A/N: I'M DOIN' MY BEST :(
Summary: An unpleasant visitor brings unpleasant news.
Desperado
A few days later after the new arrivials, they started to get use to each other's company.
"It's like they haven't seen each other in decades." Kain said.
Vaan hit Kain around the head, "Who knows how Tifa felt when she saw Aerith killed in front of her."
"I want steak!"
"You want everything Gligamesh," Lightning snapped, "Quiet!"
"Shut up fool!"
"No, you shut up!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You infinity."
Yuna was coming back from watering the garden when Gilgamesh flew past her and out the door, landing on the flowers Yuna just tended to.
"Sorry Yuna," Lightning quickly put her gunblade away, "Wrong time, wrong place I guess?"
"…Tell that to Shiva…" Yuna growled, Shiva appearing behind her, "Rape her please…"
"WHAT?" Lightning screeched, "You're kidding!"
"Hey Light," Vaan said, "I think she's serious…"
"And I bet fans will pay big to see that," Laguna said, "But in this situation, I don't think it's funny."
"Run!" Vaan advised as Shiva charged at Lightning.
"What going on?" Prishe asked, coming in with Lightning running for her life past her with Shiva in tow.
"Lightning pissed Yuna off," Laguna said simply, "How our newest couple?"
"On the roof," she said, "I swear, Aerith's not your girl next door."
"Just like you." Kain smirked.
Laguna ducked as Kain soared over his head after Prishe dropkicked him. He crashed on the stove in the kitchen where their lunch was cooking.
Kain howled in pain as Laguna and Vaan laughed their asses off. Hopping up and down, Kain made a beeline for the nearest bathroom.
"He'll be branded for life," said Prishe, "Better than seeing Tifa and Aerith make out on the roof."
"Wow," said a surprised Vaan, "Lightning's got competition."
"Speaking of who, where'd she go?" asked Prishe.
"Help! Her ice lloks bigger than Snow's!"
Prishe blinked, "Snow did her?"
Laguna waved it off, "Only in fanfiction."
"That's disturbing," Prishe shook it off, "I once read one of those where Cloud did something with Sephiroth that involved-"
"Thank you Prishe," Laguna interrupted, looking creeped, "Every creative, and illuminating."
He turned to Yuna, "Hey Yuna, can you cut it out before Lightning's forced to summon Odin?"
Yuna just looked at him.
"Ok, maybe not."
The doorbell rang.
"I'll get it."
Yuna was at the door when Lightning dived from the second floor and landed facefirst on the ground.
"Okay!" Lightning screamed, "I'm sorry!"
Yuna snapped her finger, and Shiva disappeared, bowing.
"Just don't do that again." said Yuna, opening the door, "Oh!"
"Is it the pizza?" said Vaan, coming into the foyer, "…Maybe not!"
"What up my chicks and cocks?"
"Uh hi, Chaos." Yuna squeaked.
"Is that Chaos?" asked Lightning, getting up, "What's he wearing?"
"This rookie, is my new form you have to look forward to, noobs" he said, pushing Yuna out of the way and stepping him, flexing his biceps, "Desperado Chaos!"
Flames exploded behind them as he posed.
"Oh god…" Lightning was appalled.
"Chaos!"
Gigamesh recovered quickly and ran towards Chaos, who stepped out of the way when Gilgamesh tired to hug him. He landed in the dirt outside.
"What's going on?"
Tifa and Aerith ran down the stair with Prishe and Laguna coming from the living room. Kain limped out behind them seconds later.
"So, you're all the new crew then bitches?" Chaos smirked, "You all look weak."
Prishe scanned Chaos up and down, "Why don't you ask your Legion of Doom. I'm sure they'll disagree."
"Silence shortstock!"
"What are you doing there Chaos?"
Chaos turned to see Aya, coming back from shopping, "And what the hell are you wearing?"
"Awesomeness."
Everyone crashed to the ground.
"So, Chaos," Yuna summoned her staff, "What do you want?"
"I came to tell you that your dear friends who used to be Warrior of Cosmos in the 13th cycles, are my new bitches, despite losing Jecht to Cosmos."
"Really?" Tifa cracked her knuckles, "Who are they?"
"Terra, Cloud, and Tidus, a bargain!"
"Cloud?"
"Tidus?"
"Terra?"
"Ha ha ha. Eat it! Enjoy fighting your allies!"
Chaos laughed and left, not without surround the mansion in a tower of flames.
"Now to feast on Cosmos. The fanfiction does not justice compare what I'm gonna do to her. Maybe that mule made of wood'll do that trick-"
When he was far enough, he dispelled the flames and flew off laughing some more.
"Aya, what did Chaos mean?" Every gather around Aya, who sighed.
"The boss wanted Cosmos and Chaos to date." she explained, "But he drugged one of her drinks."
"Does that mean what I think it mean?" Lightning asked.
"Rescue mission!"
"Say what?" Everyone looked at Aerith.
"She have to rescue her," Aerith said, "She can't show up on 012 looking like a-"
"Slut in heat." Prishe finished for her, "No other way to describe it. Should I tell you guys about a picture where Cosmos was surrounded and screwed by-"
Laguna covered her mouth, "Thank you Prishe! We need a plan."
"I got one-" Lightning started.
Tifa kicked her, "No, your "Rescue Serah Plan" sucked and went down the toilet, literally."
Lightning snarled in outrage.
"It's true." Kain nodded, "She didn't believe her little sister, which led her in a jam."
Laguna grumbled, "That's not the problem now. How we gonna sneak out? And where's he keeping her?"
"This is a little world." Aya said, "If he's gonna do something to Cosmos, it'll be at that clown's lab."
"Let's go then." Vaan ran out the door.
"I'll vouch for you guys. Go get her." Aya pushed the others out the door.
"Oh joy," Kain moaned, "It's a whirlwind adventure now."
"Down the yellow brick road?"
"No Aerith," Tifa put Aerith on her back, "It's a rescue and an adventure."
She ran after Vaan along with Lightning.
"Wait for me!"
Gligamesh ran after them, but was attacked from behind by Prishe's Howling Fist, knocking him out.
"Fuck off!"
She stepped on him and ran after other followed by Laguna and Kain.
"Can you watch them for us?" Yuna motioned towards Gilgamesh.
"Yeah…" Aya shrugged, "I'll be sure to send the original's too."
"No, just Ariel, WHO IS LATE!"
Yuna ran after others.
"Sure thing," said Aya, steeping on Gilgamesh's coconuts.
To be continued…