gave Seras a quick look. "No offence or anything. And for that matter, how long have I been asleep?"

"That is Seras Victoria, Hellsing's newest vampire. You've been asleep for thirteen hours."

I let out a huge yawn and stretched languidly. "Ah, I see." They were both standing there, looking at me expectantly. "…what? What do you want? Why are you both looking at me like that? Stop it! You're creeping me out!" I pulled the blankets over my head and curled up. "Go away. You're not wanted in Alex Land. EXILED!" The room was completely silent until I threw the covers off my face, gasping for air.

"Feeling better, Miss Winters?" Walter inquired politely, an eyebrow raised in amusement. I pursed my lips in discontent.

"No, but for the sake of something I don't care to even bother trying to identify, yes. I do. Very much so." Seras just looked utterly confused.

"Wait…you don't care that I'm a vampire?"

I looked at her, eyes wide with mock surprise. " Say what!? Get the hell out of here, you fucking freak! Go die in a corner or I'll beat you to death with a silver spoon!" Serace let out a small gasp of horror. "By which I mean no, I don't care that you're a vampire. Why would I? Geez. Sometimes, I just don't understand you people." I shook my head slowly as I plodded off towards the small washroom. I swung open the door and turned to Walter. "You know, for putting so much effort into making this large, beautiful room, you'd think the bathroom wouldn't be a dumpy little piece of shit like they have in bloody campers." He seemed slightly taken aback. "Not like I'd complain or anything." I snickered as Walter took his leave. Unfortunately, his leave didn't come paired with Seras' leave, so I was stuck there with her. Sighing, I went into the little washroom.

"So…how did it happen?"

Seras looked up from her magazine with surprise. I raised my eyebrows expectantly. "How did what happen?"

"Ugh…you know? The whole vampire thing?" I rolled my eyes at her to communicate just how stupid her confusion was. She looked a bit depressed at my hostility, so I made an effort to soften up a bit. "Sorry. I should have communicated my thoughts a bit clearer. I'll try harder from now on." She perked up a bit at my apology and placed the magazine on a small side table that sat right up against her bed. She sat up a bit straighter and began to reiterate her story.

"Well, the police squad I was in was called to a disturbance in the small village of Cheddar."

I snickered loudly at the name of the town. "Heh heh…Cheddar…what the hell kind of name is that?" She stared at me blankly. "Oh…uh, go on." I cleared my throat uncomfortably before shifting my weight so I was leaning against the wall more comfortably. Comfort is paramount when you're listening to some crappy story you really don't care about. Oh wait…did I just say that out loud?

Apparently I didn't because Seras continued. "We were completely outnumbered, and we all got separated and taken down, one by one. Eventually, I was the only one left alive." She paused, which caused me to look at her. Tears of blood were running down her face. Creepy. Hopefully she wouldn't cry too much, otherwise things could get uncomfortably messy. She swallowed hard and continued with her story, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. "All the people I knew had been turned into ghouls, and they were coming right after me. I couldn't shoot them…I ran. I found myself in a graveyard, and there was a priest standing there, followed by a group of ghouls. I couldn't get away…he was too fast, and before I knew it he had a hold of me and was going to kill me when suddenly Master came out of nowhere and stopped him. I thought that-"

"Whoah. Wait a minute." I held my hands up as a signal for her to shut up. "Who's this 'master' you're talking about?"

"Me."

We both looked frantically around the room to find that the owner of the voice wasn't present. Seras seemed amazed and ecstatic. I rolled my eyes.

"No disembodied voices allowed, Alucard. It's rude to those of us who are relatively normal." I watched calmly as he walked through the door. Without opening it. Seras 'ooh'ed and 'aaah'ed around her new master while I sighed. "Is it too much to ask for you to knock once and a while? And maybe open up the door first before walking in?"

Alucard chuckled. "Jealous?"

"Shut up!" I crossed my arms and scowled. "What do you want, anyway?"

"Checking up on Police Girl." He stated simply.

"Oh. Have fun with that." I picked up my DS and continued with my game. I was just about to reach the end of the level when it was plucked from my very hands. My jaw fell open and I look up from where the screen used to be into Alucard's red, gleaming eyes. "What the HELL dude! Give me my game back!"

He grinned smugly. "Make me, human."

I narrowed my eyes. "Aren't you supposed to be checking up on her?" I pointed to Seras, who waved cheerily. He shrugged, the grin still plastered on his face.

"She's fine for now." He dangled the DS in front of me. I couldn't help myself- I tried to snatch it away, but he pulled it just out of my reach. I sat back down and huffed haughtily. I wasn't about to go for the bait.

"I didn't want to play it anyway." I pulled out a novel from my side table and began reading it. Not surprisingly, it was plucked from my hands as well. I could feel myself pressing my lips into a straight line in frustration.

"May I ask why you're doing this, Alucard?" I managed to get the sentence out in a way that sounded relatively calm. I forced myself to look into his eyes, which were shining with glee.

"I don't need a reason, human." His grin spread into a full-fledged smile. It was infuriating, but I was determined not to do anything about it.

"Fine. I'm just going to stare at that wall over there, then. And there's nothing you can do about it. Well, I suppose you could either destroy the wall or pluck out my eyes, but I'm quite sure Sir Integra wouldn't be happy with either of those actions. In fact, I'm sure she wouldn't be very amused with what you're doing right now." I flashed him a dangerous glare. He chuckled lightly and tossed my things back to me before seemingly melting into the floor. I shook my head lightly. "I don't think I'm ever going to figure that guy out." I looked up to see Seras staring at me, her brows knit in frustration. "..what!? What'd I do now??"

"He spent more time talking to you than he did me!"

"No…he wasn't talking to me, he was annoying me. On purpose. There's a difference there." I went back to playing my game as Seras stormed out of the room. "That's it. Next chance I get, I'm requesting to be transferred to another room. The last thing I need is a jealous vampire after me…" I sighed as my little game avatar missed the cliff he was jumping for and fell to his cutely-animated, untimely death. "Yep. I know EXACTLY how you feel, my little pixel friend. My only pixel friend…my only friend! I have no friends!" I suddenly remembered the thing Brandi had handed to me when I last saw her. It was a well folded note of some sort. I had never opened it because, to be completely honest, I forgot about it about…oh….seven seconds after she had given it to me and I had shoved it in a random pocket. I pulled open the little drawer in the nightstand and ruffled through the crap I had shoved in there over the past two weeks.

"Let's see…bullets, bullets, handgun, more bullets, empty bullet cases- why the hell do I have those?- aaaaaand HERE!" I pulled the note out triumphantly. "Hah! Now let's see what she had written!" I carefully unfolded the note to find….

Absolutely nothing.

I was baffled. "Why would she give me a blank note?" I held it up to the light, but as far as I could tell, it was nothing more than a blank piece of paper. "What, is this so I can write my own will? Hey! That's not such a bad idea!"

I grabbed myself a blank sheet of paper from a notebook I used to randomly sketch stuff in (Walter had once commented that I was quite a good artist when he caught a glance of a picture I drew. It was me stabbing Anderson in the head with a sharpened egg beater.) and sat down at the table with a quill and a small bottle of ink. There really wasn't a reason for me to use a quill. I just felt like it.

To Whomever is Reading This,

Well, this is my last will and testament. If you're reading this, I'm assuming I'm dead. Fully dead. Not ghoul dead, or vampire dead, or any sort of undead dead. I mean rotting-in-the-ground dead. Pushing up daisies dead. Dead dead. If I am, for some reason, NOT dead (which is not to say that I SHOULD be dead) and you find yourself reading this, I must ask you to cease and desist. Now.

Okay, now that I've gotten that out of the way, my name is Alexia Winters, and at the time of writing this, I am at least partially competent and of sound mind. There's been some WEIRD stuff that's happened to me lately (not like alien abduction weird, but I digress), but I think for the most part I'm still as sane as I've ever been, which isn't really saying much. I've never had a psyche test done (no matter how much I was told I should get one done), so I'm just going to assume I'm stable. Stable enough to write a will, anyhow.

Since I'm thinking that my family back home already thinks I'm dead, I guess I can only leave my belongings to the people here at Hellsing. Huh. If you're not from Hellsing and you're reading this, Hellsing doesn't exist, alright? What? You don't believe me!? Well, you should. I'm dead. Have some respect, damnit. So, let's see.

I paused from writing and looked around the room, trying to remember what actually belonged to me and what belonged to the Hellsing organization. After taking a quick inventory, I began writing once again.

I came here with few belongings, so this is going to be short. Walter can have my Ipod, even though I'm not entirely sure he'll like the music on it. Eh. He can always change that.

I've just met Seras, but she can have my DS. She'll probably need some entertainment, and I'm sure there's a game there that she'll enjoy.

I don't think I have anything Sir Integra would want, so I'm just going to say she can have my laptop. There's nothing much on it, so she can probably just give it away or whatever. It's not like I care. I'm dead.

And Alucard can have…umm…I don't have anything for you. Seriously. I can't think of anything. I'm at a loss. Well, I guess if I had something you wanted, and I haven't given it away, feel free to take it. Eh.

Everything else can just go in the garbage. Who cares.

Right. I'm not going to finish this right now, seeing as how I'm still alive and might acquire more stuff that people might want. But NOT until I'm dead! Don't kill me for it either, or I'll come back as a ghost and haunt you until you die, then I'll kill your soul. That's right.

I pondered for a bit, tapping the end of my nose with the stiff feather of the quill. Since I had never written a will before, I wasn't entirely sure how it was supposed to end, so I just made something up.

Okay, that's it. Go away now. I'm dead and you've got your stuff. That's what you wanted, isn't it? ISN'T IT!? Damn you ALL!

I nodded to myself in approval before lightly patting the ink to make sure it was dry. Satisfied that it was, I folded it up and shoved it in the back of a random drawer of mine. Sighing, I sat back down on my bed.

"Well…now that I've gotten that out of the way, what should I do now?" I paused for a moment before taking out the sheet of paper Brandi gave me. "I wonder if anyone else would be able to tell if there was something on this sheet of paper?"

Thus, my quest had…..BEGUN.

Right right. As usual, reviews are welcome and appreciated, nice or otherwise.