Chapter Four: Stuck in Reverse

(A/N: Song title from Coldplay's Fix You. Luv. -NL)

The past was always there. Even if you don't live in the past, you're always effected by it because we are the sum of our experiences, our loses, our hurts and in Ricky's case, our abuses. When you live so long with someone treating you like you're disposable, when you live in that form of domestic imprisonment, that's when you start realizing that life is an endless string of nothingness.

It leads you around in circles, back to where you used to be, back in situations that you've already faced and it challenges you when you least expect it. Ricky felt like the months of restraint and feigned peace that he'd created from within had shattered the moment he even thought about retailiating like that.

It was exactly what his father would have done. He'd have humiliated Ricky, forced him to eat food that Mr. Underwood had tossed on the floor, along with the dog shit that customarily lay there and not let up until Ricky was in tears.

Then, he'd hug his son and for a moment, Ricky thought that God didn't hate him and that his prayers had been answered. And just as quickly as Mr. Underwood had hugged him, he'd kick his son to the ground and beat him into submission, beat him until he agreed until … he had his way with Ricky and then went to pimp him out to someone else.

Ricky would always say that no matter what, he'd never be like that. He'd never hurt people but Ricky Underwood was in himself a disease, like a fatal cancer or worse, a strand of the HIV virus immune to the antiquated "modern" medicine. He was an unstoppable force, threatening and breaking through anything good or in Adrienne's case, the half-way decent.

He had no right to put his hands on a woman, ever but Adrienne wasn't a woman or a little girl. She was a snake and Ricky had a right to rid his life of evil, right? Not so much. That didn't stop him from going over to her house that night and picking a fight.

That didn't stop him from yelling at her and telling her nasty things about herself. Ricky did worse than call her a bitch, which has almost become synonymous to "girl" in our current society. He'd gone as far as to mention her absentee father, which was the one spot that still hurt her heart.

"I must've struck a chord." Adrienne shot back, too focused on Ricky's pain to burst out into tears. She would do that later tonight, alone in her large empty bed. Adrienne ignored any sense of pain and kissed him hungrily. "You want to?" She motioned to her empty bedroom.

"I don't know why you don't get it Adrienne. Your number is up. Being with you is nothing compared to what it is with Amy, and the only way I can even sleep with you is because I pretend you're her." Ricky sneered as he said this.

"You're one hateful bastard Ricky." She muttered, without a doubt hurt, but looking just as controlled as usual, just with eyes so watery that it stunned Ricky that they still hadn't shed into full-blown tears.

"What you did was wrong Adrienne."

"I told the truth." She admitted. "You said those things on camera. It's not like I made them up or made it look like you said it. You're the one to blame."

"Why are you so jealous of Amy? Is it just because of me?"

"Amy is married Ricky. Why can't you respect that?" She rolled her eyes at Ricky, giving him a shove.

"Because …" Ricky punched the wall angrily. "I don't need you to remind me of it. I need you to stay out of it."

"You know I won't do that. I've just started." She threatened as Ricky thought of even more hurtful things to say … meaning that he went back to the father thing. This final blow shot her over the edge as she backed Ricky into the wall and slapped him.

Ricky smirked as she did it again until he'd had enough, until he decided to retaliate. And that didn't happen until Adrienne called Amy a bitch. And almost as though his body was acting on an impulse all its own, his fist hit her face with the power of a speeding train. One, twice, three times…

Adrienne's hands rushed to her face as Ricky gave her another hard shove into the wall.

"Don't you of all people ever talk about Amy like that. Ever. You dumb bitch."

The intensity in Ricky's eyes told Adrienne that he was serious. It also terrified her because she had never seen Ricky so angry before and although he had grabbed her roughly in the past, Ricky never put his hands on her … not like this.

Once his temper calmed, Ricky headed away from Adrienne, resisting the urge to spit on her. That's what he felt like doing. That's what he felt about her … but his spit was too good to touch her. Ricky vowed that no part of his body would ever touch her again. "It's over." He spat out hatefully.

"Screw you!" Adrienne yelled back, throwing a glass cup at Ricky, which missed him by a couple of inches, as he walked away. She regained her bearings and decided on plan B. She was going to annihilate Ricky Underwood. And no one could hurt someone else like their blood relative…

"I love you … I love you … I love you…." Amy practiced in the mirror. She was truly grateful that Ben had given her another chance and was so understanding. He always was that way with Amy, which let her know that Ben was the one she needed to be with. These were all things that she was thinking out the outside, but inside Amy felt differently. The longer she was with Ben, the longer it was less natural and free. She felt sort of … stuck? But they were in love, so they could work through it all? Doesn't love conquer everything?

But if that was so true then why was she practicing on how to sound convincing? Amy sighed and rolled her eyes and decided that maybe it wasn't the best idea to be thinking about him now. Maybe she just needed to take a break and think about herself? That sounded so selfish.

Ring. Ring.

"Perfect." Amy sighed, just knowing that it would be Lauren or Madison … or worse, both of them. "Hey." She answered without looking. "Who's the gossip now?"

"Us." Ricky's smooth voice whispered into her ear sending waves through her body as though he were sitting right beside her instead of across a telephone line.

"What are you doing calling me? Trying to make more forgettable memories with me?"

"I broke it off with Adrienne. What she did … she did to tear us apart."

"There is no us Ricky. It was sex and I slept with you out of pity." Even as the words escaped her mouth, Amy could see that it was so obviously false. She really needed to work on her lying.

"When can you pity me again?"

"Ben asked me to marry him again."

"What did you tell him?" Ricky asked eagerly. Amy could hear his breathing slow down in anticipation.

"Yes."

"Why would you do that when you know how I feel about you Amy?"

"And how's that?"

"Come with me and … I can show you better than I can explain it. I hate what Adrienne did to you and I want you to know that it's not true. I remembered that night all too well … and the night after that-"

"Stop saying what I want to hear and tell me the truth Ricky."

"The truth?"

"Yeah."

"I can't stop thinking about you Amy. You say one thing and then do another and it leaves me confused. I-I don't know where I stand with you Amy. I don't know if I should just give up or-"

"Or? What is it Ricky … you can have sex with anyone."

"Would that change your mind about me? If I started sleeping with Adrienne again? What about Madison or Lauren or-"

"I don't care. It's your life."

"Fine. If you want to be stubborn, I can be stubborntoo. See you in school Amy." Ricky whispered, hanging up as Amy clutched the phone and held it to her ear long after the conversation was over. Her hand was shaking as she thought about what she had done.

Was it really over between her and Ricky? Had she just lost that chance? But did she really care?

These emotions were taking over and if Amy didn't do some damage control soon … she'd once heard of how some people handled their pain. Back then, to happy innocent Amy, it weirded her out. But now, it sounded like her only way out. She just needed to find something pointy enough-

"Hey honeybee." Ben knocked on the door before walking in. Amy hung up the phone, allowing him to hug her softly and to kiss her lightly on the lips. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." Amy muttered, resting her hand on his shoulder and realizing how good it felt and how this should be what she was thinking about and chasing … not dreams of a emotionally unstable bad boy who kept calling her down for a good time.

"I thought I was dead to you." Adrienne mumbled after agreeing to meet with Ricky a few days later. Abuse was never her thing, but Adrienne had never really been treated the right way by anyone. She could forgive on the people that she loved and she was enamored with Ricky.

"You are. Come with me." Ricky demanded, taking her by the arm. He had been thinking about what he'd done and what he'd done was … completely out of line and completely not who he wanted to be.

"Are you trying to suck up to me so I'll stop whatever it is that I have planned? Or maybe you'll give me second round of body shots in order to get rid of the little one. Got your boxing gloves ready?" Adrienne joked, loving to get under Ricky's skin almost as much as she loved him being under her.

"Will you stop saying that? I know you're not pregnant. You're too smart for that."

"Are you sure we used a condom every time?" She shot back as Ricky stopped in his tracks, thinking. It wouldn't take him forever to realize that they hadn't. They both knew that Adrienne being preggers was possible.

"Then let's talk options."

"There's nothing to say. We're having this baby." Adrienne walked away triumphed. She felt even more powerful once her 'Plan B' had arrived. "Dominic … what are you doing here?" She tried to act surprised as Ricky's step brother walked into the scene.

"Dom? What the …" His voice trailed off as Ricky watched his off and on again girlfriend give his trouble-making brother an overly friendly embrace.

Ricky was willing to ignore this because he could care less who Adrienne was with. It was Dominic's arm around Ricky's neck, like they were cool,that drove him wild. And through him off the edge. And it pissed him off to know that Dominic never had to go through what Ricky had. And looking at that look in Dominic's eye, he was here to do some major damage, to expose Ricky in a way that he never wanted.

"Why are you here?"

"Payback little bro. And judging from the little shit you've become, you'll deserve every second of it." He muttered back.

Ricky pushed him away forcefully even though he knew that Dominic held all of the cards. He knew all of Ricky's secrets. Everything. And since Ricky was playing with an empty hand, the only thing he could do was react emotionally. And that was when his fist made contact with Dominic's jaw.

(A/N: I know, not my best but I'm in need of ideas. What do you want to see happen? I've finished the next chapter but if you give me some suggestions, it could all change. So far no decided pairings.–NL)