Chapter Six: Take Me Back to the Start
Adrienne reigned supreme, once again. This game wasn't for stupid little suburbanites like Amy who didn't know what it really meant to fight for something. Adrienne finally had what she wanted all along and yes, the grass was greener and everything was better.
"You look happy." Dominic commented, unaware of exactly what she'd been up to. It didn't matter since he'd be gone soon enough.
"I want to thank you."
"For?"
"Helping with this baby and those stupid ass Lamaze classes. I never knew someone would be willing to do that when they don't have to, when the baby isn't even theirs." She emphasized, trying to make Dominic see that he had no reason to stay around.
"So you're not going to get a paternity test?" He wondered.
"What for? Those are for tramps, girls who don't know who they've slept with. It's Ricky's. We've already discussed this." She answered back calmly. If she got defensive, Dominic would figure it out. She had to play it cool in order for this to work.
"So, I take it that he's come around by the look on your face."
"Am I that obvious?" Adrienne's scrunched up her nose, trying not to smile, but unable to help it. Dominic pressed his lips together, trying to keep cool as well but it seemed stupid to him that she wanted to be with Ricky. After all of this.
"Are you pissed at me?"
"For sleeping with my brother? Or for trying to use the baby to get rid of me?"
"Both." Adrienne answered quietly.
"No, But I wish you wouldn't. I'll leave if you want me to, but I want you to do it right. Let's make these last few days worth it."
"Days?" She asked back. She thought he'd wait at least until the end of the month before…
"Yeah … don't you want me gone as soon as possible?"
"Do what you want. I'm not stopping you." She answered coolly, putting on her usual Adrienne front.
"You mean that?"
"Yeah." Adrienne shot back, calling his bluff. There's no way he'd leave. Not without—her thoughts switched to something else as he scooped her up and kissed her passionately. Adrienne squealed, caught off guard and realized that more than anything she was feeling really … happy right now. Damn, she'd miss this.
"So, you think you'll remember this?" Dominic asked, stroking Adrienne's hair off her face as they lay next to each other.
"Why? It's just sex."
"I don't mean just that, but everything … like how you feel about us?" He asked, sounding a little vulnerable.
"If there's something you want to say, then out with it."
"I wish you could see how amazing you are. Brilliant, breathtaking. I think if you realized it, you'd make a different decision." He kissed her tenderly.
"Why don't you change your mind and just stick around? We can still hang out."
"That's not enough for me." Dominic answered, kissing her collar bone. "Damn, I set myself up for this. I should've known better than to take your bait."
"Are you suggesting that you've fallen for me?" Adrienne joked, liking the sound of this.
"Don't play. You already know."
"Whatever. You're still leaving." She snuggled up closer to him, hoping to feel his love. Wait a minute. Did she just think—
"You know where to find me." He answered. Adrienne couldn't believe that he'd be leaving soon. She wanted to ask him to stay until next week, but their days together were dwindling down. She tried to hold it back, but first she sniffed and then came the waterworks.
When she pressed her face into his chest, she couldn't help but notice that he was crying too.
"Are you nervous?" Lauren asked Amy, helping her put on the veil, the last missing piece to this wedding, except the wedding was tomorrow and tonight was the 'bachelorette party'.
"Why should she be? It's a party." Ashley chimed in.
"And who invited you?" Amy shot back, picking up that Ashley was a Ben-Amy basher.
"Let's just relax tonight and have fun and tomorrow we'll decide." Madison added.
"Decide on what?" By the time Amy got out those words, Madison and the others had already skidded away, except Lauren.
"Isn't it obvious?"
"What?"
"You and Ben are making a huge mistake. Take Ricky out of the equation and I give you six months, tops, until you call it quits." Amy stared as Lauren with as much hate as she could muster up because she knew that what she was saying was completely true. And she wondered why no one said anything when they got married the first time.
But things could change and people could change back¸ right? Amy noticed that her inner thigh was throbbing. Or maybe it had been all along, which had made this whole thing seem less painful. She just needed a moment and she'd get her mind back and do the right thing which was … to marry Ben.
"You're wrong about us." Amy approached her friend later that night.
"So you're not bothered that he kept things from you about the first marriage? Why would he not tell you that it didn't go through? What's the big deal?"
"He's trying to keep us together and honestly Lauren, he's the only one. I've been so stupid about the whole Ricky thing-"
"Since Adrienne is pregnant."
"Exactly. Which is why I know Ricky can't be trusted and I'm over it. Ben is the right person for me."
"The right choice or the better choice? There is a difference." Lauren explained, always finding a way to let her slightly pessimistic, but often right-on opinion out without sounding too anti-Ben and Ricky.
"I really need you to be supportive of this. This is what I want."
"I won't support it, but I'll keep my mouth shut until I have something positive to say." She compromised.
"Good. We agree." Amy gave her a quick hug. "Now let's party."
"So, I'm still trying to figure out how to tell my mom that I've repeated her mistake. Except I'm a little older." Adrienne stated, holding onto Ricky's hand not as tightly as she normally would, but comfortably. She knew now that he had no reason to, that no one was going to steal Ricky away.
Because this baby had changed him tenfold. Maybe losing the last one had transformed his personally, but in any case Ricky was down to do whatever it took to be good at this. He was so kind to Adrienne, apologized for ever putting his hands on her and started opening up a little about his suicide attempt.
It was cute and promising and exactly what Adrienne had wanted.
She pushed all of her thoughts away from Dominic and decided to give Ricky one last test, just to make sure that she could truly call him hers. Adrienne kissed him hungrily as Ricky wasted no time falling back into what he knew.
When she was sure she had made him too tired to leave, she started to talk about her favorite topic, Amy. "So, the wedding's tomorrow."
"Who's getting married?" Ricky sighed, suddenly disinterested in her. Adrienne, also running back into her old habits, ignored it.
"Ben and Amy. They really … work, don't you think?" She looked directly at him upon saying this and Ricky did his best to hide his pain. But those dark eyes gave it away. The love was still there. Adrienne clinched her jaw together, grinding her teeth together to keep from screaming. Why couldn't Ricky just get it and feel it too? All she ever really wanted was him.
"So, I guess we'll make plans tomorrow then?" He added coolly, pretending that his response, followed by minutes of silence so loud that it hurt, had never happened.
"Actually, I was going to go to the wedding," with Dominic, she failed to add. It was kind of sick how she was playing around with both brothers, but now since she got the one she'd wanted for a couple of years now, the other had to go. Remember that.
"You got an invite?" Ricky sat up suddenly, towering over Adrienne.
"Relax. Ben and I are cool. I was going to support their union."
"Bull shit." Ricky scoffed. "You hate Amy."
"No. I hate how you feel about Amy. Even though she's getting married, you're still planning some trick to get her back but forget it. You're with me now. Me and this baby. You owe us." She responded boldly.
"I know."
"Good. Now that we're clear, I'll see you in a couple days. I'll call about the wedding and let you know how beautiful the ceremony was." Adrienne gathered her clothing and carefully put everything back on.
"Where are you going?" He wondered, brows furrowed together.
"I'll see you. I promise." She gave him a quick kiss on the lips, which used to heat up her entire body. Tonight, it felt cold and routine. Adrienne was probably just scatter-brained with everything that was going on. "Later." She spun on her heel, leaving Ricky all alone and naked in his bed, something he used to always do to her.
Maybe now, he'd be the one to cry himself to sleep tonight. Maybe he'd do it, not because of Adrienne, but because he was losing Amy, which was revenge enough for Adrienne.
When she'd walked down the steps, Adrienne pulled out her cell phone and dialed the number she now knew by heart. "I'll be there in thirty. I got a little hung up."
"Too late. I'm already at your house."
"No you're not." Adrienne reached for her car door to see an embarrassing display of freshly cut flowers. When did it happen? When did he … "So you know where I am?"
"I know you're leaving my little bro's place but we've got tonight and then the wedding's the last Hoo-rah."
"Yeah." Adrienne choked out, starting not to cry about it again. She had gotten too attached to him.
"Just hurry up and get your ass over here. I miss you."
Lauren's words from last night were bothering her. But what did she know? She'd only had one lame boyfriend who she hadn't even been intimate with. Lauren was still a stupid virgin, probably the only one in the entire Sophomore class. What would she know about love or relationships? Lauren, the girl who called Madison up every night to coordinate what they would wear, talk about, and even think the next day at school.
Amy shook her head, wondering why she had even been friends with those two gossiping bimbos.
"Ready?" Ashley wondered as Amy could tell even she disapproved. Why was it okay with her parents and no one else? She exhaled, rolled her eyes and smiled as the first procession started. She could faintly hear the music. It was starting.
Adrienne winked at Ben from the audience. They had coordinated this perfectly and now Amy would be out of her life permanently. No woman stuck around for a guy who got someone else knocked up, and this wedding was the icing on the cake.
From there on, she kept her attention on Dominic, who was now squeezing her hand. She couldn't imagine anyone else being by her side at this moment and she actually started to wonder about her own wedding.
Funny since Adrienne had never considered herself the marrying type. She wasn't like the shallow guys who always wanted to 'trade up,' which was why couldn't stay faithful or keep a marriage, but she didn't see any one guy putting up with her for the rest of her life.
"Don't you wish you could just immortalize this moment and replay it whenever you wanted?" She asked referring to them being together, and biting her lip self-consciously but knowing she had no reason to be. Dominic never said anything degrading to her and she liked that.
"No. But I say this only because I think we could be so much more to each other. We could make every moment better than the one before it."
"Don't say stuff like that to me right now. You already lost me."
"I never really had you." He answered back as the flower girl started the wedding off. Adrienne turned her attention to it, bored, but trying to watch Dominic out of the corner of her eye.
"You only want me now because you're thinking about that cold, empty bed waiting for you."
"It's not about sex. It never was. Sex is easy but to be with someone is hard, it takes a lot. But to find someone that you want to be with but they reject you … that's enough to break a man." Dominic whispered into her ear, brushing his lips with her ear. Bullshit. All guys wanted was to "conquer" as many girls as they could, running through groups of friends, cousins, and even some mothers just for bragging rights. That was always the bottom line for guys and Adrienne couldn't fathom that Dominic saw more than that in her.
"Can we … let's just bail?" Adrienne offered. She preferred to spend the day alone with just him and be able to touch him freely without people watching. And who cared about Amy anyway? Ben was going to marry Amy. Ricky didn't even know where the wedding was. Nothing to panic about.
"Yes." Dominic kissed her so sweetly that it made her want this to be her reality. But the problem with dreams it that reality always came and crushed them.
The most beautiful girl in the room was Amy. Ben always saw it that way and this afternoon, everyone else would too.
As she approached him from the other side of the room, his heart sped up. He couldn't believe it was happening. She would finally be his and for once, Ricky Underwood hadn't swooped in to ruin it all.
Maybe fate did work out for the kind-hearted. Maybe life was fair after all.
Amy made it to the other end of the room, practically in line with Ben before she stopped. She stopped and everyone watched. And Ben got nervous, because he, like everyone else could see that the tides were changing. A beautiful future was beginning.
And then she spoke.
Ricky was going crazy just thinking about it …. Thinking about Amy marrying Ben again. This time it really weighed heavily on his mind.
It could've been that he just loved her, that he would rip all of his own skin from his body if it meant it would save her. He'd endure fire, water, and even hell to save Amy. He was headed there anyway since people like him didn't really deserve to have God on their side.
The thing about Ricky was that he always found a way around things. When he really wanted something, it happened. Like the brakes on the car, like getting Adrienne back whenever he got bored with everyone else … like making Amy love him back.
He couldn't just sit back and wait. He had to find her.
And he was actually going to turn Adrienne's plan against her since she was the one who would inadvertently going to tell him exactly where it was. And with a few clicks to the mouse, he was logged onto her email and checking her messages. And there was the e-vite … Wow, Adrienne wasn't even important enough to get a real invitation.
Ricky chuckled to himself, committing the address to memory, and running off with a disheveled head of hair and a mind full of fantasies about a life with Amy Juergens.
Dominic was putting it on thick and Adrienne was loving it. She held his hand the whole time, like they were an actual couple, something she'd never done with Ricky.
There was an innocence-maybe that was the wrong word to ever use in conjunction with Adrienne-so maybe you could call it honest. There was honesty in her relationship with Dominic that didn't exist with Ricky. And he didn't just say things to say it. They were true. He was open.
"Ready to go back? The reception should be starting by now." He gave her that look that he'd recently developed that captured her in her place and made her want to stay as they were, forever locked into each other's eyes.
"Do we have to? I want you to take me on one of those and paddle me around." Adrienne broke the gaze and tried to lighten the air by pointing to the Paddleboats, while inhaling the Italian Ice in her hands. Today, her sweet intake was on overdrive. And next on the list, ice cream.
"Whatever you want. It is our last day."
"Never mind." Adrienne pressed her lips together.
"What?"
"You ruined it. Why would you say something like that? So cruel."
"It's true. You are forcing me to leave and choosing to be with my kid brother even though we both know you deserve better than that."
"Do we really have to go through this again? You're such a pain in the ass!" Adrienne yelled, walking off briskly in the other direction.
"Come here."He reached for her hand again. "I wish things were different too." He whispered holding her softly before molding his lips to hers.
"We should probably get back." Adrienne offered, realizing that she should've never left the wedding. They were making it harder on themselves.
The ride back was quiet but Adrienne couldn't shut the doubts out of her mind. And they weren't Dominic-doubts but Ricky-doubts. "If anyone asks, we'll say I got a little morning sickness." She wasn't sure if that would stick, but prepared her sickest face as they opened the door to see … nothing.
No one. There wasn't even a sign that a wedding had happened.
"Are we in the right place?" Dominic wondered.
"Yeah." Adrienne pursed her lips once she saw the lone figure … Ricky. He'd found it.
"Do you want to-"
"No. I think I just want to go home." She sighed, feeling defeated. So white girl had one-upped her with her 'innocence.' Adrienne rolled her eyes, disgusted as she tried not to cry. Not again. She was such a big baby.
The most liberating thing you can do is speak your mind. All of Amy's burdens and concerns were alleviated once she said the first words, "This wedding is over." It couldn't get any worse from there. The stares, gasps, whispers … it was something that she was getting used to.
But the look of hurt on Ben's face would take a while to get over.
She could explain it all better later, but right now she was on to the one place where she wouldn't be surrounded by questioning eyes and whispers. Her whole load of baggage seemed to melt away once she saw the familiar green trees, the clear sky the … Ricky?
How was it possible that she'd been here for nearly two hours and hadn't seen a high of anyone she knew. But now, there he was with a blue tux she'd never seen, his hair disheveled as hell and looking at her like he'd been waiting forever.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Amy couldn't hold back the acerbity in her voice.
"How was the wedding?"
"Beautiful." She smiled, convinced that he hadn't known that the wedding didn't happen because Amy called it off. She didn't want him to get any ideas that it had to do with him because it didn't. Amy not wanting to be with Ben was much more complicated than her burning desire to sleep with Ricky. Still. After all the hurt he'd thrown her way.
"Shouldn't you be headed for your honeymoon-"
"I should. But I'm not." Amy sighed, sitting down on the closest bench next to Ricky. "It's not what you're thinking, but I don't want to talk about it."
"Do you have any regrets about today?"
"None at all." She answered truthfully. "I did what I had to do."
The two sat in silence for a little while, Ricky watching Amy as she looked straight ahead, as though she didn't notice him staring.
"Is there any way you'd give me another chance?"
"Look, God gave me an out when it turned out that me sleeping with you wasn't worsened by the fact that I was married. I'm not going to take that chance again."
"I didn't say that-"
"Sex is the only way you know how to love."
"It's the best way I can show you how I feel. You wouldn't take me seriously if I asked you out on a date or wanted to just be with you." He whined back.
"Can you stop with all of the dramatics? Go home Ricky." Amy stood up, ready to take the bike ride home. Yes, she'd walked from the church to her house to get her bike and take herself to the park. Yes, in her wedding dress.
"I can't when you make me feel this way."
"Feel? You don't have feelings." She called back, taking long strides to where she'd come from.
"I do Amy. I feel … so much because of you. I love you." Ricky waited for a response, but he didn't get one so he ran after her. "Didn't you hear me say it? I've been holding it back since I first came out of the hospital and … you were there."
"I suppose you want me to say it back now .. well, I don't." Amy answered, drained. She was drained of all this emotional crap, all of it was going to drive her insane. All of it was why she'd had a moment of weakness, which was why the insides of her thighs were still throbbing. But not enough. She still felt the pain and pressure from everyone around her and it was controlling her. It was scary.
"I know." Ricky sighed. "I know, but can you just … let me back into your life? Not shut me out?"
"There's only one way we know how to be with each other." Amy answered back, feeling herself about to do something stupid. The call of her body was much stronger than her mind at this point. She was so drawn to the fact that he 'loved' her. She could actually feel something real coming out of those words. But Amy knew that Ricky had probably said it a million times to every girl, but tonight it was so damn convincing.
"I can change that."
"I don't want you to." She reached her arms around the back of his neck, kissing Ricky with all of the lust that had been kept dormant inside of her since they last made love. "This doesn't mean anything … not to me. I still hate you. You disgust me." She muttered in between kisses as an eager Ricky willingly accepted his role in her life which, pretty much paralleled what Adrienne was to him.
When it was over, Amy's once-white dress was soiled from a mixture of dust, dirt, dampness, and a little blood that had escaped from somewhere. It was then, with Ricky looking over at her and whispering how much he loved her, that Amy told him something that no one else yet knew. "I'm going to New York. Music school."
"For the summer?"
"Maybe forever." She whispered back.
"I'll go with you and make you stop."
"Stop what?"
"Cutting." Ricky responded as Amy forced her mind outside of this place. She was going to go to New York and she was going to be the Amy she used to be, the Amy that pushed through it and got over it because she was tired of feeling anything.
Amy pushed him away from her, folding her knees into her chest. So, he'd noticed the fresh etches of ripped flesh on her inner thighs…
Some months later
Adrienne was barefoot and pregnant, sneaking out of Ricky's room and into the bathroom where she could have some privacy. It turned out that Amy not getting married didn't mess up anything between Adrienne and Ricky.
She was already in New York and left without telling Ricky goodbye. He pretended like it didn't hurt him, but Adrienne could see his pain and she was glad. Karma finally worked its magic on Ricky Underwood and he was being a 'good little boy' and doing everything that an expecting father should do.
But there was still one thing that irked Adrienne and made this fairytale difficult to fully immerse herself into. Dominic, who was still trying to mess them us.
Adrienne would've been perfectly able to deleted his number and never speak to him again until she got a call about him being a car accident, and she freaked out and went to see him.
But she couldn't see him every day. They lived too far apart. So she started calling him and … five months later and eight months into the pregnancy and it still hadn't stopped.
"You don't ever have to come and see the baby." Adrienne declared, picking up from where they always seemed to leave off.
"I know, but I want to. She's my daughter you know?"
"I know but we take this secret to the grave okay? You can be in her life but you're not the father. Ricky really wants to do the right thing." She answered back. It turned out that Dominic was a whole lot better at math than Ricky and he'd … figured out that there was no possible way the baby could be Ricky's.
"I know. And if it ever doesn't work out with Ricky-" He offered.
"It will. I love him too much for it not to."
"You're just so blind, aren't you? Ricky doesn't love you."
"Not yet, but he will … and by the way Dom, thanks for everything. At least now I know how things should be in a relationship. For what it's worth, I'm glad I found you."
"Does that mean we can pick up from where we left off?"
"And you can use me just for sex?" She giggled.
"No. That's Ricky's game. You're more than that to me."
"Don't mess with my mind." Adrienne pressed her lips together, taking a look at herself in the mirror. She couldn't see why anyone would truly love her, especially being fat and pregnant.
"Adrienne, you know it's real but you're just too scared which pisses me off but you can't be controlled or told what to do or even given a suggestion…"
"But you like that about me, don't you?"
"I love it just like I could love you all over again."
"Again? When did you love me?" Silence.
"So one month? Will you call me right when you go to the hospital?" He ignored her and kept speaking.
"Of course. You can't do any of the dad stuff, but you can be there. It's not anything you haven't seen before, but everything's just a little fatter now." She joked. "I promise to put you on speed dial. You should be there too Dom."
"I know."
They grew silent as Adrienne tried to keep her emotions under wrap and tried not to cry. She heard shuffling in the attached bedroom, which enhanced her sense of panic.
"I think he's up. I have to go." She hung up abruptly, deleting her call history and opening the bathroom door. Ricky was standing right there, wide awake.
"So how long have you been listening in?"
"Who's the father Adrienne?"
"Don't be stupid Ricky. You are." She pushed past him, angry. Why did he have to wake up and ruin it? It felt so good talking to Dominic. Adrienne could almost picture him licking those full, soft lips of his…
"Tell me the truth." He reached for Adrienne and pulled her back.
"It's you. We can even do a paternity test if you don't believe me." She offered. "I already said that months ago. Are you looking for an out?"
"Just the truth. And you don't tell it that well." He sighed.
"I'm just trying to keep up with you." She sneered, pushing past him.
"Tell me sneaky ass brother to get himself down here." Ricky demanded before walking into the bathroom.
Adrienne picked up her cell phone and immediately typed this: 'Plan B. Be here this week. I need you.'
Adrienne felt relief when she got a response text back from Dominic.
'Just tell me when and where. I'd do anything for you.'
She exhaled deeply. Things were going to work themselves out. Ricky would be found the father and no one would ever know what the truth is.
(A/N: Adrienne "wins" in my story! I know it started off being about Amy and Ricky but I switched and made it end like it does in real life—open endings and with the wrong people being together … This actually is the end of this story but I may do another Secret Life story and focus it on Adrienne (one shot called Skinny Love). She's become my favorite because she's so messed up and conniving. I know you're all hating me for this ending but all of the drama in The Truth Is was making me exhausted. I'm on a writing purge, finishing up a couple of other stories this week, so check out my other fics. –NL)
Shameless promotion: If you've loved this story, then check out After the Hurricane, Boys with Girlfriends or Voices Carry … all by me but this my only SL fic at this point.