It's been a while. Thank you very much to all of my readers and reviewers, it's been mostly positive, (but after all, all great art is controversial :PPP XD) you've been fantastic! I just wonder where I'll go from here when this finishes. I might write something serious...or I'll have to find another book to take the piss out of? Not too sure XD But a sincere thank you to all!

~ Shakey :P

I stood on the podium. I waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. (Tense enough yet? I can do this all day $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!) And waited. And waited. Suddenly I turned to Pee...was he...did he just...scratch his balls? The gong sounded and everyone rushed.

"No!" I shouted. Damn Pee! He threw me off target. On purpose! Damn his itchy balls! DAMN THEM! And the rest of him, also damn the rest of him! It's not just his balls I'm angry at...this goes much deeper...

The weapons came down. Knives. Guns. Saws...Bows and arrows...I didn't care I had to get out of the Cornucopia (big word :D *gives self a gold star*) When I suddenly noticed a squeaky pork-chop. NO! I HAD TO HAVE IT!

"Hey! That's mine!" shouted Sweatermeat, District 1. I hit her over the head. She fell to the floor, giving her last squeak...oh no, that was the pork chop. BANG! Canon. Dead. RIP. Move on. A UFO came and picked up her dead body, (which happens all the time...) and I ran into the forest. I was tired. I needed water. I fell to the floor, crawling. Ah, my lungs. My lungs hurt. Gonna die. Gonna die. Gonna die. Dying...

"You drama queen!" I heard a voice. A familiar voice. A surprisingly effeminate voice. PEE!

He took my hand and we sat on a nearby bench for a breather.

"So..." said Pee, popping open his can of beer. "...You know this whole love triangle...thought about choosin' one of us yet?" I flicked my long brown hair out of my eyes, moodily. Then drank my cognac moodily.

"Ask me when I'm not drunk," I said, belching moodily. Pee sighed.

"But, Katshit...tomorrow it'll be even worse..." he reminded me. "...We'll all be Hungover..." he started to stammer with fear. He choked it up and took another sip. We both froze with fear.

"...Well it's difficult to choose. Pee or Gay? Gay or Pee? I was talking to Gay about it and...well...he says he thinks your gay." Pee snorted.

"Well he's a pile of pee," he took another swig.

"Your kind of the same person in a way, though aren't you? I mean it's not like one of you's a werewolf and the other's a vampire," I clutched my drink. This conversation was hurting my heart. Oh no...it's just gas. BELCH!

Pee saw the camera approach us and pulled me towards him. I understood what he was doing and I kissed his nose. We put our arms around one another and we both gave a thumbs up. As the camera moved away, I pushed him off.

"So, we're pretending to be a couple?" I groaned.

"Yep...nothing like romance to water down a horrific bloodbath," he smiled sipping his beer. Suddenly, an idea popped into my head. Water-down.

I stared at the cognac in front of me. I HAD TO FIND A CANAL. I HAD TO WATER IT DOWN! It's my only chance of not being hungover. I jumped up.

"I'm just going to..." Pee collapsed on my part of the bunch, dribbling. I shrugged and continued on my journey...of feminism.