Spike x Red Dragon
or: I don't even know
The air got thinner and thinner as the tiny purple dragon climbed to the top of the mountain. Spike, the tiny purple dragon in question, wanted to learn how to use his dragon ways to woo Rarity, the beautiful white unicorn with the silky purple hair. Spike sighed as he thought of his crush, and how hopefully she would soon be within his grasp. But, being the young dragon that he was, and having been raised among ponykind, he was ignorant to the mating customs of dragons. So he had decided to seek help from the most powerful dragon in the land, the might Red Dragon. The Red Dragon had lived for hundreds of years and knew all about the ways of dragons. Spike continued his arduous climb until a dark cave at the peak of the mountain came into view. Spike took a moment to catch his breath and stare into the pitch black cave. He could see nothing of a red dragon, but the only way to discover if the red dragon was really in there would be to go in. Spike swallowed, and proceeded into the cave. As he went further and further in, he heard snoring. The snores echoed through the cave and got louder and louder as Spike drew nearer and nearer. Then Spike turned a corner and was face to face with a massive dragon, red scales gleaming in the sunlight a hole in the ceiling let in. Spike stared for a minute, and then opened his mouth. "Uh, excuse me, Mister Red Dragon?" Spike shouted. The snoring stopped, and the Red Dragon opened an eye, staring right at Spike. The Red Dragon scanned Spike for a second. The Red Dragon had not had companionship in a long time. "Mister Red Dragon, I was wondering if you could teach me the mating rituals of dragons?" Spike asked. The Red Dragon perked up at this idea. Ooh yes. "Well, little one," began the Red Dragon, "first of all, we start with a passionate kiss." Suddenly the Red Dragon's tongue forked out of his mouth and into Spike's. As the long tongue writhed around Spike's, Spike began to feel a warm sensation run throughout his body. He felt...good. Eventually, the Red Dragon pulled out of Spike's mouth. "What do you think, little one?" he boomed. "Wow, that was great, teach me more!" And so the Red Dragon began to explore Spike's body as Spike himself had never done before. The morning came about, and Spike woke up to find himself next to the massive Red Dragon, who was staring at him lovingly. "Oh, Sir Red Dragon, you're so wonderful." he murmured. "Forget Rarity, I'm going to stay with you forever." The Red Dragon smiled, and pulled Spike close to him. They lived happily and passionately ever after. The end.