Heya!
Mixed reviews, but that's all good, and they've all been very well-expressed and helpful, so thank you everyone who reviewed and keep reading/reviewing!
Here's the point when the parody kind of takes on a form of plot, the humour will still be thrust in your face left right and centre, but it will probably be more plot-driven.
~The Drinking Games~
It all happened so quickly...I don't know where to start.
Well, first we all took a snort of Absinthe...then sat down. On one side of me was Pee. And on the other, a 12 year old girl named Woo. She reminded me of my sister. I dunno what it was...that innocent look in her eyes as she peered into the empty glass in front of her. Her stupid name. The fact she was a one-dimensional, cardboard cutout of a child to manipulate the readers. I don't know. But as the Absinthe trickled down her chin...I just knew...She was going to be annoying.
Woo handled the spirit like an Eastend bloke, and Pee didn't even cry. My eyes flickered nervously around the room, many of the other tributes looked tipsy. Some looked like they were trying to hide it, while others had their heads slumped on their emaciated District whatever arms. A district 1 named Liposuction (yeah, the career names are MEANT to be stupid!) couldn't handle the Absinthe and collapsed, before the gong (yep there's a fucking gong! I'M SO SUBTLE!), we knew she was a goner.
A man, who'd clearly had plastic-surgery (yes plastic surgery, the media and reality TV all survived the apocalypse….AARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH! *rips out hair*) bashed the gong and shouted.
"Let the drinking games begin."
And down came a selection of milkshakes. It's vital to get at least one soft drink, or else you might not get past the first round...of course, you know this, seeing as I'm doing a first-person narrative, I'm assumably not talking to someone from the past, so why am I fucking explaining everything, since it's the most famous show on earth?
The careers took all of the chocolate milkshakes first, as they do each year. I began to panic, as I knew I could not survive with vanilla, (which obviously move the slowest, no matter what time period it is.) Blood splattered the table (after the banana is taken, many become violent over strawberry.) Two boys from one of the 'I don't care' districts were wounded. I started to panic as I saw a sea of vanillas. As I choked back tears and reached out for one, I felt a gentle nudge from beside me. I turned and saw Woo offering me her carton of Mango. I grabbed it immediately, almost ripping off her tiny hand in the process. I breathed heavily, Mango milkshake in hand. As thick, scarlet blood filled my cup.
The bartenders were putrid-skinned cadavers. The capitol had made them into robots for drinking games purposes. It's not clear why they were killed in the first place, but it's difficult to get an answer from them...believe me, I've tried.
Down in one.
Down in one.
Down in one.
Down in one. Slurp of milkshake. Done.
There was a clatter of bodies hitting the floor. I looked around. I didn't think I was dead, so brilliant.
"That was easy," I said to Pee. He looked forward and didn't reply. Woo started choking. I patted her on the back.
"Thank you," she cooed.
"It's okay," I said. Fucking sissy, I thought.
"Congratulations!" announced the plastic man. "You have all passed the drinking games." There was a tremendous roar of applause...from a sound-effects cassette tape the Capitol had placed in their Capitol ghetto-blaster. "You will now be escorted to the arena."
I finished slurping the milkshake, because hey, a free drink's a free drink and I'm fucking poor! When suddenly I felt something odd disappear down my throat along with the last few drops...I wondered about it for a minute, before following the fruity-named stylists and tributes to the arena.
Hmmm...mystery. And of course, the real games begin next chapter. Hopefully I'll see you then if you still care haha! XD Thank you all again for your kind words.