A/N: Who care if this story doesn't make sense? It's funny!

Summary: Lightning's mayhem yields hell for all.

The Ultimatum

Another explosion rocked the mansion, knocking Yuna out of the sofa.

"Vaan!" Laguna yelled, "What did you do this time?"

"I didn't do anything!" Vaan cried, "It was Tifa!"

"Tifa Lockhart!" Lightning shouted, "Get back here!"

"No way!" Tifa shouted back, "Not if you're chasing me with that gunblade!"

"You fondled me!" Lightning screeched, "PAY THE PRICE!"

Lightning turned her gunblade in gun mode and start shooting at Tifa, who dodged for her life.

"Lightning!" Laguna snapped, "Remember the rules? No fighting or it's our heads!"

Lightning ignored him and kept shooting, destroying a chandler that Tifa was using for cover.

"Come on Light." Vaan poked his head out, "It not like Tifa's a man- woah!"

He ducked, the bullet missing him by inches.

"What's her deal?" cried Yuna, "Being in Dissidia can't be that bad can it?"

"She's been loco ever since SE decided to expand her world with XIII-2." Laguna explained, "And it was the boss who had to drag her out of wherever she was to this mansion. She was one of the first to live with Tifa and Kain."

"I thought she was a soldier." Yuna said.

Laguna agreed, "We thought so too." He poked his head out, "Kain, will you get your ass out of there and help out a little."

"No thank you," Kain responded through the pantry, "Piss off."

"What now?" asked Vaan, "If Lightning continues like this, we're all screwed, and we're the one who'll have to clean the place up."

"The boss might pull a Harry Potter and punish us to fix this place without our abilities." Laguna joked.

"By the sound of that, this situation is not funny anymore." Yuna said, "I'll stop them."

"With what?" asked Vaan, "Your guns?"

Yuna shook her head, "Takahashi-san said that my role is Dissidia… is to summon."

Laguna and Vaan look paled as Yuna continued. "He also said that I can use two summons at a time."

"…We're doomed." Vaan said as he squirmed under the sofa now.

"That's what I said when you came along." Laguna grumbled.

Yuna laughed, then she hopped over the sofa and into the foyer where Lightning was still trying to gun down Tifa.

"Cut it out Light!" Tifa blocked one of Lightning's shots, "We're both girls. It was supposed to lighten you up!"

"ODIN!"

Yuna was blown back by the power of Lightning's summon as she summoned Odin in Gestalt Mode and wield it's weapon.

"Lightning, you know that it's no secret that you're a lesbian." Tifa said, laughing.

"What was that?" Lightning was pissed now.

"We all know that you have hot for your sister, and Vanille, even Lebreau." Tifa pressed on, "And with those bites on their necks, I thought a vampire got them."

Lightning was about to attack when Valefor, Ifrit, Ixion, Shiva, and Bahamut suddenly surrounded her.

"Huh?"

"What the?"

"Knock it off you two!"

Lightning and Tifa turned their turns to see Yuna with her staff out, controlling her summons.

"Yuna-chan!"

Tifa hopped down and went to go hug her.

"I never thought you would be in Dissidia! How are you?"

"Good." Yuna said, returning the hug, "So what was the fuss about?"

They broke off as Tifa blushed a bit, "The reason's kinda ridiculous to be honest."

"What is it Tifa," Laguna said as he and Vaan walked over to the group, "Why the hell was Lightning so hot?"

Tifa looked over at Lightning, who went Odin back, "She wanted a massage, and one of my hand touched her breast."

Everyone except Tifa and Lightning crashed into the ground as Yuna's summons disappeared.

"That's it?" asked Kain, who joined them, "I was interrupted because of that pathetic reason?"

"Shut up Kain." Laguna advised him.

"Now that everyone's here…"

The new cast of Dissidia turned to see Aya, who looked disapproving and holding her iPad..

"Can I have your attention please, because I've just received an e-mail from the boss."

Laguna cringed, "Well, we're screwed. Thanks a lot Light-chan."

Lightning growled at him but Vaan motioned for her to shut up.

"And I quote," Aya continued, "Now that everyone gotten to know each other, barely, because of the mess Claire slash Éclair "Lightning" Farron made while chasing Tifa around, I am ordering everyone here to clean up the place for the new revealed folks that'll be joining you."

Everyone moaned while Lightning looked down in shame.

"Failure to comply will result in severe, disturbing consequences."

"Like what?" asked Laguna, "How can they be so disturbing?"

"He buffing." Kain said simply.

"Thanks a lot for asking that Kain-san, I really don't want to read what's next but now I'm forced to..." Aya sighed and read on.

"Kain, your punishment will be of official pictures released to the fans of you doing "it" with Cecil."

Everyone was looking disturbed as Kain looked horrified.

"Tifa, yours will involve tentacles, 'nuff said."

Tifa looked as though she rather be casted with Doom.

"Laguna, your pictures will have time and Ultimecia."

Laguna whimpered.

"Yuna, I know you're new and you stopped Light, but all is fair in love and war. Your punishment will involve your summons, period."

The look on Yuna's face was unreadable as everyone shook their heads of the unpleasant image.

"For you Vaan, the Judges back home will judge you in their own way."

Vaan shrieked, "No thank you!"

"And you Lightning."

Everyone looked at Lightning, who was trying to keep her poker face.

"Your will be me releasing pictures of Snow and Serah getting in on, if you know what I mean."

A moment later, Lightning gave off the most inhuman scream ever.

"The deadline is three days. And trust me, if any of you are slacking off, those terrible things I threatened you with, WILL happen. Good day."

Sighing with relief, Aya looked down to see the other extremely disturbed until Laguna yelled, "GET THE PAINTBUCKETS, AND THE JACKHAMMERS!"

To be continued…