The First Cut is the Deepest

Facing her pain was becoming more painful that Amy could've imagined. How was she to know it would be so bad when she'd spent so much time trying to hide her feelings away? Amy couldn't tell if the bigger problem was what she finally facing in her life or how she was coping with it all.

She was learning quite quickly that pain could easily be forgotten, if a more intense pain followed. Amy knew she was playing a dangerous game, using this knowledge to her advantage, but she couldn't help herself. She was so tired of crying herself to sleep, of imagining that falling for Ricky was a good thing and most of all thinking about the baby girl that she'd never got to nurture.

Amy groaned in relief as she drowned out the emotional pain with a deeper pain. It only hurt for a second and then everything else was forgotten. All she had to do was clean everything up so no one could know or care.

"Honey bee, are you ready?" Ben wondered, knocking on the door and taking Amy out of her moment. Damn it. She was riding on the wave of ecstasy and sovereignty and now the moment was broken.

"Fifteen minutes. I promise."

"Can't you hurry babe? I don't want to be late." Ben called back. "Remember what today is?" He wondered in a sing-songy voice walking into the bathroom as Amy shut the door abruptly. "Whoa. Amy … what's going on in there?"

"Nothing. You can get a head start. I'll see if I can get a last-minute ride from Lauren or Madison or … someone."

"No, I'll wait." Ben offered, willing to do anything and everything for Amy as usual which was starting to annoy her. It was all too perfect, too cliché, too boring.

"No, I mean it." She stuck her head out of the bathroom for a moment. "Go. Tell everyone the good news."

"Okay."

"I love you baby. I mean it." Amy practically whispered, waiting for Ben to come and kiss her goodbye as he normally did. It was a close-mouth devoid-of-passion physical encounter which allowed Amy to further justify not taking it to the next physical level with her husband. Something was just missing.

Her little adventure had set Amy back a few minutes, but she was able to make up for lost time and was rushing down the hallway, passing out her wedding invitations to well … everyone.

Even through her fleeting moment of happiness, school always left lingering thoughts in her head that even the most cunning of plans couldn't outsmart.

Amy was wondering what it meant when Ricky said he could be stubborn too. She passed out invitations and looked at each of the girls, studying them and trying to figure out which one had slept with Ricky.

She had only passed out around ten invitations when she noticed that everyone was staring or rather averting her gaze.

And aversion meant that there were bigger things going on.

"Madison, what is going on and why is everyone staring at me like that? Do they know about the wedding already?"

"It's no big deal." She shrugged it off.

"Lauren…." Amy whined.

"If I were you, I'd stick to the plan and pass out the invitations and maybe everyone will just get over it."

"Get over wha…" Amy's voice trailed off once she saw bright red blood on the ground. The only way this could be connected to either Ben or Ricky and she couldn't help but wonder if it was Ricky and if he'd tried to hurt himself again.

Amy briskly walked to the nurse's office and then started running, the wedding invitations that she had been holding slid from her grasp. She didn't even notice. All of them had fallen, except for one.

"Is everyone okay?" She paused at the door frame, afraid of what lay in front of her. "Ricky?" Amy called out, running to the figure that she knew was his. She knew his body really well, no matter the angle no matter if it were naked or fully clothed. Amy knew Ricky like she knew herself, at least that's how she felt a lot of the time.

"Did you do something stupid? Why would you do that?" She whispered to him, emotionally unable to stop herself from crying. Damn it. All of her hard work from this morning went down the gutter. She'd wasted all of that time for nothing.

"Amy, you're here…" All she could see were bruises on his face and anyone who was paying half-attention would've deduced that Ricky had just gotten an ass-kicking and not been involved in some ill-conceived plan to publically off himself.

"You look at me and you listen to me. You're not allowed to kill yourself okay? You can't even try that shit anymore." Amy continued, numerous drops of tears falling all over him.

"You care?"

"Of course I care. I always have." Amy brushed his hair off of his face before taking everything she was feeling at that moment and pushing it into a kiss.

"You're amazing."

"You're going to get me in so much trouble." Amy smiled so caught up that she was willing to give herself to him then and there. It was like the whole video-tape incident was forgotten, Ricky's hand in the unborn Juergens baby's death eradicated and his overall sexaholic nature obliterated.

Amy found herself acting without thinking, almost like she was outside of herself. There was a part of her telling Amy to back off, that a future with Ricky was impossible. But Amy was weak now that she'd opened herself up to her emotions and they were telling her that denying Ricky would be denying herself.

She quickly found her black blazer, which she customarily wore since the incident, off and falling to the ground. Who cared? She'd get it later.

"We can't do this here." Ricky whispered softly, his lip black and blue.

"Then tell me where. Anywhere." Amy answered as the two moved onto the old auditorium where Amy had had her first high school band performance.

"I'm sorry this place isn't … the best."

"It beats a washing machine." She joked back, pulling Ricky closer to her. The heat was crazy and she felt this insatiable urge to take them off, immediately.

"I'm sorry about that." Ricky apologized once he found something that worked for the both of them. He had placed Amy on one of the shelves while he started to remove his pants.

"Wait. I want you to show me something new, something different." Amy begged, not knowing what was coming over her, but the heat was still there.

"Okay." Ricky gave her a small smirk and lifted her off the counter. "Just trust me." He whispered into her ear, wrapping his hands around Amy's waist from behind and thinking about how much he wanted to be the one for her, her everything. "Is this okay?" Ricky asked, talking Amy through this whole thing.

"This isn't my first time so … just do it." Amy demanded surprised at how Ricky was still able to amaze her, to wow her, to draw her in, even when he'd done the most horrible things. Naïve dimwits would call it love, but Amy knew it was infatuation, like a drug. And it was dangerous. But it sure felt good.

"Just the man I was looking for." Adrienne sauntered over to Ben in her overly sexy way, which made him uber uncomfortable.

He wanted to just tell her to keep her distance since Adrienne was like cyanide. Sweet but deadly. But he was much too much of a nice guy to be up front with Adrienne.

"Hello Adrienne. How are you?" He asked instead.

"You are such a nice guy. I'd almost forgotten." Adrienne gave him a small smile. Time to set-in motion part B of the plan. Retain an ally from the other side.

"What's this about?"

"I'm the one who sent you the pictures of Ricky and Amy together and I was hoping that you'd want to talk about what we can do to keep them apart. I can totally do it by myself, but it's much easier if I have you to look out for Amy so-"

"I'm in." Ben answered eagerly.

"Perfect."

How did something so beautiful turn into a witch hunt? Amy couldn't figure out why she'd been so stupid in the first place. If she'd just kept her clothes on in the first place—

"Answer me Amy! Why are you doing this to yourself?" He almost yelled, his eyes all over her thighs, her thighs which had been slashed this morning and the morning before and any other time of the day when she felt too much.

"You answer me first. Why did you try to kill yourself?"

"Because I had nothing to live for. But now-"

"Don't finish that thought. I'm not trying to kill myself-"

"But you're torturing yourself Amy which is so much worse." Ricky laced his hands behind his neck. He had been so blind, so caught up in the moment of showing Amy something "new," that he didn't even notice Amy was hurt until she winced.

"It's my body."

"If you hurt, I hurt."

"Would you stop it? Please? We're not the same person Ricky, not matter how many personal stories you've told me or I've shared with you. No matter how many different ways I let you fu-"

"Don't say it like that Amy. I don't want to hear you speak like that."

"I wouldn't know what that meant if it wasn't for you."

"When did you start cutting?"

"I mean you're a pro, right? How many girls are on your list?"

"Where did you get the idea Amy?"

"Do you pick innocent girls only and then turn them into little sluts or does anything with a vagina do?"

"Is that all you really think of me?" Ricky forced Amy to look at her and she couldn't look away. Now was the time. She had to decide if she was going to be real with the situation or ice it out. Ice it out.

"Yeah. You know how to hit the G spot real nice." She answered back, being as cruel and crude as she could, hoping to push him away. "I'll call you again when I need another fix or when I'm feeling lonely but don't wait up for me. I may get tired of having pity sex all the time. By the way, your face looks terrible."

"Amy…"

"Ricky, I mean it. You're good at what you do." She gave him one last dry kiss, pushed him away forcefully and then went back to her corner to finish dressing. Ricky slammed the door behind him a few minutes later and it was then that she knew it was safe. It was safe… and she slid to the ground and gave herself a few moments to compose herself and get used to the idea of being Ms. Boykevich.

"You're a genius." Adrienne took a sip of the alcoholic drink in front of her. She wasn't really the type to drink, she was a little Type A about that, but Ricky had reacted just the way she had hoped. And she had made it known that she was with Dominic now, or better … she'd planted that idea into Ricky's mind.

"So tell me how bad did he hurt you?"

"What?"

"Anyone who would go through all these theatrics is really in too deep."

"I am not." Adrienne argued back. "I'm just working to get it back to where it used to be."

"And you need me to do that?"

"I didn't hunt you down to have you judge or try to run your psychology on me. Dominic you are important in this plan but not invaluable so don't get it twisted."

"So you love him huh?"

"Just a little bit." Adrienne admitted, smiling and thinking about how in this light Dominic reminded her of Ricky. It wasn't that they looked alike, but the confidence that he had way surpassed Ricky's and that, along with his feigned nonchalance, is what drew Adrienne to Ricky in the first place.

That and the awesome physical encounters.

But unlike Ricky, Dominic wasn't so guarded with what he was really feeling. Dominic Underwood was really into Adrienne and it was so obvious.

"That's too bad." He answered after a small pause, sipping his drink and still keeping his eyes on her.

"Would you stop that?" She laughed slightly at the attention. Come on, every girl wanted to be wanted. "Doesn't it bother you that I'm involved with your brother?"

"More like trying to get him back and he doesn't deserve you."

"You hardly know me." Adrienne shot back, hanging over his every word. Damn. He may have been saying the same trite things, but they sounded like gold coming from his mouth—rare and super valuable.

"I can tell a lot about you already. Like … you have a big heart. You love hard and fast. You're really affectionate, possessive, outspoken. You're loyal-"

"And you're freaking me out. What gave me away?"

"Because I'm a lot like you." Dominic answered, letting his eyes rest for a moment before catching Adrienne's again.

"I'm not as easy to get as you think."

"Good. I like a chase."

"And I'm in love with someone else."

"Why does everything have to be a love thing?" Dominic wondered back. Cute, sharp as a tack … nothing like what she thought when she'd found him in some grimy apartment where about five other guys lived. She'd promised to pay him off if he re-enrolled in school again and made Ricky's life hell.

"I don't sleep with strangers."

"Who said anything about sex?"

"Isn't that what every guy wants from a girl?" Adrienne wondered. "That's how I got your brother."

"Sex is irrelevant if you don't know the person or they don't mean anything to you. Look, stop giving me a freakin rebuttal for everything I say. Adrienne, you are a beautiful intelligent woman and I want to share in that with you. I'll go along with this whole Ricky thing, but you have to be real with me."

"Real?"

"Yeah."

"I can do that." Adrienne relaxed a little, feeling that now that sex was out of the equation, this relationship was safe. But why was it that she was here with Dominic, having the best time she'd had since pre-Amy Ricky? And their connection was super-magnetic, super attractive and despite herself, she started thinking about what it'd be like to sleep with him.

Three weeks later

Who was she? Ricky had been playing that through his mind all day, wondering when sweet perfect Amy had become damaged goods. And it all lead back to him. He was no good from the start and now she was out of control. Amy was broken.

And Ricky wanted to fix her. Even as a friend, in whatever capacity. Damn, was this what love felt like? It was exhausting and he couldn't turn it off. Ricky just prayed that he was what Amy needed.

Ding dong.

Ricky had run the doorbell and it was too late to run now. He could already hear the footsteps.

"Here comes the drama." Ashley muttered in her monotone way, making a path for Ricky to walk through.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your dinner Mr. and Ms. Juergens, but I need to speak to Amy."

"No he doesn't." She argued back quickly suddenly feeling alive. Dinner had been increasingly dull since the Juergens were trying to become ultra-conservative and model "Christians." And Ben had always been, well nice. Not exciting or interesting, just nice. And Ricky was … hell on wheels.

"I thought you had this important project to work on Amy. It's like 40% of your grade for your band class…"Ashley chimed in, covering them for no apparent reason.

"Oh. That one." Amy played along since any continued denials on her part would look too suspicious and she didn't want to be double teamed by her parents. "Mom and dad may I be excused?" Amy wondered as they nodded, she gave Ben a quick kiss on the lips before grudgingly following Ricky to her backyard, past where they'd buried baby Juergens.

"What the hell is this?" Ricky cringed hearing these words. Amy sounded so … bitter.

"I'll get right to it."

"Please do. Time's running out."

"Amy Juergens, will you go out with me?"

"Do you not remember our conversation from earlier? I've been using you for sex." Amy lied, but making that lie rolls off her tongue like butter.

"Then use me all the time, however you need me. All I'm asking for is a chance."

"But I'm getting married, I am married." She repeated.

"But not for another couple of months right? Look Amy, no one has to know but I want you to just give me this one thing. I don't want you for sex or anything, but I do want all of you. I know that I'm the worse influence on you and I've caused everything to turn wrong in your life-"

"Yes. I'll do it." Amy nodded kissing Ricky openly and passionately. "Give me a few minutes and meet me in your car."

Ben Boykevich was not as naïve and dull as everyone thought, and his alliance with Adrienne had made him all the wiser of what he had to do. If he wanted Amy, he had to fight for her against Ricky and judging by the way she'd just kissed 'the drummer,' Ben was losing.

"Hello Adrienne. Time to up the ante … they're running off together again." He whispered, watching Amy jump into Ricky's car and then disappear.

"I've got it covered." Adrienne whispered into her phone was Dominic walked into the kitchen. "Game over." She added, closing her cell phone.

"What's over?"

"Me walking on eggshells with you. Look, here are the rules … I make up all of the rules. When I say it's over, you disappear. And if at any time I tell you no, you stop. Got it?" Adrienne looked at him seriously.

"Yes. You make up the rules. Got it." Dominic nodded, hugging Adrienne for a little bit, which stroke her as strange for a guy to do when she was about to give it up. She was expecting for him to kiss her like she was his first breath of air after nearly suffocating, not for him to be so gentle.

"And don't get attached."

"Too late." Dominic joked, giving Adrienne the first unplanned kiss they'd had … ever.

When he placed her carefully into her bed, Adrienne stopped him when he reached for a condom.

"We don't need it." She promised. "Just … do it." Adrienne felt like an asshole as soon as she said it like that. It ruined the moment, but Dominic didn't seem phased. He still touched her carefully like if he was too rough with her, she'd break.

And as it went on, Adrienne realized that it was an experience she would never forget. She'd never had someone treat her like she was a person. They'd all just gotten it over with, thought about themselves or worse … she hadn't had a say in it at all.

Just the way he treated Adrienne made her know that Dominic was different. And it left her speechless.

Phase two of the plan was done and now that Adrienne and Dominic were inseparable, she was starting to wonder what she'd done it all for. Whereas her love for Ricky was the driving force before, now it was her hate of Amy that now fed her.

Which was why she was going to talk to her. Today. Five weeks to the date where Dominic and she had started an unofficial but de facto full-blown, true blue relationship.

By now, Adrienne had chopped off even more of her hair, wearing it short and black like a punk-style Rihanna imitation. "Amy Juergens."

"Hi Adrienne." She was barely able to look at the girl and Adrienne could see right through her. Little doe-eyed sheep in wolf's clothing wanted to know if Adrienne knew. But they were beyond that now. This was much, much more serious.

"So, here's the thing Amy … I'm really happy for you and Ricky. I am and as you know, I've moved on too… and I'm really grateful that you're still standing beside him considering."

"Considering?"

"Considering that I've been pregnant with the little Underwood for a few weeks now. My stomach doesn't look pudgy yet, does it?" Adrienne dug the knife deeper into Amy's chest, trying not to smile as she watched the look change from surprise to fear to relief and finally absolute horror.

"Y-You're-"

"Preggers? Yep. I guess Ricky's extra fertile since we were pretty safe. I thought maybe you might be able to talk me through this whole thing since this was you … just last year, is it?" Twist the knife.

"Yeah. Almost." Amy swallowed, looking pale and sick.

"Do you think you can ask him what he thinks about these?" She handed over a small piece of baby with drawings of babies on it and … names. "I have a feeling it's going to be a little girl."

"Stop it!" Amy yelled, covering her ears and running in the opposite direction. The idea of Adrienne being pregnant with a baby girl, Ricky's baby and he didn't tell her … it was all too much. And it hurt so bad. What's worse was that Adrienne had put down the name of what Amy was going to name her baby girl, same spelling and everything, Tyi Lee.

And later that day when the undercover love birds saw each other for the first time, Ricky saw the look on her face and knew. She had come to her senses and it was over. She was really done with him this time. When she handed him a list of baby names with a short note written on the other side by the devil herself, Adrienne, he knew that that final nail had been put on the coffin.

(A/N: I would like to give a huge thanks to Princess Pinky For giving me such a thoughtful review that really put things in perspective for me. I thank you so much and I'm back on track now! I've outlined what I want for the rest of the story and can't promise that this will be done by the end of 2010 but it will be a story that I'll complete. Luv. Review. –NL)