It was the day James had been dreading all weekend long. He wasn't typically particularly fond of Mondays to begin with but this one was going to be worse than most. They were heading in early for a meeting with their hockey coach, to tell him of the circumstances that kept James was playing. He loved hockey and didn't want to stop playing but it was just another part of his life he had to sacrifice because of this baby.
As he rolled out of bed and hurried to the bathroom, he remembered yet another reason to resent the baby. They went through the usual routine, Kendall fetching a 7up for him and rubbing his back as he knelt before the toilet. The blond boy helped him up when he was done, dizziness causing him to sway slightly. He buried his face in Kendall's chest, willing the world to stop spinning under his feet.
"Kendy," he whined, the sound muffled by Kendall's flannel shirt. "I don't wanna go today."
"I know babe," he murmured against James; soft hair, running his hand up and down his back soothingly. "But we have to."
"I know," James sighed reluctantly, turning away from the other boy to return to their room to get dressed. "I'm just...what if rumors get around somehow?"
"Coach isn't going to tell anyone," Kendall insisted softly, leaning against their dresser as he watched James slowly change from his pj's. He sighed, barely audible when the pretty boy shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. Respecting the other's wishes, he turned around so James could dress in peace. "Even if rumors spread, we'll get through it together."
There was a moment of silence between them before Kendall heard his boyfriend's soft, heartbreaking whimper. He spun back around, around a fully clothed James staring down at the floor. Stepping closer to the other boy, Kendall tilted his face up, noting the anxiety and fear in his typically happy eyes.
"I'm scared Kendall," he confessed softly, eyes steadily gazing up at the blond boy.
"'Bout what?" Kendall asked, voice gentle and sweet as he stroked his thumb across James' warm, rosy cheek.
"Everything." The word was uttered so quietly that Kendall almost missed it. But he heard and it broke his heart a little.
"I'm not going to let anything happen James," Kendall promised, pressing a chaste, reassuring kiss to his lips. A smile graced his lips when one made its way back onto James' lips. James was still reluctant and scared to death but having Kendall by his side made it better.
Things had gone better than James had initially expected them to; Mama Knight had gone with them and basically did all the talking for them. Their coach had been a little skeptical at first, slightly less so when they showed him the pictures and then pretty damn convinced when James had thrown up in his trash bin mid-conversation. He reacted the way most did; shocked and in awe, slightly disappointed that he was losing one of his star players.
After a little while longer of conversation, their coach (who was also their gym teacher) worked it out so James wouldn't have to participate in any vigorous physical activity. James wasn't particularly looking forward to walking laps while everyone else played hockey or baseball or dodge-ball. But by the end of the conversation, James was just thrilled that it had gone so smoothly.
Following their meeting with their coach, Kendall was in a great mood the rest of the day. It was partially due to how well their meeting went, but mostly because of how happy James was. For what seemed like the first time that week, James seemed genuinely content and Kendall couldn't put into words how happy that made him.
Even though he didn't know it was possible, Kendall found his mood improving even more when they sat down for lunch that day and James ate everything his mom had packed for them. Nothing could wipe the grin off his face. He reached over, letting his fingers brush over James' denim clad thigh, smiling over at him.
The pretty boy rested his head on Kendall's shoulder, a sweet smile tugging at his lips as his boyfriend slowly worked his fingers through his hair. The action had a way of instantly calming him down. James felt his eyes slipping shut as Kendall's fingertips slowly massaged his scalp. He made a soft noise of approval.
"Stop," he muttered, contradicting how much he seemed to enjoy it. "Gonna fall asleep."
"We can take a nap when we get home," Kendall offered with a knowing smile. James could only nod at the idea and look forward to it the rest of the day.
James wasn't sure whether it was the pregnancy or because he was up so early every morning (typically puking his guts up) but by the time they returned home after school that afternoon, he was exhausted and nothing sounded better than the nap Kendall had promised. Kicking off their shoes at the door, Kendall took James' hand and led him up to the room they shared.
The pretty boy immediately went towards the boy, easing himself down onto it. Kendall joined a few seconds later, lying down beside the other boy. Pressing a kiss to James' cheek, he pulled the covers over their bodies. James was asleep before the fabric even touched his skin.
His mom told him that ten weeks was usually the time when mood swings became drastic and cravings intense. As James approached his tenth week, Kendall began to worry. The past few weeks had been surprisingly good and he didn't want anything to ruin that. It was late one night when Kendall woke up, noticing his boyfriend was no longer lying beside him.
Rubbing his eyes, he rolled out of bed, peeking into the bathroom to find the light was off. Then a light suddenly caught his attention. He headed towards it, leading him to the kitchen, where he found the pretty boy, standing in front of the open cabinet. The oven clock flashed 2:45am.
Kendall yawned, leaning against the doorway. "Jamesy, it's 3am. What're you doing up?"
James' head shot over in his direction, eyes widening slightly at having been caught. He tugged his bottom lip between his teeth, eyes then shifting from side to side. "I was seeing if there was any chocolate down here," he confessed quietly.
A soft smile made its way onto Kendall's face, the blond boy remembering how his mom used to get cravings all the time when she was pregnant with Katie when he was younger. He remembered driving to the store late at night to get pickles or ice cream, sometimes both; it was always an adventure for him. "I think my mom used the rest of it baking cookies last week. But we can go pick some up."
The look on James' face was priceless, a mix of appreciation, love and surprise. "Really?"
"Sure," Kendall confirmed, his smile turning into a fond, loving one. "Let me go grab our jackets and shoes real quick."
Turns out, James had no clue what specific kind of chocolate he was craving, so they ended up getting all three, white, milk and dark chocolate. When they arrived home around 3:30am, James proceeded to mix all three bags of chocolate chips together in a sandwich bag, taking a seat on the couch, munching happily on the chocolate.
Despite how tired he was and how badly he wanted to return to bed, he smiled and sat beside the brunette on the couch, smiling increasing when James nuzzled against his side. He draped his arm over James' shoulders, letting his fingers lightly trail up and down the other's arm, knowing this particular action soothed him.
"Kendy?" James asked softly, looking up at him with wide, puppy dog eyes. The same eyes that Kendall was powerless against, the ones he could never say no to.
"Yeah babe?" he responded, turning his head to press a light kiss to the other boy's forehead.
"Can you eat some chocolate with me?" his voice was soft and meek as he asked, biting his lip once more.
Kendall knew that James had always had a complex about eating alone, never wanting to be the only person in a group eating. At first, it had always worried Kendall, making him question the brunette's sleeping habits, wondering if he was eating consistently. After a while though and firm confirmation that James did, in fact, eat regularly, it stopped fazing him. As long as James was developing any dangerous eating habits, he was more than happy to eat whenever the other boy did. Anything to make him happy. With a smile, Kendall nodded, "Sure," he murmured before reaching over to grab a handful, tossing them in his mouth.
In the morning, Mrs. Knight would find them asleep on the couch, Kendall's head atop of James' which was resting on his shoulder, a blanket thrown over their bodies, and a half eaten bag of chocolate chips on the floor.
It was another two weeks before Kendall started to notice drastic mood swings and this observation was slightly frightening to the blond boy. He must've mistaken what his mom had told him about because surely, this couldn't be normal. James' moods seemed to change on a dime. One second the brunette was happy and laughing and within a minute, he was crying. Kendall felt bad that there was nothing he could do about it, especially when he did or said something to cause them.
The first incident occurred early one morning before they headed off to school. James awoke him with a kiss, presumably happy that he was unaffected by morning sickness that particular morning. Kendall left the room to brush his teeth, returning a few minutes later to find James sitting on the bed, crying.
The blond had rushed over to him, reaching a hand out to thumb away his tears, gently asking him what was wrong. James had forcefully turned his head away, harshly insisting it was nothing before continuing to get dressed. Despite how worried Kendall was about him still, he shrugged it off, remembering what his mom told him about the mood swings James would surely go through.
After a few days, Kendall adjusted to these random changes in mood, trying his best to just roll with it. He knew what not to say to set the brunette off and, even though it killed him inside, he learned to back off when he started crying, knowing the other boy would just snap at him.
Kendall was personally excited that particular Thursday, the one marking the beginning of James' third month of pregnancy. They were going to their doctor's appointment after school that afternoon, to finally get an ultrasound. Figuring James was less thrilled than him, he didn't mention it, keeping his excitement to himself.
"I'm actually starting to look pregnant," James announced with a pout as he returned from the bathroom, having already showered and dressed.
Kendall glanced up at the other boy, a chuckled scoff escaping his lips. "No, you don't."
"Well, when I'm naked..." the pretty boy trailed off, averting his eyes shyly.
This particular statement made the blond boy smirk, thinking about the pretty boy with a distinct lack of clothes. It'd been a while since he'd seen James naked. Before James got pregnant, they were comfortable with each other, having no problem changing in front of each other. But now, James had become self-conscious of his body. Kendall had momentarily forgot this fact, along with James' recent mood swings.
"I can be the judge of that," he replied smugly, eyebrows raising suggestively. Kendall regretted the words not even a second later when James was biting his lip, looking away nervously. He held his hands out suddenly, defensively. "I was just kidding babe."
James offered a small smile, as if knowing how crazy his mood swings were. He slowly made his way over to the bed, sitting down next to the blond boy, his head falling onto his shoulder. "I'm nervous for today," he whispered, hands fidgeting in his lap.
"How come?" Kendall prompted gently, rubbing a hand up and down the other's back.
James shrugged, "I don't know, I guess it just feels so real."
At this point, Kendall had to resist the urge to place his hand over James' stomach, to acknowledge the existence of their baby. Something told Kendall that James really didn't want to.
"It is real," he murmured, voice barely audible, mostly just to himself.
James didn't utter a single word following that.
Checking in at the doctor's was a little nerve-wracking. Mrs. Knight was at work so it left just the two of them to go alone. Kendall filled out the necessary paperwork while they waited, his free hand reaching out to rest on the other's thigh, stilling his anxiously shaking leg. James glanced over at him, lips turning up just slightly in a sheepish smile. The wait was terrible, lasting far too long for James' taste. He wanted this done; he wanted to get this over with already.
Kendall stood to return the paperwork to the lady behind the desk and, before he could return to his seat, a nurse was appearing in the doorway, calling out James' name. Sensing his unease, Kendall returned to their seats, stretching his hand out for James to grab. He smiled as the brunette took it, helping him stand. They followed the nurse down the hall, hand in hand as they walked. Kendall could feel the faint tremble in his boyfriend's hand. Just as he was about to insist that everything would be alright, they were ushered inside the room.
"Go ahead and lie down sweetie," the nurse said kindly, "The doctor will be in in just a minute."
James nodded, hoisting himself up onto the table, slowly lying down against the pillow. Kendall stood by the bed, grabbing the other's hand once again, pressing a kiss to its back.
Idly, he started humming quietly. The pretty boy relaxed enough to let his head rest back against the pillow, rolling to the side, staring up at Kendall. With a fond smile, the blond boy combed his fingers through James' soft hair, knowing this particular action soothed the other boy like nothing else.
Barely a minute later, the door was opening, revealing the same doctor who'd revealed the news of his pregnancy in the first place. James was vaguely comforted by this familiarity.
"Hello James," the doctor smiled softly, closing the door behind her. "How have you been feeling?"
James paused to consider this question for a second before replying, "You mean besides waking up at ungodly hours in the morning to puke my guts up, wanting to snap my boyfriend's head off when he does nothing wrong, and wanting to eat everything in sight?"
The doctor nodded with a slight grin, silently prompting a further answer.
James shrugged, "Okay, I guess."
"Well, we're going to do an ultrasound today," the doctor continued, presumably noticing his lack of excitement for the situation. Kendall, on the other hand, could barely contain his excitement. He just wanted to do his happy dance; they were going to see their baby for the very first time. He wished again and again that James could be happy enough to enjoy this moment. "So we'll be able to see your baby."
James just nodded while Kendall grinned so wide.
"So go ahead and lift your shirt up for me, or you can unbutton it, whichever is more comfortable for you," the doctor said as she grabbed a tube from the far counter.
Kendall watched as James' shaking hands undid each button slowly, letting his shirt fall open. He pushed his black tank top up and Kendall had to bite his tongue to suppress the gasp forming on his lips. Granted he was only three months along, but James hid his baby bump extremely well.
Though Kendall would never admit it aloud, for fear of upsetting the other boy, James did actually look like he was pregnant. He no longer had his washboard abs, but instead a slightly round stomach. Without even realizing it, a fond smile was spreading over his face, as if realizing again that they were going to have a baby. His hands itched to reach out and caress James' stomach but he resisted, knowing it would surely make the other boy uncomfortable.
Kendall watched as the doctor squirted some gel onto James' stomach, causing the brunette to jump slightly.
"Cold," he murmured up at Kendall, seemingly reading the other boy's concern.
Both sets of eyes remained locked to the screen as the doctor moved the device over his stomach. Kendall was holding his breath, hands shaking for an entirely different reason than James'. It was his baby in there and that was a concept that he couldn't entirely wrap his head around. He was about to get the only confirmation he would need to solidify the reality that they were going to be parents.
After a few seconds, the doctor stilled the device against James' stomach, using her other hand to point to the monitor. "You see that? That's your baby right there."
Kendall's heart skipped a beat, momentarily in awe at the sight before him. True, it was still tiny, the picture not too clear, but he could make out what the doctor was pointing to. It was amazing. He couldn't explain the feeling but it was the best feeling in the world.
With a smile, the doctor stood up from her stool. "I'll give you two a few minutes and go get something to wipe that off."
Kendall nodded and thanked her quietly, eyes still transfixed on the monitor. Only when he heard James sniffle did his gaze break away from it. He looked down to see tears in James' eyes.
"Babe, what's wrong?" he asked sweetly, caressing his cheek and thumbing away the tears that escaped.
"I can't see it," he declared, lips quivering slightly as he spoke.
"What?" Kendall replied, brows furrowed in confusion.
"The baby," James clarified sadly, thumping his arms against the bed in anger. "I can't even see my own baby."
Kendall moved quickly around the bed, standing beside the monitor. "Right here," he said, pointing to the same spot on the monitor where they'd been shown before. "You see that?"
James' face softened, the tears stopping as he nodded, lips parted slightly. "Yeah," he answered breathlessly. His face returned to its previous state, scrunched up sadly, new tears forming in his eyes. "No."
"Well it's okay," Kendall was quick to comfort the other boy, not wanting him to be upset. "The baby will get really big and you'll be able to see it then!"
This only seemed to further upset the other boy. "Great, so I'm going to get really, really fat. That's what you're saying?"
Kendall's eyes went wide at the accusation, realizing how terrible his previous statement sounded at first. "No!" he called suddenly, holding his arms out defensively. "That's not what I meant! I just meant that-"
Luckily, before Kendall could dig even a deeper hole, the doctor was returning with a damp towel to remove the gel from James' stomach. Kendall wondered how terrible of a boyfriend and father he looked like, when the doctor noticed that James was wiping away the remainder of his tears. She probably just assumed they were happy tears; Kendall silently wished they were.
"So your baby looks great, healthy. Your next visit, we'll be able to establish an approximately due date and we'll be able to hear the heartbeat. You've got two more weeks in your first trimester and once you're done with that, the morning sickness should start lessening. You might still feel a little nausea in the morning or around certain foods but it won't be nearly as intense. Around 16 weeks you'll notice the baby will start kicking and moving around. It'll be a little weird at first but you'll get used to it. And around 18 weeks we'll be able to find out the sex if you guys would like to."
James nodded and pulled his shirt down shyly when he was all cleaned up, re-buttoning his shirt. Kendall smiled down at the other boy, unable to hide his excitement for once. After thanking the doctor again, the two left the doctor's office, hand in hand once again.
"I love you Kendy," James murmured sweetly, glancing over at the other boy.
Kendall chuckled and smiled, returning the sentiment as they headed towards the car. He could tell that it was going to be a crazy few months they were going to be facing. Somehow though, Kendall couldn't be any more excited; he just wished that James felt the same way.