Chapter Three: I'm a Cry Baby for You
(A/N: Based off of Melanie Fiona's Please Don't Go (Cry Baby). Enjoy and review. –NL)
Sometimes people spend their lives searching for a meaning, for something to make the endless days seem less burdensome, something to make it all seem worthwhile. Some people find that meaning in how they define themselves; doctors, lawyers, philanthropists …
But with others, they search for that meaning in love. Adrienne was obsessed with trying to compensate for years of not having a father in her life and feeling inferior because of it.
Even though now her once absentee dad was somewhat a part of their life, even if they did resume to having a normal father-daughter connection—what the hell is normal anyway—she would still spend a big chunk of her life trying to atone and get over the fact that she was neglected and abandoned.
In a way, that was what had drawn Adrienne to sex anyway. Her first time, with her best friend who had the cancer mark of death, was the first person besides her mom to really show her love. And she wanted to experience that first time with him, but …
After it was over and he was gone she felt even emptier than before. It was around that time that Adrienne started to look more like a woman and to receive both positive and negative attention for it, but who cared. Attention was attention, right?
And she loved it.
"Hey Ricky!" Adrienne knocked on the door, waiting for him to open up. She knew that he was still recovering and it would take a while but—
"I told you not to come over tonight!" Ricky yelled, scurrying towards the door. His thoughts had been wrapped up in Amy and what she had done to him. He hadn't stopped thinking about it and was in the process of plotting another way to make it happen again.
What they had shared was more than sex, deeper than physical … something Ricky had never had with anyone, despite Adrienne's failed attempts to break down his emotional wall. If Ricky was any good, he would just let her go and stop stringing her along, but he didn't know any guy who would willingly let her go.
She was good at what she did. Very good.
"Come on Ricky. Open up. I just want to see how you're doing." She responded seductively as the door jerked open.
"Hurry up. Get in." He demanded, noticing that she was wearing a dress for once, instead of her normal super tight jeans.
"You sound anxious." She muttered with a grin. Ricky stared at her back, noticing she carried something in her hands.
"What's that?"
"This is my 'I'm-sorry-for-ditching-you-Adrienne-make-up-sex-cake.'"
"What?" Ricky asked confused. "Why would you make a cake for yourself on my behalf?"
"Because I knew you wouldn't do it." She smiled, placing the cake on the counter. "It's chocolate."
"Fine. Whatever … what's this about Adrienne?"
"Nothing. Can't a girl spend some time with her boyfriend?" She wrapped her hands around Ricky's waist and kissed him. He pulled away slightly and then looked down.
"Adrienne…"
"What? Do you have something you need to tell me?" Adrienne wondered, immediately thinking that he had cheated, again.
"Course not. I just wasn't expecting you." Ricky lied. He always seemed to lie to her like he couldn't tell Adrienne the truth. The truth now was that the idea of being with her wasn't as appealing as the thought of Amy. And maybe it never was.
"I know I didn't call. It's a surprise." She nibbled on his lower lip slightly as Ricky smirked to himself before kissing her back. Her eyes moistened, thinking about how much she truly wanted this to work with Ricky. And it would.
"Next time call." He demanded before hobbling back into his apartment. Thinking about Amy right now was useless because he had Adrienne and should be happy about that, right?
Ricky was acting weird, strange and Adrienne couldn't figure it out. She guessed that he had a reason to, with having tried to end his life and all but … she felt like she couldn't read him anymore. But she was trying this new thing. Adrienne was going to show Ricky all the support that she could in hopes that he would love her the way she loved him.
"Ricky's coming back to school on Wednesday." She gushed to Grace over the phone. It wasn't like she hadn't been visiting him during his recovery, but to have him at school meant that things would be back to normal … except the fact that Ricky would be going to physical and regular therapy.
"That's awesome Adrienne. We should do something nice for him." Grace offered in her normal overly ebullient voice.
"Nice? Ricky doesn't do nice."
"He's just not used to people doing nice things for him. We should totally get the whole school in on it so they know that he's not alone."
"Grace, he did something stupid. Ricky's not suicidal." Adrienne answered, still in denial.
"He did slit his wrists … among other things Adrienne. Ricky really needs support. Do you think Amy would be willing to help too?"
"He doesn't need Amy or the whole school because he has me. I'll handle it." She snapped, feeling really territorial whenever the name Amy was even mentioned. Seeing her at the hospital one too many times made Adrienne feel a little paranoid that something more was going on between them.
It didn't matter. Adrienne could make any guy want her so consequently, she could make any guy fall in love with her.
"You don't need to help me walk up the steps. I'm fine." Ricky complained as Adrienne insisted on looking after him. And it was annoying. As hell. She still refused to turn away from him for one moment, suffocating him so much so that when the gossip twins came over to talk to Ricky, he welcomed it.
"Madison, Lauren."
"Hey … have you heard about Amy?"
"We don't care." Adrienne butted in, annoyed that the conversation was back on her. She was a boring white suburban girl. Why did everyone keep acting like she was Rhianna or Kim Kardashian?
"What's going on?" Ricky rebutted.
"We think she had sex." Madison blurted out, giddily.
"Madison, we're not supposed to say anything without talking to Amy first." Lauren chimed in, her normal whiney self and feeling slightly guilty for even partaking but … this gossip was waayyy to good to ignore.
"Yeah and who cares if she did. That's old news, hence John." Adrienne added her unwanted opinion once again.
"Well, the thing is … we can't figure out with who."
"Ben … of course." Ricky chimed in, trying not to look hurt thinking about those last words she said to him. Amy called what he did 'heart-stoppingly beautiful.' He twitched at the thought of her going to be with Ben and using him for "practice."
"Yeah. No gossip there." Adrienne brushed past the two girls, trying to get Ricky to come along with her.
"You go ahead."
"Why?"
"I'm tired of walking. My leg…"
"Okay. See you later babe." Adrienne bounced off, trying not to look hurt from being blown off, again.
On her way she passed by Grace, who had ignored Adrienne's protest against the school showing how 'nice' they could be to Ricky.
When Grace Bowman put her mind to something, she did it and right now her charity case was Ricky. She had started up a suicide support group in his honor and was about to lead him to the cafeteria where everyone, well not really but sort of, had redecorated the cafeteria and signed a life-size card for him.
"Hey Grace."
"Hey Ricky. You're not thinking about skipping lunch today are you?" She wondered, very smilely and giddy.
"What's going on in the cafe Grace?"
"Did Adrienne tell you … well of course not. She doesn't even know." Grace mumbled as she walked him to the school eatery. When he walked in, everyone stopped to look at Ricky, making him feeling even more stupid and like a waste of space than normal.
"Look Ricky." Grace cheered, referring to the balloons, signs and the huge gift that was waiting for him. "Oh and … here." She brought the card over to him. "Everyone signed." She gushed.
Ricky didn't know everyone and he didn't care, but he started to search for the one name that mattered until he felt himself being pulled in another direction. Someone had brought him lunch. Indian food from his favorite restaurant.
Unable to really get a word in with Grace talking so much and all, Ricky sat quietly pretending not to be aware of the fact that everyone was watching him. Even though they had done all of these nice things for him, Ricky could tell they were waiting for him to do something dramatic.
They watched like vultures, like they were wanted him to jump on the table and hang himself in front of them so that they would have something else to talk about. Ricky tried to tune it out, forced himself to eat, and resumed looking at the card only to see that Amy's name was missing.
Amy didn't even care. And that thought made him sick to the pit of his core. Ricky stood up clumsily, rushing out of the cafe. He couldn't breathe.
Maybe if he just got out of there, it would make everything better.
Amy hadn't really been planning on skipping class or lunch, but Ben had her lunch and was in her class and living with him was much less fun than it seemed like it would be.
She ran her hands through her hair and sighed, thinking about how she was going to avoid Ben's advances again tonight. She wasn't ready to do that with him, even though they were married. It didn't matter. Amy wasn't ready.
Amy was walking through the hallway leisurely as she thought of this. Avoidance. Her new favorite action, her new favorite thing since her stoicism was slowly fading away and she was beginning to recognize her feelings. And that what was causing her so much pain.
"Amy."
"Hey … Ricky." She glanced up at him from the tops of her eyes, her head facing more towards the ground than anything else.
"What are you doing? Skipping?"
"Why are you talking to me?" She wondered, walking until they were face to face. "Is this about … because if it is…"
"Shh … in here." He motioned towards the old gym locker room that no one used anymore.
"Being in a dark place with you right now probably isn't the right thing for me to be doing." Amy muttered with a half-laugh.
"Is it what you want to be doing?"
"What happened between us happened and it can't happen again." She affirmed.
"Did you tell Madison and Lauren about it?"
"What?"
"They came directly up to me, me and said Amy's having sex."
"I didn't say anything." Amy promised as Ricky moved closer to her.
"Are you sure?"
"I swear." Amy continued to look down even though they were both moving in.
"Good." Ricky brushed his lips against hers, lifting Amy's chin before doing so. "Don't ever look down like that. You're beautiful." He professed, feeling the warmth of her mouth once again.
"Don't do this Ricky. I'm not with you." Amy pushed him away softly.
"I know." Ricky backed away, punching the wall in frustration. "And I hate myself for it." He waltzed away, forgetting the pain in his body and now, a very bleeding left fist.
"Are you going to tell me what this is about?" Adrienne asked after coming over to Ricky's apartment later that day and changing his bandage.
"I hit a wall."
"But why? What's going on with you Ricky?"
"Why are you talking to me? You always want to talk and I don't want to--"
"Stop being a baby. I'm trying to build a relationship here that stands a fighting chance."
"Sex isn't enough?" He grinned perversely.
"No, it's not … not anymore." Adrienne sighed. "I don't know how to say thing but … I really love you Ricky. I mean it." She took his hands in hers. "Believe me and don't screw me over because I would do … I would do anything for you." Tears flowed from her eyes over her round cheeks.
"Don't cry." Ricky answered lamely feeling guilty for what he was doing to Adrienne. It wasn't fair but … Amy had made it very clear that even if he did love her, she wouldn't love him back. She was too good for him and Ricky knew it, but Adrienne … she was willing to give him everything and anything. "I'm just stressed. Just stress."
"The kind of stress that makes you want to slit up your wrists and mutilate your body?"
"No. Don't worry about me. I'll take care of you. Promise." Ricky kissed her forcefully until she believed it, which she did even though every bone in her body was telling her not to.
It was almost a month and Amy was sick and tired of Ben, and the rumors and everyone always being in her life.
It was almost a month and Ricky was dying from not seeing Amy. It was almost a month and Adrienne was convinced that she didn't know anything anymore.
She always thought that she knew Ricky so well, but maybe not so much. It was like when you were a kid singing lyrics to a song that you think you know by heart … and then you listen to that same song again when you're older and realize that you'd been singing the wrong lyrics all along. And that the song wasn't about rainbow and butterflies but heartache and loss.
That was how she saw Ricky now and Adrienne hated it. Even though she was now lying down on his bed with him, bare-backed and reminiscent of Pretty Woman, Adrienne was wondering, 'where is the love?'
"Ricky?" Adrienne asked even though it was late and he was clearly sleeping. She had a few questions for him. She had to know.
"Hmm?" He grumbled, running his hand up and down her back soothingly.
"What are you going to do after high school?"
"Adrienne … why are you asking me this in the middle of the night? I don't know. Why the hell would I know?" He answered annoyed.
"I think we should talk about it, that's all. If you're as serious as you say you are about me and we're actually going somewhere past Ulysses S. Grant High School, then I have a right to know."
"When I know, you'll know." Ricky stated before closing his eyes again.
"Well I think I'm going to college, definitely. Maybe marketing or pre-law. I may even stay here--"
"That's good for you. I'm not."
"What?" Adrienne sat up. Ricky obviously wasn't getting the hint that she wanted to know his plans so that they could be in the same place at the same time.
Ricky sighed. "Look Adrienne, as soon as graduation is over, that's it. I'm leaving. I can't stand this town and the people always gossiping. I want to start over."
"Well, maybe we can start over together." Adrienne suggested, stroking his hair softly. "I don't have to stay here. We could go to California or Hawaii, Florida, New Jersey, Ohio … wherever we want."
"Yeah." Ricky sighed again. How long was he going to keep doing this? How long until he got tired of using Adrienne for her body, for her sexual experience? How long until he stopped manipulating her into believing they could become something when they just weren't right for each other?
As Adrienne pouted, displeased with the answers she'd been receiving, Ricky's phone began to ring.
"Don't answer it." She demanded, kissing him roughly.
"I have to see who it is. It might be something important." Ricky hopped out of bed, rushing to his cell phone only to see that it was Amy. "Yeah?"
"I know it's really late to call you and everything but … I've been thinking about things and how much I'm screwing up my life right now. I might not be able to handle it anymore." She ranted, sounding as though she were hyperventilating.
"Where are you? I'll come get you." Ricky stated, slipping on pants, a shirt and a jacket before running out the door. Adrienne called out after him, but Ricky was already gone. Boyfriend leaving naked girlfriend in the middle of the night was suspicious and Adrienne was going to find out what the hell was going on … without Ricky even knowing.
"Thanks for meeting me here." Amy sobbed, her bicycle resting against the park bench that she was sitting on and looking down at her hands, rolling something in between her fingers.
"No problem. Can I sit--"
"Sure." Tears continued streaming down her cheeks and Ricky felt obliged to wipe them away. There was no other remedy. He couldn't see her hurt and not do anything about it. "Ricky."
"Amy I can't see you sitting here and hurting and not do anything. What's this in your hand?"
"I was thinking about how I would end it and I'm still not brave enough to think of anything beyond the pills." She tossed them over to Ricky. "Take them before I get the courage to open them up."
Ricky tucked the pill bottle into his back pocket while glancing at the label. Lithium. "What's going on Amy?"
"I feel so guilty about what we did, about the baby, Ben, Adrienne ... everyone."
"Don't ever feel guilty about Adrienne. She knows how I am." Ricky explained.
"Everyone does. You just use girls for sex."
"I'm trying not to do that anymore." Ricky answered truthfully. "I'm trying to--"
"You don't have to lie to me because you see this as an opportunity Ricky. I know what I'm doing and I came here for a reason." Amy breathed slowly, her tears now stopping. She stared at him like an innocent doe, like a girl would who was about to take off her clothes for the first time in front of a perverted cameraman.
And that's what Ricky felt like.
"What did you call me for?"
"More practice." Amy laughed to herself. "I was thinking about … about the way you kissed me, how it was like really signature … it really stood out in my mind and I want to be able to do it too."
"You want me to teach you how to kiss?"
"Not exactly … I want to try something on you and you tell me if it's good or not."
"Okay, but … let me go first." Ricky pressed his lips together before a burst of energy surged through his body and through Amy's lips. He lingered there for a while, nibbling on her lower lip leaving Amy breathless.
"See what's what I mean …" Amy grinned to herself. "My turn." She sighed, pressing her lips against the side of Ricky's neck up until she paused by his ear. Ricky felt inclined then and there to tell Amy how much he loved her.
How he wanted to be with her, how he missed talking to her freely and seeing her every day. How moments like these made his life worthwhile, how he looked forward to them and felt like his life force was gone without them.
"You don't need any more practice." Ricky stated with utter probity. "Amy … why did you really call me out here?"
"No reason." She looked down, not wanting to tell Ricky that she saw him as way more than anyone else did. He was becoming so important to her, like this wonderful additive to her life that made her want to smile, laugh, and glow.
"I'm glad you called up in the middle of the night crying for no reason." Amy laughed as Ricky said this. "If you weren't married to-to Ben, where would this be going?"
"Exactly where it's going now, nowhere."
"I demand friendship or … something for you calling me in the middle of the night--"
"You said if I ever thought about killing myself again to let you know."
"Yeah I did, didn't I?" Ricky rested his arm along the back of the park bench as the two started talking about how high school was a freak show and other stuff they couldn't talk about with anyone else. By the time it was starting to turn from night to morning, Amy didn't want to leave.
She hugged Ricky from behind, surprising even herself, not letting go for a while. "Thanks for this."
"No thanks needed. I needed it just as much as you did." Ricky answered, his hand brushing hers lightly as Amy reached for her bike. Ricky pulled her back. "Let me drive you home. It's not safe."
"People will talk." Amy looked down.
"I know. They always do even when nothing is happening." He lifted her chin with his hand. "Besides, I want to make sure you get there."
"See you." Amy ignored his comment, kissing Ricky softly one last time and then taking off on her bike. It wasn't long until he had caught up to her in his car, driving slowly and blasting the radio until he found a song that Amy liked. He followed her all the way home until Amy had disappeared inside the house.
As Ricky was reelingfrom the night they had spent together, the most amazing night he had had with anyone not involving a sexual encounter, Adrienne was plotting her revenge.
She had followed him and seen them together. She had the evidence and it the only thing left to do was make this work in her favor … and to figure out how she could be more like what Ricky seemed to like … Amy.
"So would you say that your sister is innocent?" Adrienne asked Ashley the next day at school.
"Are you looking for ammo on how to hurt my sister?"
"Course not. I'm just trying to find reasons to like her." Adrienne smiled, even though her real reason for talking to Ashley was to find out more about Amy and … how to be like her.
"Well, she's really sweet but … if you make her angry she can hold a grudge." Ashley began as Adrienne took mental notes. While terribly boring, there was absolutely nothing that she said that would help Adrienne out. So she would have to do this another way.
"Ricky!" Adrienne called out, bidding Ashley goodbye in the middle of her sentence about how normal Amy was. Blah.
"What's up babe?" He wondered, extremely pleasant. If Adrienne hadn't followed him last night, she would've thought they were getting somewhere via that response.
"Nothing. Something going on that you want to tell me about?" She backed him into a locker, trapping him and forcing Ricky to look her directly.
"Nope." He lied with such ease that it would've pissed Adrienne off … if she didn't have a back-up plan.
"That's funny because I thought you were out with Amy last night. Guess I was watching the wrong pair on the park bench making out."
"Adrienne you're delusional. Amy is married."
"And you're a terrible liar … don't worry Ricky, I fight fire with an even bigger fire."
The next day Adrienne's plan began to unfold. It started off with a new look. Her long, black, curled tresses were now bone straight and significantly shorter, barely brushing the tops of her shoulders. The color was the most dramatic part … it was a lighter brown, a color that resembled that of Ricky's latest love interest, Amy Juergens.
The whispers and looks of surprise in the hallway exhibited the buzz that Adrienne has been looking for. But it was something else that she was more in and looking forward to … and that was the look on Ben and Amy's faces when she revealed the truth to them.
Amy was back to working it out with Ben and more pleasant, mostly because she was still glowing from the time she had spent with Ricky, and they were totally talking every night. It was secret, forbidden and a little dark … everything Amy had never been allowed to be.
On cloud nine, she opened her locker as usual and was surprised to see a DVD there marked 'WATCH ME.' Thinking that no harm would be done, Amy immediately rushed to homeroom and started the video in anticipation.
And her anticipation was soon replaced by disgust. This wasn't what she was expecting at all. It was a DVD of Ricky and Adrienne sleeping together or about to … whatever, they were half naked and talking about stuff.
Amy almost stopped it until she heard her name. "And what do you have to say about Amy? How was she in bed?"
"I don't even remember." Ricky laughed it off. "She was just this stupid girl that I got knocked up. It was so easy to do too… for all I know it might not even be my baby."
"Ricky." Adrienne whined. "Now that's just cruel." She faced the camera directly in front of her and smiled as Amy's eyes started to well up with tears.
"How do you like it?" Adrienne asked, approaching Ricky before band class. She had changed her clothing and everything it read more … Gwen Stefani outrageous than her normal tight jeans and low top.
"You look ridiculous. Tell me that's a wig." Ricky touched her hair lightly.
"Nope. All mine." She smiled back. "I know it's … different, but it'll grow on you." Adrienne embraced him suddenly.
"What's this about? Are you backing down for once?"
"Not this time. But I might be able to forgive you if … you come over tonight. You can spend the night. My parents are away."
"As enticing as that sounds … not tonight Adrienne. My leg's still--"
"Whatever. I guess I'd have to be knocked up to get your attention anyway." She pouted back, tears starting to form.
"Why would you say that … you're not?" Ricky started to ask as Adrienne shrugged looking both hurt and triumphed at the same time. "Did you stop taking birth control? ADRIENNE!" Let him wait and wonder. She was going to sit back and watch the damage unfold. Then, Ricky would finally see that he would miss her if she wasn't in his life anymore.
In the meantime, she would resort back to being the closet cry baby she truly was and think about how stupid Ricky was being. But she couldn't let herself think about what she would do if Ricky didn't want to be with her again—if this Amy Juergens imitation just weirded him out, or worse … if he finally just said he didn't love her. Damn, she was so damaged.
Speaking of damage … meanwhile, Ben was faced with a huge surprise of his own … a collection of photos of Amy and Ricky kissing and looking much more like a couple than two people who had had a one-night stand.
"Amy…" He approached her as soon as school was over.
"Hey Ben." She smiled and hugged him tightly.
"Amy, we need to talk …" Ben started, showing her the photos. Her cheeks reddened and she became extremely embarrassed, especially when she saw Ricky walking past her.
"I'll meet you home." Amy responded, running off to give Ricky a piece of her mind. "I'm glad I finally got to see your true colors."
"What are you talking about?"
"Ricky, I saw the video tape. This 'watch me' crap." She yanked the DVD out of her backpack and chucked it at him. "Real nice."
"But I didn't--"
"You did say I was a stupid girl who was easy to get knocked up and that you might not be the father … nice to know what you really think about me."
"Amy. Don't. This was just some stunt that Adrienne is pulling. Whatever you saw … I apologize but I don't feel that way about you Amy, not now. I have a habit of saying what Adrienne wants to hear not to hurt her and because I don't want to always face the truth."
"And how do I know you're not just saying what you think I want to hear?"
"Because you know me better than that." Ricky sighed. "Look … let me come over tonight and we'll talk."
"No thanks. I've got to explain some photographs to my husband." Amy walked off and solicited Lauren for a ride home. She didn't say a word but everyone in school probably knew by now.
"Good luck with Ben."
"Does everyone know?"
"Not yet."
"Good. Thanks Lauren." Amy hopped out of the car, grabbing her bike from the trunk. She meandered, taking her time to the front door where Ben was waiting on her with some big news in his hands. The envelope that he was holding was much more disconcerting than Ricky with Amy.
The letter from the state department was saying that the marriage papers were filled out incorrectly or misdirected. Amy was not a Boykevich, but still a Juergens.
"Ben, you wanted to talk?"
"Yes Amy … I think we need to reevaluate our relationship. I think we need to get away and … and… renew our vows."
"But don't you want to hear about--"
"No. I trust you and I know it won't happen again." Ben hugged her tightly, hiding and crumbling the letter behind him. "We should just do everything all over. Get new papers and everything … you can tell me about these pictures and Ricky only if you want. I won't pressure you and I understand that you guys will always be connected in some sort of way." Ben continued, playing the sensitive, thoughtful, nice guy who was going to stay by Amy's side.
And he was. But right now, he had to keep Amy and get her to want to be with him again. And maybe if he could get Amy to remarry him then he would never have to tell her that they were never married… and maybe she'd realize that Ben was the right choice, not 'the drummer.'
(A/N: I wanted to do something more from Adrienne's point of view but I've only touched the surface with her. Even though it wasn't my intention, this might turn out to be a Ricky-Amy pairing … or I could do something more interesting. We'll see as long as you keep reviewing because I was actually going to stop at the last chapter… --NL)