A/N: I love DBZ parodies XD

Summary: The team lays a beating on Chaos, Final Fantasy style!

No Lightning-like Rescue II of II

Everyone huffed loudly as they climbed the long stairs to the Edge of Madness. Due to raging storm in the stage, they were forced to land Bahamut.

"The others had to climb these stairs," Prishe panted, "This blows."

"At least we're getting some practice." Lightning joked.

"We're not you," Yuna said, "We're not hardcore soldier. Some of us are frail you know!"

"I'm not frail." Aerith complained.

Kain smirked, "Sephiroth may disagree with that."

"…"

*UNDESCRIBABLE SOUND*

Everyone cringed as Kain took a Final Heaven to his nuts in one second.

"I. Can't. Wait. Til. March." Tifa said slowly.

"Those balls are inert now." Laguna grabbed the ball holding dragoon by the leg and dragged him up the stairs.

Aerith blushed, "You didn't have to do that."

"It's not my fault he's a dick." Tifa countered.

"How much farther?" Prishe huffed loudly.

"We should be coming up to the platform soon." said Laguna, as he took out a pair of binoculars.

"What do you see?" asked Lightning.

"Nothing so far- wait, what's that floating at the top?"

He gave the specs to Lightning, who looked through them and flinched.

"Come on!" She ran up the stairs.

"Why. Are. We. Running?" Yuna tripped over her long skirt.

Meanwhile, up top…

"Oww~! Someone help me please!"

Back on the bottom, the other made it to ground level.

"I think I broke my shit." Prishe growled, clutching a stitch in her side.

Tifa looked around, "Where's Cosmos?"

"Up there!" Aerith pointed up top.

Laguna looked through his binoculars, "What the hell? Aww, son of a-"

"Help! He's bigger than his tail!"

"You're not going anywhere ya little slut!"

Chaos and Cosmos were in the air on top of the stage, with Chaos arm around a struggling Cosmos.

Prishe blinked, "What a minute. Is she taking it up the ass?"

"Sure is…" Lightning grumbled, "Hold on a sec Cosmos!"

Chaos sneered, "They're not gonna save you."

"Hey asshole!" Laguna shouted, "Put her down now!"

"Piss off!"

"You got three seconds before we come up there and kick your ass!" Yuna shouted.

"Try it if you dare you maggot!"

"Run for your life!" Cosmos wailed, "He'll rape you guys too!"

"Shut up bitch!"

"That does it." Laguna took out his rocket launcher, "Aerith, show him why you're the best assist girl in the business."

"Leave it to me!" Aerith took out her staff, "PLANET PROTECTOR!"

A blight light surrounded a crying Cosmos as Chaos laughed.

"What good will that do you weakling?" sneered Chaos.

"This!"

A streak of light shot between Chaos and Cosmos, separating them. Chaos covered himself as Cosmos fell, until she was caught.

"Kain!" Vaan was impressed, "You've recovered."

"Kinda." he smirked, "Just had to prove that the almighty Jump owns all. Are you alright Cosmos?"

She nodded, shaking as Chaos roared in fury.

Tifa cracked her knuckles, "Well then, it time for me to kick some-"

She stumbled as Prishe jumped towards Chaos.

"After me boobie queen!"

"You little-!"

Prishe was level with Chaos and started punching him as hard as she could.

"Boom-chika-ah! Boom-chika-ah! Boom-chika-ah! Boom-chika-ah! Mm, mm, mm, mm! Prishe-chan, is better than Shantotto, mm!"

"Know despair bitch!"

"Oh shit motherfucker!"

Chaos blasted her with Soul of Oblivion, sending her crashing.

"Time for me to kick some ass!"

Tifa moaned, "Not again!"

Vaan used Pyroclasm as gloves and proceeded beat on Chaos.

"Boom-chika-ah! Boom-chika-ah! Boom-chika-ah! Boom-chika- what?"

Chao was unfazed as he grabbed Vann, "I got red balls of fire!"

"Aw, steel balls are better than fire balls."

"Vanish bitch!"

Vaan screamed like a little girl as Chaos smacked him to the ground.

"My turn!"

Tifa finally rushed at Chaos.

"BURNING ARROW! METEODRIVE! METEOR STRIKE! METEOR CRUSHER! ROLLING BLAZE!"

"…"

But Chaos was unfazed whatsoever, kicking Tifa into a recovered Prishe.

"My turn-"

But he suddenly froze.

"SEAL EVIL!" Aerith shouted.

"Thanks!" Laguna fired a bunch a missile that exploded on Chaos.

Vaan recovered and used Pyroclasm while Kain used his Jump. The Seal Evil ended after Lightning use Army of One. He screamed in pain as the attack took their toll on him.

"METEOR CRUSHER!"

"ASURAN FISTS!"

Chaos was sent crashing into his throne, breaking it.

"And now…" Yuna summoned all her summons, "To the Farplane!"

Chaos roared as he was struck with the summons' special attacks as Yuna danced.

"I'll cast you away!" she cried, ending her EX Burst, sending Chaos flying.

"Why am I blasting away?" he wailed as he flew out of their sights.

Prishe flipped the bird in Chaos' direction, "Remember this shit at Christmas!"

"Let's go!" Yuna summoned back Bahamut under everyone and they flew off. Aerith erected a shield, allowing them to get out of the stage safety.

"That went nicely." Kain sighed.

"Even better," said Laguna, "We didn't get turned into anything."

Lightning was pissed, "Hey!"

"Should we take Cosmos with us?" Yuna asked.

Tifa nodded, "Yeah. Let Aerith heal her until she recovers."

"She shouldn't stay wrong," Vaan said, "Or the madness will spread."

Everyone laughed as Lightning rolled her eyes.

"What do you think Yuna?" Aerith asked her.

Yuna smirked, "…Definitely not."

To be continued…

Bonus: In an upcoming chapter, the newbie's will be interviewed. Submit some questions :)