Disclaimer: SM owns all rights to Twilight.

Chapter 8

EPOV

Bella stayed in our room for weeks, never letting me in. As a result I have been on the couch. It has made for long nights, leading to longer days. Seth took her computer in there, and Amanda would bring her food. She literally hadn't left except to use the bathroom, and then she went back in. She doesn't open the door for anyone but the children. She has just recently started to come out to cook and clean. I think she has to be watching the clock or listening for the door because as I am walking in she is rushing to the bedroom.

Today though she is out and in the kitchen cooking, something other than a crock pot meal. Amanda is by her side and they are talking like normal. I can hear the lifelessness in Bella's voice. I just don't know how to help her, how to get her to come back to me. That's what it feels like, like I have lost her to some sort of depression. I know the tolls losing a child can have on a woman, I guess it's just different when it is right here in your face every…single…fucking…day.

"UGH" I groan and fist my hair. I can't take anymore I jerk myself up and walk into the kitchen. "Amanda, go find your brothers, I need to have a word with your Mom."

Bella watches Amanda leave with a sad smile on her face. When Amanda is out of earshot she looks at me. "Edward, don't please. I can't do this right now." She shakes her head but goes back to finishing up supper.

"Bella you can't keep doing this, it's not healthy." I try to plead with her.

"What's not healthy Edward? Having psychopaths after my children, or not being strong enough to carry another child, oh even better how about not even knowing I was pregnant? Thats a kicker huh." She gives me a sarcastic laugh.

"Bella, we were both pregnant." I say sadly. "From what I understand it was so early, it didn't surprise me you didn't realize we were expecting."

"ME… Edward, you would not be the one to carry or nurse it. I would be. Your freedom wouldn't be taken away, mind would. Your life could continue as normal and I would be here cleaning up yet another mess! So there is no 'WE' in this equation." She hollers at me motioning between us.

Now I am pissed off, how could she say that? "No Bella I told you before I always consider that a 'we' thing. You know I would help you as much as I could…"

She snorts, stopping my thoughts in their tracks. "Yeah you would be so much help, between sleeping, and the hospital. Please," she rolls her eyes "give me a break, go sell stupid somewhere else cuz I aint buyin it Edward." Her face looks almost… scary. "You know as well as I do you would be at the hospital or in bed sleeping, not up and helping me with four kids."

I don't know what comes over me but I speak without thinking. "Well you don't have to worry about one of them now do you…"

Oh shit…oh shit…oh shit…what the hell did I do? Damn it, where was the damn 'shut up filter' on that one? FUCK!

"Bella, I didn't mean…" she holds up her hand to stop me.

"Edward I am sorry you feel that way." She walks out and sets the food on the table then comes back in and whispers at me with a shit load of venom in her voice. "I am so sorry I let you down, I thought I was being a good mother to Amanda, I love her so damn much, but I guess I have done something wrong. I am so sorry that I was not everything that you need." She drops her head and turns to leave, she pauses at the door was and turns her head to the side. Not quite facing me she starts to talk and I hear defeat heavy in her voice. "Please sit down and enjoy your supper, then I think it would be best if you went back to your parent's house." She walks out and hollers for the kids to come eat, abruptly ending our conversation and stopping me from protesting, because we will not fight or argue in front of the kids.

Bella goes back into the bedroom and closes the door with a soft click. I shake my head and remove my plate from the table. I am not hungry now. I have to hold on to the little self-control I have to keep from throwing the plat against the wall. I can hear the kids whispering at the table. I just let them be and drag myself to the living room and sit down.

Boy Cullen you really messed things up this time. You really should think before you just blurt things out moron. You know she loves Amanda just as much as you love them boys. Now what are you going to do…she didn't really mean I have to leave did she…no she couldn't she was just upset, I didn't mean that why did I say what I did. No, no, she didn't mean that, she doesn't really want me to leave.

Then I hear the door open as the kids move their chairs out. Bella walk right into the dining room. All of the kids freeze as they take in her red puffy eyes, wet cheeks and runny nose.

"Amanda sweetheart, come here please." Amanda sets her plate down and walks over to Bella. "I want you to know I will always love you no matter what, but you and your dad need to go to grandma and grandpa's house okay."

"No I want to stay with you, please" I hear my daughters voice crack. "I need you, mom." That starts a fresh round of tears in Bella. "You can't sweetheart…" she takes a deep breath, "I'm so sorry, I love you though. You have a bag in the hall way." She stands and turns to go back to the bedroom.

Seth looks at me and I look at him. He walks over to me and looks in my eyes and I see the sorrow swimming in them. He looks back to the bedroom door and waits for it to close before turning back to me. "Alright man, what in the world is going on."

"It's an adult situation, son."

"Rigghhhtt. So let me get this straight, I can help you, basically, kill one man, then I can make sure I am kidnapped to help you find my brother, but when there is any other adult situation I am just a blind kid. Do you know how stupid you sound right now?" he looks at me with a duh look on his face.

I take a deep breath, and kneel down in front of him. "I seem to be doing that a lot lately." I sigh.

"Okay so tell me what you did to make her act like this and I can help." He shrugs.

"I don't know where to start." I stand back up and head to the bedroom. Seth walks back over to Amanda and Billy.

I open the door and see Bella cleaning, deep cleaning. She stops when I walk in the room and I see her body stiffen. I don't know what that is supposed to mean.

"Bella, please, don't do this. I didn't mean what I said. Just talk to me damn it." I want to hit something so bad, but I don't want my ass kicked by Bella. So I don't.

"Edward, I don't want to talk to you, I want you to go." She doesn't even look at me.

"Fine, if that's what you want then that's what I will do." I pack up a few days' worth of clothes and leave the room. On my way I grab Amanda's suitcase as well.

"Dad, where are you going?" Seth runs over to me. He looks at the luggage then up at me and his eyes glass over with tears. "You promised…you promised my other dad you would always be there for me…and now you are leaving" tears start to roll down his cheeks, I can feel my heart literally break.

"Hey" I kneel down again, "you still have my number right?" he sniffs and nods. "Then you can call me whenever you want, and if you want to talk to Amanda just give me a call and I will let you guys talk." He continues to cry while he nods his head.

"Seth, Billy, time to get ready for bed." Bella comes around the corner and interrupts us.

Seth walks by his mother and stops to look at her. He shakes his head scowling. "What have you done now?"

I watch Bella's jaw clench. "Seth, don't speak to your mother that way." Bella's eyes flash to mine and I see fresh tears fall. I take Amanda's hand and walk out the door before I beg her not to do this, again.

"Daddy, will I see Mom again?" Now Amanda is crying.

"I hope so baby girl, I hope so." I don't have anything else to say for comfort.

I knock on my parent's door and my Mother answers with a shocked look on her face. "My word, Edward what happened?" she looks at me, then Amanda, then our bags. Without another word she opens the door wider to allow us in.

I get Amanda bathed and in bed, I join my parents down stairs where my Mother already has tea waiting for me.

I fill them in on everything that happened at home. My mother stays quiet giving me no advice, my dad on the other hand has input.

"Edward Bella has hit a rough patch in life. Both her boys were taken in about a years' time, then when she gets them back she finds out she was pregnant and then lost it. She more than likely thinks herself to be less of a woman. Child bearing in most women is very important, that is why she pushed you away, she might be seeing herself as defective and not want to burden you." He looks to my mother, who has yet to say a word. "So she pushed you away, and you left." He sighs, "Edward, you should have stayed and fought harder." My Mother looks at my Father apologetically. My Father gets up abruptly and leaves the room. My Mother gets up clears the cups and shakes her head looking at me, then walks out.

What the fuck was that?

I sit there confused for a minute then go to my own bed. Sleep that night is restless, at best.

BPOV

I made a decision last night, which I think will be hell to live with. I sent Edward away. He needs to be with someone who can give him more children, and I that won't be me. How it happened in the first place I have no idea. I took that stupid pill religiously. If the thing isn't going to be effective then they should make it.

As I sit here on my couch sipping my coffee my mind starts to drift off.

I know I didn't want a baby right now, but that doesn't mean that I didn't want it to stay while it was here. If I would have just paid attention I would have stopped taking that damn pill. Why did I tell him to leave? Why didn't he fight to stay? Damn it I shoved him and Amanda out the door…they do deserve someone who can give them a bigger family, and that just isn't me. I won't do this again; no I can't do this again. Not to him and not to me. He is a good man he deserves to get all that he wants. He deserves better, I mean let's face it; if he is in the house my no sex rule is not going to hold water. He is just too good at what he does, and he is such a generous lover. Oh what did I do? UGH…

"Kicking yourself there, Bella" I hear my Mother bite at me. I look up and see both my Mom and Esme staring at me with their arms crossed.

"Yes, Bella would you care to tell me why my son and granddaughter showed up at my house…with luggage." Esme snaps.

"I told him to leave, I wanted…"

"Zip it young lady. I know what you are going to say and I will tell you right now you are WRONG." Esme raises her voice.

"What the hell do you want from me?" I yell back.

"Isabella Marie Swan! that is not how I taught you to speak to people." My Mother is now yelling at me. I sigh, this is not right.

"I am going to take the children out for a while." My dad says softly.

"The fuck" I whip my head in his direction and he raises a brow in response. "Sorry, I meant no, that's not necessary." For a second I feel like a little girl again, being scolded by her Daddy.

"Bella, I will not let the boys out of my reach. Now why would you deny a grandfather his privilege?" Now I feel guilty, this day just gets better and better.

"Fine, but so help me if anything happens…" I let the warning float in the air, my Dad just walks away.

"Boys come on, let's go get some ice-cream." My Dad calls to the boys.

The door just gets closed and my Mother and Esme start in. My head starts spinning with the two of them hollering at me. I get up and take my cup to the kitchen to refill it and I fill two more, one for each of them. I stay quiet as they continue while following me. I set them on the counter and both of them take a pause to sip the hot liquid.

"Now that the two of you have stopped your bitching," I walk out to the dining room table they follow close behind me, "Look I know you two mean well, but I really think this is for the best. I cannot put him through this again, I will not, he deserves better. I will not live a celibate life with him either. If he is here that will be impossible, I won't be able to deny him and I know that."

"Bella, just because this happened doesn't mean you have to swear off sex." My Mother says.

"She is right dear" Esme agrees with her.

"You guys I was on the pill and look what happened. Besides look how I am with the kids."

"Yes, look how you are. You accepted Amanda as your own in a short amount of time. You have a world of love to give and there are children that want it. You promised Amanda you would be there for her, is this honoring that promise. Are you really going to break that promise…that heart?" Esme lectures softly.

"But Edward…" I start to protest.

My Mom interrupts me now "loves you with all his heart and only wants you Bella. We all can see it, why can't you?"

"Do you know what he did last night?" I shake my head and look down at the table like it holds all the answers I need. "I will tell you. He spent last night, wresting with sleep because he doesn't know what to do. He is so broken right now he is no good to anyone. Amanda wants to know what is going on and he can't even answer her. He isn't worried about more children Bella, is only wants the love of his life back."

"It's too late now, he said…"

Again my Mother interrupts me "men say a lot of things dear, he will always come back."

Esme adds "She's right; you are the yin to his yang, his other half. He cannot exist without you."

"So how do I fix this? I want him back I really do, it has only been one night that he hasn't been under the same roof and I feel like something is missing. The boys are so pissed off at me…"

"Do you blame them, you made their Dad leave." My Mom cocks her head to the side. "They love them Bella, Billy lets him call him Little Bill." Right there my heart shatters and the tears fall all over again.

"I need him, so bad. How do I get him back? He won't come easily."

"No he won't come to you, but if you go to him" Esme smiles crookedly. I give her a strange look and she fills me in on what she thinks will work.

By the time we have everything set, I am done freaking out, and about four pots of coffee later, we are all laughing again. They have told me how I will want to have sex again, just not for a while, that I will want to try for more children in a while as well, and that just because I lost one baby doesn't mean I am defective. Esme told me about how she lost a child before Edward and then a year later, along came Edward. This gives me a slight amount of hope, not enough to have any sexual contact, but just enough to let me know I will be okay, and that I'm not as bad as I think. My mother informs me of how she lost a baby just after I turned two and she needed a hysterectomy, that's why I have no siblings. They both assure me everything will be okay; I just have to give it time.

My dad walks in with the boys; Seth walks in and stops in the door way looking me in the eyes. After a minute he runs to me and wraps his arms around me.

"Thank you Mom." He whispers in my ear.

When he lets me go my Mother looks at both the boys, "go pack some things you are coming home with us." The boys take off running for their rooms.

"I think Amanda would like to stay with her brothers tonight, don't you Renee?" Esme asks innocently.
"Oh yes I would have to agree, after all Mommy has quite a mess to clean up." My Mother looks at me out of the corners of her eyes.

"You know I would like to catch up on our rummy too, would you mind the challenge Mrs. Swan" Esme giggles.

"It would be my pleasure Mrs. Cullen." Then both woman look pointedly at me and my stomach does a strange flip thing, and I gulp lightly.

My Dad chuckles and walks over to me shaking his head and muttering "gonna need more vitamin R." He kisses my head and both Moms hug me and they all leave.

I figure if I am going to do this I might as well do it right. I go shower and shave. As I look at my legs I arrantly wonder how long it's been since I shaved, but dismiss it just as quick and wash up. I put on my favorite lavender lotion and get dressed.

"Skinny jeans, and now where is that top? Ugh…" I talk to myself, as I look for a certain top. "Ah hah, there you are…okay Bella you have lost it." I shake my head and I feel the smile slowly appear. After I have on my skinny blue jeans and my black "V" neck top, the one Edward loves, I step up to the mirror, shake my wet hair a little and load it down with moose, hairspray, and strawberry body spray, then a the head band. I put the body spray in to mask the hairspray smell. I take one more look in my full length mirror and decide this is as good as it's going to get so I head out. It is amazing how looking fuck hot will make you feel a little better about yourself.

EPOV

My Mom is back with groceries, so I get up from my depressed state to go help her put them away. She seems strange to me but I just let it go. We get done with that and she looks at me pointedly.

"Edward, go take a shower," She turns to walk out but stops and turn back, "oh, and uh…we have cards with the Swans tonight and we would like to take Amanda."

"Yeah sure" I answer dismissively because she lost me at 'cards with the Swans'.

I move over to the fridge and look to see what I can eat when it hits me, Amanda will be going with them…I just said it was okay. I take off after Mom.

"Mom," I catch up to her and she turns around "you want to take Amanda to Charlie and Renee's house; really do you think that's wise?"

"Yes Edward she has come to love them too, no sense in taking them away from her because you and Bella can't get your acts together." My Mom says in a snarky tone.

"Mom, its complicated." I say pinching my nose.

She smiles and pats my cheek "So much like your father." She says then walks away calling for Amanda.

After a few hours they all are heading out. My dad is carrying a case of what they call 'vitamin R' I smirk and shake my head. "Did you leave the scotch behind Dad?" I chuckle but in all actuality I am serious. I could use a drink right about now. After I know my parents won't be back for a while I go and pour myself a glass of my Dad's scotch.

About half way through the second glass I hear a light tapping on the door. I set the glass down and open the door. The sight before me takes my breath away.

"Bella?"

"Hello Edward…"

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