AN: These next few chapters make great strides in the characters' relationships. I'm so hoping you will enjoy them. Eric POV in this chapter.

Charlaine Harris holds all rights. She's a lucky woman. I do wonder if she'd agree to go clothes shopping with me at Barney's in New York.

Big thanks and kisses to Mariaterese for correcting so many errors!

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Santa Cruz c.1979 Part V

It was the evening after his collapse. The hospital room was darker now, the pale olive walls muted to a shadowy gray by the setting of the sun outside the large window to his left. He was alone in the room; Selah's rollaway bed had been folded up and stored back where the staff kept such things. The monitor was quietly beeping and he had easy access to pain medication, so he was being left alone by the nurses.

Eric was in a suspended state; he was free of the pressure of pleasing anyone just now, of performing at the top of his game, of pushing to meet the grueling deadlines his research commitments required. For the first time in years, he had spent a full day just being soothed by the attentions of his family members. He was loved.

It had not been a day without incident, of course. Looking back, the day's events had been a long time coming. There had been a few brief, heated conversations, a lot of hugs, a passionate kiss, and a lot of joking around once it was established that he was going to recover and didn't feel all that bad. It was a much better diagnosis that he had been prepared to hear. The blood he had been vomiting had been sobering. Learning it was ulcers; well, that was something he could do something about without too much effort.

Feeling more relaxed than he could remember in a long time, and not even bothered by the lack of access to the weed he relied on most days, Eric wanted to savor the changes wrought by the last twenty-four hours. He rolled over on his side and pulled his knees up to his chest, facing his body to the window so he could just see the shifting in the tops of the eucalyptus trees on the other side of the glass. Never really having the time to luxuriate in idle contemplation, he now allowed his thoughts to randomly drift through the day's conversations.

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Vignette #1

"So, looks like I won't be staying over at your house again tonight, now. Probably would have had to sleep on the couch, anyway." Joran paused. "Man, you truly worried me. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Eric grasped his younger brother's arm awkwardly, squeezing his bicep. "No worries. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

"Some strange shit was going down yesterday. Do I want to know anything more about it?" Joran's expression signaled he still wasn't sure what he'd seen would mean for Sven. Eric knew it was just a fact that Joran had begun to favor Sven as a result of Eric's constant absences.

"We're alone for a few, Jor." Both had continued to keep their eyes glued to the basketball game on the television set. "She was mine before Sven's. It was a long time ago. She walked away." Eric had caught the slight shift; Joran now watched him closely, a dark flash in his eyes. "Wrote me a sort of 'dear john' note and stuffed it in a door I'd be certain to open."

"That's harsh, man."

Eric had not released his grip on Joran. "Sven walked me through it that morning, well, that summer. Now, years later, I get into it with him in a bad way about her." A longer pause this time. "I didn't think she'd ever want to see me again after some stupid shit I'd pulled. When I saw her…. I just went with it. All of it."

Joran had been uncharacteristically silent for a few minutes, clearly processing what Eric had revealed. "Did he know you still wanted her?"

Eric had not answered that question, because he did want to condemn Sven for his silence during Eric's extended stay in Hohn last year. Sven might have told him at Thanksgiving, but Eric had figured out why he had not been forthcoming.

"I don't want to stress you out, big bro', but it is messy, with her, isn't it?" Joran had given up calling him that too long ago. His chest hurt a little at the words, which made no sense.

Joran had shaken free of Eric's grasp, leaned in and snuggled his arm underneath's Eric shoulders. "Don't crap out on us, we're family, man." He'd kept his face hidden from Eric's gaze.

Eric had brought his arms up and around his younger brother, and squeezed him.

A minute had passed in silence between them. "So, where did you hide the weed now that you are back? I don't want to have to tear up your house hunting for it again tonight; Selah may not want to let me back in."

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Vignette #2

Mia and Celia were sitting with him at lunch. Mia's eyes were hooded; Celia's seemingly guileless. It did not bode well for him; he could feel the questions they were holding back in deference to his episode yesterday. It felt like a vise around his head.

"You two are being very quiet. That always worried me when I was younger."

Mia had spoken first. "How did you get to this point?" He'd had no answer for her.

There had been another long silence.

"I blame no one. I wish only that we could have prevented it." Celia had spoken next.

Let the inquisition begin, he'd thought. He finished his Jell-O, which he hated. School room food. It and the helpless feeling, confined to a hospital bed, did not sit well with him.

"I will be out of here tomorrow. If you two will pick up some items for me from the house, I will be staying in a hotel somewhere in Monterey for a few days. The doctor this morning was clear; change is necessary."

Both women had looked at him closely, but neither asked him any questions. It made him feel more comfortable with what he said next.

"We married while I was hurting over losing someone else. Dad thought, with the pregnancy, that it would be a good match." Silence again. "Maybe he thought it would be a good match for him. It wasn't much for me."

Celia had reached over to take his hand; she began lightly squeezing his much longer, callused fingers in hers.

"The worst thing I did was take up with her after I knew how her rejection of him had rocked him." He knew he would not need to identify "him" to them.

"She should not have been encouraged, let alone allowed to come into this family." He had closed his eyes now, unable to look at either of them. Made no difference which sister had said it; it simply was the truth.

"My miscalculation. I'm paying for it, every day."

"The change will be painful, at first." Mia had offered.

"Not as much as what I have been living with these years."

Celia had wanted him to come back to Salt Lake with them; she wanted to use her nursing skills on him. He had declined and they had accepted it, for now.

They'd also started planning where they'd all sleep tonight as going back to Eric's house was no longer feasible.

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Vignette #3

Earlier in the morning, Sven had burst into the room while he had been left alone after finishing up another painful conversation.

"Ah, Eric, I would have been here yesterday." He looked guilty as hell.

"I was out of it yesterday; didn't even miss you." He'd replied. "Guess you know what happened. I have ulcers. I'll recover."

Sven had then sat in a chair; and in an emotional display he'd never expected, had confessed to all sorts of sins against his twin, starting when they were about six and he'd wrecked Eric's new bicycle, eventually working up to taking some clothes when they were fourteen, and hiding some drugs that Eric had wanted to try during an experimental stage. Sven had run out of breath.

"Saving that up for a very long time, huh. Is that everything?"

Sven did not smile. "No. What I'm most sorry about is what I said to you yesterday. No, maybe more sorry about keeping my relationship and marriage a secret from you. Now, no more secrets between us; between any of us."

Eric had kept quiet; startled by a conversation he hadn't expected to have. He wasn't even sure that Sven would have shown up today.

"If you'd known, we could have talked it through." A brief pause by Sven. "It would not have been a shock. Yesterday morning wouldn't have happened."

"What could I have said to you? I wasn't in any position to do anything."

Neither had spoken for several minutes.

"There may not have been anything you could do. It isn't possible to change the facts. I'm married to her now. I love her."

Remembering what he'd done yesterday in the den, Eric had felt a small twinge. He'd say nothing and threaten Joran with torture if he broke.

But Sven surprised him again.

"I don't know what happened between you two after I spun out of there." Another pause. "But, I know some 'thing' did happen." Eric had been glad he wasn't looking at Sven. He'd never been very adept at lying. He shook his head, 'no'.

"But, little brother, you are a truly good person. If you'd had no feelings…." He'd trailed off. "This is a mess of my making. Therefore, I must find a way to fix it."

He'd almost asked then why she wasn't with Sven, when he'd been rewarded for his restraint so far. "I woke early, listened to the first few messages, and left her a note about you with the car keys. Felt I needed to be here whether she was awake or not." Sven had given him a funny look. "But, I think I'm going to leave after sitting with Mia and Celia. They clearly wanted to question me when they saw me blow in here. Better start telling them what they need to know."

"Twin." That had been a first, for Sven. "I have some thinking to do. I'll be back tomorrow morning."

"When I'm released, I'm not going back to the house. I'm moving out. Going to stay somewhere around here and get my shit together."

"Let me think on that arrangement as well. I'll call you later tonight after visiting hours have ended." Again, he'd said "No more secrets", before turning out the door.

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Vignette #4

More painfully, Eric recalled bits and pieces of the dawn conversation he'd had with the woman he now realized he'd begun to think of as his ex.

He had awakened first, to find her tucked into a ball on a rollaway not too far from his side. He'd known nurses had been in during the night to check his vitals. They'd softly told him that he was doing so well the pain meds were being reduced. Last night he hadn't cared, but today he'd been grateful for the information.

So, he'd been tired, but felt better than he could remember in a long time. No miraculous recovery, but definitely better. It was time to speak about what had been eating at him for a very long time. He did not wish to hurt her, but he couldn't hold it in any longer.

While he'd waited for her to awaken, he'd resolved that now was the moment.

She'd sat up, rubbed her eyes and made to speak but was stopped as she noticed he was staring at her. Selah had looked silently at his face for many long minutes. When she spoke, her words were soft, but final.

"I guess this is it, then."

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Vignette #5

In the early afternoon, after the nurses had suggested his family let him rest, he'd fallen asleep, the television muted to a low hum. Joran had taken off, and his Mom and Celia had reluctantly agreed to go. They had not mentioned any conversation with Sven, so maybe he'd not spoken to them about anything, or they just didn't want to upset him. Probably the latter.

When he'd opened his eyes, feeling something was different, he found her sitting in the furthest chair, upright and not smiling.

It had been expected, but he was still surprised to see her again after yesterday's events.

"Are you well, Eric?" He felt his heart flood at the sound of her voice.

"Doing alright, I guess."

"You seem to be alone. Where's your wife?" Before he could decide how much he'd want to reveal, she'd continued.

"I still haven't met your parents, you know." Oh, yeah, that was another topic he and Sven would have to explain.

"Sookie." He stopped, pleased at the sensation of just saying her name. He said it again, silently, lips not moving.

"Sven called me earlier, after I had been up a while. I'd been thinking I should take the keys he left and follow him down here." He'd said nothing, so she continued.

"He needs to be in the office today to catch up after our two weeks in Barbados. He wished for me to sit with you in his absence. Here I am."

Her tone had been abrupt. Was she doing her duty, or had she wanted to come, to see him? Was she going to talk about what happened between them yesterday? Should he just keep quiet about it?

They sat together for many minutes, but it was not a soothing silence. Eric was reluctant to stare at her, but he was drawn to watching her. Sookie seemed to be looking everywhere but at him.

When the day nurse had entered to advise him of a shift change and let him know his meal was coming, he'd realized they'd been silent for much longer than ten minutes.

"I can go if you would like to eat in peace. Probably time for me to head back as Sven will be home soon, I guess."

"Stay, just a few minutes more. Until they bring in my dinner."

With that admission, she'd finally thawed some. "Can I help you eat?"

"Can't hurt."

Sookie had moved to the chair next to his bed, blissfully unaware he was capable of feeding himself. He felt a moment of shame at yet another deception, however mild. It goaded him to talk about what he'd been thinking about for many years.

"Why'd you write that note breaking it off with me and stuff it in the door?"

Concerned, but not upset, she'd told him she knew of no note. 'When had he received a note from her?'

Unbelieving, he asked her again, this time his voice slightly rougher, "Why'd you write me that note? Why are you denying it now?"

Alarm showing now, she'd begged him to calm down, and bent down close to his face as if to soothe him into submission. "Just relax, Eric. We'll figure this out later. No need to be upset. I'm here with you now. They'll throw me out if they see your monitors are jumping." She had smoothed his hair, looked into his eyes, clearly willing him to drop the topic and just chill.

Eric had conceded he was becoming agitated. He was silent, going over in his mind her possible reasons for pretending she didn't dump him. She was likely very embarrassed by her childishness and was just going to try to bluff her way out of it. He'd sort out the note business later.

Wanting some resolution, though, he'd determined to say what he'd kept hidden inside. It felt so surreal to finally be able to say it aloud.

"If you had not turned and run after my outburst that night, I believe circumstances would be very different today." He'd waited for her reply.

"Different?"

"Between the two of us."

She'd watched him, waited for what, exactly?

"I believe you'd be mine, not Sven's." He'd said it. He waited for the ax to fall. Waited quite a long minute. Waited some more, hearing only her breathing as her cheek now rested against his. When had that happened?

"We can't change present circumstances." She looked at him now, soft eyes and slightly parted lips. "We are both married and I love my husband. He satisfies me in many ways and loves me, truly."

"What we had, Eric, though very brief, was also very special. I guess after yesterday's events, I am admitting to myself that I did not 'get over' you. Maybe it was because you disappeared. I felt a lot of anguish that you never tried to contact me. We were in the phone book, after all." She'd given him a look of modest reprimand before she'd continued, more slowly now.

"While I tell you I love Sven, it's not fair to not tell you that I was initially attracted to him because he reminded me of you, in so many ways. I'd been alone for a while, my choice because I was so focused on my program."

"What program?" He'd realized he knew nothing of details of her current interests.

"I will be graduating with my M.B.A. from Stanford in a few months. Sven has been working his contacts in the industry to help me find a position."

"Sookie, you are a wonder to me." He'd pulled her in tight against him, pushing her face into the crook of his neck, and had begun to plant gentle kisses on the top of her head, her hair slightly tickling his nose now.

He'd been pleased to feel her relaxed against him, even though the position was awkward as her hips were half in the chair. Without planning to do so, he'd swept his hand over her back and gently pushed her to lie down beside him. With her clasped firmly under his arm and molded against his body, he'd felt a small weight ease. No, he'd felt very content. Finally relaxed, yes.

They had lain together, not speaking, until the volunteer had knocked on his door to announce she had his tray of food.

Eric, feeling drowsy again, had tucked his fingers under her chin, tilted her face towards him, and kissed her as passionately as it was possible to do so after having waited for half a decade to feel her lips again. There was no reluctance on her part; she'd kissed him with equal passion.

The volunteer, seeing the two as she came around the curtain, moved back and left the tray on the console by the door, closing it softly behind her.

Sookie had left soon after, once he'd confessed he did not need her assistance with eating. He'd told her he'd call her after he was released; he'd be going to a hotel as it was over between him and Selah. He would have to find someplace to stay, as it was uncertain when or if he'd be able to return to Hohn to oversee the data collection going on.

With that, it had been apparent they would have a lot of ground to cover. Sookie had been non-committal about what she would do tomorrow when he was released, but offered to pick him up if he had no one else. No, Joran would be around. He'd just wanted her to agree that he could call her tomorrow.

Her parting words had been pointed. "Yes, call us at home."

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Visiting hours were over; Mia and Celia had departed for the small chain hotel rooms they'd secured for the night for them and Joran. Ander's protests over the phone about sleeping alone for a second night had been ignored by both. Eric was glad to be alone; it had been more draining than he'd anticipated, all that love and affection. But he also felt free; felt as if the toll exerted by the passing of centuries had been lifted from him. Was actually looking forward to something besides returning to Hohn to complete his research.

As he'd thought about Sookie in bed beside him, his hand had found his length and he had begun to stroke himself, more for comfort than for a release. He did not want a night nurse to walk in on him.

The phone began ringing, interrupting him. Eric picked it up, knowing it would be Sven. He was reliable, if that was a virtue. He was tired now just thinking about how much of the day's events he would need to keep from Sven. Sven, the guy with whom he most wanted to share what had gone down with Sookie, was the one guy who could never be told.

"Eric here."

'Where else would you be?"

What-the-hell. "Sookie left earlier, man." What would he make of that?

"She called me from a pay phone in the lobby to tell me she was on her way back home. Glad you let her go tonight." Sven's voice held an odd inflection.

"Did you give her permission to see me? Did you need to give your permission?"

'What do you think?"

"She is your wife now."

"Yes, and I'd thank you to remember that In the future."

"So, why are you calling? What do you wish to know?" That was asking for it.

"Mia called to tell me you are divorcing Selah. You come to my house tomorrow when you are released. I will drive down to bring you back here. You stay with me and Sookie."

"For how long? I have a lot to do over the next few weeks. I'll need to find a permanent place for my clothes and books. I want to settle in and make the break with….with the Santa Cruz part of my life. I may not go back to Hohn until after I finish up my dissertation. You know I've worked it out with Berkeley. So, I'm moving over there as soon as I can. It's a good vibe for me."

"So stay with us."

He hesitated. "What are you offering?"

"Let's just see what happens, little brother." Said in a very affectionate tone.

"That is very open-ended. We are both too controlling to live like that. Aren't we?"

"I'll be there around ten to sign you out. We'll stop by the house to gather your stuff for the new few days, then head back to Woodside. You are going to relax and recover for as long as you need it. My house will be Grand Central for the Eric recovery team. See you soon, my brother." And he hung up.

Too tired and now confused by what Sven was offering, Eric closed his eyes and did not return to his fantasies. He soon drifted off, knowing he had it covered for the next few.

AN: Next chapter has lemons; the chapter after that is whipped lemon meringue of the flavor some have insisted I include.

BTW, I purposely left off a long discussion between Selah and Eric in deference to those who have had such painful discussions and don't need a reminder.

Any remaining errors are all mine.