A/N: This is my favoritest chapter so far. I love it. includes the scene I've been waiting for since the beginning of this fic. I really should've been updating Forever Scarred but inspiration for this hit and I ran with it. Let me know what you guys think. I love feedback (or just gushing about how precious it is)
It was getting harder and harder for Kendall to watch James day after day in such misery. He was excited but in James' defense, he was the one who had to suffer the most negative side effects of their situation: having to give up hockey, the body changes (which he knew James hated) and, of course, all the morning sickness. Kendall hated watching James on his knees in the bathroom, throwing up, almost violently.
Then there was also the dizziness that plagued him when he stood up. Kendall wished James didn't have to go through all that, especially when he was slightly less than willing in the first place. But there was nothing he could do so he did what he could, getting James whatever he needed, trying to soothe him through it.
"Only two more weeks and it should get better," Kendall reminded him, recalling what the doctor had told them at their appointment two weeks ago.
James groaned, reaching up to flush the toilet and snatching a bit of toilet paper to wipe his mouth. Tired, he leaned back to settle between Kendall's legs, his back resting against the blonde's chest.
"Two more weeks of this?" he exclaimed in disbelief, his head falling back onto Kendall's shoulder.
"I know babe," he murmured against the brunette's ear, reaching up to brush James' hair back, away from his warm forehead. "It's almost done."
James was about to comment on the fact that this was all far from done when Mrs. Knight popped her head in, informing them that breakfast was ready. James was appreciative that Mrs. Knight wasn't fazed by their position, more so that she was supportive of their "situation."
His parents had always been a little weary of his relationship with Kendall, disapproving of any open affection they shared. They obviously didn't approve of the situation they were in. He was endlessly grateful for the woman; he wasn't sure where he'd be without Mrs. Knight. He found he didn't particularly want to think about it.
Kendall thought that James being pregnant would mean it would take him less time to get ready in the morning but it was actually the opposite. Being pregnant seemed to add another ten minutes to his usual routine. The time was usually spent selecting outfits that hid his growing baby bump, which was becoming harder to do.
It would soon become impossible to do so and the rumors would follow right after. Kendall was dreading how James would react to this but he knew they would have to face it sooner or later (most likely the former). Luckily, ever since the ultrasound, James had been slightly more comfortable with his body, at least with him. He went back to sleeping in sweats and his tank tops, which were snug to his body.
Kendall loved when James would wear these, seeing as they perfectly showed off his rounded stomach. He still felt it was out of the question to touch James' stomach, still not wanting to make him uncomfortable. He could settle for peeks every now and then when they were doing nothing at home.
"Can I wear this today, Kendy?"
Kendall snapped out of his thoughts to glance up from his spot on the bed, seeing James holding up his black zip-up hoodie. "Sure."
He watched James shrug it on and zip it up, his hands settling on his stomach, eyes staring at it contemplatively.
A fond smile spread over Kendall's lips at this action before the other boy was turning to him, eyes staring at him nervously. "Can you tell I'm pregnant in this?"
"James," he sighed softly, "People will find out eventually."
"I know," he answered, reluctantly, "I just...don't want them to." Before the other boy could argue, he persisted. "You don't understand Kendall." He took a seat beside the blond, fidgeting hands settled in his lap. "When people find out, they'll mock me endlessly."
"We'll get through this," Kendall assured him, like he always did. "Together."
His words didn't seem to have much of an effect this time around. "You're not the freak of nature," James mumbled, head cast down in shame.
Those words made Kendall's heart ache; he hated that that was how James viewed himself, especially since it wasn't true. He tucked two fingers under James' chin, tilting his gaze up and meeting his eyes. With the utmost sincerity, he replied firmly, "And neither are you."
James really wished he could believe that.
The two weeks went just like that; James spending more and more time hiding their baby. Kendall knew how James felt but he just wished the brunette wasn't so ashamed of it, of what they had created. He didn't have much time to dwell on it though because he was heading off to work shortly. After grabbing his name tag and apron, he walked over to the bed, leaning down to chastely kiss James goodbye.
"I get off at 8 tonight," he told the brunette, stroking his thumb across James' rosy cheek, a deep ache residing in his chest, wishing he didn't have to leave his boyfriend. But they were going to have a baby so he figured he better start saving money up now.
"Okay," he replied softly before sitting up suddenly. "Kendy! We're out of pudding."
If he thought it wouldn't set off the other's mood swings, he would've laughed (fondly) at how devastated James looked. Instead, he just smiled lovingly. "I'll pick some up on my way home."
James was going crazy. Kendall had only been gone for two hours and he didn't know what to do. He had tried to do some homework but quit after finding the first question too complicated. After that he tried taking a nap but was unable to get comfortable enough to actually ever fall asleep. He made it halfway through his fashion magazine before the models were making him feel self-conscious and the cologne samples making him nauseous.
Groaning in disinterest, he flung the magazine towards the foot of the bed, settling back against the pillows in frustrated boredom. He wished Kendall would come home already. But he knew that it was selfish to demand such things, knowing that Kendall had to work. Sighing, he chalked it up to his hormones acting up, deciding not to dwell on it any longer.
Around seven o'clock, after wasting another hour doing nothing in particular, Mrs. Knight poked her head in, smiling warmly as she walked over, to set a cup of hot cocoa on his bedside table. He smiled and thanked her quietly, taking a sip. Mama Knight had always made the best hot chocolate, whether it was after hockey practice or after a snowball fight. There was just something about it that felt like happiness, like home to him.
"Kendall's at work," he answered, setting the mug back down. "And I don't know what to to with myself."
The woman returned his statement with a soft, caring smile, the way she always did. "Sweetie," she said in her usual, maternal tone, reaching up to sweep his hair to the side. "You're not going at this alone. We're all here for you."
Mrs. Knight's support made him feel a little guilty for complaining so much about being pregnant. He had so much support and all he did was bitch. "I know," he sighed quietly, offering a soft smile. "Thanks Mama K. For everything."
She smiled one last time, patting his thigh as she stood, "Don't mention it sweetie. You're like a son to me."
And even though James was worried, scared even, about having this baby, he couldn't have been happier to have Mrs. Knight there.
James was sure that he would be awake when Kendall got home, especially since it was only eight o'clock. But just after 7:30, when he was just lying in bed, his eyes slowly slipped shut and he finally woke up to the sound of the door clicking shut. He sat up and rubbed the tiredness from his eyes, lips turning up in a soft smile when he noticed who it was.
"Kendy," he murmured, in both greeting and beckoning him over to the bed. The blond returned the smile, kicking his shoes off and walking over to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it. He couldn't help but reach up and caress his boyfriend's cheek, noting how his skin was just a little warmer than usual. His smile only widened when his gaze fell down to James' stomach, perfectly outlined under his black tank top.
"I picked something up on my way home," Kendall told him, an odd mix of excitement and hesitance on his face, as he toyed with the plastic bag beside him.
"Pudding?" James question hopefully.
Kendall chuckled fondly and nodded, "It's down in the fridge. But I got something else," he reached into the bag beside him, pulling out its contents. James felt his heart skip a beat with mixed emotions when Kendall pulled out a little baby shirt and placed it in his lap. His stomach mimicked his heart, jumping slightly as he stared down at it. It was a pale yellow with white lettering, spelling out: "Daddy and I love Mommy."
"Kendall, I-" James went to say something, what exactly he wasn't sure but he felt the odd jump in his stomach again, only this time more intense.
Kendall waited nervously for James' response, hoping it was a happy one when the brunette stopped mid-sentence. He watched as James' hands flew up to clutch his rounded belly, an action Kendall had rarely witness on the brunette's behalf. The way James curled forward a bit scared him to death, his heart nearly stopping in fear.
"James, what's wrong?" Kendall's voice shook with obvious worry.
James' head slowly tilted up, revealing his wide eyes and parted lips. He couldn't believe it. Too in awe to actually form words, he grabbed Kendall's hands instead, yanking them forward and placing them on his stomach in time to feel their baby's first kick. The worry on Kendall's face immediately turned to amazement as he looked up to meet James' eyes, noting the unshed tears in them.
"James," he whispered, thumbing away the tears as they trickled down his cheeks.
"That's our baby," James stated quietly, lips upturning in a shaky smile. There was something about that moment that just made everything click for him. Maybe it was feeling the movement, almost as if reassurance that there was a life inside him. There was a little being growing in him, one that he and Kendall had created. That, in itself, was amazing and he couldn't help but feel his uncertainty, his anxiety fade away. He had a little person depending on him to care for it and, no matter how much that still scared him, he knew he had to be there for his baby, theirbaby.
Kendall let out the happiest sigh as he leaned forward, pressing his lips to James' forehead. He understood why James was so emotional; he finally got it. He realized what Kendall had from the start; this was their baby, that they created, that depended solely on them. He kept his hands on James' stomach in complete awe at the gentle but firm kicks against his hands. It was amazing to feel the confirmation that this life existed inside his boyfriend.
And this pure joy at the feeling only intensified when he realized that James was finally happy about their baby. His excitement was no longer something he had to hide in fear of making the other boy uncomfortable; he no longer had to quickly look away when James caught him staring at his belly; he no longer had to worry about James never being happy about their baby. That alone was enough to bring tears to his eyes.
"Yeah," he agreed slowly, still transfixed on the feeling, mesmerized by the fact that it all seemed even more real than before. "That's our baby."